JEGUDIEL: A Deadly Virtues Novel

by Cole, Tillie

  “Not happening,” Noa said, though she felt the pull inside her chest, as though a rope had been tied around her heart and it was trying to drag her toward the bright light of her birthright, to the chants and incantations, to the arms in the air and eyes closed. To the circling of the fire, and the celebration of a new moon phase.

  “You don’t believe in that anymore? Wicca?” Maria asked her, gently. There was a hint of encouragement to open up in her soft tone.

  Noa looked at the quiet woman wrapped safely in Raphael’s arms. Her heart beat fast at the innocently asked question. Diel edged closer to her, as though he could feel her internal fragility when it came to matters of her belief system. Just as Diel had locked away his memories to save him from being ruined and crushed, Noa had buried that she was a witch. She’d locked away the freedom that came with embracing the elements, Mother Earth herself.

  “I—” Noa stopped, a rush of emotion taking hold of her senses as that lock rattled and tried to come loose.

  “You can tell us,” Maria said, in such a kind and soothing manner that Noa felt she would spill the very depths of her soul to the quiet nun if given half a chance. “This is a safe space for you.”

  Diel released Noa’s hand and placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his warm body. The simple act of affection, of support, made her already frayed nerves unravel further into loose threads flailing desperately in the wind. But she looked at Maria, then Gabriel, who smiled at her in a way that made those frayed nerves find anchor a little.

  “I haven’t been that person for a very long time,” Noa whispered, then shrugged. “Auguste and his men killed my entire family at one of our most sacred ceremonies. Because they were conducting a Wiccan ceremony. Because they dared believe something different.” Noa huffed a sardonic laugh. “Or should I say practiced something that even predated their faith.” Noa’s gaze grew unfocused on the table before her. “Nature worship has been around since the beginning of time. Paganism, for example. Women were respected, held high positions. But the likes of the Brethren stripped women of their power in favor of religions that kept them in place, kept them so meek and subdued that they would never dare rise as something else, never dare to believe religions of old once more.” Anger shimmered around Noa’s aura. When she met her sisters’ eyes, they reflected the truth of those words back at her. Her sisters were from alternative-faith backgrounds too, and persecuted for being so. “We all had to hide who we are,” Noa said, gesturing to her sisters, “just to survive. To not be hurt again.”

  “That would never happen on these grounds,” Gabriel said, and the table’s ambience shifted, the tension that the Coven’s tragic past had brought to the air giving way to a feeling of acceptance, of liberation. Gabriel gestured at his brothers, Noa’s sisters. “We all believe different things,” Gabriel said. “As it should be. It’s what makes the world so interesting. No one religion should be valued above another. In this house, on these grounds, you are free to be whoever you are, no judgment.”

  As Noa took in Gabriel’s calm demeanor, she could almost hear the distant sound of rhythmic drums playing in the distance, luring her closer—trying to welcome her back. She could practically smell lavender and sage permeating the air and sinking into the very fibers of her soul. If she focused hard enough, she believed she could feel the wind whipping through her hair, the earth beneath her bare feet grounding her spirit, reviving her tired bones.

  Noa shifted on her seat when she felt every pair of eyes on her. Then Dinah diverted the spotlight away from Noa by saying, “You’d look good in all white and a crown of flowers on your head, Bara.” Dinah smiled. “I’d enjoy seeing you dancing around a fire too.”

  “Anyone would enjoy that,” Bara said dryly, but then his green eyes drifted to Naomi. Noa wasn’t even sure he knew he was doing it—kept doing it whenever he was in her presence. Noa’s mute sister lowered her head, her cheeks blazing. Bara’s lip twitched at Naomi’s reaction; his pupils flared with … Noa wasn’t exactly sure what. Bara was impossible to decipher.

  But Dinah shook her head at him, silently telling him to avert his attentions, and the conversation swerved to safer topics. Diel pulled Noa closer and guided her to look at him. “You okay?” he said, eyebrows drawn down. Panic fluttered in Noa’s chest, panic that he could read what was truly on her mind. But she nodded, dismissing his concern. He couldn’t know anything. She didn’t want him to suspect a single thing.

  The sound of Dinah laughing out loud made Noa turn her head. Noa had missed whatever joke had amused her sister, but her heart melted at seeing Dinah so comfortable. So calm … so at home. Like she had found her people. When Noa looked at Beth, she was smiling too. Candace and Jo were laughing under their breaths. Even Naomi wore an amused, timid smirk.

  Noa scanned her eyes over the Fallen. She watched, detached from the conversations, as Uriel and Raphael told stories of their first years of freedom, Bara throwing in his dry and cutting quips whenever he felt attention had left him too long. She watched Sela listening quietly from his seat on the other side of Diel, lip hooked up in subtle amusement. Michael never uttered a word, as always, but clutched a vial of blood in his hand, eyes on the tabletop. Then there was Maria and Gabriel. Laughing, and, although total opposites to the rest of the Fallen, essential cogs in their strange family’s wheel.

  Noa’s thoughts were scattered leaves in the wind, and they drifted to Father Auguste. They flew to the Witch Finders as a whole, and then to the meeting the Coven and Fallen had attacked. How badly that could have gone if they had not been aided, she suspected, by Priscilla. They would not have been where they sat now, enjoying one another’s company. They would have been screaming in pain, forced once again into the secret sect’s cloying darkness, into the sheer nothingness a human became under the hand of the Brethren.

  Noa’s gut clenched in way she had only ever felt once before—the night she had watched her family be murdered by the Brethren. When her grandmother had been burned at the stake and Noa had been made to watch, a young child being taught that being different meant persecution from those who believed their way of life was the only one.

  Auguste wouldn’t hesitate in doing that again. Worse, if he truly got hold of the Fallen, and her sisters … What he would put them through would be unbearable. And Noa couldn’t see that. She couldn’t see these people, these people she knew she loved, brought down in such barbaric ways.

  Noa sat straighter in her seat when a sense of knowing swept through her. Noa was stealth itself. She had trained for years to be a force unseen, to walk into people’s homes and steal whatever she needed right from under their noses.

  And she was unrivaled at what she did.

  Right now, it would be her greatest asset.

  Diel chuckled beside her, his deep baritone echoing in his chest. Noa stared at his face. It was love, so deep and pure. That’s what he had given her.

  And in return, Noa wanted to give him his sister back. But she didn’t want any of her family—the Fallen included—being hurt in the process. She wasn’t sure she could bear it if more people she loved were lost.

  As if Diel sensed her inner turmoil, he looked at her and frowned.

  “I’m tired,” Noa said, before he could ask her what was wrong again.

  “It’s late.” Gabriel got to his feet. He looked at his brothers. “I expect every one of you at the new children’s home early tomorrow morning to help.” Gabriel smirked, and Noa was taken aback at the rare playfulness in the priest’s face. “Lord knows we all have an eternity of penance to pay. We shall start with this.”

  Bara rolled his eyes at Gabriel’s preaching, but held up his wine glass in response. Diel took Noa’s hand and guided her to her feet. Dinah flicked her chin up at her. “We’ll meet in the morning to go through the scouting locations. Okay?”

  “Sounds good,” Noa replied, then let Diel lead her up the stairs and into his rooms. Their pace was unhurried, and with every step, N
oa felt his presence, a peaceful, calming force. She felt his fingers wrapped around hers, tightly, like he never wanted to let her go.

  Noa swallowed back the lump that was rising in her throat. She didn’t want to let go either, and if she did everything correctly, she wouldn’t. But Noa wasn’t naïve. She knew what she was walking into. And she knew that there was a possibility she wouldn’t be walking away.

  Her heart skipped a beat at the notion. But when Diel released her hand to shut the door behind them, Noa turned and watched his tall, broad body. She flicked her eyes over the deep scar around his neck. And she recalled him lying on the bed, talking aloud through his regression. She recalled the hitch in his voice whenever he had mentioned Cara. She recalled the devastation on his face when he had awoken and remembered Cara existed. And that she was in his enemy’s camp.

  Diel had a sister. And the world wouldn’t be right until they were reunited.

  Heart thundering and soul fracturing, Noa planted her feet firmly in place and, without breaking eye contact with Diel, pulled her oversized black sweater over her head, discarding it on the floor. He watched every move she made. His eyes dilated, all pupil, and a flush rushed to his face. His breathing came faster as Noa pulled down her leather leggings and underwear, then slipped off her boots, until she was completely bare before him.

  Diel’s hands formed fists at his sides as she moved to where he stood statue-still. Noa’s blood sang with love as she lifted up his shirt and dropped it to the floor. Her soul tremored with contentment as she ran her hand down his solid chest and over the Fallen brand, the rough ridges like silk under her palm.

  And her heart played a soft symphony as she unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down to his ankles. She dropped to her knees slowly, kissing the exposed skin of his legs. She brushed her lips over his hips, licking a path from the top of his groin to his muscled V. His breathing stuttered, and he slid his hands into her hair.

  Noa looked up and found Diel’s blazing stare capturing hers. There wasn’t a part of him she didn’t adore. There wasn’t one inch of him that didn’t draw her in, a magnet perfectly attuned to her soul. She wrapped her hand around his length and brought him to her mouth. Diel groaned aloud, his inner monster shining through.

  Noa swirled her tongue around the tip, tasting him. The fire had been lit earlier that night, and the heat from the roaring flames kissed at the bare skin of her back as her head moved forward and back in a rhythmic motion.

  Diel’s hands tightened in Noa’s hair as her pace increased. Then he pulled her off him and picked her up by her arms as though she weighed nothing at all. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lowered her to the bed, his sapphire gaze momentarily catching hers.

  Diel swallowed, and Noa’s heart melted behind the demolished walls that had once existed between them. No barriers, not a single brick kept the other at bay. Then his mouth was on her skin, kissing, worshipping her from her neck down to her breasts. Her eyes fluttered shut as his tongue flicked over her nipple, powerful volts electrifying her body from that simple, erotic touch.

  Noa rested her hands on his head, pulling him closer to her breast, only for Diel to move down to her stomach. He kissed the edges of the pentagram brand, then dipped between her legs.

  The first swipe of his tongue over her pussy made her back arch and a long cry soar from her throat. She clutched at his head, fingers tangling in his messy ebony hair. His pace was slow at first, soft and gentle and screaming at her how much he adored her. Then he gradually picked up speed, need growing between them until it was more than Noa could stand.

  She pushed everything from her mind but the here and now. She grounded herself, feeling the soft cotton sheet at her back, the thick mattress like a cloud underneath. She focused on Diel’s breathing, on her breath crashing in waves with every swipe of his tongue. And she focused on the sensation of Diel between her legs, on the utmost trust she had in him. The love she harbored for him filled her heart so full that she feared its very walls would break.

  Then she did break. On a loud cry, smothered by the sound of the whipping wind outside, Noa’s release rushed through her, eradicating anything but the feeling of pleasure, filling her senses with only Diel.

  Her skin blazed, set alight by his touch. But like walking through flames, Diel shifted above her, bringing one of her legs over his shoulder and slipping inside her in one fluid motion. This time, Noa’s reaction wasn’t loud or uncontrolled; it was a mere hitch of breath as he filled her, as his face moved above hers. He leaned down and kissed her. He thrust inside at a maddening slow pace, his eyes never leaving hers.

  Noa felt her eyes washing with tears, the room around them fading into oblivion. Her hands roamed over Diel’s skin, over every thick, toned muscle, over his wash of scars, up to his stubbled cheeks. And yet he didn’t stop kissing her. He kissed her as though it would be the last time his lips would ever touch hers. The final time he would move inside her, making them whole.

  A stray tear escaped the corner of her eye; she felt it run into her hair, the evidence of her fears rushing away so that Diel wouldn’t see. His thrusts became harder, but all the time he kissed her, as if he didn’t have the words to convey how much she meant to him, so he was pledging his undying love for her with touch.

  Diel worshipped her with his body. He told her that he adored her, that he treasured her above all else. And he told her that she had saved him, just like he had saved her.

  Then he took them higher, to the farthest point of the precipice, until they shattered apart in one another’s arms, trembling, sweaty and fevered. Until a blazing light wrapped around them and cocooned them in their own heaven. The Brethren had repeatedly told Noa that she would never enter the pearly gates of paradise. Her heathen, heretical soul was beyond redemption. But safe in Diel’s arms, Noa believed she had achieved it nevertheless. This was rapture. This was the utter bliss that came with salvation of the soul.

  Noa and Diel, in that moment, were all they could ever want.

  Diel’s labored breathing slowed. Noa ran her hands up and down his back, just feeling.

  He raised his face above hers. But they didn’t speak. The lovemaking had said everything they needed to say, expressed their love and devotion. Noa pushed back a lock of Diel’s midnight hair, and he lowered his head to her chest, still buried deep inside of her.

  Tomorrow, she would right things for the man she loved. But right now, she would hold him in her arms and savor this time.

  Chapter 25

  Noa tightened the knife belt around her waist and looked up. She stared at herself in the mirror and took a deep, calming breath.

  She closed her eyes and thought back to that morning. Sela had knocked on Diel’s door for him to go help Gabriel at the children’s new home. She thought back to the kiss Diel had given her, long and deep. It had left her breathless. She thought of his hand in hers as he reluctantly moved to the door, the tips of their fingers holding on tight as they refused to let go. And she thought of his smile as he told her he would see her later.

  Noa opened her eyes at the sound of her sisters moving in the kitchen downstairs. After Diel had left, she had returned to the housekeeper’s residence that was now the Coven’s home. They had been planning all day, the daylight hours now fading. She had agreed with Dinah to scout out an outpost they knew the Witch Finders used, about thirty miles away.

  But it was all lies. Noa was going nowhere near that location. And nobody would know until she returned, the Shunned’s ledger in hand.

  Noa inhaled, then joined her sisters in the kitchen. They would operate as always. Dinah and Noa scouted alone. Jo and Candace would go together, as would Naomi and Beth.

  Dinah cleared her throat. The Coven faced her. “Remember, you go unseen. Do not engage with them. There’ll be no confrontations.” Dinah’s dark eyes were hard as she reinforced that rule. Noa’s stomach flipped. “No going inside the buildings. We’re looking for numbers. The comings and goings. And
most of all, signs of Auguste and his men. We know the ledger only goes with him.”

  Noa’s sisters nodded at Dinah. Dinah nodded back sharply. “We’ll meet back here later tonight and share what we find. We’ll plan from there.”

  There was a flurry of motion as the Coven made their way to the awaiting cars and vans. Noa slipped into her van, shut the door and let the silence calm her nerves. She rarely got nervous. But since Diel … She sighed. Now she had something bigger to lose.

  So, she focused on the wind outside like her grandmother had taught her to do. She focused on the elements and let them calm her spirit. Her heart rate slowed to a steady beat. She believed one hundred percent in what she was about to do.

  She wouldn’t see any of her family hurt if she could help it.

  Noa opened her eyes, hands on the steering wheel, then suddenly, the passenger door to the van opened and Beth climbed in.

  “The cook has cut open her hand. Gabriel just called and asked if Naomi could stay behind and help.” Beth shut the door. “Dinah said to ride with you as your location is bigger than hers. Two sets of eyes would be better than one.”

  Noa’s heart fell, and a surge of panic swept through her veins. She shook her head. “Go with Dinah, Beth.” Beth frowned at Noa’s curtness. “I’m better scouting alone.”

  Beth reared back as though she had been struck. Guilt assaulted Noa, but Beth couldn’t be there. Noa sighed. “Just … go with Dinah.” As the words left Noa’s mouth, she saw that Dinah’s car had already left, as had Candace and Jo’s. Noa hadn’t even noticed they had gone, too caught up in what she secretly planned to do.

  “I’m just as capable at scouting as you,” Beth said, hurt lacing her quiet voice. Beth stared out of the front window, and Noa felt like shit. Beth opened the van door to get out.

  “Beth, wait,” Noa said, instantly berating herself. Beth was always crippled with self-doubt, her horrific past trauma affecting her profoundly. She was arguably the most fucked up of them all. Most days Beth functioned well, which hid that harsh truth from everyone else.