by Zoe York
“True.” The T-Rex’s face contorted in her hand and slowly morphed back into shape as she released it. “Why did you become a teacher, anyway?”
“I felt like I could do a better job than some of the teachers I had growing up.” He grinned. “It sounds cocky, but I knew that I could connect with people better than they did. And that’s what teaching is all about.”
“And you knew that when you were still in school?” She put the T-Rex back on the desk.
“I’ve always had a clear direction in life.” His expression darkened and he looked away, fingers curled around the edge of the desk. “It doesn’t always work out, but the teaching part paid off.”
“That’s life, isn’t it? Nothing ever turns out according to plan.”
Quiet enveloped them and a confession danced on Shelby’s tongue. For some reason, today had drawn her impossibly closer to Nate. The connection they’d forged as friends in high school—before they’d kissed—was starting to renew. A gentle, fragile bond that could be snapped by the merest of breezes…but a bond nonetheless.
“I thought modelling would change everything for me,” she said.
He looked up. “How so?”
“I thought it would make all my confidence issues go away. Someone had decided I was beautiful enough to be in a magazine…that should mean something, shouldn’t it?”
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Nope.”
“Well, you’re smarter than me. I thought I’d be able to look in the mirror and be happy. I am now…most days. But that took a lot of work and it had nothing to do with my job.”
He leaned his cheek against the side of her head. “External reinforcement is fickle like that.”
“I thought it was the best job in the world. I got to wear beautiful clothes and be photographed with beautiful men.” The naiveté made her grimace. How had she ever been so green? It was a miracle the industry hadn’t chewed her up and spat her out. “They sent me around the world because of how I looked.”
“But it didn’t make you happy.”
“I wasn’t fulfilled. I felt like something was missing until I attended a school career day two years ago. Then I figured out how to fill that gap.” The memory warmed her chest, filling her heart with certainty. “I spoke to the students about loving yourself and, for the first time ever, I knew that I was doing something good for the world. I wasn’t selling clothes designed to hide the bad bits of a bigger woman’s body. I wasn’t a vessel for someone else’s message. I had my own message.”
Nate watched her, awe etched into his features. She had to resist reaching out to touch the whiskers on his jaw or the full edges of his lips. God, she wanted to kiss him again.
But she couldn’t. Not yet.
“It made me realise that I could help people feel better about themselves in the right way…in a way that has nothing to do with how they look,” she added.
“And what are you doing about that now?”
She sucked on her lower lip. A while ago she’d developed a website devoted to body confidence and helping young men and women reach their potential. But she’d done it anonymously. Fear of ridicule plagued still her. The past still nipped at her heels. But modelling wasn’t satisfying her anymore, the politics and the games and the constant comments about her appearance were exhausting.
She’d had enough.
Was it so crazy to want a life where all she had to worry about was what happened on the inside?
“I’m working on something,” she said cryptically.
“But you haven’t made the leap to quit modelling yet?”
“Not yet, but I’ve cut back…a lot. I want more time to spend with Dad and my aunt. I want more time in Australia. It’s hard being on the other side of the world.”
Alone. It was also hard being alone.
“And to give presentations at little out-of-the-way retirement homes.” He nudged her with his elbow.
“Yeah. Maybe that, too.”
The thought danced around in her head. If she could spend less time traveling and shooting, she’d be able to spend more time visiting her dad. He’d be happy…and so would she.
Maybe she could see Nate on those trips, too?
“What do you think, is this place still scary?” He swept his hand out in front of him, gesturing at the room.
“Less than I thought it would be,” she admitted.
“It’s bricks and mortar. A building can’t hurt you.” He turned, catching her chin with his hand and tilting her face to his. “The memories can’t hurt you.”
As his lips landed on hers, opening her up and melting her all at the same time, she wondered if that was true.
After kissing Shelby senseless, Nate decided it was time to get a handle on things. He needed to get her to a public place before the more carnal parts of his body started making the decisions and did something on school grounds which would be totally inappropriate.
And if he was ever lucky enough to sleep with Shelby, it wasn’t going to be on top of a desk that smelled like disinfectant.
He pulled his car into an empty spot along Patterson’s Bluff’s main strip. The colourful buildings and old-fashioned awnings made the place look like a postcard. There were plenty of people around, snapping pictures and walking along with ice creams in hand. It was a perfect day.
The White Crest pub was up ahead. It would be filled with all the people who’d chipped in at the school today. Good people like Dawn…and not-so-good people like Jerome. His chest squeezed. What if someone said something to Shelby and stripped away all the magic they’d shared? These were people in their twenties through to their fifties and beyond…they should know better.
Does Jerome know better?
It wouldn’t take much to have Shelby retreating—she was slowly coming around to the idea of revisiting her home, but even an innocent comment could shatter the image her was helping her build. For once, he wasn’t confident that his hometown would pull through.
He pushed the car door open and stepped outside, staring out over the water for a moment as the sun hung heavy and low.
“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” He shut the car door and walked around to greet Shelby on the other side. “Let’s go to The Chippery.”
“You promise me alcohol,” she said with a laugh.
“For old time’s sake.” He held out a hand, this time she took it more readily. “You always loved going here.”
“You remember that?” Her expression softened.
“Of course.”
“Okay,” she said with a beaming smile. “Let’s do it.”
Nate tugged her in the opposite direction to the pub and toward the cheap and cheerful hole-in-the-wall fish and chip shop that had been there since their youth. As it was late in the afternoon, they’d missed the lunch rush and managed to snag one of the few booths that ran along the shop’s wall. Back when they were in school, it had been a popular hangout for school kids because of the generous portions and cheap prices. A “minimum chips” could easily feed three hungry teenagers.
Shelby slid into her seat and picked up the menu, laughing. “They haven’t changed at all.”
“Nope. Not a bit.”
“Not even to correct the typo on page two.” She pointed at the errant apostrophe and shook her head. “What are you having?”
He studied the menu like he wasn’t going to order the exact same thing he’d been ordering since he was fifteen years old. “Flake, two potato cakes and chips. And a Coke.”
She laughed. “Tell me, have you ever tried anything else they sell?”
“What, like the chickpea veggie burger?” He made a gagging face. “Never. I’m loyal to the flake.”
“Loyal, right.” She smirked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Isn’t it boring having the same thing over and over? Your taste buds might thank you for trying something new.”
For a moment he wondered if maybe she wasn’t talking about fis
h and chips anymore. Hadn’t he done the same thing over and over ever since his divorce? Avoiding any kind of intimacy was his MO these days. He was loyal to Patterson’s Bluff and his job, loyal to his friends, but he shut himself off completely to anything else. As for women and relationships…his starting position was that it wouldn’t work out. Eventually they would leave. They always left.
What was the point of trying for more?
He and Shelby went to the front counter to place their order and they were greeted by a young woman, the granddaughter of The Chippery’s owners. “What can I get you?”
“You go first,” he said to Shelby.
“I’ll get the burger with the lot and a Solo.”
Nate studied the menu intently. “You know what, I’ll have that, too. And a minimum chips to share.”
“Coming right up.”
Shelby rubbed her hands together. “I haven’t had a fish and chip shop burger in so long. This is going to be delicious.”
“I thought you could get any type of food in New York.”
“There’s a lot of variety, but these days it’s all organic, whole food this and small-batch that.” She wrinkled her nose and it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. “There’s only so much fresh-pressed vegetable juice a gal can have before she wants to kill someone with a piece of cheesecake.”
They chatted until their food arrived and Nate immediately tucked into his. “Heaven.”
“My yoga pants are going to need a workout when I get home. I’d forgotten how good the food is here.”
He tried to ignore the part about her going home and chose to instead focus on the thought of her bending over in tight yoga pants. Much better. “Calories don’t count when you’re on holiday. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that?”
“Wise words.”
They talked and ate as though they’d been doing it for years. With a little coaxing, their friendship had come back to life. All the memories came flooding to him; their weekly “dates” at The Chippery, stuffing their faces with popcorn and watching movies at his place, sneaking time together in the library at school…
Shelby said she’d never forget what happened. He could live with that, because he’d never forget either. He didn’t want to erase her past. But the possibility that he could have her in his life in some way, that he might be able to earn her forgiveness, made his heart soar.
Shelby popped the last bite of her burger into her mouth and sighed happily. “So. Freaking. Good.”
“This is delicious. I was always a bit suspicious of putting beetroot in a burger, but I think I’m officially on board.”
“See.” She grinned. “It’s good to break out of old habits and try something new.”
At that moment, The Chippery’s front door swung open and a group of men piled in. Cam was accompanied by a few of the guys who’d chipped in at the working bee—brothers Trent and Nick Walters, who worked in construction, their friend Hale who was a plumber, and another guy named Fitzy who was a jack of all trades. They were all laughing and having a good time.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Cam came over and slapped Nate on the back. “Hi Shelby, it’s been a long time.”
Nate sensed a change in Shelby immediately. Cam had been one of the most popular guys in their school when they were kids, despite being a year behind Nate and Shelby. The Ellis family had held court in Patterson’s Bluff for generations now and he’d always been the centre of attention, throwing lavish pool parties in summer and being a star player on the local Patterson’s Bluff footy team. Getting accepted by Cam and his siblings meant securing one’s social status back then.
These days the Ellis family was still Patterson’s Bluff’s most prominent family, but Cam did a lot for the town. Charity work, creating jobs, sponsoring educational scholarships, all of it. He was determined to revive his family’s image.
But, of course, Shelby would only remember the golden boy from their high school days who could easily make anyone around him feel inferior with his mere presence.
“Cam,” she replied with a nod and a stiff smile. “Nice to see you.”
“I was sorry to hear about your dad.” Cam made a clucking sound with his tongue. “I offered to help him out with a driver to get him to and from his appointments, but he wouldn’t take it.”
“That sounds exactly like him. Stubborn as a mule.”
“I’m sure he’s glad to have you home.” Cam turned to Nate. “So, you ditched us at the pub. Everyone from the working bee is there and we were waiting for you.”
Nate cringed internally when he saw Shelby’s eyes widen. There was no more outward show of expression, but he could see how this might look in her eyes…
But this wasn’t the same as back then. He wasn’t ashamed to be seen with her now.
“I felt like fish and chips,” he said, trying to mentally signal to his friend not to ask any more questions. Cam would have to know Jerome’s comments was what made Nate stay away…but then again, maybe Cam was so used to Jerome spouting shit that he assumed nobody listened to a word the guy said after the fact.
“You should stop by, I’m sure everyone would love to see Shelby.” Cam offered up one of his trademark charming smiles. It was rumoured that smile could lift any skirt along the entire Victorian coast. “It’s always a treat when one of our own comes back.”
“Actually, I have to get back to Dad.” Shelby pushed up from her chair and stuffed her hands into the pockets of her shorts. “I promised I’d make him his favourite dinner.”
“Well, don’t be a stranger,” Cam said. “And if you ever decide you want to come back for good and you’re looking for a house, you know where to find me.”
He bid them a good day and joined the other men at the counter. It sounded as though they were working on something together—something they obviously didn’t want people at the pub to overhear.
“I’ll drop you back,” Nate said but Shelby held up a hand.
“It’s fine. I’ll walk.” She looked like she was going to say something else, but then she bobbed her head and left him with a little wave.
For a moment, Nate stood, unsure what to do. He raked a hand through his hair and then, muttering a curse under his breath, he followed Shelby outside.
“This isn’t what you think it is,” he said
But she powered up the street in the direction of her father’s house, long legs eating up the pavement with ease. At first she didn’t respond, acting like she hadn’t heard him. But Nate wasn’t about to let it go so easily.
“Shelby, wait!” he called out, jogging to catch up to her.
She stilled, taking a moment before turning. There was a determination in her face, a hardness in her jaw and a tilt to her nose that he’d seen before. This was Shelby’s “game face.” Her armour.
“Can we talk?”
She let out a huff. “Why should we talk?”
He sucked in a breath. “Because I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong.”
“Nate, with all due respect you don’t know anything that’s going on in my head.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Showing me around the school won’t make me forget what happened.”
He could practically hear what came next in her head: It won’t make me forget what you did to me.
To a lot of the people, high school was nothing but a distant, fuzzy memory. But then again, it was easy for people who hadn’t been bullied to forget. For Shelby it was an old wound and coming home was like opening it all up again.
“This isn’t the same thing as back then,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Isn’t it?” she asked softly. “Why did you really not want to go to the pub with me?”
Nate couldn’t help but feel the impact of her subtle accusation deep in his gut, even if he had seen it coming a mile away. “Do you think I’m embarrassed to be seen with you?”
“It wouldn’t be the first time you were happy to hang out with me, so long as no one else w
as around.” Her nostrils flared.
Back then, she might have had tears in her eyes, but now she was all strength and stone walls. Quiet, resilient force. There was no way he was getting in, but damn it he was going to try.
“Honestly, I wanted you to myself. I was being selfish.” He threw his hands up. “Sue me. I wanted more time just the two of us because I don’t know how long it’s going to last.”
“That’s it? That’s the only reason?”
He wasn’t too good of a poker player, admittedly. Not because he couldn’t form a strategy or read his opponents, but because Nate’s feelings were always scrawled across his face like someone had written them out in red ink. And the way Shelby was looking at him now, she knew there was more to it.
“I was worried someone might say something stupid and that it might make you run away again.” He jammed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. There was no way was he going to repeat the BS Jerome had spouted earlier—she didn’t need to hear that. “I know this place is full of bad memories for you and…I thought if someone said the wrong thing then that might be it. You might not ever come back again. It has nothing to do with me not wanting to be seen with you.”
His voice was rough, frustration at his inability to heal the past bubbling to the surface. This was an uphill battle, he knew that.
Don’t you mean it’s a pointless battle? It’s not your job to change her mind. She’s going to leave, that’s the only way this ends.
She looked at him for a long moment, as if trying to figure out whether she believed him or not. “I have to go,” she said, shaking her head. “Thanks for the lift this morning, but I think we should leave it there.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, barely holding onto his frustration.
“It means I don’t think we should see each other again.”
This time when Shelby walked away, Nate let her go even though every cell in his body screamed at him to run after her. He couldn’t force her to see the good in Patterson’s Bluff, nor in himself. Neither of those things were without their flaws, but she seemed determined to expect the worst.
Just like how you always expect people to leave?
