The Afterlife series Box Set (Books 1-3)

by Willow Rose

  She held on to my hand and looked me into my eyes. “Sweetheart, I have to tell you something. The doctors here in the hospital noticed it when they were examining you.”

  A thousand thoughts entered my mind. Was I sick? Was there something in me that shouldn’t be there? But whatever I thought off could never compare to the reality that was about to hit me. I looked at Rahmiel’s beautiful red lips as her mouth formed the words.

  “You are pregnant.”

  At first I wasn’t sure if I had heard it right. I stared at her for a long time without saying anything.

  “Did you hear me?” Rahmiel asked. “You are pregnant.”

  It felt like I had been hit with something really heavy and now she was hitting me with it again. Only one word came to my mind. “How?”

  “I thought you would know better than me,” Rahmiel said.

  A million thoughts were in my head at once, but only one stood out from the others. Suddenly I knew perfectly well when and with whom.

  “Is it Mick’s?” asked Rahmiel like she had read my mind.

  I felt like crying but kept it together. I looked at her and nodded. She looked at me with serious eyes. “Then you’d better tell him.”

  Chapter 23

  “It’s impossible,” I kept mumbling long after Rahmiel had left me. I suddenly didn’t feel sleepy at all. I stared into the marble ceiling above me, feeling like I couldn’t move, like my body had gone numb.

  “I can’t be. I’m dead. Dead people don’t have children, do they?” Thoughts were twirling fast through my mind. How did spirits have babies anyway? I had never known that they could even get pregnant. Would it be like having babies on earth? I lifted the covers and stared at my belly. It seemed like it already had a bulge. I ran my fingers over it. It felt like a hard rock under my fingertips. I turned my torso while I was staring at it. But I couldn’t possibly already see it, could I? Did it go that fast? I didn’t know anything about pregnancy or having children—not here, not on earth—but I was pretty sure that it didn’t go that fast. Maybe my abdomen had always been like this. It was less than two weeks since Mick and I had … did it go that fast? Maybe it did in this world. Time did go slower up here than on earth, and maybe being pregnant was completely different. I was actually around six weeks pregnant in earthly time. Would I be pregnant for nine months like on earth? Would it be nine earthly months? Because that would be about three months up here.

  I didn’t feel any different. Nothing had changed inside of me, or so it seemed, but in reality it had. Something was growing inside of me. Could I even call it a new life? What world would the child belong to? Would it have a body of flesh and bone or be a spirit like Mick and me? How did this work?

  I felt so confused and alone as I was lying there staring at the ceiling. I didn’t know what to think or what to do. The only thing I knew was that I really had to talk to Mick. But what would I say? How did I tell him? And where did that put me in relation to Jason? Was I supposed to forget about him and be with Mick because of the child? I didn’t owe Mick anything, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with him after that night. I wasn’t sure I could trust him any longer. His jealousy and anger had become worse. Would he be able to control it? I wasn’t sure. But it was his child. No doubt about that. So what could I do? What were my options? Did I have any?

  I was out of the hospital three days later and back in my dormitory. The girls and Abhik tried to help me catch up on what I had missed in class and the next few days I was really busy reading and getting up to date so I would be able to graduate with the others in the spring. It was tough, since my thoughts were in many different places. I didn’t tell anyone. I had to tell Mick first of all and I hadn’t figured out how to do that just yet. I didn’t see him at all at the school. It was like he was hiding from me, avoiding me. He didn’t even visit me in the hospital. I didn’t appreciate that, but I figured he was still too embarrassed and that he thought that I was better off without him. I knew him well enough to know how he thought. He was probably still beating himself up over having forced me that night. And now I was about to tell him that on top of it all he had made me pregnant.

  How will he react to that? I thought one evening as I stared out the window from my favorite spot in our dormitory. My hand gently caressed the small bump between my hips. It had grown a lot in the last couple of days and even though I was still the only one who could see it, it was clear to me now that something was happening inside of me. I could no longer ignore it. My concern was that I knew Mick would probably be happy about the baby. He might even be thrilled, but I didn’t want him to think that it meant that we were going to be a family. I hadn’t decided if I wanted to be with him or not. Plus there was the subject of Jason. I had seen him once at dinner in the Hall, but only spotted him from far away. I didn’t have the courage to go to him but I felt a huge pinch in my heart. Had it been a couple of weeks ago, I would have walked over there and spoken to him, but things were different now. My circumstances were changed, and I had no idea how to tackle it, how to deal with it all.

  As the moon looked at me from above the forest I decided that I would find Mick and tell him everything the following day. I didn’t want to postpone it any longer. It was time to face him.

  So I went to the kitchen as the first thing in the morning, before any of my roommates woke up. Usually Mick came in early in the morning, but this day he wasn’t there when I entered. I was confused to find the kitchen empty. I decided that he had to be on his way so I sat on the table and waited. Meanwhile a million thoughts went through my head. I kept picturing Mick. How would he react? Then I started practicing how I would tell him. “Mick … I ‘m pregnant.” The word felt so wrong in my mouth. It was actually a word I had never thought I would have to say. “Mick we are having a baby,” I tried but then I stopped myself. I wasn’t even sure that it was a baby who was going to come out of me. Was it a baby if it didn’t have a body like a baby? Would it be as cute? I ignored the thought. It was too silly, and I had other problems to face right now. Like how was I going to tell Mick that yes, we are having a baby, but … I am still not marrying you, I don’t think … I mean … I am not sure. I sighed deeply and hid my face in my hands. This wasn’t easy.

  As I sat there and felt sorry for myself, Mick entered the room. But he wasn’t alone. With him he had a young girl about my age and a man. I heard their voices and looked up. I immediately recognized the two visitors he brought. I got down from the table. Mick smiled when he saw me. It made me warm inside. I had missed his smile. He looked good. He didn’t seem as tormented by guilt as I had expected him to be. He stopped and looked at me.

  “You look amazing,” he said and caused me to blush. “Ravishing.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered shyly.

  “I was just about to go out and find you,” he said and turned his head to look at his guests. “I finally found Amanda and John for you, as promised.”

  “Mandy,” I said and flew toward the girl. I immediately forgot everything about why I had come. The girl was exactly the same height as me and about the same age as well. I felt I knew her so well and wanted to hug her, but since she knew so little about me I shook her hand instead. “I am so glad to meet you. You have no idea how glad I am.”

  “Well, likewise,” she said and smiled. “This is my dad.”

  I turned to him and shook his hand as well. “John,” he presented himself.

  “Thanks for coming,” I said. “I feel like I know you so well, but you have no idea who I am, right?”

  They shared a look and shook her heads. “Not really,” Mandy said. “But Mick assured us that it was important.”

  “It is of great importance to me … and to your mother.”

  Their faces grew serious as they looked at each other and then back at me. “So this is about her?” Mandy asked. Her voice grew thicker and I sensed that it was a sensitive subject. It was for me too. I really wanted to help her since I was the one putting her in th
at situation. Not that it wasn’t in some weird way the best for her, but still. I wanted to provide some comfort to her in any way for her last days on earth. She deserved that much.

  “Have you visited her lately?” I asked and showed them to the table where we sat down. Mick provided breakfast for us while we spoke.

  Mandy shook her head. “It’s been a few years,” she said and looked at her dad before she looked at the floor.

  “Do you mind if I ask why that is?” I said.

  John took over. “It wasn’t doing us or her any good any longer. We can’t help her anymore and it was making Mandy miserable. It hurt so bad to see her ruin her own life like that. In the beginning we tried and tried, but she kept listening to the wrong voices and making the wrong choices. We couldn’t help her. She put herself in that place.”

  I was surprised to hear that. “So you know that she is in a psychiatric hospital?”

  Amanda nodded heavily. “I tried so hard to help her. I came to visit her every day ever since I got my file and graduated from this Academy. But she kept getting worse. She had all those voices in her head telling her to do stupid things. She became more and more ill until she finally went into her own world, where she was completely unreachable. She was in already in her own prison when they put her in a real prison. I tried to talk to her every day, but she wouldn’t listen. She was in such a strong bondage from her anger and sorrow and bitterness that I couldn’t help her anymore. It was the hardest thing I had to do, but I had to let her go. I couldn’t keep coming there and seeing her get worse.” Amanda leaned on her dad’s shoulder. “I just couldn’t bear it.”

  “You have to understand that we did all we could,” he explained while comforting his daughter. “We still love her with all our hearts, but she has chosen the life she is living now. She let the wrong things into her mind and let it poison her heart. When someone does that, they are out of our reach.”

  I swallowed hard as I listened to this story. It had such a resemblance to mine and Jason’s. I had done the same thing. I had tried so hard, but eventually I had to let him go. I had to give up on him. And it broke my heart. I couldn’t do anything to help any longer and he too made all the wrong choices, doing drugs and even selling them to others to make money for his own addiction. “I think I might know how you feel,” I said and put my hand on Amanda’s arm. “I went through something similar recently.”

  Amanda smiled through her silent tears. “Well, my mother is your assignment, right? Your third-year project, so it isn’t that weird. You are supposed to learn something from this.”

  I nodded. It did make sense. A lot of sense in fact. “I guess you are right.”

  “So she is coming soon?” John asked while Mandy wiped her eyes dry.

  “In two months,” I said.

  John and Amanda looked at each other and laughed a soft and relieved laughter. It made me feel really good to be able to tell them that.

  “So we will get to see her and talk to her soon?” Mandy said with moist eyes.

  “Yes, I mean, my assignment is to bring her here, to the Academy, so I guess you will see her.”

  Mandy smiled widely, then she leaned over and gave me a huge hug. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I had almost given up ever seeing her again.”

  My heart was beating fast now. Somehow I had made this possible. It felt strange, but when I added it all up, it was because I went back in time and changed her destiny that I made it possible for her family to be with her soon. It almost gave me a headache to think of it, but it seemed like someone had planned this all along. But what I didn’t understand was what had changed in Rosey from the last time her daughter had visited her until now. Why was I suddenly able to reach her spirit if they weren’t able to do that before? Rahmiel had told me that only the Se’irims would have been able to take her if she had died eight years ago in that fight. Why was it different now?

  I wasn’t sure it even mattered any more. I was just happy to make someone else happy.

  “So what did you need us to do?” Mandy asked.

  “I want you to help me with something. I want to bring some peace into your mother’s mind during her last days on earth. She deserves it. She is so tormented and has been for years.”

  They looked at each other and nodded. “That sounds like something we could do.”

  “I believe something is happening to her, in her, since she is able to go with me when she dies, and she is constantly looking at this picture of you and talking to you, telling you that she is certain you will see each other again. So I was thinking that we should give her a little peek, so to speak. Let her see you two for a short period of time and let her know that you are all right. She worries about where you are and if you are well.”

  John nodded pensively. “We have thought about it several times, but she hasn’t been in any state where she was able to see us.”

  “I think she is doing better.”

  “It sounds like a great idea. But how?” asked Mandy

  “I want you to come to her in a dream. Tell her that you are doing great, that you love her. She needs to hear that.”

  Mandy sighed. “I have tried it once, but both my dad and I are horrible at catching dreams.”

  “Well I am good at it,” I said. “I will do it for you.”

  Chapter 24

  “Are you sure that you don’t want me to come with you?” Mick asked as we were about to leave the kitchen. He pulled me aside. “I have done this a lot of times before.”

  I looked at him and sighed. “I don’t think that is such a great idea.”

  “You have been out of class for more than a week. You are out of training. You weren’t even there when they were shown how to open a dream. All you know is to catch it.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I talked to Abhik yesterday. I asked him about it because I was concerned that you might be in over your head.”

  “So you have been talking to others about me, but not to me?”

  “I didn’t think you wanted to see me again.”

  I swallowed hard. He was right. I had no idea what to do after I had caught the dream. I hadn’t thought it through at all. I felt confused. I really didn’t want to spend any time with Mick. Not when I hadn’t told him. How could I? He would be so angry afterwards when I finally told him—angry that I kept it a secret from him. But I couldn’t tell him now. Not standing in the kitchen on our way out through the door with two people present whom we hardly knew. It just wasn’t the right time. I wanted to get this dream thing done as soon as possible. Rosey needed it, and so did I.

  “Mick… ” I sighed. “I really don’t think … It’s just not a good idea.”

  Mick grabbed my arm and held on to it. I was suddenly scared that he knew already. Did Rahmiel tell him? Could he maybe tell by the size of my abdomen?

  “Meghan. I know you are still upset about what happened. So am I. And I am sorry. But don’t let it out on Rosey or her family. I really think you should let me go with you and help you with the dream. I am very good at it.”

  I sighed deeply. I couldn’t see any way out of this. I really needed him there. “All right,” I said. “I guess we are all going.”

  The silence hung awkwardly between Mick and me as the four of us flew toward the psychiatric hospital. I felt nauseous and couldn’t quite figure out if maybe morning sickness had arrived or if this whole situation made me sick to my stomach. Maybe it was flying again after my accident. I wasn’t even sure if I was supposed to be flying this far so close to getting out of the hospital. The doctor had told me to stay calm and get enough rest. This wasn’t exactly obeying doctor’s orders.

  “So how have you been?” Mick asked after a while.

  Is he trying to break the silence or is he really interested? I asked myself. Should I tell him how I had been? Should I just tell him everything?

  “I heard you were in the hospital”

  “Oh, so you do know abou
t that?” I asked sarcastically.

  “I couldn’t help but hear about it. Everyone was talking about the girl who went back eight years in time. You broke all records. You know that, right? Not to mention all laws of physics.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. “I guess people have been talking about that.”

  “Oh yes, they have.”

  I avoided looking at him but focused on my flying. I didn’t want him to see how disappointed I was that he hadn’t visited me at the hospital. But even though he didn’t see it, he knew me too well.

  “So I guess I should have visited you while you were in there,” he said with humility.

  I shrugged while still not looking at him. “I didn’t need you. We are no longer together. You have no obligations to me whatsoever.”

  “Wow. Now I know I really should have come,” he said. “I am sorry. I just thought you needed the space. You have no idea how worried I was for you, but I honestly thought you didn’t want to see me again. Ever.”

  Now I turned my head and looked at him. “Well I don’t. I don’t need you.”

  “I hate myself for what happened that night. You must know that. I loathe myself. If I could go back and change it, I would.” He looked at me like he wanted my forgiveness. I wasn’t ready to give him that yet.

  I sighed indifferently. His remark was ironic, given the latest events in my life, but I wasn’t going to go back in time and change what happened. We had created a life and even though the circumstances weren’t at all like I wanted them to be, I was pregnant and that child shouldn’t suffer the fate of not being born just because we were idiots. This whole situation was a mess, but at least something good would come out of it.

  “What’s done is done,” I said and turned my head to focus on what was ahead of us. I hadn’t come any closer to figuring out how to tell Mick, but I wasn’t going to do it now. I didn’t feel ready for it. Some part of me didn’t want to see him happy. This baby was all he wanted. He wanted a family so badly. And now I was about to give it to him because he had acted like that. It was about to drive me crazy.