by Sally Henson
“Yeah. What’s in the bowl?” he asks.
“Cookies.”
“Sounds good,” he says, placing a hand on his stomach. “We left before supper.”
I grab three water bottles and cross the room with the Christmas cookies. “Here.” I hand him a bottle and have a seat on the opposite end of the sofa.
He takes a swig. “So, you heard my comment about the band?”
“Yeah, I heard.” I eye him, unscrew the cap, and take a drink.
“What the hell’s been going on?” he growls. “Regan’s as big as a twig, she’s given up on marine science, and maybe even college all together? Tell me before she gets back.”
“I told you everything. About her fight with your dad and getting grounded.” I shrug. What else does he want from me?
Linc nods. “Are you sleeping with her?”
How did I know this was coming? “Come on, man. We already went over this. You know I’m not.”
Linc’s jaw tightens. “No, I don’t know that. Why is she so thin?”
“After she got into it with Tim, she hid out in her room all the time. And the thing with Tobi and Haylee made things worse.” I rub the back of my neck. It’s not something I want to relive. “It messed her up. The band plays on Friday nights, and I couldn’t come home until the next day. She felt alone. She didn’t eat much.”
His deep-set eyes bore into me. “You didn’t say she got that bad. Damn.” He scrubs a hand across his jaw. “No groupies?” he asks, but it’s more of a growl.
I shake my head. “Nope. She got some bad information that I was with another girl at a show and she shut down.”
“You failed to mention that part when I asked you before.” He clenches his jaw closed. The muscle on his cheek flexes like a pulse. He finally spits out what he is thinking, “When I left, I said to take care of her, not fall in love with her.” He lets out a curse and rubs the stubble on his face. His gaze lifts to the tall ceiling and he mutters, “I wish I could stick around here for her.”
I shake my head and scoff. “No, you don’t. You’ve been out of her life for three years. No calls, messages, postcards—nothing. And then you drop in for a couple of hours one night and disappear again. She’s been trying to talk to you for months, and you never even responded.”
“Things happened after that night that were out of my control.” He curses again. “I wasn’t able to.”
“Whatever.” I slide to the end of the leather cushion and toss my hand in the air. “I care about Regan, and I’ve been here the whole time. So don’t get on my case for being more than friends with her.”
“I care about her too. I’m her brother, remember.”
“Yeah? Maybe you should prove it.” I narrow my eyes at him. I put up with his interrogation the night he stayed at my dorm because I expected it. Any guy worth two cents as a brother would do it. But he’s making things worse for Regan and acting as if I’m the problem.
“I plan on it.” He opens the container and stuffs a cookie in his mouth. “How did you get dating privileges while she was grounded?”
I shrug and take another drink. Because I’m a selfish jerk who wants Regan all to myself and will do whatever it takes to make sure it happens. Even stomping on her dreams. But Lincoln doesn’t need to know that. “Your dad likes me.”
Linc narrows his eyes, burning my conscience, and it’s all I can do to keep my secret from slipping out. I turn toward the footsteps on the stairs and watch as Regan returns. Linc would seriously kick my butt if he knew how I received my dating privileges.
13
REGAN
Lane exits the interstate, and the weight of my brother leaving sinks like a fifty-pound boulder into my stomach. Who knows when I’ll get to see him again?
“I want you to cut Mom some slack,” Linc says above the squeak of the wiper blade against the windshield.
I turn and look at him in the back seat. “Cut her slack for pretending I didn’t exist? I thought you, of all people, would get what it’s like.”
He heaves a deep breath, causing the window he’s looking out to fog up. Everything looks blurry and distorted through the moisture-covered glass. Linc meets my gaze. “It’s hard for her too. How would you like to be married to Dad?”
I roll my eyes and sit back in the passenger seat.
“Hit the books and put that computer to good use too. Jessica will let me know if you slack off again.”
I draw my eyebrows together. “Jessica?” I ask even though I know exactly who he’s talking about.
“Miss Braun,” he says. “Your guidance counselor.”
I scoff. “How’d she get your number?”
He chuckles. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Are you serious?” I turn back around. “She’s a teacher and my youth sponsor. Besides, you’ll be a thousand miles away.”
“I know you live in the dark ages at home, but there is a thing called the internet that can be easily used for communication.”
Lane chuckles but stays out of the conversation. He pulls into the fast food burger joint where Lincoln is meeting Mr. Warren.
The boulder rolls in my stomach, and I want desperately to lock the doors and not let my brother out. We bicker a little and growl at each other, but he is still my brother and I’ve missed him being around.
Lane puts his hand on mine, giving it a squeeze as he pulls into a parking spot. The prick of tears burns, causing me to close my eyes. I want to be strong, but I hate saying goodbye. It seems like he just got here.
“Apply to that camp in Florida,” Lincoln says in a demanding voice as Lane shuts the engine off. “You hear me?”
“I don’t know, Lincoln. It’s so expensive and far and…”
“I’ll come see you,” he says. “It’s only three hours away from where I’m stationed. Promise me,” he says. Softer this time around. “Just apply and then see where it goes.”
Lane speaks up. “It’s okay if she doesn’t want to go. Don’t push her into it.” He climbs out of his mom’s car and walks around to my side.
Linc squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t listen to him. Promise you’ll apply.”
The first tear trails down my cheek. I nod, not sure that I can follow through with it. How can I get my hopes up again only to have them ripped away?
Lane opens my door. I swipe the tear away, unbuckle, and step out. My brother is already outside when Lane shuts my door.
“I’m so glad you came home.” I lock Lincoln in a bear hug and tell my heart this won’t be the last time. “I love you.”
“Me too,” he whispers.
I hear the click of a camera. “Smile,” Lane says with his phone camera aimed at us.
I swipe under my eyes in case my mascara is smudged and pose with my big brother.
Lane takes a few more and says, “I’ll send them to you.”
My brother shoves his hands in his coat pockets and asks, “Give me a minute with Lane?”
I look to Lane. His eyebrows arch high on his brow. He glances back and forth between Linc and me, and then gives me a nod.
I know Lane is saying it’s okay, but he doesn’t keep anything from me, and I’d rather stay.
Lincoln shakes his head. “Sis, come on.” He pulls out his wallet and hands me a five-dollar bill. “Here. Go get two hot chocolates.”
I take the money and glance back at Lane as I walk away. Linc will probably give Lane the “I’m the big brother and will destroy you if you hurt my sister routine.” Or maybe the “look out for my sister or else” routine. Who am I kidding? Linc will give him both.
After I get the hot drinks, I head back outside.
“Got it?” Lincoln asks.
“Yeah,” Lane says, catching my eye as I approach. They shake hands, and Lane takes one of the cups from me.
My gaze jets back and forth between them while my brother checks his phone. “Matt will be here in a minute. You guys go ahead and take off.”
“We can wait w
ith you,” I say, hoping for a few more minutes with him.
“I love you, sis.” He hugs me for the last time. “Don’t give up. Everything will work out.”
I nod against his coat, but the lump in my throat keeps me from speaking.
A truck rumbles through the parking area, and Lincoln releases me. He adjusts the strap of his bag on his shoulder and takes a few backward steps toward the restaurant. He narrows his gaze on Lane, and then me, and says, “I’ll let you know when I make it back.”
I nod and wave. “Bye.”
He smiles and turns for the doors of the restaurant.
I stand and watch him until he disappears. Christmas together was supposed to build a bridge between Dad and Linc. Instead, a blazing fire consumed what little was left. It will take a miracle to bring this family back together.
Lane steps behind me, slipping his arm around my waist, and kisses me through my hair. “Let’s head back to Tobi’s.”
I squeeze his arms, enjoying the warmth he gives me. Lane’s been with me through it all. We have no secrets—no lies to keep us apart—no burnt bridges. We are each other’s past and future. He is my family.
14
REGAN
We park at the barn. As soon as I slide out behind Lane, he laces his fingers with mine, and we hurry through the frigid air into the barn.
“Hey,” he says, pulling me close. “Are you okay? You haven’t said much since we left Effingham.” Lane rarely minds when I’m quiet. I love that about him. But it’s a big deal when your brother drops in for Christmas, your family blows up again, and then he leaves you behind.
“Yeah.” I snuggle into his arms and breathe in the hint of cologne and fresh air on his coat. “As long as I have you, I’ll be okay.”
We stand there, unmoving, holding each other. But soon the thought of how much work is ahead of us infiltrates my brain.
I rattle off what we need to do to clean up after my brother. We slip off our shoes and coats by the door and get busy.
“I’ll start in the bathroom,” I say. “The whole thing needs cleaned. Maybe I should have let Linc go to a motel.”
“It won’t take long. I’ll start upstairs,” Lane says and climbs the steps.
After I clean the bathroom, I check the kitchen area and it looks as if Lincoln cleaned up after himself here. Maybe the Navy changed the teen slob my brother used to be.
I climb the stairs to see if Lane needs help. Music reaches me halfway up. It’s the soft, dreamy kind that either makes you want to sigh, cry, or vomit. I sigh and float to the landing. Lane’s kicked back on the sofa, looking at his phone. I scan the loft. Everything looks in place and clean.
“Did you take the trash out?” I ask.
“Yep.” He cranes his neck to see me. “It's in the bed of my pickup.”
“Did you grab the laundry I threw out by the door?” I ask. I forgot to check.
“Yes,” Lane sings. “I put it in a trash bag in the cab.”
One by one, I mark the checklist in my head off until I think we’ve covered everything.
“Anything else?” Lane asks with a chuckle.
“I think that's it. You ready?” I wait for him by the stairs.
He stands and crosses the room. “Let’s stay for a while. Tobi would disown us if we didn’t take advantage of this place.”
He switches the light off and leads me back to the sofa. A group of lit candles on the ottoman tray catch my eye. I scan the rest of the loft and see a few more candles glowing. I didn't notice them when the lights were on. All I can smell right now is bleach from cleaning.
We sit down on the sofa.
Lane lifts my legs and swivels them around to rest on his lap.
“Foot rub?” he asks.
Who in their right mind would say no to having their feet massaged? “Yes, please.” I giggle and rest my head on the arm of the sofa, settling into the leather cushion.
Lane, the candles, this sofa…it reminds me of the last time we were here alone. That night was filled with sweet kisses. I let my eyes fall shut. My body sighs just thinking about the sunset science from Lane’s lips. This barn is pretty special
Lane's thumbs press against my foot. I melt like butter. “Mm, that feels so good.” I sigh. “I love having my feet massaged.” I sigh again.
“So why is Lincoln making such a big deal about a summer camp?” he asks.
I haven't said much about it to Lane. “Miss Braun told him it was perfect for me.”
“It’s in Florida?” he asks.
“Yeah. She says it’s hands-on marine science. Exclusive. Expensive.” I sigh, longing for the chance.
He pushes his thumb in a slow circle on the ball of my foot as the music plays in the background. “Is it at Eckerd?” he asks.
“Yeah,” It comes out in a whisper. My muscles are so loose, I barely have enough strength to push the air out of my lungs. He really needs to do this more often.
Another love song begins to play. “How’s that going to help you? You don’t have a way to get there. Your dad sure won’t fork out any money for it.”
Lane gets it. I open one eye and peek at him. “That’s what I told them.”
He starts on my other foot. My other eye pops open. “Oh, Lane,” I moan. “You are so good at this.” The corner of his mouth tugs up, and he gets that kiss me look, but he doesn't make a move. My lids slide down as he continues to work his magic.
“I thought we decided you would to come to Eastern with me?” He kneads a little harder. I look at him.
“I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in this place, and it’s so depressing. And then Linc comes around and pumps me up, saying I can do anything.” I shake my head. “It would be great to go, try it out for the summer, see if it really is what I want to do.”
He leans up on his elbows and stares at me with his eyebrows pulled into a deep V. “The summer? As in all summer? I thought it was a camp?”
I smile at the thought of learning about coastal environment. “It’s a summer-long camp. Can you believe there’s a chance I could go to something like this? I didn’t even know it existed.”
He turns his head, gaze fixed on the candles arranged on the tray. The light flickers across his cheek, casting a warm filter like in a romantic music video.
“What about us?”
I lean up on my elbows. “What do you mean?”
He sits up, gripping under my knees to pull me closer. My legs drape over his, and I sit up too. “You say Saturday and Sundays aren’t enough time together, and now you want to be gone the whole summer?”
“I didn’t think marine science was an option anymore. But Linc’s right. I can’t just give up like he did. When am I going to have an opportunity like this again?”
A rush of air pushes through his nostrils. “So when it’s me doing something I love, I’m supposed to give it up for you, but you won’t do the same for me?”
“Wait, what?” I straighten. “You’re not giving up the band for me. I haven’t asked you to do that.”
“I don’t play with the band when they’re scheduled for Saturday nights. I gave that up for you. To be with you because you needed me.” He runs his hand through his hair.
“I—” I stutter, my stomach hardening. “I didn’t know that. I never wanted you to give up anything you loved.”
“You stopped eating. Stopped caring about your grades. Stopped talking to your parents and friends. And even me.” He slides my legs from his, stands, and paces in front of the ottoman. “You scared me, Regan. What was I supposed to do?”
If he’s giving up something he loves—for me—I don’t want that. Have I turned into the crazy, possessive, jealous girlfriend? I call his attention back to me. “Lane?”
He stops and looks at me. His tight lips and furrowed brow says it’s true.
A tear spills over my eyelash. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to give up what you love. If that means not coming home some weekends, I will have to
deal with it.”
He blows out a loud breath and looks at me with those beautiful soul-piercing eyes.
I scoot against the back of the sofa and hug my legs. “The message you sent me after Linc and Dad’s fight, you are my family, that’s…that’s how I feel about you too.”
He takes a seat next to me. “It’s more than that.” He swivels, prying my hands from my legs to fit in his. He looks down at our fingers and swallows.
A flush of red spreads from his ears to his cheeks. The concrete block finally drops in my stomach, and I close my eyes to brace myself for the “but” that’s about to come out of his mouth.
Lane pulls his hand from mine. That movement squeezes my heart, and I press my lips together to hide the pain.
His thumb grazes my skin as he fits his palm to my cheek, and it causes my eyes to close. I’m used to bad things happening. But I’m not sure what this means. I lean into his warmth. Lane and me together is the best thing I have. I don’t think I could take losing him.
“Regan.”
I open my eyes to see his smile.
“I love you,” he says in that low voice that has a way of turning me inside out. “I’m in love with you.”
My jaw drops the same time my heart leaps into my throat. I swallow it down. “You love me…like best friends love each other?”
His other hand cradles my face. That pull he has on me turns on full force. “I love you, like, marry me some day, forever-kind-of-love.”
My heart flutters, moving double time. A rainbow of thoughts rush my brain, spinning it into chaos. Without my mind working, it makes the mending of my heart more noticeable. The hollow, beat up, bruised, bleeding heart I’ve been carrying with me for the past months doesn’t hurt right at this moment. It’s whole because of him. And despite my obvious flaws, Lane loves me.
I lean up on my knees, wrap my arms round him, and bury my face in his neck. “I love you too.”
He strokes my hair. “Spend the summer with me.” He leans back, kisses me, and whispers as softly as his lips, “Please.”
