by Soraya Lane
“I didn’t want to tell you. I mean I did, but I…” Lauren’s voice trailed off.
“Holy shit, you actually did sleep with him, didn’t you? You guys were back on the entire time!”
“Shhh,” Lauren hissed, looking over her shoulder. “It wasn’t—well, just stop!”
“Ohmygod, you’ve been holding out on me! I can’t believe it!”
Lauren felt her cheeks ignite; all her skin flaming like it was on fire. She took a big breath. “He was such as asshole to start with, but you know how we always were together, there was that spark between us and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. But it was just supposed to be a fling.”
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I remember. I think we all remember what you and Tanner were like.”
Lauren flushed all over again at the memory of Tanner’s touch, of his kisses, of running her fingers down his back as they made love, being tucked up in bed against his chest afterward. “One thing led to another and we just, well…”
“Ended up naked?” Hannah hissed. “I’ve got two kids, I know what happens, silly.”
Lauren burst out laughing and her sister joined in, and soon she was wiping away tears as she hiccupped and put her hand over her mouth. Trust Hannah to make her open up and get her smiling again.
“So what happens now?” she asked.
Lauren’s eyebrows shot up. “What do you mean what happens now?”
“Well, are you guys back together? Or are you just taking it slowly?” She hesitated and frowned. “Or did you break up? Is that the problem? What the hell is going on to make you so glum?”
Lauren shook her head. “No, we’re not together. It was just a holiday fling—you know, getting it out of our systems once and for all. There was no breakup because it was never a relationship to begin with.”
Hannah didn’t look convinced. “Hold up. You reunited with the love of your life, you had crazy hot sex,” her sister laughed. “Hold up. It was crazy hot, right?”
Lauren sighed. There was no point in lying. “Yeah, it was crazy hot.”
“So all that and you just, what, said goodbye at the airport and that’s it?”
“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.” It sounded stupid now that she was saying it out loud, but having fun had seemed so simple at the time. “We’d agreed to go separate ways when the vacation was over, and that’s what we did.”
“That’s ridiculous. You guys were made for each other and if Mom and Dad hadn’t forced you apart, you might still be together.”
Lauren could have pointed out that they were kids back then, that she was happy with her job and the way things had turned out. Yeah, she would have liked to look into a crystal ball and see if she might have been happy with Tanner, but chances were he’d have tired of her, or his friends would have given him shit for only being with one girl. She wasn’t about to start wallowing in what could have been, not now. And besides, she wasn’t about to make her mom feel guilty about potentially keeping her away from the man she could have loved for the rest of her life. That was the exact reason she hadn’t told anyone in her family.
“You’re sure you’ve done the right thing? I mean, what does he think?” Hannah asked.
“He thinks I broke his heart back then and he wasn’t going to let that happen again.” Lauren drained the last of her coffee, even though it was almost cold now. “Seriously, he wasn’t interested in anything more than having some fun, and it was fun, so I can’t complain. We were both on the same page about what we wanted, and I told him the exact same thing—that I didn’t want anything more than a fling.”
“You just didn’t expect to fall in love with him all over again, did you?” Hannah asked in a soft voice as she reached over and took her hand, squeezing her fingers gently.
Lauren bit down on her lip, trying not to think about how much she missed Tanner. He’d been such a jackass on the plane when all she’d been trying to do was look out for him, but it didn’t change the fact that she still cared deeply for him. She always had and there wasn’t a switch that could be flicked to just turn off feelings like that.
“It doesn’t matter how I feel,” she said, squeezing her sister’s fingers back and using her other hand to wipe away her own tears, using the back of her knuckles to brush them off her cheeks. “There are so many reasons that we’re not right for each other—it’s too complicated and we’re just not supposed to be.”
Her sister gave her a long, worried stare. Lauren was certain it was probably the same look Hannah gave her kids when they hurt themselves or when she was fretting about them when they were unwell.
“Does he know why you ended things?” Hannah asked. “It seems only fair that he find out after all this time.”
Lauren nodded. “He knows. I think part of him realized all along that they had something to do with it, but he was still so angry about what I’d done. I just wish he’d known how much it hurt me, too.”
“Honey, he’d never have let you go if that was the case and you know it.”
She did know it, and she wasn’t sure if that made it worse or was somehow reassuring.
“And you’re sure you can’t make it work, or at least give it a try? Do you really want to walk away from him without giving things a chance?”
Lauren had turned that question over and over in her mind so many times, but there was no way around it. “It’s just not meant to be,” she repeated. “I love my job and he’s happy doing what he does, not to mention the fact that Mom and Dad will still think he’s a badass given our history and everything else. There are so many reasons why we just don’t work. Trust me, I’ve thought of them all!”
Hannah caught her eye and held it, not letting her look away. “Loving what you do for work is one thing, Lauren, but job satisfaction isn’t enough. It doesn’t keep you warm at night and it doesn’t give you someone to love when you’re old. There’s this little thing called ‘balance’ that most sensible people believe in. You heard of it?”
Lauren laughed. “I’ll meet someone one day,” she said, trying to convince herself as much as her sister. “But for now, just let me be, okay? Even if I was interested in something more, Tanner isn’t, so can we please just talk about something else?” And if he was, he’d had his chance and hadn’t said a damn word to make her think otherwise.
“Like how much I want to finish that piece of cake?” her sister asked.
Lauren grabbed her own fork and stabbed a mouthful. “Not a chance. I’m the one with the broken heart.”
Hannah waved to the waiter, laughing as he came over. “Can we have another piece, please? And cream on the side with the next one.”
Lauren smiled across at her sister, loving that she could sit and pour her heart out to her, and then commiserate by eating cake. She’d done the right thing in telling her, and she felt lighter already from sharing her pain.
Tanner was a great guy in so many ways, but it just wasn’t meant to be, and she had to admit that in order to move forward. He was handsome, they’d had great sex, and they’d always had that explosive chemical reaction to each other, but that didn’t mean they were supposed to be in a relationship together. That ship had sailed long ago.
“So any hot new players joining the team this season?” her sister asked.
Lauren gave her a deadpan stare. “You know I don’t look at the players like that.”
Now it was her sister giving her a serious stare in reply. “Well, now that you’ve breached your work etiquette with Tanner, him being a client and all, I thought maybe your rules had relaxed.”
Lauren reached for the plate of cake as it was placed on the table. “You know what, I think I’ll eat this all myself now.”
If looks could kill, her sister would be long dead.
* * *
Tanner checked the weight of each bull as it passed through the weighing machine and read it out to be recorded. He’d been helping out Stretch, foreman at River Ranch, all morning; the day before he�
�d mustered the bulls in; and the days before that he’d helicoptered around his family’s ranch double-checking all the stock and doing an aerial survey of their fencing.
And now he was so damn exhausted and sore from being on his feet all day he was wishing he’d just left the ranch workers to it.
“Tanner, what the hell are you doing down here?” He groaned when he heard his father’s loud voice boom across the yards at him. “Don’t you have some place else to be?”
“Just giving the guys a hand,” he called back. “You know how I like to keep busy.”
His dad moved closer, but Tanner stayed focused on reading the weights.
“You trying to prove that you’re the heir to take over the ranch? Is that what this is?”
Tanner laughed. “Didn’t know I had anything to prove. Who the hell else would take over?”
He glanced at his old man and was surprised to see him raise his eyebrows as if in question.
“Mia? You think Mia should take over the ranch? Dammit, this day is turning out worse than it damn well started.” Was that look he was giving him serious or was the old man just trying to get a rise out of him?
“Settle down, son,” his father muttered. He was standing closer to him now, and Tanner let one bull through before opening the chute for the next, still doing his work as they talked.
“We’ve got some good weights recording today, you’ll be impressed,” Stretch called out from the other side of the wooden chute. “Might be one of our best years yet.”
“Good, I’m happy to hear it,” Walter replied. “But tell me, did you ask my son for help or did he come down here looking for work? Hope he hasn’t been getting under your feet.”
Stretch made eye contact and Tanner just nodded. He wasn’t about to ask the man to lie for him, but his body rippled with anger at his father’s comment. He might have thought he was being funny, but one thing Tanner was not was a nuisance—children with nothing better to do and no skills got under a man’s feet, not a seasoned rancher.
“Seems like he wanted to keep occupied,” Stretch said. “And we were pleased to have the help. It’s always good having one of your boys lending a hand.”
Tanner owed him a beer for that reply.
“Ain’t no one better flying the helicopter around the ranch, either. He’s been a mighty good help these past few days.”
Tanner groaned. Maybe he didn’t owe him a beer now that he’d gone and told his father how long he’d been there for. But it was true, he was damn good up in the air, because he’d been flying almost as long as he’d been driving a car.
“So let me get this straight, while I was away you moved in and you’ve been working here like a madman? I thought you were supposed to be resting up? Wasn’t that the point of all the physical therapy?”
Tanner stretched his back out, sore and wishing to hell he was resting up. But resting and staying still meant his mind would start wandering again, and that was the last thing he needed. Long dark hair, brown eyes, golden skin begging to be touched—he pushed another bull through. Why couldn’t he get her out of his head?
“Come on, son, we need to walk,” his dad said. “Can you spare him?”
Stretch laughed. “Well, I’ve been enjoying the time off to tell you the truth, but sure. He’s all yours.”
Tanner took the last recording then climbed over the railings, holding his hand up in a wave to Stretch and the other ranch hands. It’d been nice spending time with them, just hearing them talk shit and being part of a team—he missed the banter from the guys he traveled around with and saw at all the competitions he rode at. They might compete against one another but there was a real sense of camaraderie once the competition was over for the day.
“Son, we need to talk.”
Tanner wiped at his brow with his forearm, the plaid shirtsleeve removing the layer of sweat and dirt. Being in the pens all day was hard work, and it was dusty as hell. “Sounds serious.”
“The last thing I need is you getting all hot under the collar, but I’ve had some news and I want to talk through some options with you.”
Tanner stopped walking and looked at his dad. He noticed the lines on his face, noticing how much he’d aged, wishing the clock would stop ticking so damn fast. His father drove him nuts sometimes, but he couldn’t imagine not having him around any longer.
“You’re worrying me, Dad. I thought you were going to ask if I’d stop riding for you, but it’s something more, isn’t it? What happened in New York?”
Walter sighed and walked over to the closest fence, hitching his boot on a rail, elbows bent and resting on the timber. Tanner joined him and waited for him to get whatever it was off his chest.
“I wasn’t in New York. I was in Dallas getting some tests done.”
“Tests? What kind of tests?”
“I’ve got cancer,” he said. “I’ve kept it quiet because I didn’t want to alarm you kids, but I’m going to need to start treatment and I need to get my affairs in order.”
“Christ,” Tanner swore under his breath. “How could you go through that and not tell us? Does anyone know? I would have come with you, I would have dropped everything and been there for you. We all would have.”
His father looked calm, but Tanner’s heart was racing, his head full of questions. The old man had clearly had time to process all this but … dammit! He was not ready to lose his father.
“I’m sorry,” Tanner said, clearing his throat and trying to swallow away the lump that had formed there. “What do you need me to do?”
“The cancer’s in my prostate, but my urologist and oncologist are both optimistic,” Walter said. “I’m a strong bastard and I damn well told them so, so don’t go expecting me to die on you anytime soon.”
Tanner laughed despite the somber topic, knowing that his father would face any treatment like a battle and be determined to win it. He was like that with everything in life, and he had no reason to think he’d treat cancer any differently than he would a business competitor.
“What is it you want to ask me? You want me to give up bulls, is that what this is about?” Tanner felt his pulse ignite but he balled his fists, forcing himself to stay calm. This was different, this was his dad’s health, and he needed to keep a clear head instead of being reactive.
Walter shook his head. “I’m not telling you what to do with your life, Tanner. We’ve had that conversation too many times already.” He turned to look at him. “I’m also not planning on being ten feet under any time soon, but it’s made me think a lot about things. Your brother deserves his seat on the board, but he’s not a rancher like you are, and Angelina’s the same. She’s an amazing businesswoman but she’s no rancher, either. Mia loves the land and I’d like you two to work something out when it comes to living on the ranch or dividing the land up, but it’s you I need running things here when I’m gone.” His father clapped a hand on his back. “This is you making the call, Tanner, not me. But you need to decide whether you want to make your own way in this world once I’m not here, or if you want to step into my shoes and take up your birthright. That’s your decision to make, not mine, and I won’t pressure you into anything.”
Tanner gulped. This was way too real, talking like his dad was already gone. “You talked to the others about this yet? About any of this?”
“You’re the first to hear of it, other than my attorney. What I need from you is your word that you’ll put this ranch first when I’m gone. I’m going to see my lawyer next week, put all my affairs in order, and I want you managing the ranch and overseeing all our property, as well as being my power of attorney. Cody can manage the finances and reinvestments and your sisters will keep their seats at the table, but I see you running the show. If that’s what you want to do, then the offer is there, son.” He placed a hand on Tanner’s shoulder, his bright blue eyes locked on his as he spoke. “There will come a time when you’ll need to decide between bull and bronc riding, and running the Ford dynasty, Tanner,
and I need to know that you’re levelheaded enough to make that call when the time comes. I don’t need an answer now, but you’re going to have to chew it over and give me an answer sooner than later.”
Tanner didn’t hesitate. He held out his hand, clasping his father’s palm when he did the same. “I love what I do, and I was never going to stop because I was told to, but if this family needs me? If this ranch needs me? You can count on me, no questions asked. I’m proud of my namesake and I’ll never turn my back on what you’ve built here, and that’s a promise.”
His father pulled him in for a hug, a rare display of affection that took Tanner by surprise. He wrapped his arms around his dad and held him straight back, blinking away tears as he considered the thought of his father not being around for much longer. It didn’t seem so long ago that they’d all had to confront death when their mom had passed away, even though it was almost fifteen years ago.
“You know, your brother might have been the conventional success story,” Walter said, letting Tanner go and giving him another friendly slap on the back before stepping back and starting to walk again, “but you? You’ve made it on your own. You’ve earned millions doing something that gives you a buzz, and that’s no different to the way I feel doing property deals. I’m proud of you, son, and I want you to know that we’re not all that different. I should have told you years ago, but you know how I am sometimes.”
Tanner fell into step beside him, trying to stop his jaw from hitting the ground. It was the nicest thing his father had ever said to him, and the first time he’d ever heard the words I’m proud of you. He also got how hard it was to pay someone a genuine compliment or talk about feelings—maybe they weren’t so different after all.
All these years he’d been like an angry bull himself whenever anyone in his life had suggested he give up what he loved. Until now. He wasn’t giving up anytime soon, he was so damn determined to climb up again, clasp his fingers through the rigging and feel the buck of a bull beneath him, but when the time came, he knew he could walk away. If it meant stepping up and taking over the reins of the Ford family ranch and property portfolio, he’d do it. In a heartbeat.
