by Sally Henson
She catches it, laughing, and drops it on the floor behind the sofa. “I’ve got an idea.” She gets up from her corner and crashes next to me on the sofa. “Do you have Hook’s number?”
“Eckerd’s number is all over the papers I have,” Cam says, rubbing the hint of dark stubble on his jaw. “I don’t think it listed his personal number though.”
I think back to the first letter I received from Eckerd College. Hook sent a personal note with his number and social accounts. “He sent me a note last semester. I still have it buried in my closet.”
She grabs me by the shoulders. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go get it.”
Cam tugs me to stand with him. “See if he can get you into camp this summer.”
Tobi stands too. “Yes!” She gives Cam a high-five.
I wave them off. “Guys, I only have like four hundred dollars. With my dad in the hospital, there’s no way I could go even if Hook could get me in.”
Tobi plants her hands on her hips and grins. “I’ve got some money saved. And,” she drawls out, “you can work it off this fall by mucking stalls.”
Cam wraps his arms around my waist. His thick chest presses against my back as he growls, “I’ve got more money than Tobi and tons of ideas on how you can pay me back that don’t include mucking.”
I elbow him in the gut. He lets go of me. I turn around and see his hands covering his stomach where I elbowed him and a giant grin plastered on his face.
Tobi jumps on his back. He stumbles toward the sofa. I give him a shove and he lands face down on the dark blue cushions. We both sit on him.
“What?” he laughs out. “It’s true.”
REGAN
Linc drove to the hospital to pick Mom up, but they haven’t made it back yet. I’m not sure I’m ready for her to be home. It’s been nice spending time with my brother.
Cam and Tobi get into Cam’s black Ford truck while I climb into the backseat. Dad’s Geo Metro sits in the garage where Linc parked it after we picked it up from his work. It had been there since the accident.
I’m happy Dad is healing, that he’s going to be okay, but I don’t know if I can handle living in the same house with him. What he did to me and Lane is more than I can forgive right now.
Tobi and Cam bicker about whose music should play as he backs out. After a few playful shoves and pokes in the side, she wins. If it were up to me, we wouldn’t listen to music.
I look out my window as we leave at the green leaves and grass. I usually love this time of year. It’s warm enough to wear T-shirts and the tree frogs are in full force at night with the spring rains. But this place makes me feel empty and sad because I miss the days of playing and fun and hours of being outside with my best friend, and even Dad telling me about a certain tree or honey bees or something—how life used to be.
I may be lost, but I know I won’t find myself here.
I sink into Cam’s leather back seat and read the letter from Hook for a second time. It’s hard to believe he sent this to me eight months ago.
Tobi turns in her seat and says, “Send him a message already.”
“She doesn’t have a cell signal here.” He nods to the road in front of us. “She will after we hit the top of the hill.” It’s strange how Cam knows little things about me like that now.
When we crest the hill, I check my phone. “Okay, I’ve got signal.” I type in my message to Hook.
Me: Hook, hi there. I’m not sure if you remember me…we met at a graduation party in Stelmo Nick brought you to. You sent me information about Eckerd College. Some family things have happened, and I missed the cut-off date to make payment for the high school summer program at Eckerd. You don’t even owe me a response. But I was hoping you might help me out. Thanks again for your note of encouragement.
“Do you think he’ll answer?” I ask to myself more than anyone.
Cam chuckles. “Trust me. He’ll answer.”
Cam and Tobi chat about I don’t even know what because my mind is stuck between Florida and Charleston. Spring is half over and I was looking forward to a summer of love with Lane. I still haven’t answered his calls. But I’ve read all the messages. It’s why I don’t hate him anymore.
As soon as we pull into Tobi’s drive, my phone buzzes with a message.
When I see it’s from Hook, my muscles tense. “He sent me a message.”
Cam parks and they both turn around to watch me read it.
Hook: Send me a pic so I know it’s really you.
I let out a groan. “He wants me to send a photo so he knows it’s me.”
“It takes two seconds.” Cam opens his door and then mine.
Tobi skips around the front of the truck as Cam snatches my phone. “I’ll take it.”
Tobi messes with my hair. “There. You look good. Say cheese.”
Her cheesy grin makes me snicker, and Cam snaps the shot.
Me: It’s really Regan.
I send the photo.
Hook: You’re even more gorgeous than I remember. Thank you for this memory. I will store it in my heart until I get to see you again.
I roll my eyes. “He’s such a flirt.”
Tobi’s eyes widen with her smile. “Let me see.”
I give her the phone. She reads the message and giggles.
Cam looks over her shoulder, reading it too. He lets out a grumble, making a face that looks like he just swallowed a raw egg. He pushes the phone back in my hand. “Go on. See if he’ll do it or not.”
Me: Would you be willing to see if I can still make the payment and be in the program this summer?
Hook: Sorry, I got distracted by your beauty.
Hook: Of course. I can’t do anything tonight, but I’ll check all our options tomorrow. Can I call you?
“He says he’ll check tomorrow.” My heart sinks. I know I shouldn’t be disappointed he can’t tell me right now.
Me: I’ll be in school all day. Maybe a message would be better for now.
Hook: For now…
I press my lips together to hide my smile, and the nervous flutter in my gut.
Cam strides toward Tobi’s house.
Tobi hooks my arm and we follow. “What’s wrong?” she asks.
I rub my lips together, wondering if this is the right thing to do. “Why do I feel guilty about asking him for help?”
Cam opens the door for us and locks eyes with me. “I don’t know. Maybe you like the way Hook talks to you?” he asks with a smirk.
My face heats. I might like it a little, but I don’t think that’s the whole reason.
“I hope you don’t feel guilty because of Lane. You’re not going out with him,” Tobi growls. Tobi steps inside and heads for the kitchen. I follow, and Cam trails behind us.
“You should go out on a date,” Tobi says, pulling three sodas out of the fridge.
I shake my head. “It’s only been three days. I’ve had enough dating to last me a year or two.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea either. Not right now.” Cam opens his soda and walks out to the light gray deck.
“Please, Tobi. Don’t even go there,” I plead. “I can’t turn a switch and stop being in love with him.”
She gives me a hug. “I know, I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you like this.”
We take our drinks and join Cam on the deck, but the thought of dating anyone but Lane pulls my heartstrings. He said he wanted to marry me some day. I wanted that too. The thought of being with someone else turns my stomach.
I should have never broken my no dating rule. Or the no dating within the group one. But if I didn’t, Lane might be with someone else and I would have lost him anyway.
An ache builds in my chest. Cam and Tobi won’t be happy, but I have to do this. I pull my phone out of my pocket, tap on my messages, and find Lane’s name.
Me: We should talk before you leave. But I’m not ready yet. Let me know if you want to or not.
My phone buzzes before I even get
the screen shut off.
Lane: Yes! I want to see you. When? Where? I’ll be there. I miss you.
46
REGAN
“I’d just feel better if you do it before I leave.” Lincoln reaches for my fishing pole and sets it in the corner of the shed with his.
Dad’s been home for twenty-four hours. Linc doesn’t understand what it takes for me to even be in the same room as Dad right now. My chest feels like it might implode just thinking about it. How can I handle this when Linc’s gone? “Fine, I’ll talk to him tonight.”
We cross the driveway for the house as the late sun sprinkles through the trees. “Did Eckerd get back with you about this summer?”
I nod. “Since they didn’t get the money on time, they offered my spot to someone else.” I shrug it off as if it’s not a big deal. The truth is, I was holding out more hope that it would work out than I let even myself believe.
“Come here,” he says, pulling me into a hug. “I’m so sorry.”
My eyes sting, but I’m not devastated. “I have a pretty good inside source now. I’m on the waiting list for next year.”
He lets go of me and opens the screen door. “That’s fantastic.” We step into the house. “Hey, maybe you could come see me for a few weeks.”
“Yeah?” I’d love to fly down and visit, but the cost will keep me from going anywhere. Especially if I’m going to save for Eckerd’s summer program next year.
“What’s fantastic?” Mom asks, helping Dad walk from the hall. Linc hurries over and takes her place.
“Nothing.” I escape to the kitchen to wash my hands.
“It’s not nothing,” Linc calls. “Eckerd put her on the list for next summer.”
“That is good news.” Hearing Dad say something positive about me seems so foreign.
I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut. My face bubbles and crease in places it shouldn’t. I think I’ve aged twenty years since last spring.
My lungs scream for oxygen before I exhale and take another breath. It won’t get any easier to confront him. I need to buck up, march in there, and lay it out. Stand up for myself again.
I put one foot in front of the other all the way to the living room until I’m standing in front of him. “Dad, I’m glad you’re recovering. And home. But, I can’t pretend that everything is okay.”
He nods. “I understand. I—”
“You have no idea what you’ve done to me. I thought dads were supposed to love and support their daughters, not treat them like mindless puppets.”
His eyes aren’t the cold slate eyes I had become accustom to, but that doesn’t mean he’s really changed. “Regan, you ha—”
“I’m not finished. Linc says I should give you a chance, but he’s leaving. I’m the one stuck here. Maybe I’m not cut out for marine science, but I’ll never know unless I try. I don’t expect or even want your money. I’ll do it on my own.”
Mom interrupts me. “Your father’s been through a lot.” She has more to say, but Dad stops her.
“It’s okay, Sarah.”
I give Mom a harsh look. “So have I.” Maybe I should back up, back off, but I’ve started, and I need to finish it before I lose the nerve. I focus back on Dad. “What you did to Lane and me was—” I wave my hand in the air— “controlling. And crazy. And you ruined everything we had.” Tears spill over my lashes. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust either of you again.”
When I finally finish, my hands shake, and I curl my fingers into my palms to mask it. Even the muscles in my legs tremble from the tension. Yeah, it feels good to say those things to him, but I don’t know if they will make any difference.
“You’re right. About everything,” Dad says. “I guess I thought if I could control you, your choices, I could prevent you from the pain life brings. But there’s no excuse for what I did.”
“It didn’t work,” I grumble. “Because you hurt me.”
He nods. Looks at Linc sitting next to him on the sofa. “I know. I’ve caused you both pain.” He pats Linc’s leg. “I don’t want to lose either of you.”
47
REGAN
It’s been twenty-one days, seventeen hours, and way too many minutes since I last set eyes on him. In person, that is. I’ve scrolled through my photos a gazillion times to keep the image of Lane Oliver Cary perfectly seared in my brain, not that I could forget him. I’ve shared seventeen years of my life with him, and I don’t want him to stop being a part of it.
I still don’t know what I will say. All I know is that my heart is pounding like crazy.
I slow and turn into the entrance of Lake Nellie. The Eagle’s Nest food truck is parked off to the side at its normal spot. I drive on back to the picnic tables on the hill. Lane’s truck is already there, and I spot him perched on the picnic table, staring down at something in his hands.
He lifts his gaze and stands. Our eyes meet, pushing my heart rate even faster. I suck in a deep, calming breath and blow it out as I pull next to his vehicle. Calm down.
He walks toward the Jeep, wearing a dark blue T-shirt that shows off his muscles and tight Levi’s. Dang, he looks good. Is all he’s done is worked out the last month? His sandy hair is in the messy style I like. I’ve thought of his smile and those dimples so many times—touched them on the screen of my phone. They’re so much better in real life.
Why does he always have to look so good?
He takes my hand as I step out. I suck in a breath to calm my racing heart, but his musky cologne infiltrates my senses. This is so not fair.
I tug my hand loose. If he thinks we’re picking up where we left off, he doesn’t understand how upset I’ve been. I head toward the picnic table.
Lane asks, “Can we walk? Do you mind?”
That works for me. That way I won’t get sucked into his eyes or have to stare at his face—I glance at him—that looks even more manly than the last time I saw him. “Sure.”
“It’s so good to see you.” His arm grazes mine.
I can feel his eyes on me, but I can’t risk looking at him. Just being with him is overwhelming. I agree though. “You too.”
He leads us toward the grassy dam and says, “Please let me explain. It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
“I can’t believe you would do that to me, Lane. You’re supposed to love me. That’s what you said anyway. Or was that part of your little agreement with Dad?”
His hand gently presses against my lower back. I know I should tell him not to touch me, but I’ve missed it too much. “I do love you. I didn’t want to do it, but it was the only way he would let me see you.”
Dad was out of control when he did that. He even admitted as much. I really hope he’s changed like Linc says. But he will have to prove himself. And so will Lane.
“I tried to tell you, but you were so upset with your dad, and I tried so many other times, but it wasn’t the right timing.” His fingers grasp a handful of my shirt. “I was afraid if I said anything to you, you’d go off on him again. We both know how that would have ended.”
“Was any of it real?” I ask, choking back the tears. “I don’t know what to believe.”
He stops me in my tracks and moves in front of me. His body may be near perfect, but his eyes say otherwise. They’re tired and full of regret. “Of course, it’s real. You know me.” He tucks my hair behind my ear.
“Don’t.” I push his hand away. “I thought I knew you. But what you did was more than appeasing Dad. You did what he wanted. You had me thinking I should forget about marine science. I didn’t even apply to Eckerd because you asked me not to. I did it for you, to be with you, and then when you got a chance at your dream, you didn’t even hesitate.” I start walking again.
He lets out a groan and falls in step with me. “I know.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Ugh. You’re right. I—”
“That’s not what a best friend does.” My voice is sharp and cutting, but he deserves it. “What other secrets are you keepi
ng?”
“None. I promise,” he pleads.
“Not sure your promise is worth anything.”
“Don’t you see? I was afraid to lose you. And I didn’t understand going after a dream until I got the chance. It was wrong and selfish. And I wish I could go back to that day and tell your dad I’d never hurt you like that.” He takes a ragged breath. “But I can’t.”
Now he gets it. After it’s too late, he gets it. I fold my arms against my chest and turn on him. “You’re supposed to be in my corner. You’re supposed to trust me. Remember all that honesty crap you dished me in your dorm?”
He grabs my wrist and nods toward a quilt with a cooler off the path. His throat bobs before he asks, “Sit with me?”
I roll my eyes. “You set this up?”
He gives me a sheepish grin and shrugs.
I tromp through the tall grass and plop down. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still hurt and ticked.
Lane follows me, sits on the quilt, and opens the cooler. He pulls out my favorite cherry cola and offers it to me.
I narrow my eyes and slip it out of his fingers.
“Do you remember the last time we were here?” he asks.
All the knots twist and turn in my stomach. I nod. We met here after he kissed me and said he wanted us to be together. I didn’t want to like him as more than best friends, but it was already too late.
I’m not sorry I fell for him, even after all that’s happened between us.
He clears his throat. “I’m more nervous right now. Is it too late to go to Eckerd this summer?”
I nod and take a drink, looking out at the water.
He lets out a long breath mixed with a whimper. “I’ve really screwed up.” He repeats the same sound. “I know I keep saying I’m sorry, but I really am. How can I prove it to you?” He inches toward me.
