Everything I Have (The Everything Series Book 2)

by A. K. Evans

By the end of the day, I felt much more confident in covering the X Games event for Blackman Boards. Zane took me home afterward, though, not because he wanted me there. He asked me to stay with him again, but I didn’t think it was a good idea to keep torturing myself or him so I asked him to take my home. He begrudgingly agreed to my wishes. After walking me to my door, Zane hugged me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I fought the urge to ask him to stay, thanked him for the day, and wished him a good night.

  I locked up and made my way to my bedroom. After taking a shower and doing my nighttime routine, I climbed into bed. It was then I realized that no matter how many blankets I put on my bed, I’d never be as warm as I felt when I was lying next to Zane.

  Chapter 12

  Emme

  It was now the night before we were leaving for Aspen. Charley told me that Wes was having a car pick us up tomorrow morning to take us to the airport. I was currently in my bedroom packing for the trip running through the craziness of the last couple of weeks in my head.

  Later in the week following my Saturday photo session with Zane on the mountain, Charley texted me as I was just about to head home from a photo shoot telling me that she was on her way to the hospital and might not be home until late. I immediately started panicking, wondering what happened, but she quickly sent a follow up text telling me that one of her former co-workers, Greg, from the diner had been in a bad car accident. I told her I was going to stop by the condo to change quickly and drop off my equipment since it was on the way to the hospital and that I’d be right over.

  No sooner did I get inside the house and set my equipment down when I heard a knock at the door. I walked over, looked out the peep hole, and saw Wes standing there. When I opened the door, he asked if Charley was around. I found it odd, but I told him she was at the hospital. A look of panic and fear washed over him and I quickly tried to ease that by telling him what happened. He thanked me and took off to hospital.

  I quickly changed and made my way to the hospital. I walked in just minutes before the doctor came out to update everyone on Greg’s status. He had experienced trauma over his entire body, but the swelling in his brain was of the greatest concern. I was devastated for Charley. From the moment I arrived, I could see the anguish and worry in her features. When Greg’s boyfriend, Tony, asked to go in to see him Greg’s mother refused to let him. She didn’t approve of their relationship and I knew the second I saw Charley realizing what was happening that she was going to lose it. She started speaking to Greg’s parents and explained what she had been through with her parents being killed by a drunk driver and then not even a year ago her brother died. She wanted them to realize how bad of a decision they were making in not accepting their son’s relationship; that things were strained between them now, but they were all still alive and should cherish that. My heart broke listening to her because of the guilt I felt over Taj’s death. After her outburst, Charley had Wes take her home — she was in no position to drive. I told her I’d wait to see if anything changed with Greg and update her with any news.

  Not long after she left, Zane called me. He had been doing that over the last few days after he finished training. We’d talk for a bit every night, but I’d try not to keep him, knowing he needed to recover from the workout and rest for the next day’s training session. I picked up the phone after the second ring.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hi, Em. How was your shoot today?”

  “It went well, thanks. How was training?” I asked.

  “Brutal, but good. What are you up to tonight?”

  “I’m actually at the hospital right now.”

  “What the fuck? Why? Are you ok?”

  “Yes, I’m ok. Charley’s friend, Greg, was in a bad car accident. He’s currently in a medically induced coma and the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours are supposed to be the most critical. Charley’s really torn up over it. She had a bit of a breakdown and Wes just took her home. She drove herself here, but was in no position to drive home.”

  “Rising Sun Medical Center?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Did she leave you her keys?” he asked.

  “No, but I have a spare. Why?”

  “I’ll have one of the guys pick me up and drop me off there to meet you. I’ll bring her car back to the condo for you.”

  “Oh, Zane. That’s not necessary. We can leave it here tonight and I’ll bring her over tomorrow to get it. You’ve got to rest for tomorrow.”

  “Appreciate the concern, Emme. I’m coming anyway. See you in a few.”

  He disconnected the call, and sure enough, he walked in the door a few minutes later. Seeing him for the first time in several days was like seeing him for the first time ever. It’s like I somehow forgot how beautiful he was. But even more than that, when he walked into the room I felt peace settle in me. All of the stress and anxiety I feel fades away and his warmth surrounds me whenever he’s close. It’s an incredible feeling. He smiled at me as he approached.

  “Thanks for coming, Zane. You really didn’t have to do this.”

  “It’s not a problem, Em. Besides, it’s a good excuse to see you,” he said as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I hated to admit to myself that I really wanted to kiss him on the lips.

  I smiled up at him, said good-bye to the rest of Greg’s friends, and took off with him. He followed me home and walked me to the door. Since he had gone out of his way I felt it was only fair to offer something in return.

  “I have some leftovers in the fridge if you’d like to come in for some food. I’m guessing you haven’t eaten yet.”

  “Fucking starved and you’re offering your food; I’m going to take you up on it.”

  I told him to help himself to anything he wanted in the fridge while I went down the hall to check on Charley. My dear friend was an emotional basket case and I hated seeing her that way. I was happy she had Wes by her side to pick her up and help her through the pain I knew she was feeling. He excused himself to give us the opportunity to talk. Our talk was a bit emotional for me, but I sucked it up for her. Making sure she was ok was more important to me than anything else.

  We rejoined the guys in the kitchen afterward and Zane said he needed to get going so he could get some sleep in. Apparently, Wes offered Zane his truck so that I wouldn’t need to go back out that night. I was a bit bummed considering I wanted a bit more time with him. I walked him to the door, thanked him again, and said goodnight. He gave me a hug with his usual kiss to the top of my head and told me he’d talk to me the next day.

  Two days later, I had an engagement session scheduled. I spent the better part of my day traveling to the location, shooting the session, and traveling back home. Knowing I’d be leaving within roughly a week after the engagement session I took the time over the next couple of days to edit the entire session so that my clients would have their photos before I left. I knew that I’d likely have a ton of shots to go through once I got back from the X Games and I’d want to focus my attention on that completely. I didn’t want anything else looming over my head.

  The last thought that ran through my head as I finished my packing was Zane. Unfortunately, except for the night he came to the hospital to bring Charley’s Jeep back, I hadn’t seen Zane. We communicated with each other nearly every night. Sometimes he’d call to talk to me, other nights I’d send him a quick text to check in and see how training was going. Sadly, I found myself growing more and more needy for those scraps of communication. I missed him terribly, but I tried not to let it show. I was relatively certain that if he knew I was feeling that way he would have hopped in his truck and hauled ass to my place. I didn’t want to distract him from his training, so I kept quiet on this. But now, I was so ready to see him.

  With my bags finally packed and my mind focused on Zane I picked up my phone, found his name, and tapped on the screen. One ring and he answered.

  “Emme,” he said.

  “Hi Zane,” I began. “I ju
st finished packing and wanted to see how your day went today.”

  “It went well today. I left a little early so I could get home and pack up. I’m nearly finished. What about you? Are you ready for the event?”

  “I definitely have some nerves about covering the event. I wish I could have seen the place ahead of time.”

  “I’m sure you’re going to a phenomenal job, Em, but I’ll get you over to the mountain before the actual event so you can check it out.”

  “That would be awesome, Zane. Thank you.”

  “I’m looking for more excuses,” he said in response.

  “Excuses for what?” I asked.

  “It’s been a long couple of weeks. I’ve seen you twice since I started training. I’m looking for excuses to spend some time with you.”

  Hearing that made my heart swell. It was nice to know the feeling was mutual.

  “Oh,” I whispered.

  “Miss you, Emme.”

  “Well, we’ve got to get through one more night. I’m excited for tomorrow.”

  “Me, too.”

  “I should probably get to bed now and let you finish packing.”

  “Sleep well, sweetheart.”

  “Good night, Zane,” I said. And then, before he could hang up I yelled, “Wait, Zane!”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I just wanted to tell you that…I miss you, too.”

  Zane let out an audible sigh.

  “Thanks, Em.”

  “For what?” I asked.

  “Felt good to hear that.”

  I smiled, realizing that making him feel good filled me with such a sense of pride.

  “See you tomorrow morning,” I said.

  “Can’t wait.”

  I disconnected the call and plugged my phone into the charger on my nightstand. After, I climbed under the blanket, replayed my conversation with Zane, and fell asleep smiling.

  The next morning, I experienced a bit of a surreal life experience. I was picked up in the morning by a limo that took me to the airport so I could board a private jet that would take me to Aspen where I’d be staying in a vacation house for about a week while I worked the X Games doing photography. Considering the harsh reality of my crappy life for roughly the past five years this was certainly a welcome change of scenery.

  I was with Charley and she was ecstatic. I figured it was best to roll with it all for the sake of her happiness. Besides, if I could experience a bit of luxury for a few days after everything I’d been through, there couldn’t be any harm in that, right?

  After a standoff on the tarmac between Wes and Charley over the number of bags we brought, which she cleverly brought to a halt by telling him in front of the rest of the guys about her bag of panties, bras, and other sexy items, the guys took our bags and we all boarded the jet.

  It should be noted that at this point I was fighting every urge in me to not jump Zane. From the moment we pulled up in the limo and saw him standing outside the jet talking to Luke, Wes, and Stone and when he asked me if I packed similarly to Charley to the moment I sat down in a seat in the jet and he sat right next to me, I was struggling to appear unaffected by his presence. The truth was that seeing his face, inhaling his scent, and hearing his voice had all my senses firing.

  After landing in Aspen and arriving at the house Wes rented for the week, Charley and I offered to take a trip to the grocery store to stock the place for our stay. Getting out of the house and away from Zane did little to ease the buzz I was feeling being around him. Following our trip to the store, Charley and I made dinner for the whole group. Zane sat next to me at dinner and even though he wasn’t the only one at the table who moaned after taking bites of his food, his moans were the only ones I heard. This heightened my feelings being near Zane and I was certain I would explode if I didn’t get a handle on this.

  Everyone wanted to make it an early night since tomorrow was going to be a long day. Bed. That’s what I needed; some alone time in a bed.

  As everyone dispersed, Zane came up next to me and said, “I’ll show you to your room.”

  I nodded and followed alongside him up the steps to the second floor. When we stopped in front of one of the doors, Zane turned the knob and pushed the door open. I walked through and into the room, not paying attention to any of my surroundings. I turned around immediately to face Zane who had also stepped just inside the room but kept the door slightly cracked. I couldn’t control it anymore and I launched myself into him, threw my arms around his neck, and pressed my lips to his. He took a step back to steady himself as he wrapped his arms around me to catch me and his back fell against the door, closing it. The kiss started frenzied. I couldn’t get enough. I wasn’t close enough. I couldn’t taste enough. My hands moved to either side of his neck just under his jaw, ready to pull him back to me if he tried to pull away. Despite the fact that my body was already pressed up against his, my feet took steps toward him in an effort to get closer. My hands moved down and rested at Zane’s chest, my fingertips digging in. He groaned, pulled his mouth from mine, and rested his forehead against mine.

  “Fuck, Em, you are so damn sexy. Wasn’t expecting that and I’ve got to admit, it was one of the best surprises I’ve ever had. Don’t know what changed your mind and not sure now that it matters anyway. I feel like I’ve been waiting a fucking eternity for you to come to me.”

  Come to me.

  His words from my nightmare snap me right back to reality. And that was all it took. My blood went cold. I pushed back off his chest and took two steps back. My hand went to cover my mouth as my eyes welled with tears and I looked anywhere but at him.

  “Oh my God,” I said.

  Zane took two steps toward me. I took two more steps back. I looked up at him as the tears spilled down my cheeks. The look of concern and pure torture on his face was heartbreaking.

  I dropped my hand from my mouth and said, “I’m sorry, Zane. I’m so sorry.”

  “Emme,” he began. “What just happened? Why are you apologizing?”

  I couldn’t control what happened next. My body was wracked by sobs and I fell to my knees. Zane was immediately crouched in front of me and his arms wrapped around my body. If I cared about him at all I wouldn’t have done what I did. I wouldn’t have made him think things had changed for me. I wouldn’t have gone to him. And I wouldn’t be here now with him trying to comfort me when I was the one who was going to hurt him.

  “Jesus Christ. What happened?”

  I tried to pull myself together. I took a few deep breaths trying, but failing to regain some control. “I’m such a selfish bitch,” I said.

  “Don’t fucking say that, Em. What are you talking about?”

  “All day, Zane. All day I’ve been fighting the urge to do what I just did to you. It took everything I have to not do that hours ago. I haven’t seen you in so long. And seeing your beautiful face today, having you near me, and hearing your voice, well, it all just sent me over the edge. The minute you stepped inside this room with me and nobody else around, I lost control.”

  “Sweetheart, it’s really ok. If you don’t think I enjoyed that…” he said before I cut him off.

  “That’s just it. I know you enjoyed it. I did, too. A lot. But, I can’t do this to you. It’s not fair. You thought I had a change of heart, Zane. I didn’t. I just couldn’t handle what I had been feeling all day seeing you for the first time in what felt like forever. I threw myself at you without a second thought of the impression you’d get from it. It was wrong and selfish of me. I’m sorry,” I said as I looked away from him.

  As he always does when I divert my eyes from his, Zane gently placed two fingers at my jaw and turned my head, urging me to look at him. When I brought my watery eyes to his he said, “Never apologize for kissing me, Emme. Ever. And never fucking call yourself a selfish bitch again. If you didn’t give a shit, you wouldn’t have just crumbled to your knees in a fit of tears which, just sayin’, is like a kick to the gut to watch. You�
��re feeling guilty about something that you shouldn’t be. I’m disappointed things haven’t changed for you but, disappointed or not, I don’t want to see you reduced to this.”

  Fuck. He was such a good guy.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Zane moved to get up off the floor. “Come on,” he began. “Let’s get you off the floor.” He then helped me up and took my hand as he walked through to the bathroom. As soon as we walked into the bathroom, he turned toward me, put his hands under my arms, and hoisted me onto the counter top. I sat there watching him as he turned on the sink and found a washcloth. After testing the water temperature, Zane put the cloth under it, rang it out, and turned off the water. He stood in front of me and put the warm cloth to my face, wiping away what I’m sure was a mess of mascara and dried tears on my cheeks. His touch was so gentle and comforting (something I never had) and after what I had just done to him it had me on the verge of another round of tears. Zane sensed where my head was at and spoke softly, “Shhh. It’s ok, sweetheart. Don’t beat yourself up about this.”

  “I feel horrible. I shouldn’t have done it.”

  He tilted his head and gave me a small smile. “Was I really that bad?”

  I laughed.

  “Thanks for that,” I said, taking a moment to appreciate his kind heart and his attempt to make light of the situation. “You don’t have to worry; your skills are top notch.”

  He smiled back at me a moment and said, “Good to know.” Then, his face turned serious and he continued, “Worried about you, Em.”

  “I appreciate it, Zane. I’ll be ok, though.” We stayed there looking in each other’s eyes for a bit before I announced, “You probably need to get some rest before tomorrow.”

  “Are you kicking me out?” he asked, incredulously.

  “No. It’s just that you’ve been working hard for the last few weeks and I don’t want to distract you from your goal with my…stuff.”

  “Winning a snowboarding contest is great, Em, especially the X Games. But, sweetheart, I’d give that up in a heartbeat if it meant I could take away your pain.”