by A. K. Evans
Shit. Fuck. Fuck.
I forgot Monroe slept in my bed last night. I glanced over to her and saw she was smiling brightly at me.
“How long have you been awake?” I asked.
“Long enough to know that you went through a whole range of emotions in less than five minutes.”
“So pretty much the entire time?”
She nodded and questioned, “What did I miss, Emme?”
I looked back up at the ceiling, debating on what to do. It was too late to hide it and I refused to lie to her.
“Promise to keep quiet about it?”
“You know I will if that’s what you want.”
“I made a choice on Wednesday. Zane asked me to spend the day with him and I agreed. He picked me up early in the morning and took me to Yellowstone. On the way there I decided that I was going to give myself one day to soak up all the happiness that I could. I wasn’t going to do anything out of my comfort zone, but I needed to feel good for just one day, Monroe.”
“How was it?” she asked.
I looked back to her and whispered, “Incredible.”
She smiled at me and I could see the wetness in her eyes. “Em,” she said, her voice just a touch over a whisper.
“Mama, it was amazing. I haven’t felt so good in so many years. We spent the better part of the day at Yellowstone. It was beautiful. I took tons of pictures; I’ll show them to you later. After, we went back to Zane’s house. I made dinner and dessert. He ate the dinner I made and he loved it. We played two games of pool and then we had dessert on the couch. After dessert and after an entire day of such good, he gave me more happy than I’ve had in years.”
Her eyes got big and she asked, “You slept with him?”
“No. We didn’t go that far. I told him before things got too crazy that I wasn’t going to be able to go there with him, but there was a lot of kissing and touching and oral displays of affection. He was so good to me, Monroe. I mean, aside from him being really good at all of that, the way he respected my boundaries was heartwarming. He never did anything without making sure I was ok with it first. It’s like he knew I needed that security. And now I feel like such a crappy person.”
“What? Why?” she asked, concerned.
“He wants more, Monroe. I don’t mean physically…though, I’m guessing he wants that, too. He wants to see what else there could be between us. I keep telling him I can only offer friendship. What kind of a person tells someone they can only be friends with them, but then does what I did with him?”
“You told him this before you two did anything?”
I nodded.
“Emme, you can’t feel guilty. You did what you did. I’m sure it was just as great for him as it was for you. And it seems like it was really great for you, right?”
“I want it, Monroe. What he gave me on Wednesday is something I want every day for the rest of my life.”
“And he wants to give it to you?”
“Yep.”
“So take it, Em. Take it and enjoy it for as long as he wants to give it to you. And while he’s giving it to you, I know you’ll be giving back just as good as you get. Don’t stay in this place where you seclude yourself from everything good and remain numb for the rest of your life. You deserve so much more than that.”
“I wish I could. I can’t get out of my own head, though. And then the nightmares come back and remind me why I can’t do this.”
“Emme, you need to see someone about them. Don’t let the past ruin your chances at a happy life. It breaks my heart to see you giving up.”
I stayed silent because I had nothing else to say.
“So what happened this morning?” she asked.
“We had taken a picture together at Yellowstone. I told him I’d give him a copy. I edited and printed it on Thursday morning and sent it out to him that afternoon. He got it last night when he got home after leaving here. He said it’s, and I quote, fucking beautiful. And you know what, Monroe? He’s right. It is fucking beautiful.”
I paused a moment trying to settle myself so that I didn’t start crying.
“He always asks how I’ve slept. He cares if I’ve had nightmares and I don’t know what to do with the concern he shows for me. I’ve never had that.”
“I love this guy, Emme. I understand completely where your head is at and I know you have every reason to be hesitant, but this guy is special. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for the things that Seth did. I’m not going to push you or try to make you do anything you don’t feel prepared for, but I am asking you to think about it.”
“Ok, Monroe. I’ll think about it.”
“That’s my girl. You ready for some food? I’m starved.”
“Yeah, me too.”
With that, Monroe and I made our way out the kitchen for some food and found Charley and Nikki were already there. I spent the rest of my morning and afternoon soaking up the goodness that having our foursome together again brought, even if it was only for a couple days.
A few hours later, the four of us were ready for a night out and we looked smoking hot, too. Nikki, our resident badass, was in a pair of black skinny leg, sparkly pants with a white tank, black leather motorcycle jacket, and a pair of black stilettos. She wore her hair down in big, loose curls. It was tough for her to ever style it up since she had so much of it and it was so thick and heavy. Apart from her porcelain skin and ice blue eyes her jet-black hair was, without question, her greatest physical feature. Charley had a silver sequin mini-skirt on with a black cap-sleeve top and a pair of black booties. She pulled her platinum blonde hair into a delicate chignon that sat at the nape of her neck. Monroe, with all the gloriousness that was her legs, donned a pair of gold-sequined short shorts, a white drapey tank, and a black blazer. She pulled her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head. The girl was, no doubt, a sex kitten. And then there was me. I didn’t go with sequins like my girls did, but my black, skinny leg leather pants had a bit of a shimmer to them. I wore a black tube top with a crisp white blazer. On my feet, I went with my knee-high black stiletto boots. While I didn’t have nearly as much hair as Nikki, I did have a lot of thick, long hair so I typically wore it down. Tonight, I decided to put some curls in my hair and kept it down.
I had just taken a couple pictures of the four of us when Zane, Wes, Stone, and Luke arrived. The guys came in and a there was a bit of banter between Charley and Nikki. While everyone else was preoccupied with the two of them Zane looked to me and ran his eyes up and down my body. When his eyes came back to mine, he smiled and gave me a wink. I smiled back at him. Monroe broke up the friendly exchange between the girls. Before we took off I asked everyone if I could grab a quick photo of all of us. The guys agreed and because everyone had pretty much paired up — Wes with Charley, Luke with Nikki, and Stone with Monroe — there was no choice but for me to come stand directly in front of Zane. As soon as I was standing close enough to him, Zane reached out and gripped my hip with one hand and pulled my back to his front. His other arm came around the top of my chest so that his hand was wrapped around the opposite shoulder. My hands instinctively came up to hold on to his forearm. It reminded me of the photo we took at Yellowstone on my cell phone. The timer on the camera went off and it snapped the photo. I walked over to the camera and checked out the photo to make sure it was good. Then, we all took off for the celebration at Lou’s.
The limo pulled up outside of Lou’s, we all climbed out, and made our way up the stairs to the saloon. Not long after we arrived, Elle took the stage and performed. Elle worked full-time as a singer and the locals loved her. She traveled and played gigs, but mostly, she stayed local and performed at Lou’s. Elle’s set that night lasted about an hour. We all sat around talking and enjoying each other’s company.
Charley, Nikki, Monroe, Elle, and I all made our way out to the dance floor. The guys refused to dance, but were at a table right near the dance floor so they watched us the entire time. We had been out on the dance floor
for quite some time when I felt a firm body behind me. I went solid and didn’t move.
“Relax, sweetheart. It’s just me,” I heard the gravelly voice say into my ear.
I immediately relaxed and leaned back into him. Then, I realized I was in the middle of a dance floor surrounded by all of my friends. I looked to them to see that they were all preoccupied with one of the guys. Elle had taken off at some point.
“Love these pants, Emme,” Zane said as I felt his arousal pressing into my ass.
I closed my eyes and arched my back so my ass pushed a bit more into him.
He groaned.
I turned around to look at him, but didn’t say anything.
He snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me toward him.
“Want to start the year with you in my arms, Em. Will you give me that?”
I took a moment to think and realized I had asked Zane for a lot the last two times we were alone together. The least I could do was give him this one thing.
I nodded.
The countdown to midnight began. I wrapped my arms around Zane’s neck and looked him in the eyes. His were heated as he looked down at me. As the countdown got to five Zane pulled me even closer to his body and started mouthing the numbers. When the clock struck midnight, I heard people shouting and wishing each other a ‘Happy New Year’, but I didn’t have the opportunity to really focus on any of that because Zane bent his head to mine and pressed a firm kiss to my lips. When he pulled away his eyes searched my face.
Since tradition states that it’s practically a crime to be in the presence of a hot, single guy on this holiday and not kiss him, I decided to not become a fugitive. I used my hands around his neck to pull him toward me, pushed up on my toes, and leaned in to kiss him. His mouth took mine and we kissed.
I eventually pulled away, looked him in the eyes, and said, “Happy New Year, Zane.”
“Happy New Year, Emme.”
Not long after, we all decided to call it a night and head out. On the way to the condo, Nikki, Monroe, and I all urged Charley to spend the night with Wes. Nikki and Monroe knew, as did I, that Charley hadn’t yet spent a single night at Wes’ place. She did this because she knew there was the very real possibility that I’d have a nightmare. I felt horribly guilty about it and unfortunately, without someone there for me she would never have agreed to leave me alone just to spend the night with Wes. I hated being that burden in her life.
The guys walked us in and waited while Charley packed a bag. Before leaving, each of the guys gave each of us a hug, and in some cases a kiss, and wished us a ‘Happy New Year.’ When Zane came up to me he held on to me just a bit longer and a little tighter. It was the greatest feeling. Everyone said good-bye after Wes told us what time to be at his place tomorrow.
After everyone left, Nikki and Monroe followed me to my bedroom where we all changed out of our outfits and put on sweats and t-shirts.
“Ok, babe,” Nikki began as she sat down on my bed. “You’ve got to fill us in on the details with Zane.”
I looked at her, but said nothing.
“Em, the guy has got it bad for you. And I caught the tail end of that kiss. Don’t act like there’s nothing going on.”
“I was just following through on a tradition. When it’s New Year’s Eve and the clock strikes midnight, you need to kiss somebody. He was close enough, so I gave in and kissed him.”
“Ugh, fine. Don’t share. I’ll just have to gush about Luke. But, will you at least answer one question?” she asked.
I looked to her waiting for it.
“Is he a good kisser?”
I gave both Nikki and Monroe a devilish smile and answered, “Let’s just say that it would have been a tragedy if I never experienced his mouth on mine. The man has got some skills.”
Monroe squealed with excitement as she fell to her back on my bed and said, “Oh, I so love this!” I couldn’t help but look at my girls and laugh. Boy did I miss having them around all the time.
Chapter 10
Emme
Run, Emme. Run as fast as you can. You’ve got to get away. Don’t let him catch you. Keep moving forward. One step at a time.
I keep telling myself to run. Left, right, left, right. I see the light in the distance. Please let me get past it. With each step, it gets brighter and brighter.
I’m so close now and I see something new. A figure in the shadows beyond the light. Oh no. The figure moves out of the shadows and into the light toward me. I gasp when I see Zane.
“Zane,” I call as I keep running toward him.
“Come here, Emme. Come to me and let me help you. Let me protect you, sweetheart.”
I keep running toward him as he stops and waits for me. He’s so close yet, so far away. I am nearly there when I lose my footing and go crashing to the ground.
I look up to see Zane there looking down at me. “You’ve got to come to me, Em. Get up and run, sweetheart, and I’ll never let anything hurt you again. You need to come to me.”
“I can’t, Zane. I can’t.”
“That’s right; you aren’t going anywhere, Emily,” I hear Seth’s voice say from somewhere alongside me. I feel a cold, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach simply hearing his voice. “I control you. You belong to me.”
“No. Please, no. Let me go.”
“Never, Emily,” he begins. Then he kicks me in my side. “Never.”
I do my best to curl up into a ball to shield myself, but he continues to kick me.
“Get up, Emme. You’ve got to get up,” I hear Zane say. “Sweetheart, come to me so I can keep you safe.”
Seth bends down and rolls me over so I’m on my back. He grabs the neckline of my shirt at my chest and lifts me ever so slightly off the pavement and punches me in the face. My head jerks to the side and he throws me back down to the ground.
He leans down and whispers in my ear, “You aren’t going anywhere. You belong to me forever. And if you keep running or try to get away I’ll kill him.”
Then, he pulls out a gun.
“No!” I scream as I find the strength to sit up.
“Oh my God, Emme. It’s ok. It was a nightmare. You’re safe,” I hear Nikki’s voice filter into my head as her arms wrap around me.
Nikki’s here. She’s here. I’m here. Seth is not.
I hear the door to my bedroom open, but I don’t look. I’m too scared, too worried. Is he coming for me?
“What happened?” Monroe asked.
“She had a nightmare. I tried to wake her and she wouldn’t.”
I feel the wetness sliding down my cheeks. “Zane,” I whisper.
“You want him here, Em?” Monroe asked as she sat in front of me on the bed.
“Oh my God, Zane.”
“Call him,” Monroe said to Nikki.
I shake my head.
“No, no, no. Please. I don’t want him to know what happened. And, it’s not safe; he’s not safe,” I answer, panic filling my voice.
“It’s ok, Em. He doesn’t have to know, but if you need him we’ll get him here.”
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I completely broke down and cried. I just kept crying.
“Where’s your phone, Em?” Nikki asked. “I’m calling him. You kept saying his name while I tried to wake you.”
I looked at Nikki, scared out of my mind.
“It’s going to be ok, Emme. You don’t have to tell him anything, but you want his comfort right now,” Monroe said as she grabbed my phone off the nightstand and handed it to Nikki.
Nikki handed me my phone so that I could unlock it. I scrolled to his name and handed the phone back to her. She looked down at the display seeing his name and chuckled. I didn’t care in that moment that she knew.
“No. Sorry, Zane. It’s Nikki,” she said, pausing a moment. “It’s Emme. She just woke from a horrible nightmare and she is in a bad state. She’s called for you several times. Is there any way…” she said before she stopped.
“Right
. Thank you. We’ll see you soon.”
I looked to her.
“He’s coming. He said he’d be here in ten minutes.”
“Please don’t tell him,” I begged.
“Don’t worry, Emme. We won’t say anything.”
My body ached. It hurt so bad. The tears continued to fall. Nikki and Monroe sat with me and kept their arms around me as I cried. We heard the doorbell ring and that’s when Monroe got up to go let Zane in.
Not even a minute later, I felt him walk into the room, but I didn’t look at him. The tears were still streaming down my face.
“Jesus Christ,” he mumbled. In the next instant I felt him standing right by my side.
“We’re sorry to call you so early Zane, but…” Nikki said before Zane cut her off.
“Don’t apologize. Would have been pissed if you hadn’t called. If she ever needs me, you call. Doesn’t matter what time it is, I’ll be here.”
Nikki’s face came level with mine. She was blurry since my eyes were filled with tears.
“We’ll give you two some time, babe. You need us you just yell, got me?”
I nodded and then barely rasped out, “Please don’t tell Charley. She’s going to worry.”
“You’ve got it, babe.”
A few seconds later I heard the door shut.
Zane rustled around a few minutes as I sat there staring straight ahead, my eyes filled with tears. I was so afraid for him.
The next thing I knew Zane was in the bed next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap. That’s when I lost it. I fisted his shirt in my hands and buried my face in his throat. I cried. I cried for him. I cried for me. I cried for everything that I wished I could have, but never would. I cried until there were no more tears left. Zane held me and comforted me without a word through it all.
The crying eventually ceased. We sat in silence a while before Zane asked, “It’s ok if the answer is no, Emme, but do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“Ok.”
“Zane?” I called.
“Yeah, Em?”
“Thank you for coming.”
“Like I told your girls, Emme, if you ever need me you just need to call me and I’ll be here.”
