The Cowboy's Christmas Baby

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Erin just nodded as Brooke made suggestions. She had no preference, only that something be done. She wanted a break from her past. A reason to feel better about herself.

  Or so you can look good for Dean.

  She pushed the thought aside, but it lingered as Brooke folded foils in her hair and painted color on them, bringing her up to date on all things Saddlebank. Erin found out that Heather was expecting, as was her sister-in-law Abby, who was married to Lee, Keira and Heather’s brother. Allison Bamford, George Bamford’s sister and Brooke’s future sister-in-law, was going back to college. Alan Brady had expanded his mechanic business and an outsider had bought the grocery store.

  But while she chatted, Erin gave her only half her attention. The other half was on Caitlin who was being cooed and oohed and aahed over by most everyone who was in the salon.

  Seeing her daughter being passed around made Erin feel ashamed that she had stayed away from church, thinking people would judge her.

  There hadn’t been any condemnation in anyone’s voice. No hint of reproach.

  Only abundant acceptance and love.

  And once again Erin had the feeling that moving back here had been the best thing she could have done for herself.

  * * *

  Dean carefully made his way down the scaffolding and when he got to the ground he stood back, a feeling of satisfaction washing over him. He had managed to finish off the siding as far down as he could reach.

  And it looked great.

  He heard the sound of a car arriving and he couldn’t stop the silly lift of his heart.

  Erin was home.

  He wasn’t going to go and check, but when her car door closed and he heard her walking to the house, he stopped piling up the scraps of siding he had dropped. Would she come and see what he’d done? Then the door of the house opened and his heart did that stupid jump again, but her footsteps returned to her car. This was repeated a few times until curiosity overcame his good sense.

  When he came around the house, the hood of the trunk was up and all he could see of Erin was her feet.

  “What’s up?” he asked, hoping he sounded like he was simply making casual conversation. Not being snoopy.

  Erin squealed her surprise, then slammed the trunk of the car shut.

  And Dean could only stare.

  Her hair was shinier, shorter and sort of sassy-looking. And she wore snug blue jeans and a pale pink, loose sweater over a white tank top. Gold hoops swung from her ears.

  “Wow,” he said, disappointed at how breathless the sight of her looking so different made him feel. “You look...amazing.”

  Her cheeks flushed and she ducked her head in a self-conscious gesture.

  “I thought I should get something done to my hair and then I met up with Aunt Laura and we went shopping. I got some new clothes that I decided to wear right away.”

  “Well, you look great.” Too late he realized how that might sound. “I mean, not that you didn’t look great before.”

  “I looked like a college student cramming for finals,” she said.

  “You looked casual. Comfortable.”

  She grinned at that. “Thanks for that, but I think I like amazing better.”

  He wasn’t sure what to say so he focused his attention on the boards of floor samples she had stacked against the car. “What are you planning?”

  “I thought the inside of the house could use some work, too,” she said, heaving the samples up by the handles. He hobbled over to help her, grabbing a couple of the samples, as well. These held various kinds of tile and the ones Erin carried to the house had pieces of wood attached to them.

  “So what did you figure on doing?”

  “I want to replace the flooring,” she said as he tried to get ahead of her to open the door. But he couldn’t keep up, his leg stiff from climbing up and down the scaffolding all day.

  He was glad Erin hadn’t been around to see his slow progress. It had been disheartening even though he had gotten more done than he figured.

  If he didn’t have his bad leg he would have been able to take down the scaffolding and accomplish so much more.

  So now Erin was holding the door open for him and he had to move awkwardly past her, trying not to wince as he carried the heavy samples into the house.

  “Just put them in the kitchen,” she said as the door fell shut behind her.

  “Where’s Caitlin?” he asked as he carefully set the boards down, leaning them against the kitchen cabinets.

  “Sleeping in her crib. She’s had a busy day. Got passed around at Brooke’s beauty salon while I got my hair done.”

  “I imagine she’d been quite the hit,” he said with a grin. “She’s such a little muffin.”

  Erin’s expression grew suddenly serious and he wondered if he had overstepped some invisible line as she held his gaze. “I sure think so,” she said, her voice quiet.

  Dean wasn’t sure what she meant by that or what he was supposed to say so he poked his chin toward the wood samples she was laying on the carpet of the living room. “I’m guessing you want to put down hardwood flooring?”

  “And tile in the kitchen.”

  “That’s a lot of work.”

  “I’ve done it before,” she said casually. “In the house I owned in San Francisco.”

  “All by yourself?”

  She chuckled at that as she stood up, walking around the samples as if surveying them from various angles. “No. I had help. Mostly my roommates and I, though Sam helped—” she stopped abruptly there.

  Sam.

  Dean remembered her saying that same name that morning when she had fallen asleep on the couch. She had sounded panicked when she said it, though.

  “Was Sam one of your roommates?” he asked, trying to sound all casual. Like it didn’t matter to him who this guy was.

  Erin shook her head. “No. Just someone who helped out.” Then she turned to him, her chin up, her eyes narrowing as they met his. “Actually, he’s more than that. Sam is, no, was, Caitlin’s father.”

  Dean heard the angry edge in her voice, the repressed anger.

  “I take it he’s not in the picture?” he asked, even though he knew he was edging toward a place he had no right to go.

  “You take it correctly,” she said, her shoulders lowering as she looked away. “He’s not...not part of my little girl’s life.”

  Which made him curiously relieved.

  “Did you have any more samples to bring in?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “No. But thanks so much for helping me.”

  “No problem.”

  He held her gaze a moment longer than necessary, as neither of them looked away. Old feelings blended with new and his breath caught in his chest.

  Then Caitlin whimpered and his cell phone rang and they broke the connection, each attending to other obligations.

  And as Dean walked away, his phone still ringing, he felt a tiny sliver of hope because of her anger with Caitlin’s father.

  But even as he went through the usual list of “reasons why he couldn’t date Erin,” he couldn’t discard the moments of connection he had felt around her. And this time around, he had a strong feeling she felt the same.

  “Dean here,” he said as he stepped out of the house, closing the door behind him.

  “Yeah. Just thought I’d let you know that I can’t come on Wednesday to help with the windows,” Jan was saying. “Sorry about that. I can’t come until Friday.”

  “Can you spare a guy to help me?”

  “Not really. Sorry, bud. I’m running crazy here.”

  The apology puzzled him. “So, did you want me to come work on the Mercy job?”

  “You could,” he said after a long moment of silence. “I got
all the guys I need but if you need to keep busy...” His sentence trailed off and while Dean appreciated the sentiment he also guessed that Jan was desperately thinking of a make-work project for him.

  “That’s okay,” he put in, cutting off Jan’s attempt to make him feel useful. “I’ve got enough here to keep me going for a while.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’m sure. Thanks.” He hung up and suppressed a sigh.

  He knew that working for Jan was a two-way street. After his accident Dean had taken a couple of months off and Jan had held his job for him. As well, Jan had given him time off for his ongoing physiotherapy. Which he’d been neglecting the past months because he felt so guilty for having been away from the job so much.

  Which meant he wasn’t seeing the gains the physiotherapist promised.

  He fought the usual feelings of uselessness, then pushed them aside. He’d just have to keep himself busy here. He really didn’t have much choice.

  He heard Erin talking quietly to Caitlin and he felt his own heart foolishly respond, thinking of that moment they’d shared.

  He just hoped he’d be able to keep his wits about him around her.

  Especially now that she was looking even better than before.

  Chapter Seven

  “So I thought you could ride Roany,” Jodie said as she held the door of the house open for Erin, who carried Caitlin in her arms. They stepped outside and Erin couldn’t stop a quiver of anticipation as they walked toward the corrals.

  This morning Dean had come just for a short while and then left again. She had hoped to see him. To talk to him, but that chance was gone. She needed a distraction. So she’d called Jodie and asked if she could watch Caitlin. Asked if there was a suitable horse for her to ride. She wanted to go out into the hills she had spent so much time in as a young girl.

  Thankfully Jodie had agreed. And she had her distraction.

  All the way here her excitement had grown at the thought of going riding again. The sun was shining and the day was surprisingly warm for late September. “I thought you might not want to get too adventurous today so I picked my best-trained horse.”

  “No. I’d like to come back to Caitlin in one piece,” Erin said with a chuckle, brushing a light kiss over her daughter’s fuzzy head.

  Though Erin had been excited about the prospect of spending some time alone, riding through the hills, the thought of leaving Caitlin behind also created a clench of uncertainty.

  “You’ll be okay, I’m sure of that,” Jodie said as if sensing her second thoughts.

  As they neared the corrals Erin saw a familiar truck parked there, as well. What was Dean doing here?

  “Excellent. My helper has arrived,” Jodie said.

  “Helper?” Erin asked, puzzled why Jodie needed help with the horses.

  “Yes. He’s going to help me by going riding with you.”

  Was this why he had left early this morning?

  Erin wasn’t sure how to process this. Not sure she wanted to have Dean with her on what she had hoped to be a time of solitude.

  And yet the thought held a surprising appeal.

  “I wanted to make sure you’d be okay,” Jodie said as they walked toward Dean. He was petting Mickey, one of their older horses who was also tied up.

  “Hey, Dean,” Jodie called out as they came closer. “Thanks for coming.”

  Dean straightened, but the brim of his cowboy hat shadowed his eyes. By the grim set of his mouth Erin guessed that he wasn’t entirely pleased with the unfolding events.

  “So, you want me to go riding with Erin?”

  He didn’t sound happy about it. At all. Did he know what he was in for?

  “I need to know that Erin will come back in one piece.” Jodie’s grin and perky tone showed Erin she wasn’t the least bit fazed by Dean’s apparent antagonism.

  “I can go on my own.” Erin wasn’t sure she wanted to spend time with someone who clearly didn’t want to be doing this.

  Or didn’t want to be with her.

  “I’m sure you can, but you’re a mom now and I’m your daughter’s aunt and if something were to happen to you I would feel horrible. I’m sure Dean can agree with me there.”

  Dean didn’t reply, instead he busied himself adjusting the saddle, checking the stirrups with jerky movements. To keep himself from looking at either of them, Erin guessed.

  “Okay, then, maybe you two should get going,” Jodie said, reaching out to take Caitlin from Erin.

  Her trepidation returned with a vengeance at the sight of Dean avoiding her.

  “I can do this another day,” Erin protested.

  “Today works best for you and for Dean,” Jodie said, seemingly unfazed by the obvious reluctance of the two main participants. She kept her hands out and Erin reluctantly handed over her baby to her sister.

  “Okay, then, I’ll go,” she said knowing that her sister could be more stubborn than her. If she gave in, she and Dean could go for a short ride, placate her sister and come back right away.

  She drew in a deep breath, brushed her hands over her jeans, then walked over to Roany and slowly untied the leather reins.

  Dean walked around his horse and did the same. She lifted her foot to the stirrup and with one little hop managed to get astride the horse. Roany didn’t so much as blink.

  “Stirrups okay?” Jodie asked while Erin tested their length, the leather of the saddle creaking as she did so.

  She nodded, then glanced over at Dean, wondering why he was waiting. Was he changing his mind about coming along?

  But while he stood by his horse, his hand on the pommel, reins gathered in his hands, shoulders rising and falling as he breathed she felt a sudden flash of insight.

  How would he get on with his bad leg? She knew he was proud and she guessed that he didn’t want them to watch.

  “Actually, this one on the left is a bit wonky,” she said, turning away from Dean, bending down to inspect a nonexistent problem on the opposite side of her horse.

  Jodie looked confused and Erin shot her a warning look, tilting her head ever so slightly in Dean’s direction, hoping her outspoken sister would play along.

  Jodie seemed to get the hint, because she started to fuss with the stirrup with one hand while she rocked Caitlin in her other arm. “I think it’s okay,” she said. “Let me have another look.”

  While they fiddled and adjusted a buckle that was fine, Erin could feel the tension emanating from the man beside her. She shot her sister a meaningful look, hoping Jodie understood what she was telegraphing.

  What were you thinking?

  But Jodie just bent over enough to look under Erin’s horse, then gave her sister a discreet thumbs-up. She guessed Dean was finally mounted.

  “There we go. I guess Mommy’s stirrup is all good to go,” Jodie said to Caitlin, nuzzling her with the tip of her nose. Then she flashed Erin a grin as she stepped back. “Have fun. Do you have your cell phone?”

  Erin nodded, patting the button-down pocket of her shirt just to make sure. “Caitlin should be good for the next couple of hours. I did put a bottle in her diaper bag if she gets fussy.” But even as she spoke the words so confidently she felt a tremor of apprehension. What if Caitlin cried too hard? What if something happened to her? Was she being irresponsible by leaving like this? “You’re sure you’re going to be okay?” she asked again.

  “We will be fine,” Jodie assured her. “I’m looking forward to some aunty-and-niece time.” She stepped away from the horse and tossed off a wave to Dean. “Thanks so much for going with my sister, Dean. I feel better knowing that she’s with you.”

  Erin shot a quick sidelong glance at Dean. She couldn’t see his eyes as his hat was pulled down low, but his jaw was clenched, his hands bunched on the reins. H
e looked like he was in a lot of pain, which puzzled her. Though she had never witnessed it, she knew he climbed up and down ladders and scaffolding at her house.

  Maybe this was different for him?

  Anger at Jodie flashed through her for pushing Dean to do this. But she kept her comments to herself. They would make this ride quick to keep up appearances. As soon as was reasonable, she would be coming back.

  “If you’re ready to go, we should leave,” Dean said his voice sounding strained as he kept his gaze firmly on his horse’s head.

  She pulled gently back on the reins, shifting her weight, signaling to Roany that she wanted to back up. And just like that her horse dropped his head and took a few hesitant steps back then stopped when Erin settled ahead again.

  Like riding a bike, she thought, shooting another glance at her baby, tucked now in her sister’s arms.

  “You’ll be okay?” she asked, trying not to sound like a harried mother, but feeling like a string that tied her to Caitlin was slowly being pulled tighter with each move away from her.

  “We’ll be fine,” Jodie assured her.

  Then there was nothing left to do but leave.

  “Maybe just make a few turns around the yard at first,” Dean suggested, pulling his reins to the side, turning his horse away from Jodie. “Just to get the horse used to you and you comfortable with the horse.”

  Erin simply nodded, doing as he said, putting Roany through a few turns, to the left, then to the right. The gelding easily responded to her lightest touch of the reins on his neck, the faintest nudge of her heels in his sides. “I think I’m good,” she said, noticing, with surprise, that Dean did the same thing. Probably just getting used to an unfamiliar horse.

  “You sure?”

  “You know where to go?”

  “I’ve ridden this ranch many times.”

  He sounded strained and she could see lines of tension around his mouth.

  “Are you sure about going?” she asked. “We can do this another day.”