All Night with the Cowboy

by Soraya Lane

  But as much fun as that Tanner was, it had been Tanner the rancher that she’d truly loved.

  She pushed the memories aside and walked up to the front door, knocking and then waiting. When no one answered she raised her hand again, but a warm voice from behind stopped her.

  “Hey.”

  Lauren spun around slowly and exhaled as she set eyes upon Tanner. “Hey yourself,” she said, sounding a whole lot more together than she felt inside as she looked him up and down.

  “Thanks for doing a house visit,” he said. “You have an overnight bag I can carry in for you?”

  “Well, my patient won’t be carrying it in for me,” she joked.

  “You want to go for a ride?” Tanner asked.

  She almost choked on her own tongue. A ride? “I…”

  “Dammit, I meant a horseback ride. I, shit. Sorry.”

  Lauren laughed. “If these jeans and sneakers are okay, then sure thing. I’d love to.”

  It wasn’t that she’d have said no to the other kind of ride, she’d be lying if she didn’t admit to thinking about the fun they’d had every moment of every day when her mind started to wander. But horseback riding was a whole lot safer.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked, walking back down the steps and falling into step beside him. She looked at the way he was walking, impressed with his movements and the fact it was almost impossible to detect a limp now.

  “I’m getting there. By the end of the day I really start to feel it, especially in my leg, but it’s my grip that I’m worried about the most.” He made a face. “I think you were right about having to go easy on my wrist.”

  She was pleased he was taking his injury more seriously. “I think I’ll show you how to strap it correctly before you compete. It’ll give you more strength there, but I still think you need to be careful about riding at all if you think it’s too weak on any given day.”

  “I hear you loud and clear, doc, and I’m not arguing. Not anymore.”

  She stopped walking. “Sorry, are you a new patient? I thought you were Tanner Ford?”

  He laughed. “Haha, very funny. Maybe I’ve realized these past couple of weeks that I’m not invincible.”

  Lauren smiled as she walked alongside him, itching to brush her fingers against his as their hands swung dangerously close. Was she really just here on business or was it something more? Because right now, she couldn’t tell.

  She admired the ranch as they walked—the big oak trees, the immaculate grounds, the perfectly stained wooden fences and the pretty horses grazing on the other side.

  “Are these yours?” she asked.

  “Nope, they’re Mia’s. Some of her horses are turned out having a nice break while she’s pregnant,” he replied. “That’s her house over there. You can just see the roofline past the stables.”

  She took a good look as they walked—the spot where Mia’s house was had just been a field back when she used to visit the ranch. It didn’t take long for them to reach the yards where the ranch horses were kept—same as they’d always been. Most things about River Ranch hadn’t changed at all. There were two horses already tied up and she guessed Tanner had been the one to secure them and start getting them ready for their ride, presuming she’d say yes.

  Lauren leaned on a fence post as Tanner quietly saddled up the horses, disappearing for a short time to offer her a helmet, despite the fact that he’d reappeared wearing a Stetson.

  “Thanks.” She took it and put it straight on, happy to be playing it safe, especially since so many years had passed without her ever getting up into the saddle.

  “Come on, I’ll give you a boost up,” Tanner said.

  He led the horses out and stopped beside her, the shorter of the two, a beautiful rich red color, sniffing her hand and dipping her head low.

  “Give me your leg,” Tanner said.

  She picked up the reins, remembering what to do, and lifted her left leg for him to give her a boost. His hand closed around her knee as he counted to three and then lifted her high above the saddle. When she landed with a soft thump she grimaced, realizing how out of practice she was.

  “Sorry,” she said, patting the horse’s neck before pushing her feet into the stirrups and sitting up straight with her shoulders back.

  “You’d make a great cowgirl,” Tanner said with a wink from the other horse, already mounted up and with his heels pushed down. She noticed that first because it was the one thing she’d been worried he wouldn’t easily be able to do given his ankle injury, although she bet he’d have his foot hanging free of the stirrup before too long.

  “Let’s go, gorgeous,” he said.

  Lauren almost fell off the horse. So much for her professional services being required—she was starting to feel like this was more first date than therapy.

  The horse she was riding obediently followed along behind Tanner’s, and she tried to relax into the saddle, worried the animal would feel her anxiety and think that her rapid heartbeat was because she was nervous of riding. In reality the only thing she was scared out of her wits about was the man riding in front of her.

  “Where are we heading?” she said, almost scared to ask the question.

  “Thought we’d take a walk down memory lane and ride to the river. Maybe we could do some stretches there?”

  Lauren gripped the reins a little tighter. Stretches? There was only one thing they’d ever done at that river spot, and stretching wasn’t exactly what she’d call it.

  * * *

  Tanner had no goddamn idea what he was doing. Why had he decided it was a good idea to take her down to the river? It was as if he was trying to sabotage their weekend, trying to recreate something that could never be again because they were adults now, not teenagers sneaking off to make out away from prying eyes.

  He dismounted when they reached the spot and held out his hand for Lauren’s reins. But as she swung her leg over, looking unsure, he let the reins go and moved to catch her, his hands to her hips helping to guide her to the ground.

  Dammit. Now his hands were on her slender hips and he could feel the warmth of her through her skinny jeans. He held on too long, frozen, until she slowly spun around to face him. Lauren was breathing fast, and her eyes were wide as she looked up at him, so clearly filled with uncertainty.

  “Why are we here?” she whispered.

  Tanner didn’t answer her. Instead he bent, removing one hand from her hip so he could take off his hat, discarding it to the ground, and then carefully unclipping her helmet and taking if off her head. He let that fall from his fingers to the ground, too, landing with a soft thud.

  Lauren hadn’t moved, but her lips had parted, and when her tongue darted out to moisten them he slowly lowered his head, waiting, giving her the chance to move away, before covering her mouth with his in a long, slow kiss.

  She moved into him, her arms finding their way around his waist as she tugged closer, head back as he kissed her over and over again. He ran his hands down her back then up and under her T-shirt, wanting to feel her bare skin, needing to connect with her warm, soft flesh.

  “What are we doing?” she murmured, pulling back, hands flat to his chest as she stared up at him. “We can’t do this.”

  He groaned. “Yes. Yes we can.”

  “No.” She pushed back more firmly, her hands finding his as she stood a foot away from him, her eyes still trained on his face. “We can’t keep doing this. It’s, it’s…” She looked exasperated. “It’s too hard. I should never have said yes to coming here.”

  “Why can’t we just keep it casual? It worked for us in Fiji.” He pulled her closer again, hips against hers as he lowered his body again and placed a light, teasing kiss to her lips, tongue against hers. She kissed him back, hands under his shirt now, caressing his chest. But when he skimmed his palms to her butt, grinding into her, she pushed him away again. “I’ve missed you, Lauren. The last few weeks have been goddamn impossible.”

  “It doesn’t matter
,” she protested. “It’s too hard, Tanner. I can’t do casual and I can’t be around you like this again. It’s not fair to either of us and you know it.”

  “Not fair?” he repeated. “Sweetheart, we’re both having fun, no one’s getting hurt.”

  She wrapped her arms around herself and backed into the horse picking at some grass while he waited for her. “I’m getting hurt, Tanner. I’m the one who can’t handle this. Maybe you can, but I can’t. I’m finally starting to move on and, and I can’t go back. I just can’t.”

  He stared at her, finding her words hard to digest. “You’re hurting? Honey, I was hurting for years and I doubt that caused you to lose any sleep.”

  He saw the hurt register the second the words had come out of his mouth. Why the fuck had he said that? Why, when she was here with him right now and he was trying to convince her that they should be hooking up, would he have snapped that at her?

  He swallowed. He’d said it because it was the goddamn truth and the words had been festering for years, that’s why.

  “Shit, I didn’t mean to sound like that,” he said, cringing at the fierce look on her face now. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said—”

  “Yeah, well, you did,” she interrupted before he could finish, “and I’m not about to remind you that I hurt myself, too. Can we just go?”

  He faltered. “Go?” She wasn’t serious, was she?

  “Yeah, as in get going. Leave,” she replied. “You’re fine, Tanner. You’ve got great movement and you need to keep up your stretches. Be careful of that wrist and be sure to get it strapped before your first competition. You don’t need me here and you know it, because this wasn’t about your recovery, it was about us.”

  He watched as she gathered up her reins again and lifted her leg, waiting for a boost. When he didn’t comply, she managed to stick her foot in the stirrup and haul herself up into the saddle on her own.

  “It’s over, Tanner,” she said, looking down at him. “Whatever this was, whatever us part two was, it’s over, and we’re not doing this again. I can’t put myself through this again. It’s not fair to either of us, and it’s definitely not fair to me.”

  He’d hurt her, just like he’d always wanted to all those years before, to make her feel what he’d felt, only now the last thing he wanted to do was see tears in her eyes, to hurt the only woman he’d ever truly loved. And he hadn’t even realized, back then, that she’d hurt herself just as bad in the process.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, his throat thick with emotion. “I’m so sorry, Lauren.”

  “Yeah, me too,” she said somberly. “I should have known better than agreeing to come here in the first place.”

  He remounted his horse and they rode silently back toward the yards. He kept glancing over at her, at the way she was holding her chin high, sitting in the saddle like she’d been doing it her entire life.

  “You know, once upon a time, I couldn’t have imagined a life without you,” he forced himself to say, knowing he needed to get what he was thinking off his chest while he could. He needed to be honest with her. “I could see us on the ranch together, with a brood of kids cantering around on ponies or climbing trees.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve got my own place now, but I still see myself here.”

  She met his gaze, just briefly. “Me too, Tanner. I used to see that too.”

  When they eventually reached the yards, having ridden the rest of the way in silence, she dismounted on her own and he didn’t offer to help—he could tell when a woman wanted her own space, and Lauren was giving off that vibe a hundred times over.

  He took the reins from her as she stepped toward him, one hand to his shoulder as she stood on tiptoes and brushed a kiss to his cheek.

  “Goodbye, Tanner,” she said, her smile sweet as she stepped away. “I wish things could have been different between us.”

  He swallowed a lump in his throat as she turned and walked away. She was walking out of his life again, and this time he knew he’d never see her again. He stood there for as long as he could stand it, then led the horses into the yard, taking off their saddles and bridles, calmly giving them a rubdown and then letting them go, not wanting them to feel his anger and be scared of his temper. It was only once the horses were away from him that he let out a roar that made him sound more animal than human.

  Goddamn it!

  He shut his eyes and smacked his palm into the fence as he buckled forward and struggled to breathe. Telling himself she’d been the former love of his life? That had been utter bullshit. He loved her as much now as he had then, he was just too chickenshit to put his heart on the line again and admit the truth. Instead he’d let her walk away all over again.

  * * *

  Lauren had no idea what she’d done. She slapped her hand against her mouth as she sat in her car, in shock, her entire body shaking as she tried not to scream. What was so different about being with Tanner now? Tears burned her eyes but she refused to let them fall, frantically blinking them away as she let her forehead drop to the steering wheel.

  Why had she ever agreed to see Tanner again? Why had she ever thought she could have a fling with a man she’d once loved so deeply? Why had she been stupid enough to say yes to him on the phone the other day instead of refusing to go near him again?

  Because she was too weak when it came to him. So weak it made her sick. She should never have come here, and she’d known it before she’d even stepped foot on the ranch.

  Tap, tap, tap.

  Lauren looked up, mortified when she saw Mia Ford standing outside her car, looking worried on the other side of the glass. She went to put her window down, then realized the key wasn’t in the ignition so she pushed the door open, quickly wiping at her eyes. Why hadn’t she just gotten in her car and driven away? If she hadn’t sat here, then Mia wouldn’t have seen her and she wouldn’t be about to have a discussion with the sister of the man she’d just turned her back on. Again.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” Mia’s face was the picture of concern, and it made a fresh wave of emotion clog in Lauren’s throat. “What happened?”

  “Sorry, I was just leaving,” Lauren managed, clearing her throat and trying to act like she wasn’t falling to pieces. She took a deep breath and forced a tight smile that she was sure wouldn’t fool anyone. “I’m fine.”

  “Lauren, what’s going on? You’re not fine,” Mia said. “Do you want to come in for a coffee or something?”

  Lauren coughed, still trying to breathe and stop the sobs that were waiting to erupt in her chest. “I need to go, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s my brother, isn’t it? I knew something was going on with him.” Mia grumbled. “I’m sorry I ever asked you to treat him. He’s obviously been behaving like a jerk and it’s my fault you even had to deal with him in the first place.”

  “It’s fine, he’s fine, I mean,” Lauren stumbled over her words. “He didn’t do anything, it’s both of us. We’re just, there’s been stuff going on between us but it’s over now.”

  Mia pulled the car door open a bit further and leaned against it, looking down and straight into Lauren’s eyes.

  “If you need me to talk to him, you just say the word.” Mia looked up and then sighed, like she wasn’t sure she should be saying whatever she was about to say. “He loves you, Lauren. I think he always has.”

  She couldn’t believe that. He lusted after her, that much had been obvious, but it wasn’t love, not anymore. “I don’t think so,” she said, struggling to keep her composure. “Anyway, things are complicated between us, they always have been.”

  “I’m sorry, Lauren. For whatever’s going on between you guys, I just—”

  Lauren blinked through her tears. “This is between me and Tanner, it’s not your fault at all.” She should have told her that their time in Fiji had been the happiest and most content she’d felt in a long while, but she couldn’t get the words out. It was time to drive away from River Ranch for the last time.

&nb
sp; “Goodbye, Mia.”

  Mia held up her hand and stepped back, hand falling to her rounded stomach. Lauren looked at it, imagined the brood of kids Tanner had talked about, and burst into tears. She wanted that; it wasn’t a past fantasy for her, she wanted that still. Trouble was, the guy only wanted her for a good time, not a long time, and she might not be able to give him one child let alone a brood, even if he did want her. And she had to stick to her guns on this—Tanner was not right for her. This emotional roller coaster that went on whenever they were together was too intense, and that kind of intensity could only ever result in heartache. Pure and simple.

  Lauren started down the drive, blurry eyed as she navigated the entrance and turned out onto the road. She had to get herself together. She’d walked away from Tanner and survived it once, so there was no reason she couldn’t do it again. She was a professional woman with a great career, a great home, and a supportive, loving family. She didn’t need Tanner, or any man, to make her happy—she had enough as it was.

  So why did it feel like her heart was breaking into a million tiny pieces and her lungs were being constricted, making every single breath feel impossible?

  She brushed her tears away and gripped the wheel, focusing on the road. Tanner was her past, not her future, and the faster she got her head around that, the better.

  The Rangers were about to go into their full training program again soon. She had a busy season ahead of her and she needed to focus on her job. It was what she loved, it was what she’d dedicated her life to. And it was what she’d given up Tanner for in the first place.

  The players were counting on her, their partners relied on her to keep their men in top condition to avoid injuries, and she had a hefty mortgage to pay—those were the things she needed to focus on.