More Than A Secret (More Than Best Friends Book 3)

by Sally Henson

“Morning,” Linc greets, handing me a plate of eggs.

  I give him a grunt and sit down at the table.

  “Do you want to go to church?” he asks, joining me with a pile of eggs and toast on his own plate. He still eats like a teenaged boy.

  I give him my are you serious look before taking a bite of toast, though I don’t know why because I’m not hungry. And the thought of seeing Lane or his family at church doesn’t help my appetite.

  One side of Lincoln’s mouth lifts as he readies a fork full of food to shovel in his mouth. “Just checking.”

  The phone rings. Linc pushes away from the table to answer it. “Hello?”

  His eyes dart to mine. Judging by the raised eyebrows and shake of his head, Lane is on the other end of the line. My brother returns to his seat, eyeing me the whole time. He has blue eyes like mine, minus the muddled yellow specs. “Hey, I told you to get on board.” He gives his head a shake. “She doesn’t want to talk to you. You blew it. That’s not a good idea. Okay.”

  Linc covers the receiver with his hand. “He wants to come over.”

  I shake my head. He came over last night and the night before. Thankfully, my brother didn’t let him in. When I called to Tobi yesterday, she said Lane called her. She told him off, but he sounded so pitiful, she kind of felt bad for him.

  “I asked. She doesn’t want to see you. You might as well quit calling too. She’ll call you if she wants to talk. Yeah, I know. You’ve told me a thousand times. Good-bye, Lane.” He pulls the phone from his ear and presses a button to end the call.

  Linc chuckles. “He’s got it bad for you.”

  The heaviness that’s lingered in my chest for days worsens. Another layer of my heart peels knowing he’s hurting too.

  “You want to talk about it?” Lincoln asks.

  I shrug, stirring my food around. “Am I overreacting or was that seriously messed up?”

  His brow pulls into a deep V. “It was messed up.”

  We eat quietly for a while before he breaks the silence. “Did you know Dad had a full ride scholarship to the U of I?”

  I cough out a laugh, shooting him a look.

  “It’s true. For biology.” He sips his coffee, watching me.

  “If that’s true, why didn't he go? And why is this the first I’ve heard of it?” I take a drink of my juice. Why does my family have to suck?

  Linc puts his mug down and leans back against his chair. “When his dad died, Grandma asked him to stay and take care of the family since he was the oldest. She couldn't make it on her own.”

  I tilt my head down and look up through my lashes. “Where did you hear this from?” I ask.

  “Aunt Lydi. She came to my Naval Recruit Training graduation in Chicago.”

  I raise my brows. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her before.”

  He shrugs and takes a drink of his coffee. “By the time his brothers were old enough to help, they didn't want to have anything to do with the farm. I guess they were pretty wild.”

  “Dad never talks about his family. Only that his sister lives in Wisconsin.”

  He nods. “Did you know Sam died of an overdose?”

  “No.” I lean back in my chair. It’s like I don’t even know my own father. “Dad just said his brothers died in a car accident.” Dad keeps secrets…does Mom?

  “Sam was driving drunk when Larry was killed.”

  “What? I didn’t know any of this.”

  He shrugs. “I didn’t either. Until I had another conversation with Aunt Lydi after Christmas. That’s probably why he was so strict with us. It could be why he tries to control our lives. He doesn’t want it to happen to us.”

  “Why are you just now telling me this stuff?”

  “I was having a hard enough time getting you to follow through with the camp. Besides, Mom didn’t even know about some of it.”

  The bites of eggs I took harden in my stomach with the mention of Eckerd’s summer program. I blew it. Gave it up for a lie. Tears prick my eyes. I rub the heels of my hands against them and rest my elbows on the table.

  Linc continues, “Want to hear my other theory?”

  “Sure.” I lean back against my chair.

  “Dad tried three times to go to college.” Linc counts them off on his fingers. “Once, his dad died. Second time, his brothers died. The third time, Mom got pregnant with me.”

  “That’s a theory?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “He doesn’t want us to face the same disappointments he has. He tried three times and his dreams never came true. I don't know. It's fu—uh…” he rubs the back of his neck— “screwed up. Maybe he was afraid to try anymore. Afraid to want it. Fear does strange things to people.”

  I shake my head, tossing my napkin on the plate. “Whatever happened in the past doesn’t mean what he did was okay.”

  “No, it doesn’t.” He takes a deep breath and blows it across his lips. “As much as I’d like to bust Lane in the mouth, I get why he did it. I could tell at Christmas he’s in love with you.” Linc picks up his mug and takes a long sip, watching me as he tips it up.

  I let out a scoff. “You don’t do that to someone you love.”

  He gathers our plates and takes them to the sink. “You’re seventeen. You still have another year of high school.” He turns his focus back to me. “The chances you two would’ve stayed together were slim to none anyway.”

  I drop my gaze to my lap. Another strip of my heart peels off. “I thought we were different.”

  The coffeepot rattles before the rush of liquid filling Lincoln’s mug. “We all live with our decisions. And non-decisions.” He sits back down at the table. “Do you want to be like Dad? Miserable the rest of your life because you let your dreams slip through your fingers? I didn’t understand it at the time, but I’m telling you when you turn eighteen and move out…you don’t have to do what Dad says.”

  I was so upset the night Dad and I went at it last fall. I swore I was moving out when I turned eighteen. But something changed. I changed—broke. It seems like it happened years ago. “I don’t know. After all that’s happened, I’m just not…sure about anything.”

  “It’s okay to be afraid as long as you don’t let it dictate your life, sis.” He grips his mug. “Maybe that’s what happened with Lane. He was afraid he would lose you.”

  I reach for the glass of juice and tip it up, letting the tanginess swirl in my mouth. Fear has dictated so much of my life this school year. “I would have done anything for him,” I mutter. I gave up the summer program at Eckerd, going away to college, my dreams…I would have given him my body too. Despite my best efforts, it never happened. Thank God. I prop my elbow on the table and rest my head in my hand.

  What happened to me?

  44

  REGAN

  I came outside to the patio for some fresh air after supper. My favorite nocturnal music is playing as I settle on the cushion of the chair. I hope they tell me what to do about my screwed-up life. I try to take in a deep breath to clear my mind but am stopped midway by a baby elephant that has set up camp on my chest.

  The screen door claps shut followed by the rattle of ice in a glass.

  Linc pulls the chair out next to me and asks, “Want some company?”

  Not really, but Linc will be gone before I know it. I really wish we could go back to the way things were when he was still in high school. “Sure.” Growing up sucks.

  “Good.” He takes a seat and we both look out over the lawn to the trees.

  The shadows in the woods slowly darken with every minute that passes. I should study for final exams, but I haven’t been able to focus on school.

  “I like this. Just you and me here. I wish it could stay this way.” I shake my head. “Is that mean? Ugh, what am I going to do when Mom and Dad come home and you’re gone?” What am I going to do without my ex-best friend?

  Every painful beat of my heart reminds me of the Lane-sized hole. The betrayal, the double standards, the lies, th
e secrets…Even after all that, I miss him. What we had. His friendship.

  The crackle of rock in the drive grabs my attention. I turn to Linc.

  A grin busts across his face as he stands. “You said you wanted company.”

  The baby elephant grows and I rub my forehead for a distraction. “It better not be Lane.”

  Lincoln stands and says, “It’s not.” He steps toward the driveway. A car door shuts. When they come closer, I recognize Miss Braun’s voice.

  What is this, a counseling session? I pull my knees to my chest, resting my feet on the seat.

  “Hi, Regan.” She holds her hand up in a wave.

  I turn my attention to her slim face. The setting sun catches a piece of her hair, turning it a fiery red. “Hey.” My lips stretch into a smile. At least it’s supposed to be a smile.

  “I’ll get you a drink,” Linc says before he disappears around the corner of the house.

  “This is a lovely backyard,” Miss Braun comments, taking in our surroundings.

  She takes the seat next to me. “I’m so glad your dad is doing better. I’ve been praying night and day for him and your mom.” Her slender hand pats my arm. “And you too.”

  “Thanks.” I could use all the prayers I can get. Some answers on what to do with my life would be nice too.

  The door bangs against the frame. Linc will round the corner at any second.

  “One iced tea for the beautiful lady.” He reaches across the table, setting the glass in front of Miss Braun.

  She glances down. It’s still light enough to see the rosy shade spread on her cheeks. “Thank you.”

  I look over at my grinning brother. He changed his clothes since we ate. Even styled his hair. What there is of it with his regulation haircut.

  Miss Braun asks, “How was your dinner, Regan?”

  “I ate if that’s what you’re asking.” As soon as the words slip out of my mouth, I wish I wouldn’t have said them. The spark of fire her question set off burns out quickly. “I’m sorry. Bad day.”

  The tree frogs are luring me to walk through the woods and down the path for Fox Creek. Tobi said she’d call me. I check the time on my phone. It’s not time yet, but I push away from the table and stand, ready to escape. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to walk down to the creek.”

  Linc asks, “You okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m supposed to call Tobi.” I lie, wave to Miss Braun, and make my way across the yard. The further I get down the path, the faster my heart beats. Which is a feat because it’s been so heavy, I was positive it would stop while I slept last night.

  After I break through the plain of the trees, I tromp through the grass to the edge of the bank. I haven’t been here since the day Lane asked me to stay overnight with him.

  The water bubbles and gurgles on its way downstream. Even though everything about this place drowns me in memories of Lane, just being here loosens the muscles in a wave down my back. I sit cross-legged at the edge and dip my fingers in the cool liquid. For the first time in days, the elephant crushing my ribs finds somewhere else to lie down.

  If I close my eyes and lay back on the cool, damp grass, maybe I can make figure out what I should do.

  Maybe dealing with me and my dad was too much for Lane. It’s obvious I couldn’t handle my dad. Ugh, I was such a mess for a while.

  I open my eyes and stare up at the sky. Lane was there for me when no one else was. That part wasn’t a lie. By the time he was able to bring me out of the dark, being with him was the only thing that made me feel safe, wanted, loved.

  I couldn’t get enough. But maybe it was too much for him.

  A lot has changed since the beginning of school, and my life is so screwed up.

  I’m not the career-focused, know-it-all girl from summer anymore.

  But I can’t be that clingy girl expecting Lane to be my everything either.

  Who am I?

  45

  REGAN

  Cameron chugs a soda while he stands in front of the TV, scrolling through movies. He lets out a long belch, turning toward Tobi and me on opposite corners of her sectional sofa. His arms stretch wide as if he’s on stage singing the last word of a musical.

  I throw a pillow at him the same time Tobi throws a nerf-ball. “Gross!” she shouts, but we both giggle.

  Cam puffs his chest out, proud as a peacock. “Thank you.” He bows, chuckling as he does.

  Tobi got out of her usual after-school chores so we could hang out at her house. Her basement has been our domain since we were in junior high. It’s become the gang’s too, but it’s just the three of us today.

  Tobi snatches the TV remote out of Cam’s hands and turns to a music video channel.

  It’s been hard to listen to music because it makes me think about Lane. Lane singing. Lane playing with the sorority girls on stage. Lane gone over Spring Break to play. Lane leaving this summer to become famous.

  My nose scrunches. “Do you mind finding something else to watch?” I ask, nodding at the videos.

  “Oh,” Tobi says, powering it off. “Sorry.”

  Cam stretches out on the floor, placing the nerf-ball behind his head as a pillow. “I asked Lane what prick move he pulled this time. He wouldn’t tell me. And I won’t repeat what he did tell me.”

  “Cam,” I growl out his name. “You promised to stay out of it.” I’d asked them to stay out of what happened with Lane. At least until after I talked to them today. I needed some time to myself, time with my brother, after dad’s confession.

  “All we know is that he didn’t want you to be gone all summer in Florida, and now he’s going to be gone all summer in Florida. And your dad said something at the hospital that has you more pissed at Lane than I’ve ever seen. Am I right, Tobi?” he asks.

  She hugs the silver sequence sofa pillow to her chest. “Yeah.” Tobi knows a little more than Cam, but she’s keeping it to herself.

  I didn’t want to talk about what happened with Lane at school. Tobi knows what happened, but not everything. Haylee only knows Lane’s going to Florida again, but that’s it. She’s been distant with all of us lately. I thought it was because of Joey, but they don’t even sit with us at lunch anymore.

  I curl my legs underneath me on the sofa and lay it all out there from the moment I opened the door of the Carys’ car and saw his face.

  Cameron curses Lane’s name. “I knew it!” He pounds the ball in his hands. “I even confronted him that weekend I went up to Eastern.” He lets out a growl.

  Tobi straightens against the cushions. “I kind of get it. A little. He probably did it just so he could see you. He used to be your biggest fan. You know? He’s been in love with you for a long time.”

  “You think it’s romantic in some twisted way?” Cam barks.

  “Noooo.” She throws her pillow at him.

  He gives an apologetic smile and tosses the pillow back at her. “I knew I should have just paid the camp fees. You couldn’t have turned it down then.”

  I pull my knees closer to my chest. “I don’t want you guys to pay my way. Cam, it’s not your fault I didn’t go.”

  “You gave up everything for him. And some of those things you can’t get back.” Tobi dips her head and raises her eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”

  My shoulders tighten at her flashing arrow at my virginity. Not something I want Cam to know. I’m about to assure her I didn’t when Cam speaks up.

  “I know what you mean,” he states, tossing a nerf ball in the air. “She’s right, Regan. I noticed way back at Christmas. And after he ditched you for Spring Break, I thought you saw what was going on. But your head was so far up his ass you got lost.”

  It’s a crass way of saying it, but probably true.

  Tobi throws her pillow at him. “Cam!”

  “I didn’t lose anything,” I grumble.

  Cam asks, “What are you going to do about Florida?”

  “I don’t know. So much has changed. I thought I wanted to be a
marine scientist. Then I just wanted out of here. And then all I wanted was him.” I let out a heavy breath. “I know he screwed up, but we’ve been friends since I was born. And he was there when Dad made my life miserable—when I was in a bad place.” I rub my thumb across the hem of my shorts, thinking about those days. “I’m not saying this to be mean, but you guys weren’t. Remember?”

  “Yeah,” Tobi murmurs, focusing down at the carpeted floor.

  “I should have dropped Haylee when all her jealous crap started.” Cam smacks his hand against the basketball he’s been playing with. “He wasn’t there for you the whole time, remember? It sounds like he was working with your dad then too.”

  I shake my head. “I’m just saying, it’s not all Lane’s fault.” Dad said it. Lincoln said it. I thought it when I was at Fox Creek, but this is the first time I know in my heart its true. Lane should have told me at the beginning. He should have encouraged me to apply to Eckerd College and to go to their summer program. A year ago, he would have. “I’m just a little lost.”

  Cam tosses me the ball, narrowing his eyes. “I’m still kicking his ass when I get the chance.”

  I shake my head and throw the ball back. “No, you’re not.”

  “You’ve forgotten who you are,” Tobi says, giving me a pitiful I’m sorry smile.

  “Think about this,” Cam says, moving to sit next to me. “You’re not smart, or beautiful, or feisty, or loved because you’re Tim Stone’s daughter or Lane Cary’s girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend now, thank God. Not even because you’re our friend.” His eyes soften, the way they did when we would talk about serious things on Spring Break. “Don’t associate who you are by your relationships.”

  I knit my eyebrows together. He sounds like Miss Braun.

  “You’re all those things because that’s who you are in here,” he says, laying a hand over his heart. “It has nothing to do with anyone else.”

  “Wow, Cam. You do have an X chromosome in there,” Tobi chirps.

  He tosses the basketball at her and grumbles, “Shut up, Bridlow.”