One Dead Under the Cuckoo's Nest

by Lori Avocato

  I smiled at her. “Did you have a good nap?” It must not have been her time for medication, since no one had waked her up.

  She held Mickey tighter to her chest. “What nap?”

  I’d better change the subject, I thought. But what the heck was a safe subject to talk about with her?

  She started telling Mickey to watch out for me. Me! I was the one. The one who knew.

  Now I was freaking out. Joanna was scary, to say the least, and now she was downright creepy.

  How much did she really know?

  “What are you talking about, Joanna?” I asked as softly and nonthreatening as I knew how.

  She hugged Mickey tighter.

  “I’m not going to touch your doll.”

  She clucked her tongue at me and cackled. Yes, cackled. It sure wasn’t a real laugh. “Mickey Mouse, you fool, is not a doll.”

  Nor is he real, you fruitcake. “Oh, sorry. Anyway. What were you telling Mickey about me?”

  She leaned near. “I know. I heard you talking to him.”

  “To Mickey?”

  Another cackle. “You’re dumber than you look. No, you fool, to the doctor.”

  Jagger? She’d heard me talking to Jagger? “The doctor. What did I say that was so wrong?”

  Joanna’s eyes darkened. She was actually a very attractive woman if her eyes didn’t show her mental illness so readily. A little makeup and combing of her brunette locks would do wonders for her. One thing about this place, very few patients cared about personal grooming.

  She’d better not start with that “you know” business when I asked her a question, I thought. I was losing my patience with Joanna although I knew the woman was sick. So I bit my tongue and waited.

  “Ha! You said you’d sleep with him. He told me so!”

  Jagger said that?

  Now I was getting more confused than Joanna. “I never said I’d sleep with anyone.”

  She looked at Mickey and ignored me.

  Fine. Let her talk to a stuffed mouse.

  “He told me so. You remember hearing it. Don’t you?”

  I looked at the mouse, waiting for a response. Then I came to my senses and got up. “This is crazy,” I mumbled. “Good night, Joanna. Mickey.” I nodded to the damn mouse.

  Joanna cackled again and then said, “He really did tell me. Then when he went to her room, she killed him. He was lying right on top of her when we all came to the door.”

  I shut my eyes.

  Great. She was talking about the late Terry and his accidental death.

  But, damn! Had Terry really told her I’d sleep with him?

  After ordering myself to ignore the fact that Joanna had started some rumor about Terry and me, I motioned for Mason to come next to me.

  The man in the red pajamas woke up, glared at Joanna and Mickey and said, “Shut the hell up, you two. Can’t Santa get some sleep around here?”

  Mason and I chuckled. I wanted to ask him if he’d heard the lies that Joanna had told, but decided it wouldn’t benefit the case. Terry was gone and no matter his part in the fraud, we couldn’t prosecute him or stop the scam from continuing with her information.

  I actually believed Terry was not involved and was merely a sick man.

  “Did you get anything out of her?” Mason asked.

  I sighed and shook my head. “Poor woman is worse off than I thought. She almost had me talking to Mickey Mouse.”

  Mason laughed and put his arm around me. We walked down to the other dayroom to talk privately, and I surprised myself with the fact that I didn’t shrug off his arm. I heard shuffling behind us, and turned to see Santa following us. Guess he was fed up with Joanna.

  The two other red-pajama men were there fast asleep. I watched “Santa” take a seat next to them and smiled. What a threesome. I only hoped that they’d all be out of here by next Christmas.

  We sat in the love seat by the window. It was so dark out tonight that I could barely make out the Cupid fountain in the distance.

  Mason looked around. “Lalli—Novitiate Lalli—and Spike used to date.”

  I felt my jaw drop. “What?”

  “I heard her talking to Nurse Lindeman. You know when they pass out the medication, they chat. It’s as if they are robots doing the job. I guess they give out so much medicine around here that they barely pay attention.”

  “What?” I repeated, still floored.

  “You heard me right, Pauline. She told Nurse Lindeman that she was glad Spike got hauled off.”

  “And you knew she was talking about the cops taking him.”

  He nodded. “Yes. So, I moved closer when I heard Spike’s name. The bastard.”

  Now I nodded. “Go on.”

  “Okay. The nun said she used to date him. Said when she was in nursing school, he was her first patient that she had to give an injection to.”

  I smiled, remembering my first time.

  Mason grabbed my hand and held it. “Pauline, Spike had just gotten out of jail. He had an infection, and she had to give him an antibiotic shot. Then, she started to get to know him better each day, she said. Nurse Lindeman didn’t seem too interested, but she was polite and let Novitiate Lalli talk.”

  “Her conscience must be eating away at her. Guess she thought Nurse Lindeman was a good sounding board. She seems very passive and nice.”

  “I guess. But, imagine, Novitiate Lalli and Spike were … lovers.”

  “And a scorned lover makes a wonderful snitch,” I said.

  Twenty-eight

  “So, Novitiate Lalli and good ol’ Spike were lovers,” I whispered to Jagger as if anyone could hear us in the exam room. The staff must have thought I was getting intensive therapy, since Jagger and I met so often. He’d come to get me before lights out, which worked out perfectly. For once I didn’t have to call him to give him the information that I’d found.

  Mason had politely excused himself, and Jagger’s glare followed Mason all the way down the hallway.

  How cute.

  “Good job, Sherlock.”

  I smiled. “Thanks. Now we need to find out more from her. From Lalli. Don’t you think?”

  “Do you?”

  “Why, yes—” I curled my lips at him. “Don’t give me that psychobabble, Jag. I catch onto medical stuff too easily.”

  We both laughed. It was nice, for a change. All in all, today wasn’t such a bad day. Especially since I got to get out of the Institute, even if only temporarily.

  I thought of the spa and felt my face burn.

  Jagger took out a toothpick, unwrapped it and held it near his lips.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off the little stick of wood.

  Before he touched it to his mouth, he said, “Look, Sherlock, forget about this morning or we’re not going to get past it enough to work together.” He popped the end of the toothpick into his mouth and stared.

  If my face had been burning, it had just exploded from the heat. But he was right. I had to forget that he’d seen my butt and I his. That was going to be hard to do, but I would force myself. So again with humor, I said, “Oh.” I laughed. “Sure, it’s already forgotten. A butt’s a butt.”

  He grinned. “I was talking about you missing your parents, because if you get too emotional, you could mess up. It could get dangerous.”

  I wondered if my face was redder than “Santa’s” pj’s. “Yeah. I knew that, but a butt is still a butt,” I mumbled, and had to cover my mouth with my hand to shut myself up.

  Maybe I really couldn’t work with a guy like Jagger.

  I let out a breath, removed my hand and said, “So, I’ll see if I can get anything else from Lalli. I’m not even going to call her Novitiate Lalli. She doesn’t deserve it, and maybe she isn’t even going to be a nun. And with the info from Mason and Margaret, I’m guessing Spike was driving the white van that followed me from Dr. De Jong’s.”

  He nodded. “Lieutenant Shatley said there were no fingerprints on the broom handle that was used to kill
Vito. They have no leads.”

  “Not even Terry? He did seem like a real sick man. I mean, didn’t Terry kill him?”

  “Or Spike.”

  I disliked the guy, but murder? “Do you think he did?”

  “Sherlock, I don’t think in this business. It’s all common sense. We find evidence and tie two and two together, then deliver it to the cops.” With that he stood, leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. “Get some sleep.”

  I stood and walked to the door. “Okay. You too.” When I walked toward my room, I touched my forehead. Couldn’t I have come up with something better, maybe more romantic? Then again, he had kissed my forehead, like one of my brothers.

  The next day passed along as usual. A few patients had “incidents” that ended them up in wet packs or solitary confinement. I successfully avoided swallowing the Green Demon all day and met up with Mason and Margaret for meals. Novitiate Lalli was nowhere to be found. We concluded that she either had the day off or was working another shift since she’d worked last night. It seemed the staff changed shifts around here quite often. That was odd to me, but then again, this was a mental institution. I couldn’t compare working here to working on an obstetrical ward at a regular hospital.

  After dinner, I sat in the television dayroom while Margaret and Mason went to the other one to see if they could find out anything. Good luck, I thought. I hoped they would do better than I could around here. My only hope was talking to Joanna, who was once again arguing about the television remote with the older man in the red pajamas.

  Oh, well. It wasn’t as if I had anything better to do. I got up and went over to the glass window of the nurses’ station, which was part of the dayroom. Sister Barbie was working the evening shift. “Hi, Sister.”

  Ignoring me, she kept working on the computer. Damn. I leaned a little closer to the opening in the glass window where patients had to talk into. “Good evening, Sister Barbara.”

  She slowly finished typing and looked up. “Oh, Pauline. I didn’t hear you. Sorry. Have you been there long?”

  Good. I didn’t want to be on all the staff’s black list. “No. I just wanted to tell you that Joanna and … I don’t know the gentleman’s name but he is wearing the red pajamas—are arguing about the remote—”

  The plastic Barbie doll came flying at me, hitting my shoulder. I felt the key Jagger had given me pinch into my skin. “Ouch!”

  Sister and Vinny were up and hurrying over to Joanna. They talked to both patients while I picked up Missile Barbie. The staff had Joanna fairly calm now though she insisted she had nothing to do with the doll flying at me. The man in red was watching whatever was on the television.

  I started to walk toward Joanna and had a thought. I learned “Santa’s” name was Stanley when I heard Sister Barbara call him. He moved to a chair that was closer to the television. I smiled to myself wondering why he even cared what was on TV, as he’d probably be fast asleep soon. They didn’t whisk Joanna off. She sat there silently. I held the Barbie doll close and sat next to her.

  Joanna didn’t look at me.

  I looked around the dayroom. No one was paying attention. Vinny, now back on his perch, was reading a magazine. So I held the Barbie doll up on my lap and in my best high-pitched tone said, “Joanna, I’m glad you are all right.”

  She looked at Barbie. “Yeah, right. Big help you were.”

  I bent Barbie forward in an apologetic stance. “I am sorry. Will you still be my friend?”

  Joanna paused. Thank goodness she didn’t look at me. I think the poor thing really thought the doll was talking to her. Then again, judging by her past behavior, I guessed a doll talking to her wasn’t anything new to Joanna.

  I leaned Barbie closer to her. I pushed her left hand out with my finger. Good thing I had nieces that I’d played with in the past. “Hey, Joanna, let’s talk about that nun. The young one who dresses differently from the others.”

  Joanna stared at Barbie and then patted her plastic hand. I couldn’t believe she didn’t yank the doll from my hold. I wondered if Joanna was enjoying the Barbie doll being animated on its own.

  “Lalli. I told you her name was Lalli.”

  “Yeah, she’s the one. Let’s talk about her. It’ll be fun!”

  Santa snored.

  Joanna’s attention was broken.

  Damn. Thinking quickly, I raised both of Barbie’s hands and “hugged” Joanna. “I love you,” I sang out.

  She pulled her glance back to the doll. “Then eat your bread at breakfast.”

  Barbie doll nodded. “Tell me more about Lalli. I think she’s mean.”

  “We know she is mean. She always makes me put you to bed when you are done with breakfast. I hope that man gets her in trouble.”

  My eyebrows rose—and I think Barbie’s did too.

  “Trouble?” Barbie asked.

  “Yeah,” Joanna whispered. “You know they are dating. They actually live together. Ha. Ha. Ha.” She looked as if she’d just told a hilarious joke.

  Me, I was stuck on the “are” part. Spike and Lalli were still living together?

  “Tell me more! Tell me more!” Barbie insisted. I almost felt that if I let her go, she’d still keep talking—as if she was taking control.

  I shook my head and persisted.

  “Shh!” Joanna ordered. “Don’t be so loud.”

  I thought my “ventriloquist” voice was barely audible. But I softened it further. “Yes, Joanna. And I will eat my bread.”

  She smiled. “Okay. Well, they live in such a poor neighborhood, with her father too, that Lalli’s relative came up with a wonderful idea to make money. They are all so smart!”

  “What relative?”

  “I … Joanna doesn’t know. Lalli never said a name, but she did say she was pissed at them and hoped Spike would go back to jail with them all.” She leaned close to the doll and stroked her hair. “Lalli doesn’t think she’s getting enough of the money. Wants a bigger cut.”

  Bingo!

  Suddenly I caught the Barbie doll looking at me and wanted to say, “What?” Then I realized what she was trying to tell me. How reliable was Joanna? Damn it all. This sounded too good to be true.

  Motive.

  I may have stumbled upon the motive for the fraud scam.

  Joanna was yanking at Barbie. “I asked you a question!”

  Darn. I hadn’t heard it. “Sorry, Joanna. I didn’t—”

  Before I knew it, Barbie was flying across the room yet again. Joanna had grabbed her and scratched my hand in the process. Vinny was up and out of his chair in seconds, subduing a freaked-out Joanna, who kept screaming about the insolent Barbie.

  I rubbed my hand and sat back.

  Santa, obviously awakened by the noise, looked at me. “If she thinks she’s getting another one of those for Christmas, she’s whacky.”

  I could only wonder at the thought of Santa speaking like that.

  In all the hubbub, Dr. Dick came walking into the unit. He whisked me off to the exam room, and before I knew it, I was filling Jagger in on the entire scoop.

  He nodded. “Good job, Sherlock.”

  That was better than getting out on a pass.

  “So, can you check on all of that to see if it’s real?” I asked.

  “Done.”

  “You already did?” My voice sounded shocked and disappointed all at once.

  Jagger chuckled. “No, Sherlock, I didn’t already do it. I meant ‘done’ as in, ‘You got it.’ I’ll do it.”

  “Oh.” I leaned back on the exam table. “Now we need to find out who Lalli’s relatives are.”

  Jagger looked at me as if to say, “No kidding,” but he didn’t. He didn’t say the words and embarrass me further. What he did say was, “I’ll see if I can find out. Shatley may have more info now or at least maybe get more with all that you have given us.”

  I puffed up like a stupid peacock. Made me think of Goldie.

  “Shatley did say Spike is out after being q
uestioned.”

  Damn. But I wasn’t going to let that get me down. I needed my moment of glory.

  Jagger must have noticed my peacock stance and said, “Well, Sherlock, guess it was worth it to get you into this place.”

  My bubble broke when I remembered him standing in the doorway at Bradley International Airport and watching me get taken away. But, damn it all, he was right.

  We were getting very close to ending this fraud ring and sending innocent victims like Mason and Margaret home.

  Deciding to be big about it, I said, “You know, Jag, it was worth it. I can just picture Margaret getting back with her family and hugging Kyle.”

  “Kids should be with their folks,” he said.

  Taken aback, I looked at him and noticed a sadness in his eyes. Where had Jagger come from, and was he talking about something to do with him? His childhood?

  Before I knew it, he gently lifted me to stand and took me into his arms! He held me for a few seconds and then looked at me. “You have the key?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m going to talk to Lieutenant Shatley. When I find out where Lalli and Spike live, I’ll take a look. In the meantime, stay out of your room and in the dayroom with the TV. The busier room. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  He brushed some hair from my forehead and after I nodded (since I couldn’t speak), he leaned forward and kissed me again.

  Not at all like a brother.

  I watched a rerun of Gilligan’s Island with Santa and a few other patients. Jackie Dee, now terribly bald on the back of her head, had been moved to Ward 200B. I said a prayer to Saint Theresa for her.

  Callie Jo slept near Vinny, who apparently was doing a double shift since Spike was gone.

  I know Jagger had told me to stay out here, but I had to go to the little girls’ room. So, I walked down toward my room with an eagle eye out. No one seemed suspicious. But when I got to the end of the hallway, I noticed the night staff coming in the door from the tunnel.

  Novitiate Lalli was there.

  Damn.

  I scooted into my room and went into the john. There on the sink sat a can of pine-scented Renuzit. For a second I feared someone had connected me to my mother. My family. But that was ridiculous. Even if there were spies on this unit, no one could have ever known about my “always soothing, nostalgic fetish.”