by Sally Henson
Guilt punches me upside the head. I close my eyes and hide my face in her hair. Maybe I should just come clean about the agreement with her dad. That would be a lousy Christmas present though. I put that surprise back in its box for after the holidays.
“I don’t have your present with me. You know that song I told you I was writing?” I ask.
“The one you played in your dorm after you doctored me up?”
I chuckle at the nickname of Dr. Love she gave me. “Yeah. I wanted to give that to you for Christmas, but it’s not done. Writing a song is harder than it sounds.”
She kisses my neck and squeezes so hard she almost chokes me. “Just the idea of you writing me a song is enough.”
I pull back to see the specks of sunshine in her blue eyes. “You might think it’s crap, so don’t get too excited.”
Last semester, I teased her about a little red bikini when she came to campus. I actually got her one, for my eyes only, but I’m kind of chicken to give it to her. It’s wrapped in shiny red paper with a white bow, tucked in my underwear drawer. I do have an awesome bottle of perfume too. The kind that I could track along her soft skin and breathe in all night long “I do have something. It’s at the house.”
She pulls away and looks at me with a scowl. “I was serious when I said all I wanted for Christmas was you. The phone is enough for at least two years.”
“It was already too late,” I say and kiss her on the tip of her nose. And then the mouth. I want to stay here for a while. I miss this, being close to her—kissing her, when I’m gone, but I can’t get out of dinner with my grandparents tonight. As much as I do not want to stop, I separate my lips from her, face the steering wheel. I turn on the lights and put the truck in gear.
Instead of buckling up, she stays next to me and asks, “Anyone home at your house?”
“Everyone. We’re going to my grandparents’ tonight, remember?” I told her about it last week before her brother showed up. If he wasn’t home, I’d take her with me. He made it clear he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, so it was either take her to Cam’s or go to my grandparents. Not both. Of course, that was between him and me. Ugh, I get tired of keeping stuff from her.
“Oh, yeah. Maybe I’ll go with you.” She lays her head on my shoulder as we pull back on to the blacktop.
“Linc’s been with your parents all day. Your dad didn’t say much at dinner the other night. You think your brother will survive without you?”
“I don’t know.” She groans. “At least Dad hasn’t kicked him out yet.”
“Great. Now I will have nightmares about that day,” I tease. The urge of telling her about how I’ve been able to see her burns in my chest. Even if it wasn’t Christmas, it is a terrible idea to tell her while Lincoln is here.
Regan might say something to him about it and boom. He blows up at me and her dad. Then Regan’s hopes of getting her family back disappear.
Her lips touch the skin next to my ear as she whispers, “I’ll be dreaming about you playing my song.”
This girl has no idea what she does to me. We make another pit stop before her house. Needless to say, Regan will be the one who fills my dreams tonight.
11
REGAN
Mom rises from the table, where we are all sitting, with her coffee cup in hand.
Lincoln stands and offers—“I can get that, Mom.”—as he walks into the kitchen.
“Thank you, sweetie. I need to check on the ham.”
“Dad, you want more?” he asks.
Dad looks into his cup. “Yes. Half of a cup to warm what I have.”
“Don’t you think it’s about time to open presents?” Linc asks as he passes by with the carafe. The smell of coffee hangs in his wake.
I look across the table into the kitchen and watch Mom adjust the knobs on the stove. Her cheeks are rosy and seemed to be stuck in a permanent smile since Lincoln came home. There was a time when Mom made a big dinner every year. We all played games at the table just like this. Even the aroma of coffee mixed with dinner is familiar. I smile at the thought, the feeling, of home. This house hasn’t been home for months, maybe not even since Lincoln still lived here.
Christmas used to be like this. Pleasant. Happy.
A satisfied smile dances on my lips. Right now at this very moment, it’s like the last three years never happened. Even my heart feels as though it has stretched into a smile.
“Waiting this long used to drive us insane. Remember that, Regan?” Linc asks, filling Dad’s mug.
“Yeah,” I agree with a snicker. “It was kid torture.”
Dad asks the next question in the game as Linc places the carafe on the coffee warmer. “What is the scientific name for a rabbit’s tail?”
“Cotton tail!” Mom calls from the kitchen.
That garners a laugh from everyone.
I wish Lane could see the results of the prayer he promised to say for me last night. Since Mom’s called me sweetie a few times today, hugged me, and I even caught Dad smiling a couple times during breakfast, there might be hope for this family yet.
“Good one.” Linc chuckles as he takes his seat. “This is the kind of useless information Lane would know.”
“It’s called a scut. And this is not useless information,” Dad says, passing the cards to me.
Linc and Dad sip their coffee and have a mini-staredown.
My stomach tightens for the first time today.
Linc’s on the verge of smiling, which is the total opposite of Dad. One stupid game question. Is that all it takes to change happy family time? I hope not.
The sweet and salty ham aroma overtakes every other delicious smell. Mom says, “This ham is almost done.” The oven door squeaks shut. Mom comes back through the dining area. “Let’s go to the living room.”
I stand and Linc steps beside me, draping his arm around my shoulders. “It’s present time.”
“I can’t wait for you to open mine.” I nudge his side. It was a last-minute thing, but it makes a funny gag gift.
“Why don’t you hand out the presents, Regan?” Mom asks while everyone finds a place to park.
I’ve missed that “mom” smile. The one that says I love you without saying a word.
“Okay.” I give each person their gifts, and we all begin at the same time.
The sound of ripping paper fills the air. I pick up a package with green Holly print wrapping I’m sure is a book. When I slip the rest of the paper off, disappointment crushes my chest.
Hiring Now: The Top 10 Healthcare Jobs for the Next 10 Years. That’s the book Dad gives me?
Even at Christmas, he makes his feelings about marine science clear.
“Nice,” Linc grumbles.
I look up to see him shaking his head at my gift.
“Thanks, Dad.” I try not to let it weigh me down too much and move on. He probably bought this when he was trying to talk me in to a healthcare field.
Mom got me a sweater and a flannel shirt Tobi would approve of. My stocking had Columbia blue fuzzy socks, a tube of honeysuckle-scented lotion, and a tube of cherry-flavored lip gloss. Nice. Linc’s gift to me is heavier than it looks. I tear off a strip of paper down the middle of the box and see a white apple. My breath catches in my throat.
I stop my excitement before it goes too far. He re-used the box, that’s all. I lift the lid, trying in vain not to get my hopes up. I gasp. Yes, he did! “What?” I turn to Lincoln. “A Mac Book?” I crawl over the wrapping paper at the speed of light and squeeze him. “Lincoln. You shouldn't have. Oh, my gosh. You do not understand how much this will help me with my dual credit classes.”
He pats my back. “You’re welcome.”
I release him and gaze upon the beautiful, sleek exterior. Words rattle out of my mouth as I continue opening the best gift ever. I’m so in awe, I’m almost afraid to touch it.
“My goodness, Lincoln, that’s quite a gift,” Mom says.
Dad grumbles, “An expensiv
e gift.” The tone of his voice has me pausing, but I decide it’s a Christmas gift. Dad might think it’s too expensive of a gift, but he wouldn’t make me give it back. I don’t think. I hope not.
“Get that puppy out of the box and charge it up.” Linc gathers all the wrapping paper around me and wads it in a ball with everyone else’s.
“Thank you so much!” I hug him again and bounce with excitement all the way to the kitchen counter and plug it in.
“If you take care of it,” Lincoln says, “it should last for years. One step closer to your dream coming true.”
My smile falters on the dream comment. I do need it for writing papers, and I heard they have great video editing software. That might be fun to learn. After I set it on the countertop and plug everything in, I ask, “Hey, how did you like what I got you?”
Linc grabs the shirt from his shoulder and smooths it across his chest. “Princess?” He laughs at the hot pink, glittery word written across the black T-Shirt. “I’ve got plans for this baby.”
“Regan, would you put this on?” Mom hands me the Dinah Washington CD I got her. “And then try on your sweater. I want to see how it looks.”
I put on the music and practically skip down the hall to my room to slip on the sweater. But when I come back out, Dad and Linc’s bickering hit me in the face.
My excitement dies a little. I make my way back and interrupt, “Hey, Dad, what do you think about the book I got you?”
He gives me a short, monotone answer. “It looks interesting. Thank you.”
“The sweater looks nice, sweetie,” Mom says. “Go try on the shirt.”
A part of me thinks if I stay, I can prevent anything escalating between my brother and Dad, but I want to keep the smile on Mom’s face too. On my way down the hall, I wonder if I could bottle the mom since Lincoln’s been home up and save her for when he’s gone again.
Dad’s voice seeps under my door, saying something is not appropriate. I rip the sweater off and put on the shirt, quickly buttoning it up so I can get back out there.
Linc has the book Dad gave me in his hand when I round the corner. “So this is an appropriate gift?” He barks out a bitter laugh and tosses the book on the sofa.
Dad straightens his already rigid posture. “It’s tradition to buy books for Christmas.”
“Mom, did you know that Dad has Regan convinced she’s not going to college? That she’s stuck working in that factory with him?”
All the air from my lungs whoosh out in one deflating blow. I squeeze my eyes shut and say a silent prayer for help.
“Regan, you don’t think that, do you?” Mom’s soft voice rings out.
It’s getting hard to breathe with all this tension pushing in on my chest. I open my eyes and meet Mom’s gaze, giving a quick shrug. I look down to the floor between us.
“Tim?” Mom asks.
“I have never said you shouldn’t go to college, Regan.”
I want to scream and shout, “You want me to stay in this godforsaken town and work at the factory!” But what’s the point of saying what I think? It won’t change anything.
Linc puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer. “Did you know that her guidance counselor says Regan has an aptitude for the marine sciences?”
“People have aptitudes for all kinds of things. That doesn’t mean they should do them.” I cringe, knowing Linc’s arm isn’t enough to protect me from the harshness of Dad’s words.
“Did you know that a college in Florida has been sending scholarship information to Regan’s friend’s house because she’s afraid for you to see it?”
The sting of tears prick my eyes. “Linc, stop.”
He looks at me and shakes his head. “The same college has a summer camp that gives high school students hands-on experience in everything marine science. And Regan’s been invited to apply.”
Dad stands. “That’s enough.”
“She doesn’t want to work at the factory, Dad. She doesn’t even want to stay in this town.”
Mom rubs her fingers at her temples. This is déja vu. Except it was Dad and me going at it last time.
Dad folds his arms tight across his chest. “You think you know? Let me tell you, you don’t know a thing. You’re the one who left this family.”
“You’re making a mistake. You’re doing the same damn thing to her as you did to me.”
“Don’t you swear in this house!” Dad points a finger at Linc. “And don’t you dare tell me how to raise my daughter.”
“I should have known you wouldn’t change. Forcing me into biology didn’t work, and it won’t work on Regan either. Let her decide. Let her live her own life.”
Dad takes a step closer to Lincoln. “You think you can come back to my house and tell me what to do?”
Lincoln doesn’t back down. “I came back here because I missed my family. I came back for Mom and Regan. I came back because I thought time would have given you as much perspective as it has me.” He drops his arm from my shoulder and moves closer to Dad. “But you’re still just as hard-headed and controlling as you were when I left.”
“I don’t want you around here filling Regan’s head with garbage about following your dream and everything will be okay.”
“Tim,” Mom says in a hiss, stepping between them.
The muscles in Lincoln’s jaw flex as he takes a step back. In one swift motion, he scoops up his gifts and brushes by me, heading down the hall.
“You’re still a rebellious boy who thinks he knows it all and refuses to see reason,” Dad barrels back.
I want to ask Dad what his problem is—tell Mom not to let this happen again. Every muscle in my body is frozen. I can’t move or speak. Paralyzed with fear that I won’t see my brother for another three years or ever.
Mom wipes the tears from her cheeks, shoots Dad a few daggers with her eyes, and crosses the room to turn off her music. I don’t remember ever seeing a death stare like that on my mom’s face, but that’s all she does. She won’t take a stand.
Merry Christmas, Stone family.
As soon as I’m able to get my body moving, I take off down the hall.
Linc comes out of his room with his coat, shoes on, and bag in tow.
A vice torques down on my chest, and I stop in front of him. “Wait. Are—are you leaving?”
Linc gives me a one-armed hug and kisses my head. “Don’t let him control your life,” he whispers. “Promise me?”
I stare up at him, not knowing what to say.
He grips my shoulder and gives me a shake, saying, “Promise me.”
“Don’t leave,” I plead.
He sighs. “I’ll see you before I leave town.”
“Where are you going?”
Dad comes into view at the end of the hall. “Running off again?”
Lincoln growls under his breath and heads straight for him.
“Lincoln?” Mom calls in a strained voice from the kitchen.
I trail him down the hall.
Linc veers away from Dad toward the kitchen. I catch up in time to see him embrace Mom.
“Stay. Please stay.” Tears slide down Mom’s cheeks.
Dad goes back to the living room. I look back and forth from the hallway between my parents. Dad opens the paper as if it’s any other day and his only son isn’t about to leave the house and never be heard from again.
“I love you.” Linc says his final words and walks out the door.
A sob escapes out of Mom as soon as the door shuts.
That’s it? He’s gone and life goes on?
My heart bounces against my chest, nearing panic mode. Mom may not take a stand, but I can’t let Linc leave without me.
I run back to my room and slip on my shoes and coat. My mind races about what Dad will do if I leave. The last time I went against him, it didn’t go so well. I suck in a deep breath and rub my eyes. Screw it. I don’t care if I get grounded. Linc can’t leave without me. Not on Christmas.
I grab my
phone and purse off my dresser and bolt down the hallway. “I’ll call you later,” I say to Mom as I swipe her car keys off the counter.
“Don’t you dare—” Dad threatens, but I slam the door before he finishes.
12
LANE
I shut the door of Tobi’s barn and kick off my shoes next to Regan’s before heading upstairs. Lincoln and Regan are in a heated discussion. I stop to listen for a minute.
“I’ll talk to Mom about it. You can’t give up like this. You’ll end up regretting it like me. Is that what you want?” Lincoln asks.
“No, but Dad has already made his mind up. You weren’t there the night we had our fight,” she says. “It’s not worth it. I almost lost Lane, and I can’t lose him.”
Regan doesn’t know it, but I made a deal with her dad so I wouldn’t lose her. That’s how much she means to me. Who did she get a hold of when she needed someone tonight? Me. She’s my family. And I told her exactly that when she sent me the message about leaving with her brother. I love her, and I think she loves me the same way.
“What’s the deal with you two?” Linc asks. “You seem very…close.”
“Of course, we’re close,” she snaps. “We’ve been friends since we were in diapers. And we’ve been more than that going on six months, so…”
“How do you know he’s not seeing someone at school?” he asks. “Guys in bands have a reputation for a reason.”
If Lincoln wants to bad-mouth me, he can do it to my face. I climb the rest of the steps and interrupt, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” When I reach the top of the stairs, I hold my gifts up. I make sure to give Linc a long enough stare that he knows I heard him.
Regan stands and meets me. “Merry Christmas,” she says as she slides her arms around my waist. “You didn’t have to come.” And then she whispers, “But I’m glad you did.” She turns back to Linc. “I’m going to the restroom and make a call to Tobi.” She gives me a smile before ducking down the stairs.
“Water?” I ask Lincoln, setting the half-full package of water bottles on the dining table.
