Grey_The Infatuation

by Allison White

  “Surprise!”

  She jumps, truthfully surprised to be shouted at, and laughs joyfully as she looks around. She’s still in shock, her hands clasped together as people settle back into party mode, chatting, laughing, and dancing.

  “How do you like it, babe?” Julia guides Jaimie past the foyer, cautiously eyeing her girlfriend’s paled expression. “Do you not like it?” She clears her throat, and I hold my breath. She sounds vulnerable and scared, but I can’t revel in her using her other emotions, because one of my best friends won’t snap out of it.

  “There’s cronuts,” I offer and give a shrug.

  Jaimie squeals like I just offered her a ten-foot diamond ring in the shape of the thing and claps her hands. “Yay!”

  “You’re excited for that but not this party that took me all fucking week to plan?” Julia waves her arms around, angry.

  Jaimie chuckles and shakes her head. “Of course I’m excited for this. I love you so much for this. It’s amazing!” She lunges into her girlfriend’s chest and throws her arms around her. She shakes her back and forth. “The cronuts are just a wittle cherry on top.”

  “Good, you better like it,” Julia responds with a small hint of a smile and hugs tighter, dropping her eyes closed.

  I turn away, feeling like an intruder. This is something special. I look out onto the party and let out a heaving sigh. With those two lip-locking and no one else to talk to, I stand at the foot of the party and look around like an outsider. An outsider with a boy I barely know next to me.

  “Can we ta—”

  I walk into the crowd before he can finish. Tears cover my eyes but don’t spill over as I wedge myself between people, trying to cry like that girl at parties. That girl that’s always crying and getting mixed up in drama. I want to be Olivia Westerfield, the girl who has enough common sense to know how much crap she should take from a guy and when it’s time to throw in the towel. But I’m not that girl anymore. I’m a person with no common sense and a heart too big for my body.

  Once inside the bathroom, I wipe under my eyes with tissue paper. A pack of girls gives me skeptic looks but exits in silence, leaving me alone. But I don’t want to be alone, not with my thoughts. They’ll chew me up and spit me out. And I want to have fun. I came here tonight to celebrate Jaimie’s birthday, not cry like a little baby in the bathroom. But…I did need a moment to breathe. If I didn’t, I think I would have imploded.

  When I get back out to the party, there is a concentrated crowd around a sparkling source. Because of, you know, the sparkler rising in the air on top of the huge purple-laced cake. I wiggle through people and link my arm through Jaimie’s as she stares at the four-layered cake with a sense of exhilaration, eyes glazed with tears and fists clenched together.

  Happy Birthday fills the room and echoes off the ice. I lean into Jaimie and join in with a smile, bright as ever, on my face. She basks in the attention like the diva she is, and I laugh but keep singing when Julia cuts a glare at me. I shyly look at the cake but glimpse at the way she stares at Jaimie with utmost love…and then back to the cake. I look back too, but I also find a pair of eyes on me.

  Black ones.

  The light from the sparklers casts a shadow across the bottom half of his face. They enhance his sharp jaw and high cheekbones. His eyes on the other hand…I can barely see them, as they are up high under strands of his fallen hair that he pushes back. They narrow as if he’s trying to read my mind. But I tear my gaze away and sing with a sudden tightness in my voice. Suddenly, my eyes feel plugged with cotton balls, and all I hear are mumbled chants.

  Jaimie makes a wish, blows out the candle, and cake slices are handed out. All the while, I slink back, and all the thoughts I tried numbing for tonight hit me ten-fold.

  He brought a girl over to his house. How do I know they didn’t fool around? He was acting like an asshole and pushing me away. I left with him pretty peeved off, so maybe he thought banging some woman was his way of payback…no. That doesn’t even feel right. He loves me. I know I sound like some dumb girl who’s ready to always let her volatile boyfriend keep using and abusing her again and again and again. But I know he isn’t like that. Deep down inside, I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. But I also know he lied to me. He has done it before. I just don’t know exactly what the real lie is…

  “Liv, can we talk?” My gaze lands on a pair of biker boots instead of the ground. I slowly tilt my head up until I am looking into his eyes. His brows knit together, and his voice is soft, but maybe because I am slowly re-adjusting into my body instead of phasing out.

  “No, we can’t talk, Grey.” I don’t bother to hold back the tear slipping out of my eye. He opens his mouth and goes for my hand, but I turn around and rush out of the lounge. The brisk cold air slaps against my face, and I tighten my arms around my waist.

  My heart is pounding so hard I’m afraid I’m going to faint. But I close my eyes and rub my hands over my splotched cheeks.

  “Oooh, if it isn’t the upset virgin. Whoops! Or has he gotten between your skanky legs already?” a high-pitched, familiar voice barks through the ice.

  I whirl around and come face to face with Diana. I stare at her, not knowing what to say. It feels like forever since she last tried to tear Grey and I apart. And apparently, she needs a backup of people to watch as she revs up her bitchy engine before running me over. However rugged or manly they are…

  I rip my eyes from the odd crowd of guys behind her and shake my head.

  “What are you doing here?” I know for a fact she wasn’t invited. No one in their right mind would actually invite this drama-on-legs.

  “Ask your boyfriend,” she says the moment a smirk slithers across her face. “You know, you really have a talent for being a dumbass. It’s both concerning and hilarious—more hilarious, though.”

  What the hell is she talking about?

  I can faintly hear boots smacking against the ground. “Liv, can you please let me explain?” I hear him before I see him. Grey turns me around, and I jump back on instinct. “Liv—”

  A man slides his fist across his jaw before he can make it to me. I gasp, and all resolve I had built up fades away onto the snow-covered ground. But it’s drowned out by the rowdy crowd Diana seemed to scrounge up, just to watch this…whatever the hell it is.

  “Who the hell is he? What did you do?” I scream at Diana, but she merely giggles and watches as the man punches Grey over and over. I rush over to the men and try to push the guy off.

  “Get off of him! Get off!” I shout, but he ignores me and continues to beat Grey’s face in. That is until I reach for his arm, only to be punched in the cheek. I fly back and hit my head on the concrete. I see stars, and not the ones in the sky. The ones beneath my eyelids.

  That’s when things turn for the very worst.

  I pull myself up, hearing the crowd scream louder and louder. New voices, people from the party. Blood is literally slathered on the ground. I open my eyes, beyond dizzy, and find Grey’s back to me. With the help of someone who actually has a heart and not as excited as I am about this, I stand up.

  I wobble over to Grey and widen my eyes, feeling my heart drop. His bandages are on the ground, his knuckles are gone to bits as he punches and punches and punches and punches and grunts and punches some more. I think he is a punch away from killing the man.

  “You. Do. Not. Touch. Her!” he screams at the top of his lungs as he punches. But I launch forward and grab his bloody hand. He whirls his head around, breathing heavily. I back away without even meaning to. Blood is splattered across his face, his own busted open and bruised.

  He doesn’t say anything, and neither do I. No words need to be spoken. The beast I once knew him as has been awoken.

  “Surprised? You shouldn’t be.” Diana’s voice slithers in my ear. “He is a monster, after all. And he’s never going to be the good boy you really need. Just a delinquent who’ll never really love you.”

  “Shut up,” I say
calmly, balling my hands in fists, my eyes never once swaying from Grey’s.

  “What? Don’t like to hear the truth?” She’s trying to pick a fight with me. And she might get one if she keeps talking.

  “Shut your mouth, Diana,” Jaimie snaps before leaning down and whispering, trying to coax Grey to stand up. But he just looks back at me as the crowd cheers to re-ignite the fight. I blur it all out and focus on his brilliant black eyes and Diana’s icy words.

  “Why? We all know it’s true. She was just a little plaything that turned into a full-time thing. But the end result is the same; she is nothing and he means less than that. But he is a good fuck. Right? Isn’t he, Ol—”

  I whirl around and drill my fist into her nose. She stumbles back, trips on a patch of ice, and falls onto the road. The crowd collectively screams. But I can’t hear anything specifically, just my heart thundering inside my chest. The air rumbles, or it’s my stomach, because I feel like I’m going to throw up. I have never hit someone before…it feels weird. I feel weird, and I honestly blame Grey. This is all his goddamn fault.

  “Living up to the name yet again, huh, Wyler?” the man beneath him croaks, and Grey turns to hit him again, but I grab his hand in time and gently shake my head no.

  “I suggest you guys get out of here, or you’ll spend the night in jail.” I am nudged, and I look to my right and find Julia giving me a “what are you waiting for” expression, eyebrows raised. “Get out of here, idiot! And take your party-ruining boyfriend with you. Go!” She nudges me again when I don’t say or do anything.

  But once I hear cop car sirens and curses fill the air by the rugged men, I’m snapped into reality, and every sound and sight before me focuses instead of the hazy fog.

  I nod and numbly pull Grey up by his shoulder. He stares down at me, mouth ajar, blood creasing in the corners. I look away and shake my head.

  “No, just…no.” I walk in the direction of his car, letting the snow drip on me, ignoring everything around me.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  The silence between Grey and me is unbearable. Thick and monumental. I doubt even a machete could graze a fraction of it. I am just too heated to speak. I don’t have any words. And if I did try and speak, I know for a fact that I’ll say something that neither of us would ever forget. He stays silent, but he doesn’t keep his eyes quiet as they glance over at me, practically begging for me to break the ice. But I don’t, nor does he make the move to.

  The moment we get into his apartment, I storm into the kitchen. Grey stays silent behind me as I scoop ice into a plastic bag. I press it gently to my knuckles and can’t help the painful grunt that escapes my mouth. The repercussions that follow jamming a fist into someone’s face are exactly as I thought they would be—painful wrapped with a pretty ribbon of rage. And it’s wrapped around me so tightly I feel like I am suffocating.

  “Let me help.” Grey rushes over and tries to hold my hand, but I pull back and glare at him. A look of hurt flashes through his glossy black eyes, and I almost stop myself from yelling. But then I think about how he made this happen in the first place and shake my head with a laugh.

  “You’ve done enough, Grey.”

  I slam the freezer door harder than necessary and round the counter. I don’t want to speak to him right now. Just seeing his face bloodied and his hands gone for the worse, it makes my stomach tighten and my concern for him grow frightfully high.

  But he has to learn that I will not tend to his wounds if he brought it on himself. That guy who started the fight was the guy who called him a few nights ago. Or he was related to the guy, somehow. I knew when Grey came back drunk and had a cut and looked like he got into a fight the other day. And I guess, out of shot pride and anger, the guy found out where Grey would be and decided to get his payback.

  What I’m wondering, though, is how did he know where he was? Diana must have told him. I mean, she did have him and his biker friends trailing behind her. They must have bumped into each other and, acting as the natural bitch she is, she did one better than telling him where he was—she brought them.

  I wish I had done so much more than just punch her in the nose.

  The moment I think that, I hate myself. This is not me. I do not punch people in the face. I do not have my heart broken multiple times by one guy. I do not get on birth control pills. And I most certainly do not backtrack on the future I’d practically been planning since I was born. But I do. I do all of those things because of one simple fact: I have changed. For the better or worse…I’m still figuring that out.

  I enter David’s room and tug at the shoulder straps of the silver, almost lilac, dress hugging my body. I thought if I dressed up tonight I could hide the problems surfacing between Grey and me. As if the dress was a glorified, sparkly wall that could keep our hostility at bay. Too bad his enemies didn’t give a damn about my so-called wall.

  “Can we please talk?” Grey asks in exasperation as he pokes his head inside the room.

  “Unzip this.” I stare into the floor-length mirror with a cool, icy exterior. He watches me wearily through the mirror, and I roll my eyes. “If not, you can just leave me alone.”

  “No, no—that’s fine. I’ll—” He clears his throat and enters the room. “I’ll do it.”

  I freeze when his fingertips brush gently against my back, but I hold my breath and try my best to appear unaffected by his touch. I listen to him suck in a deep breath before clasping his rough fingers on the zipper and slowly tugging it down. The cold metal slides down my back and, before I can make a sound, I turn around, deciding that was enough, and step out of it.

  His eyes stare at my chest that is held up by my thin lacy bra. Despite the wings batting like crazy in my stomach, I bend down and pick up the dress and walk over to the closet to hang it up.

  “You can leave now,” I let him know as I rummage through my duffel bag, picking out a pair of sweats and a tank top. I slip on the comfortable clothes and turn around, thinking he silently left. But when I turn, he is a foot away from me, with the most devastated look on his face it actually makes me sick. “What are you still doing here?”

  “Why are you still with me?” he asks softly. I almost don’t hear him.

  “What?” I look at him, confused.

  “I’m fucking insane. And I bring darkness around me. I practically drown in it…so why are you still here? With me? When you can just leave and have everything you need and want. Like an actual good boyfriend who doesn’t leave you to get drunk and get into fights. You shouldn’t have to patch me up every night, Liv…” As if looking at me is too much for his damaged soul, he stares at the ground with slumped shoulders.

  I sigh and pad over to him. No matter how much he screws up or makes me want to rip my hair out, I don’t think I’d ever be able to stomach him beating himself up like this. I don’t know if it’s the future psychologist in me that wants to help this beaten boy in front of me, or because he has me so tightly wrapped around his pinky, but I can’t handle it.

  I want to wrap my arms around him and stitch his wounds and clean his face and then kiss it. But I can’t. Not until he explains this to me. Because it still doesn’t make much sense.

  “Because I love you, Grey,” I tell him honestly and briefly look out the window. “And I don’t think I will ever stop loving you.”

  He snaps his head up and harbors the brightest smile. He clears his throat and tries to play it cool. I nearly laugh. “You do?”

  “Of course I do, dummy.” I almost push him playfully, but I stop myself before I can. “But you need to be able to talk to me. I don’t know how much you need to hear it or see it in my eyes for you to finally let me in on that twisted mind of yours, but I hope it’s now. Really, who was that girl? Who was that man who crashed the party? Was it that ‘D’ guy?” I have so many questions, and hopefully he’ll answer at least some of them.

  He opens his mouth but then looks contemplative and closes his it. “Do you really want to know?”


  “Yes, Grey,” I almost whine, and he nods.

  “Paige—she really is a friend…well, kind of. It’s complicated, but not in that way you’re thinking.” He chews on his lip. “You honestly came at the worst possible moment. We were talking, I swear, and I decided to take a shower. I honestly thought she had already left. But I guess she had to make some…call? Anyway, nothing sexual or even remotely cheating-like happened.”

  I look him square in the eyes and wrap my arms around my chest, as if appearing confident somehow would help me determine if he’s lying or not. But…he isn’t. I can just tell by his eyes. However deep and dark and scary they may appear, I am a master when it comes to exploring them. And they tell me now that he’s telling the truth.

  “And the man?” My voice has a bit of an edge to it.

  “He…fuck.” He rubs his face harshly and leans against the brick wall, fingers threading through his hair. “He’s someone from my past. From when I was, you know…in that damned fucking gang, but not D. D is one of the most dangerous people I know, and I helped in the most tragic way—you wouldn’t still be with me if you knew what I did back then…” He pauses, as if to slow memories down and rolls his eyes, then cuts them to mine with a hint of hostility, but not directed toward me. “Does that answer your questions?”

  I shrug and come up with another since he’s so gung-ho about actually answering them; he never is. “Why did that man come after you tonight? And even before then, when you came home drunk and pissy.”

  He rubs his eyes and pushes off the wall. “Because they’re trying to get me back into that life…” The rest hangs in the air. I tense up and cross my arms.

  “Are you going to…?” I let my question hang in the thick air, and he slowly shakes his head. “Okay.” I clear my throat of the tightness I hadn’t even noticed and walk past him toward the bed. I feel his eyes on me as I slip underneath the comforter and turn my back on him.

  “Okay? Is that it? Why are you still sleeping in here then?” He sounds annoyed.