by Soraya Lane
“Don’t tell me that after all these years you’re going to admit to being the rebel in your own family?” Tanner asked, teasing his dad.
“You’d better believe it,” he said, rumbling with laughter and making Tanner crack up laughing too. “Your granddad wanted me to be some fancy attorney or doctor or something, wanted me to have the education he’d never been able to have, but that wasn’t for me. We all have to follow our own path, no matter what everyone else thinks.”
All these years of thinking they were at odds—it was a strange feeling seeing how similar their choices had been.
“Well, looks like we both picked the right path, huh?”
His old man laughed. “I guess so. Now tell me about Fiji. You think it’d be a good place for an old man to recover from cancer treatment? I kind of like the idea of taking a pretty nurse with me, and I’d get to see what it was like for you traveling with your gorgeous therapist.”
Tanner wasn’t ready for cancer jokes yet, not after just finding out, but he braved a smile for his father’s sake. It was nice to spend time with him like this, even if the circumstances weren’t exactly ideal.
“Fiji was amazing, I’d highly recommend it,” Tanner said. The part he wouldn’t recommend was hooking up with an old flame and driving yourself stark raving mad over her.
“So if it was so amazing, why are you working yourself to the bone out here with the boys? Why the hell aren’t you training and focusing on your recovery? And don’t give me some bullshit about wanting to do hard labor for no good goddamn reason.”
Damn, his father knew him too well. Better than he’d realized. He was about to open his mouth and give him some bullshit answer when the old man chuckled.
“She got you all hot under the collar, didn’t she? That old flame of yours?” He was still smiling to himself as he nudged his shoulder into Tanner’s. “Take some advice from an old man, would you? If she’s driving you this crazy, then do something about it. We don’t get enough time above ground as it is, and if I were your age again, I’d be making the most of it. What the hell have you got to lose?”
Tanner wasn’t going to have this conversation, not now, and he wasn’t going to explain why he was keeping as much distance as possible from Lauren. “Thanks for the advice, Dad.”
They headed for the house, walking side by side, Tanner glancing at his father every now and again. He hoped he wasn’t in pain, and he sure as hell hoped he’d tell Mia soon, because there was no way Tanner could keep this a secret from his little sister. She’d know straightaway that something was wrong and that he was hiding something from her.
* * *
Tanner lay in bed that night, his mind split between worrying for his dad and playing over his advice. What the hell was he doing pretending like he didn’t have feelings for Lauren? He’d never stopped having feelings for her—he’d just hated her for what had happened.
Maybe he should call her. What the hell was wrong with seeing if she’d come take a look at him? Maybe see if she could massage away some of his stiffness? Run him through some more exercises?
He groaned and shut his eyes. Or slip between his sheets and remind him just how much he wanted her skin against his.
Tanner reached for his phone and stared at it. He should text her. It was late but he could still send her a message and see if she’d come by the ranch. The season hadn’t started yet, she’d have time if she wanted to, and maybe seeing her on the ranch, on his home soil, would be the catalyst he needed to get her the hell out of his head.
He scrolled through his contacts then groaned as he realized he didn’t even have her number. Mia had been the one in contact with Lauren before their trip, and Tanner had never thought to ask her for it. They weren’t supposed to be hooking up once they were home, so there hadn’t seemed to be any point.
He looked her up on Facebook, clicked Friend Request then noticed she hadn’t posted a picture for almost two years. Clearly she wasn’t into social media—another thing they had in common. So he begrudgingly texted Mia instead, asking if she wouldn’t mind forwarding him Lauren’s contact info.
A text pinged back almost instantly.
Why do you need it? Are you in pain?
Tanner laughed to himself. Yes, he replied. Only it wasn’t his injuries that were causing him pain, not this time.
Hope you’re ok. I’ll forward the contact through in a sec.
He never fooled his sister, yet the one time he actually had something to hide she hadn’t even picked up on it. He lay back, trying to figure out what the hell it was about Lauren that drove him nuts. She was beautiful, but there were plenty of beautiful girls out there in the world and none of them had ever made him feel like she did. Maybe it was their past, but there just seemed to be something about her, something that made him want to caress her cheek one moment and slam his fist into a wall in frustration the next.
Tan, did you really think I was going to fall for that? I want all the details, and I want them now, so get your butt over here in the morning. It’s the only way you’re getting her number.
He threw his mobile across the room and punched his pillow, bellowing like an angry bull. Damn her! The only other woman to ever drive him nuts was Mia, and this time she actually had something he wanted.
He tossed and turned and then got up, deciding to see what was on television. What was it with women making his life hell?
Chapter 18
LAUREN was laughing at something her sister was saying when she grabbed her ringing phone and saw an unfamiliar number. She held her finger to her lips and backed out of the room, hoping the kids wouldn’t follow her. They were little rascals and they had their only aunt wrapped around their little fingers, although she had to admit that staying with them had been a nice distraction. Being in a house full of little people and helping her sister out had been cathartic, especially given how she’d felt since she’d arrived home, and she wasn’t exactly looking forward to leaving in the morning and going back to her empty house.
“Lauren Lewis,” she said, poking her tongue out at her niece and carefully shutting the door behind her while trying not to laugh.
“Lauren, it’s Tanner.”
Lauren braced her hand against the door. Tanner? What the hell was he doing calling her?
“Lauren?”
“Sorry, I’m here. How’s the old body doing?” She cringed. Why had those words come out of her mouth? She slapped her forehead and wished she could just hang up the phone and start the conversation over. Or maybe fall into a hole and never emerge. Surely she could have come up with a better question than that!
His deep, low laughter echoed down the line. “It’s not too bad. But I tell you what, that other PT you sent me to? He could learn a thing or two from you.”
Now it was her laughing. “You went to see him?” she asked. “Sam Winstone?”
“Yeah, that’s the guy. I can tell you right now that you’re a much better therapist.”
She sunk down to the floor, back against the wall as she trembled with stifled laughter. “Funny, but Sam’s a woman, Tanner. You sure you went to the PT I recommended?”
Tanner’s groan was too much to bear and she burst into laughter, wiping tears from her eyes as he muttered expletives.
“You know, this is not how this conversation was supposed to go,” he grumbled.
“Okay, how about you tell me why you’re calling and we can start over,” she suggested, liking the sound of his voice as she pressed the phone harder to her ear. She’d been missing him, but she hadn’t known quite how much she’d missed the rich, warm timbre of his voice. The tightness in her chest eased and she felt her shoulder un-bunch—maybe she didn’t need the massage she’d booked after all. She’d expected any future conversation they had to be difficult, but this was, this was nice.
“Look, I know we agreed to part ways when he touched down,” he said. “And I also know I agreed to use a different PT on home soil.”
Lau
ren held her breath. Oh, hell no. Was he going to ask her out? Was he going to ask for a second chance? Or was he just seeking her professional advice? She was about to speak when he beat her to it.
“It’s just that you were a miracle worker in Fiji and I’d do anything if I could book you for another session. Any chance you could come here to the ranch, even for a couple of days?”
She cleared her throat. So he wanted her professionally, not personally. She should have guessed. In fact, she should have been relieved instead of feeling like she’d just been sucker punched. Thank heavens he hadn’t been standing in front of her when he’d asked because she would have found it impossible to keep a straight face.
“Oh, of course. I mean, if you really think you need me, then I’m sure we can make something work.” Why were these words coming out of her mouth? She was supposed to hold strong and refuse to treat him, to recommend someone else and insist that he follow the plan she’d set for him!
“I’m staying at home, River Ranch I mean, while my dad’s away for a while. Keeping an eye on the place and helping out where I can. Any chance you can come here this weekend?”
She sighed. She was officially a pushover. “That sounds great. How about I come by on Saturday morning?”
“Thanks, Lauren. See you then.”
She said goodbye and dropped her phone to the floor and her head between her knees. Why hadn’t she just said no? Why was it so impossible to say no to Tanner? She could have said she was busy or that there was pre-season training going on, anything other than yes would have been preferable.
The sound of the door opening made her look up, and she found her sister standing there, a worried expression on her face.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Hannah said, coming closer and dropping to the ground across from her.
“I just spoke to a ghost, that’s why,” Lauren mumbled, dropping her head back between her knees.
Hannah rubbed her back in big circular motions. “Tanner?”
Lauren exhaled. “Yeah.”
“It’s okay to love him still, Lauren. We can’t choose who we fall for.”
She knew that, but up until a couple of months ago, she hadn’t heard the name Tanner Ford in years. She’d moved on, created a life for herself that she loved, and now here she was acting like a lovesick teenager. Why was he so hard to get out of her head? And her heart? Why did she feel so affected from just one conversation with him? And why was she tingling all over at the thought of seeing him again?
“I thought he wanted me,” she whispered. “I thought he was calling because he felt the same, but it seems I actually was only a vacation fling for him.” She should have been relieved, but instead she felt defeated. A little part of her had believed that he’d come looking for her, that he’d fight for her and demand that she give them a chance. That he wouldn’t let her walk away. It had been a silly fantasy, but it had been in her head anyway.
Her sister didn’t say anything and Lauren just sat there, head down, counting to fifty before finally hauling herself up.
It was time to admit to herself that her fantasies about Tanner were just that—fantasies. There were so many reasons keeping them apart, and the sooner she stopped thinking that something could miraculously change that, the better.
* * *
Tanner was about to bite into his sandwich when Mia walked into the kitchen, hands on her hips and a look on her face that said she was not in a mood to be messed with. He’d been avoiding her for days, ever since he’d managed to find Lauren’s number all on his own without having to divulge a thing to his sister. But now she was on the warpath and he doubted he’d emerge unscathed.
“Where’s Dad?” she asked.
Tanner blew out a breath and set down his sandwich. “He’s started his treatment,” he said, annoyed that he was the one to have to tell her. Why hadn’t he told her before he’d left?
“Already? Why didn’t he tell me? I could have made arrangements and gone with him so he didn’t have to do it on his own.”
Tanner smiled at Mia, knowing how hard it must be for her not to be involved with what was going on. When the old man had told him, he’d processed it and respected his wishes that he wanted to do it all alone, but he knew firsthand that women didn’t find that quite so easy—well, women like his sister anyway. She had a heart of gold and she’d step across burning coals to help anyone in their family, but that was exactly what Walter didn’t want. He didn’t like a fuss.
“Mia, he wants to do this solo, you know how he is. I’d probably be the same.”
She looked exasperated as she stood, hands on hips. “He might say that but I’m sure he’d rather have me there. I could have taken care of him afterward and made sure he was eating enough, that he had everything he needed and—”
Tanner chuckled. “Mia, everything you just said is why he went alone. He wants to deal with it on his own, he needs his space, and if he needs us, he knows we’ll be there in a matter of hours. He promised me that the oncologist has all our details, okay? He has the best team treating him and we need to trust in the decisions he’s made.”
Mia let out a loud groan and sunk down onto one of the bar stools. He opened the fridge and got her a juice, pouring it into a tall glass and sliding it across the counter. Then he leaned down and picked up his sandwich again, thinking he’d dodged a bullet. She was so distracted with their dad she’d forgotten all about wanting to meddle in his life.
“You still want that phone number?” she asked as she raised the glass of juice to her lips.
Tanner finished his mouthful. Maybe he’d been wrong about that. “No.”
“So you got it from someone else so you didn’t have to confess your sins to your sister?”
Tanner ignored her and kept eating. She’d always managed to do that—it was like she could read his mind.
“Come on! What happened with you two? It’s obvious that something is going on.”
When he finished eating, he stayed propped on his elbows and gave Mia a long, hard stare. “I have no sins to confess. I have no idea what you’re even talking about.”
“Bullshit! You’re the biggest sinner of all!”
He didn’t even bother answering her; he just brushed his crumbs onto his hand, tipped them onto the plate, and turned around to the sink. He preferred to have the house to himself, so he’d given their housekeeper a few days off, and he knew that Mia would notice that soon, too. He wasn’t about to admit that he didn’t want anyone here when Lauren turned up in the morning.
“Don’t tell me you’re trying to get back at her for what she did to you, Tan. I know she hurt you and you’ve never really let go of that, but you guys were so young and way too intense.”
Maybe he was trying to get back at her, but not in the way Mia was meaning. He wasn’t trying to punish her, he wanted to see her again, he wanted to look into her eyes and see if there was something more between them. Right now he had no idea if it had just been the combination of being isolated on a balmy island together with a history that made them know exactly what they were missing out on, or if it was actually something more. All he knew was that he couldn’t get her out of his head and it was driving him insane.
“I just wanted her professional help again, that’s all. You were right about her being good at her job. She’s amazing.”
Mia’s narrowed her gaze as her hands fell to her pregnant stomach. “If it was just for physical therapy purposes, you would have just come over and asked me for her number, Tan. It’s more than that, I can tell.”
He shrugged like he didn’t give a damn. “So what if it is?”
“You’re playing with fire, that’s all I’m going to say. Don’t go breaking her heart just because she broke yours.”
He didn’t reply, because he was fairly sure that if anyone’s heart was going to be broken, it’d probably be his.
“I’m going out for a walk and then I have to do stretches,” he said, changing the su
bject and offering his sister a smile. “I might head down to the bulls and then make my way up past your horses if you want to come?”
Mia frowned but she didn’t mention Lauren again. “I’m good, thanks. I’m exhausted from working two horses this morning. Catch you later.”
He watched her go and wondered why he didn’t just get everything off his chest and be honest with her. Trouble was, he didn’t know what honest was—he had so many feelings, so many possibilities, circling through his mind, he wouldn’t have even known where to start.
One more weekend, that’s all he needed with her. One more night, one more night of being intimate with her, to see her on his home soil and prove to himself that it was just sex and memories. Then he’d focus on his next ride. He’d already missed the season kickoff and he wasn’t about to sit out the year’s second major, so once the weekend was over, he was going to train and train and focus on his first big performance. If he had to ride that damn bull again that had thrown him, then he needed to be ready, mentally and physically. Thunder Cat would not take him down a second time.
He headed for the door, pulled his boots on, and strode across the grass. Screw going for a walk. There was a mechanical bull sitting in the shed with his name on it, and he was damn well going to take it for a trial run to show himself he was rearing and ready to join the circuit again. That was his problem—too much thinking time and not enough work. Maybe once he was focused again instead of so goddamn idle, he wouldn’t think about Lauren ever again.
* * *
Lauren’s knees were knocking when she stepped out of her car and looked up at the imposing Ford residence. She’d spent a lot of time on the ranch when she’d dated Tanner, and he’d snuck her into his bedroom a few times, but mostly they’d liked being outside together. He’d taught her how to horseback ride and she’d surprised herself by how much she’d enjoyed it all—there had been something so peaceful about being on the ranch and seeing Tanner on the property he’d grown up on. Around the other kids at school he’d always been the daring one, always trying to outdo the other guys or make people laugh. And he’d always been the one knocking back shots when the other boys were drinking beer, the one with a cigarette hanging out the corner of his mouth, the kid with the roaring motorcycle and the fast car who liked to show off.
