Atlas Lost

by Alaska Angelini

  “Tired. Have you talk to the doctor?”

  “No. I haven’t seen one. I was only allowed in a few minutes ago. I should probably let them know you’re awake. I need to call Laurie and Gene too. They’re worried sick.”

  “Go ahead. I’ll be fine. They’ll probably want to talk to me alone anyway.”

  “Oh, I’m not leaving you,” he said, pressing the nurse call-button on the bed.

  “Dean.” I swallowed back the anxiety as I really looked at him for the first time in months. He was in his late thirties. Light brown hair appeared lighter with his dark brown eyes. He was attractive and married to one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. Laurie was my opposite: blonde, goddess, perfect features, flawless skin, straight out of a magazine. But she didn’t remind me of a model. Not the stereotypical one anyway. She was a bohemian-type. A gypsy. A flowerchild. She was all about love, peace, crystals, and card readings. I’d only met her a handful of times. It was rare for her to leave their small cottage. She had her garden and animals. Well, Dean called it more of a ranch of misfits because of the delicate condition of some, but it was their world.

  “Hi, yes, Cara is awake. Cara Marshall.”

  Dean stumbled over his words, not even looking up from his phone as he began to hit buttons. When he walked to the far end of the room and began to talk, I lifted the top part of the bed, awaiting the nurse who would no doubt be coming in any moment. But I was wrong.

  “Cara.”

  Lips pulled back at the sides as Dr. Jonah stepped around the door, smiling at me. A nurse trailed behind, but I knew those light gray eyes that connected with mine. There was a wall up. Sadness, in the deepest parts. How I could read him so clearly, I wasn’t sure. He appeared kind and warm, but I saw more. I saw my doom.

  “Is this your boyfriend? Husband? It’s been a while. Five years?”

  “Friend,” I managed. “And he was just leaving. Dean, can you give us a moment?”

  Dean paused with the phone at his ear, stubbornness evident in the stiffening of his back. Ultimately, he nodded, heading outside. When the door shut, I held my hands tightly, meeting my doctor’s stare.

  “The cancer’s back, isn’t it?”

  Hesitation. Fingers ran through salt and pepper hair as Dr. Jonah moved in closer to the bed. He looked down at the chart he was holding, then slowly lifted his eyes to face me again. Tears blurred the sympathy starting to fill his face, and I’d never been happier for them. I couldn’t stand to see the pity. I couldn’t do this again.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  Chapter 2

  Atlas

  “One more chapter, and then you rest.”

  “Please, Mr. A. Teach me that thing again with the colors. I can only see the white glow, and it’s not very big. I’ve been trying like you showed me, but it works so much better when you’re here.”

  Smiling, I looked between the open bedroom door where Betty, her aunt, stood, and then back to Fiona. She was nine. The daughter of a widowed father who worked for me. I’d come to visit three times since the accident that took her mother’s life. Had I still harbored my gifts, I would have tried to heal her spine so she could walk again. Without them, all I could do was the basic universal parlor tricks.

  “You’d choose the aura over the story?”

  “Can I have both?”

  Green eyes sparkled as I shook my head.

  “I wish, but I don’t have much time. I’ll tell you a secret, though. It’s not much, but it’s the best I can do.”

  “What is it?”

  “Here. Lift your hand up and use the white of the wall to focus. Do as before and look through your fingers. When the glow appears, relax your eyes.”

  A few seconds went by as I moved in closer to peer through the tiny digits.

  “I see it. I see the glow. It’s…pink? It was pink last time.”

  “And it will probably be next time. Here’s the secret,” I said, lowering my voice. “Look again. Focus. I will show you.”

  Seconds passed as the energy in the room shifted at her father’s entrance. Slowly, I raised my hand and pressed my index finger to the center of her forehead. It was a soft touch, barely connecting before I removed it.

  “Now, see me. But look quickly. It will fade.”

  Fiona’s head snapped in my direction, only to lean back as she peered above me. Her lips parted, and emerald eyes grew in size.

  “Mr. A.—That. Is. Amazing! Gold. You have gold! And…gray. Almost black. Gold, gray, and red! So many colors. I think I see a little blue too. So pretty! What do they mean?”

  I laughed, not feeling at all happy about the answer. “That’s a surprise for another time. I have to get going. You take care of yourself, Fiona.”

  “Will you be back?”

  As I stood and brought out my hand, she quickly locked her pinky to mine—a gesture she had introduced me to on our first meeting. Pinky-promise, she called it. The promise part I understood. The act, I did not. But it put her at ease, so I didn’t mind appeasing her. Especially after what she’d been though.

  “I promise. Take care, dear one.”

  I smiled, shaking Dan’s hand as he headed for his daughter’s bed.

  “I can’t thank you enough for everything, Mr. King. The time off, covering the medical bills, being there for Fiona. I just…”

  At the building tears, I felt his pain as if it were my own. “It’s the least I could do. She’s expecting a story. I’ll leave that part to you.”

  Dan gave a gentle squeeze to my fingers, and I headed for the front door.

  “Does she really see colors, or is that a game the two of you play?”

  Betty walked me through the living room, full of an energy I could never run fast enough from. A lot of earth women reacted the same way. I was attractive. Worse, I was royalty, and despite not knowing it, they could feel my power.

  “You could see them too if you only opened your eyes. Try the wall trick. Avoid the shadows that may appear from your fingers.”

  With that, I exited the apartment. The red carpet lining the hallway drew my attention as it always did, and I took in the dark blue diamonds that filled it. Earth style was something I was never going to understand. Paltenians were all glass, white, obsidian, or gold. Gems were used as decoration, but only in the palace. This place, even the nicest structure, was lacking in creativity and design.

  “Run!”

  The voice exploded in my mind with enough strength to have me reaching for a weapon I no longer carried. Flashbacks stole the elevator not feet away, and it was like I was home again. Not from the planet I’d grown on up on, or even the underground city we lived at here on earth, but home, with my people—surrounded by my kind. The longing punched a hole clean through my chest.

  “Hello? Kelu? Any…one?”

  I turned to look behind me, glancing down the doors to make sure none were opened as I continued to call out telepathically. Nothing else came. Had I imagined it? Had it come from one of the apartments? It was so fast, I couldn’t be sure.

  When the elevator doors opened and a woman walked out, I forced the fake smile, walking in. The entire ride down, I focused harder.

  “Is someone there? Hello?”

  Still, nothing.

  Time passed in silence and my own sudden obsession. To be able to connect that way again was suddenly the most important thing I could think of. Even more important than the charade of this human life I had clumsily manifested with my waning strength. I was out of touch with myself. With the universe as a whole. It had been easy during the first few years to push away my past. Not facing the pain had been priority. But maybe I had always known it would slingshot around and catch up to me. That’s the way life was. You couldn’t outrun karma. Not even if you were a few million more years advanced than the planet you currently lived on.

  “Mr. King.” Marlon, my receptionist, scrambled to stand as he clutched the phone receiver. The smile he wore only moments before was long g
one, replaced with intimidation at my presence, as it was with most men. Oddly, his was mixed with more excitement as he stared up and down my six-foot-five frame. That told me a lot. Lust ruled him, even if I scared the shit out of him.

  “Coffee. And food. Lots of food. Also, call Wade. Have him come in as soon as possible.”

  More lust followed with a quick smile as he gave a sharp nod.

  “Can I get you anything else, Mr. King?”

  I paused at my office door, weighing how different yet similar my life still was after five years of banishment. My human name said it all. King: my true status—a status that quickly rose to the top in the city of Los Angeles. It wasn’t hard setting up my life as a citizen. It was even easier to accumulate my small empire and wealth. After all, that wasn’t a gift. Manifesting was available to anyone, so long as they put in the work and requested it from the universe. I did, for a good two years. It took time, but like I knew, the dominos fell. One thing turned into another, gaining momentum, until almost everyone in the city was there to help me succeed. One door opened, then two, and then endless more.

  “Actually, yes.” Fiona’s happiness filtered through, and I thought of my own daughter. Had she survived that horrific day, they’d be around the same age. “I visited Fiona Daly today. I noticed the flowers I sent her last week were looking a little wilted. She’ll need more.”

  “The same as last time?”

  Marlon’s energy lightened at my words, and his smile returned.

  “No. She prefers tulips over the roses. Let’s get her a rainbow of them. And keep them coming, once a week.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I headed into my office, shutting the door behind me as I walked to the window that gave view to the ocean. Niya stayed in my mind, as did the grief that never left. Leone would have hated this place. Not the land, but the lifestyle. It was true it took adjusting to, but potential was there. Where it wasn’t, was in the deeds. It was the pollution. The condition in which people, things, and animals were treated. To say the first year wasn’t shocking was a lie. Even now, I found myself speechless at things I witnessed. Especially behaviors. The world was crawling with rage. With disappoint and struggle. Did they not see? Did they not know? Of course they didn’t. Because they weren’t there yet. But it was coming. Just as the truth had come to us millions of years ago.

  Time passed as the colors in the sky changed. I barely heard Marlon come and go before there was a knock at the door. Leone and Niya vanished, tucked away deep inside where I could keep them safe.

  “Come in.”

  Wade entered with his case, so out of place amongst the glass desk, leather, and full-length windows. Colorful tattoos covered one side of his face, decorating the skin exposed outside of his loose shirt and jeans. I didn’t hesitate to strip off my jacket and shirt and head to the chaise at the far side of the room. My designs had been drawn up months ago—a collage of memories, inner-self, and symbols.

  “Bad day?”

  A small laugh left me as I laid down and continued to stare into the distance. My lack of response wasn’t questioned. It was what I liked about Wade. He never pushed, and he was content in his silence. More than anything, his pure energy was a comfort. And more came as he moved the small table over and set up his space. When the hum sounded from testing the tattoo gun, my eyes closed. Darkness surrounded me, and I lost myself to it. No thoughts on today. No memories. I blocked everything, content to be at one with my breath.

  “Here we go.”

  The warning was far away. So distant, I weighed just how deep within my mind I’d already gone. If I wanted to open my heart again, perhaps my guides would greet me and offer direction. But even they knew I wasn’t interested in help. All I wanted was the sting. The proof that my vessel was still alive when I didn’t necessarily want it to be. Who I used to be was gone. The being that remained had a purpose beyond me. Truth was, everything I had known about my species wasn’t aligning with what I had been taught. I should have been dead. My soul should have departed when Leone and Niya’s had. But it hadn’t. The knowledge had been crushing. And it hadn’t escaped my people. Shame was one of the reasons I could so easily walk away and leave my kingdom to my sister. Something was wrong with my life path. Wrong with me. Whatever that was, I wanted nothing to do with it. Ego. It was my current downfall, and I welcomed the slight self-destruction.

  A twinge in my neck had my teeth clenching as the needle hit sensitive skin. I kept still, trying to sink back into oblivion.

  Breathe: deep, slow, chest expanding.

  Exhale: steady, leaving the body.

  In.

  Out.

  Over and over.

  Time faded, and what I was sure was hours passed. I was so blissfully floating in nothingness, when the scream exploded in my mind, my entire body jolted to a rattled awareness. Wade was long gone. Sobbing mixed with the most heartbreaking screams. They repeated, growing more desperate by the second.

  I stood, swaying to the side as my equilibrium searched for balance. Words mumbled in between, and I squeezed my lids tight, trying to decipher them.

  “This isn’t happening. No. No! It’s not real. I’m not sick again. I refuse to believe. I refuse this!”

  “Hello?”

  The pause had my breath catching, but whoever had broken into my mind didn’t seem to hear me. The words repeated, followed by more sobs.

  “I beat it before. I’ll beat it again. I…h-have to. Dr. Jonah isn’t right. He can’t be.”

  “Woman? Hello?”

  “I’ll leave here. I’ll get a second opinion. I’ll find someone outside this place.”

  “Lady?”

  Gone. The connection disappeared, and I was left centered in my office, staring at the ocean in confusion. This human reaching out to me had to be a mistake. A miscommunication of consciousness. Her thoughts were merging with mine, which meant…what? A density shift? In humans? It was bound to happen. That was scientific fact. But why was I picking it up? I’d subconsciously shut down my gifts.

  My eyes closed, and my stomach knotted while I grounded my feet. Unclenching my hands, I let my fingers spread, and did the one thing my mind had neglected to do since I’d left: I searched for influences—for karmic ties I hadn’t cared to look for before. This human had to be connected somehow. Had I met her before? Brushed past her and exchanged energy on the street? Scenes flickered, and it didn’t take long to tap into the sticky, tar-like cord latched to my stomach. Yellow eyes flashed in my mind’s eye, and I growled, tearing myself from the darkness.

  “Ri of Ri.”

  The title dripped from my lips with all the hate I felt toward the species—which was not the answer to dissolving the negativity between us. I couldn’t cut the connection loose if I tried. It was impossible. What I didn’t understand was why it was still there. Hadn’t I thought I was doing the right thing by not inviting war? By not killing anyone else in the name of our family’s past? I figured we were done. That our karma was clear.

  I was wrong.

  A knock had me ripping my shirt from the desk and sliding it on. I was halfway through the buttons when Marlon’s head peeked in. One of his eyebrows rose, and his smile was back.

  “It’s five. I’m headed out. Need anything before I take off?”

  “No. Thank you.”

  The door moved to shut when I thrust my hand out.

  “Actually, yes. I need to find a doctor who goes by the name of Dr. Jonah. How do I do that?”

  “What kind of doctor? Is he local?”

  My forehead creased as I went over the last few hours. The tie. Maybe it wasn’t me meant to hear her. Maybe Ri was listening, and I was hearing her through him. Was she connected to the reptilian race? Did she even know?

  “I’m not sure. A friend of mine is sick. That’s her doctor’s name. But…” I paused, “I’m not sure where she lives. She could be in the area. Then again, she could be anywhere.”

  “Well, that complicates th
ings. What’s your friend’s name?”

  Lies wanted to come, but nothing would allow them to leave me. It wasn’t who I was. Even pretending to be human, it was a trait I couldn’t permit myself to embrace.

  “I don’t know her name.”

  “You mean her last name? Did she get married or...Mr. King? I’m not sure what you mean.”

  A sigh left me as I finished the last button and slid on my jacket. I glanced at the food tray, removing the lid and grabbing an apple. I bit into it hard, trying to control the frustration.

  “I’ve never met her. I just know she’s sick and seeing Dr. Jonah. Can you help me at least locate him?”

  “You do realize there’s probably more than one Dr. Jonah who practices. Even if we find a few, there’s no knowing if it’s the right one—especially since you don’t know this mystery woman’s name.”

  My eyes lowered.

  “I heard a voice, but I didn’t see what she looked like. She’s sick. Badly sick, Marlon. Like her life is ending. She was distraught.”

  “Cancer? Ugh, probably cancer. Poor woman. And you heard this woman…what, over the phone?”

  I paused. “Sort of. It was through a similar frequency I suppose.”

  “Frequency,” he repeated, twisting his lips. “Okay. Give me five minutes. Let me see what I can find on a Dr. Jonah.”

  “Thank you.”

  The door shut, and I glanced toward my own computer, taking another bite. The device was such an outdated waste. I knew how to use it, but the speed and searching was not something I had the patience for. Gone were the days when my mind conjured who and what I needed upon thought. Fourth density and higher had the power to telepathically communicate at will. Not like these lower density beings. Like me now. If I had my abilities, I could have energetically calmed the woman who kept invading my space. But if I would have had the capability, I would have never discovered my continuing connection to Ri. Which was a problem. A big one.

  Again, my lids closed, as time stretched. Instead of existing within the black space before me, I stared into it, forcing myself into a place I hadn’t been since the morning of my family’s murder. Ten dark silhouettes flashed for a moment, flicking in a white glow before my brain shut down and my eyes reopened. Their disappearance was both a relief and a curse. Who was I to turn my back on my guides? On the ones who had vowed to protect and love me no matter the circumstance? Pretending ignorance got me nowhere. All this time, I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t just hurting myself. There was no me in the grand scheme of things. No me to be selfish over. We were one—a stream of consciousness interconnecting. Good. Evil. Right. Wrong. Pure. Corrupt. And I was doing nothing to better us.