A Choice of Secrets

by Barb Hendee

  “Where is Julian?” Father asked.

  “He could not make it, but sends his love,” she answered, her voice strained. “His duties at home were too great at this time of year.”

  Julian had sent her off by herself?

  By the light of a torch, I took my first clear look at Chloe’s face. Her skin was stretched thinly over her cheekbones. Her complexion was sallow. Her shining hair had lost its luster. Had the birth been more difficult than I’d been led to believe?

  Christophe appeared more puzzled by her escort. “Where are the Belledini guards? Lord Belledini employs a good force.”

  Chloe did not answer and my mother broke in. “They could not be spared just now, so Lord Gideon sent some of our own men.”

  This made no sense at all. One of the main purposes of employing guards was to provide protection while traveling. My father had sent our own men all the way to Belledini lands to escort Chloe and Julian—and Julian hadn’t even come?

  Apparently, the situation made no sense to Christophe either, and he was about to ask another question, when my father said, “Let us all go inside for dinner.”

  * * * *

  Dinner was a strained affair and strained affairs were unusual at White Deer Lodge. My mother appeared determined to pretend that all was well and she fussed over the baby, begging my father to allow young Gideon to remain with us at the table, instead of being taken to the nursery. Father readily agreed and we should have been a merry party, but we weren’t. Chloe said little. Late in the night, as I lay pressed up against Christophe’s right arm, I whispered, “There is something wrong with Chloe. I think something is wrong in her marriage.”

  “I know,” he whispered back.

  “I don’t know what to do. Should I ask her?”

  “For now, just be kind. Not all marriages are like ours. You need to remember that.”

  His words were not helpful.

  The next day, I awakened determined to help my sister, or at least to find out what was wrong. Of course, Christophe dressed quickly and headed off to the barracks to find Erik. I had a feeling I would not be seeing much of either of those two on this visit.

  Christophe and I had been housed in the guest quarters building and Chloe was staying in her old room in the main house. After dressing, I made my way to the main house, hoping to find her with baby Gideon, alone in her rooms, but as I opened the outer door on the south side, near to Father’s study, I heard raised voices.

  “And don’t you try appealing to your mother again!” Father shouted. “You knew full well what kind of man you married. He’s done this to himself! You tell him to find his own way out.”

  Peering through the door, I saw Chloe flee from our father’s study. She did not see me and she ran down the passage and out the other side of the building. Quickly, I closed the door and hurried down the path around to the north side. There I saw her running toward the kitchen. I ran after.

  But she never entered the kitchen. Instead, she stopped near my herb garden and let out a sound of pain. Running to her, I motioned to a small, iron bench beside the garden. She seemed almost unable to walk now and I helped her over to sit down.

  “Chloe, tell me, please. What is wrong?”

  She gripped my hand, but would not look at me. “Nicole, I don’t know how to tell you. I was so happy when Julian was able to pay off his gambling debts after our wedding, and we were beginning our lives together with a clean slate. I thought that since he had a wife and a coming child, he would take advantage of his father’s generosity and apply himself to making wine.”

  “But he didn’t?”

  “No,” she whispered. “He began gambling again almost as soon as we set up our new home. Within a month, he’d lost the yearly stipend Father had given him for my dowry. There won’t be another payment from Father until summer. We’ve been living on promises to pay our meat and bread bills.”

  “Oh, Chloe.” I could hardly believe it. “How much was the stipend he lost?”

  “Two hundred silvers.”

  I didn’t know much about money, but I remembered that Christophe had given Julian the same amount as a wedding gift. “And you came here to ask Father for an advance?”

  “No. It’s worse.”

  How could it be worse?

  “Last month,” she went on, “we were invited to a dinner at Baron du Bonnè’s estate. They are close neighbors of the Belledinis. I was near to my time of giving birth, so I did not attend. While there, Julian lost a card game to one of the baron’s captains, but as he had no money and could get no credit, he bet the vineyard that his father left to him in the will.”

  Her voice broke and I went still.

  “Julian has gambled away his inheritance?” I asked in disbelief.

  “He does not even own the vineyard and he lost it. His father does not know yet and Julian has been madly trying to keep this quiet. Not long after Gideon’s birth, Julian came to an arrangement that he could buy the note back for one thousand silvers. The vineyard is worth more, but the captain has agreed.”

  “And Julian sent you to ask Father for the money?”

  “Sent me? No! He came out against it. His father and our father are friends. He did not believe our father would help and might even speak his own on the matter. If Lord Belledini learns that Julian lost a vineyard he does yet own... in a card game, there is no telling what he’ll do. He may throw us out of the cottage and wash his hands of us.” She took a quick breath. “I had to do something. Julian refused to even give me an escort, so I asked Mother and she had Father send Corporal Devon with Montagna guards.”

  Something about all this sounded rather calculated on Chloe’s part. She had told Mother this visit was to share the sight of baby Gideon with the family. But I could not judge her. She sounded desperate and rightly so.

  “I’m such a fool for coming here,” she said. “I was certain Father would help us. I thought once he saw young Gideon, he’d not let his grandson suffer.”

  “Father won’t help?”

  “No. He said that Julian has made this mistake, and he must take the consequences and solve it himself. He said Julian would not learn otherwise.” Her voice broke again. “Julian cannot raise the money on his own and I don’t know what to do.”

  “I would do anything to help you.”

  “You? You are dear to say that, but there is nothing that you…” She trailed off for a moment and locked her gaze into mine. “Father paid your own stipend last summer as well, didn’t he? It was a thousand silvers.”

  I started slightly. “That much?” Why was my stipend so much larger than Choe’s?

  “You didn’t know? The marriage contract was the same as the one father arranged when I was to marry Christophe. I read mine in detail.”

  I hadn’t known. But I’d never asked. Christophe handled all the money.

  “Nicole, listen,” she went on. “Christophe doesn’t need your dowry. He owns one of the most prosperous estates in the nation and he has a private military to protect it. Father only offered him so much as a matter of honor, but he doesn’t need it.”

  There was the answer.

  “Of course,” I said. “I will speak to Christophe. I know he will give it to you.”

  Her face lit up with relief and joy. “Thank you. I cannot begin to thank you.”

  Movement caught my eye and I looked to see Father step around the side of the building that housed our kitchen. His expression was a mix of anger and disbelief. He stood only ten paces away from us.

  “And how did you come to be there?” Chloe asked, as if he were in the wrong, but her voice shook.

  “I followed you,” he answered. “I thought perhaps I’d been too harsh and sought to speak with you further, but then I saw Nicole and I feared what you might say to her. I wanted to be sure.” He shook his head. “I hoped I was wr
ong. For you to bring this sordid business to your younger sister, to ask her for her own dowry, when you know she would give you anything.”

  “Father, no!” I cried. “That’s not what happened.”

  Striding closer, he leaned over her as if I hadn’t spoken. “You’ve brought shame to this family more than once,” he said to her, “and I’ll have no more of it! Do you understand? No more! You wanted that wastrel of a husband and you’ve got him. Go home and live with him.” He turned to walk away and paused. “And I will speak with Christophe myself. He will not give you a penny.”

  As I sat in shock, my father walked off.

  Chloe put her face into her hands and she began to weep silently.

  * * * *

  That evening, Chloe did not come down to dinner.

  Later, in our room, when I tried to explain her plight to Christophe, his expression closed up.

  “Do not speak to me on this matter. Your father has made me promise not to pay the debt.”

  Chloe left the next day. Again, my father provided a contingent of guards to escort her home.

  I couldn’t help feeling angry with both my father and Christophe. I suppose I should have focused my anger at Julian, but Chloe was in real trouble and I could not fathom my father and Christophe’s refusal to help her.

  We stayed at the lodge a few more days, but our visit had been ruined. Regarding Chloe’s plight, my mother agreed with me, but Father and Christophe would not even discuss the matter. Erik appeared to have no opinion. Sometimes, I wondered if he thought of anything besides guarding our shoreline.

  By the morning that Christophe and I were in the courtyard, packed and ready to leave, he and I were barely speaking. This was the first real difficulty between us in our marriage and I didn’t know how to solve it.

  We said good-byes to Father, Mother, and Erik.

  Then we left, heading for Whale’s Keep.

  For nearly an hour, Christophe and I rode north in silence, with his horse walking beside mine.

  “I don’t like this,” he said suddenly and I heard hurt in his voice. “I don’t like us at odds with each other.”

  Sighing, I answered, “I don’t like it either, but I cannot help worrying about Chloe. My own hands are tied and it seems no one else will help her.”

  “Did I say I wouldn’t help her? I promised your father that I wouldn’t pay Julian’s debt, but I have friends among Lord Belledini’s men and I will keep a close eye on what happens. If Julian cannot solve this crisis himself and the couple finds themselves without a home, they will be welcome at Whale’s Keep. They will always have a home with us.”

  Letting his words sink in, I was ashamed. Of course Christophe could not break his word to my father, and of course he would find another way to help my sister. I should have trusted him. The day seemed brighter again.

  “Thank you.”

  * * * *

  To my surprise, Mildreth and the children met us in the courtyard upon our return, as if they had missed us.

  “I’ve taken good care of the hens,” Amanda said.

  “Oh, thank you,” I answered. “I knew you would.”

  “How is the new baby?” Mildreth asked. “Whose family does he favor?”

  “He looks just like Erik.”

  “Heaven forbid,” she said.

  Was that a joke? Had Mildreth made a joke? With a smile, I linked my arm with hers and we walked inside together.

  I was home.

  Chapter 16

  Full summer was upon us and I made the most of the warm days, as I knew the winters here were long, windy, and cold. My hens were flourishing, as were my bees. I grew and harvested herbs to make medicinal supplies for winter.

  I wrote to Chloe every week, asking for news, but she did not answer. Christophe promised he would tell me if he learned anything about Julian’s situation.

  But for the most part, I was so busy that I lost track of time and then one morning, as I walked out of the courtyard gates with Amanda, going to feed the hens and gather eggs, I began to feel nauseated. Two steps later, I dropped to my knees, retching.

  “Aunt Nicole!” Amanda cried. She looked back toward the gates. “Jerome! Jerome, come quick.”

  The commander of the gate guards came running toward us, but I was counting weeks in my head. My courses were late.

  Amanda was distressed and Jerome knelt beside me.

  “My lady?”

  I was not distressed. “It’s all right,” I assured. “I am well.”

  * * * *

  I waited another month and my courses did not come. Finally, I could contain the news no longer and in bed one night, I took Christophe’s hand and laid it on my stomach.

  Then I nodded.

  He sat up. “Yes?”

  I smiled. “Yes.”

  * * * *

  No letter from Chloe arrived and my worry for her grew worse.

  One night, in early autumn, I awoke drenched in sweat and lost in panic. Christophe was away for the night on shore, as the harvest month was upon us. In my mind, I could hear Chloe calling to me. It was like she was screaming for help from a great distance.

  I did not know what to do and I didn’t sleep for the rest of that night.

  The next day, Christophe came home in the afternoon. I could see he was troubled.

  “What is wrong?” I asked. “Is there trouble with harvest?”

  “No, the harvests are going well in the villages I’ve visited.”

  I could see he had something to say and didn’t wish to say it. “Then what?”

  “I heard news from Captain Fáuvel. He learned from a friend that Lord Belledini discovered Julian had gambled away the vineyard.”

  I felt cold. “What did he do?”

  Christophe hesitated. “He paid the one thousand silvers himself to cover the debt. He did not throw Julian and Chloe from the cottage, but he did rewrite his will and the vineyard has been left to another brother. Julian will have no inheritance.”

  I sank down into a chair. Though Chloe had not been made homeless, she and Julian would have nothing other than Chloe’s yearly stipend. I wrote to Chloe, begging her to write back and give me news. I vowed to help her in any way that I could. I told her of Christophe’s offer for them to come and live with us on the island.

  She did not respond.

  My fears didn’t reach a breaking point until a letter from my mother arrived:

  My beloved girl,

  I am in hopes that you can help put my mind at ease. I have not heard from Chloe since she left the lodge in mid-summer. I know she made it safely home because Corporal Devon returned the following day after escorting her. And yet, no letter from your sister has come. Worried, I wrote to Lady Belledini, asking after Chloe.

  She responded to tell me that Chloe has not been seen since her return. She assured me that Chloe and Julian are still living at the cottage, but Chloe does not venture outdoors and Julian allows no visitors.

  I hope this report is an exaggeration on her part, and that your sister has been writing to you. If so, please let me know how she fares. I anxiously await word from you.

  Sending love,

  Your mother

  This letter left me frightened. Chloe was not writing to my mother or to me, and she had not left her cottage since mid-summer. Something was wrong, something more than financial troubles.

  Christophe had been home for two days, although I knew he had yet to visit the northernmost villages to check the harvests, and he would most likely be leaving again soon. I needed to stop him.

  Clutching the letter, I went in search of him, and I found him in the courtyard of the keep, down near the gates, speaking with Jerome. As I walked toward him, he saw me and broke off his discussion, coming to meet me halfway.

  “Do you need me?”
he asked.

  “Yes, I’ve received a letter from my mother. I believe Chloe is in great difficulty. Something is very wrong. I need you to take me to Belledini lands as soon as possible, tomorrow if you can arrange it.”

  Taken aback, Christophe reached out for the letter. He read it. “Nicole…I can see your concern, but there are a number of reasons why Chloe might have taken to not leaving her house. You know their financial situation. She may be with child again or she may have decided to live quietly.”

  “No! I know my sister. If that were the case, why is she not writing to my mother or me? Something is wrong and I need to see her. I believe she needs help.”

  His expression closed up. “You know I can’t leave during the harvest and even if I could, you are carrying our child. I’ll not risk you or the child on a journey. Let me see what I can learn.”

  “You’ll learn hearsay and rumors! I need to see Chloe myself. Please, Christophe. I’m asking you. Please.”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  With that single word, my vision of our life together altered. I had thought us a team. I knew if he ever asked me for anything, I would do it. I thought the same of him, that if I truly asked him for his help, he would grant it.

  But he had made the final decision for us both, and he’d said no.

  The following morning, I saw him off as he left to head for the shore. He kissed me and his eyes begged my forgiveness. “I promise that I’ll see what I can learn.”

  “I know you will.”

  I kissed him back and he set off for the stairwell, for the long climb down.

  * * * *

  I spent the day in preparations.

  The following morning, Amanda accompanied me to care for our hens and then I walked her up to the keep for her lessons. I knew that Mildreth would be busy with the children for several hours.

  Going up to the room I shared with Christophe, I took a bag that I had carefully packed and I went back downstairs, walking through the courtyard, through the gates of the keep, through the village, and down the long stone steps. Emerging from the final gatehouse, I found twelve of our guards at the landing.

  They all started in surprise at the sight of me.