Oz, The Complete Collection

by L. Frank Baum

  “Let us take the Magic Belt, too,” suggested one counselor.

  “And rob the Nome King and make him our slave,” said another.

  “That is a good idea,” declared the Grand Gallipoot. “I’d like King Roquat for my own slave. He could black my boots and bring me my porridge every morning while I am in bed.”

  “There is a famous Scarecrow in Oz. I’ll take him for my slave,” said a counselor.

  “I’ll take Tiktok, the machine man,” said another.

  “Give me the Tin Woodman,” said a third.

  They went on for some time, dividing up the people and the treasure of Oz in advance of the conquest. For they had no doubt at all that they would be able to destroy Ozma’s domain. Were they not the strongest people in all the world?

  “The deadly desert has kept us out of Oz before,” remarked the Grand Gallipoot, “but now that the Nome King is building a tunnel we shall get into the Emerald City very easily. So let us send the little fat General back to his King with our promise to assist him. We will not say that we intend to conquer the Nomes after we have conquered Oz, but we will do so, just the same.”

  This plan being agreed upon, they all went home to dinner, leaving General Guph still in prison. The Nome had no idea that he had succeeded in his mission, for finding himself in prison he feared the Growleywogs intended to put him to death.

  By this time the jailer had tired of sticking pins in the General, and was amusing himself by carefully pulling the Nome’s whiskers out by the roots, one at a time. This enjoyment was interrupted by the Grand Gallipoot sending for the prisoner.

  “Wait a few hours,” begged the jailer. “I haven’t pulled out a quarter of his whiskers yet.”

  “If you keep the Grand Gallipoot waiting, he’ll break your back,” declared the messenger.

  “Perhaps you’re right,” sighed the jailer. “Take the prisoner away, if you will, but I advise you to kick him at every step he takes. It will be good fun, for he is as soft as a ripe peach.”

  So Guph was led away to the royal castle, where the Grand Gallipoot told him that the Growleywogs had decided to assist the Nomes in conquering the Land of Oz.

  “Whenever you are ready,” he added, “send me word and I will march with eighteen thousand of my most powerful warriors to your aid.”

  Guph was so delighted that he forgot all the smarting caused by the pins and the pulling of whiskers. He did not even complain of the treatment he had received, but thanked the Grand Gallipoot and hurried away upon his journey.

  He had now secured the assistance of the Whimsies and the Growleywogs; but his success made him long for still more allies. His own life depended upon his conquering Oz, and he said to himself:

  “I’ll take no chances. I’ll be certain of success. Then, when Oz is destroyed, perhaps I shall be a greater man than old Roquat, and I can throw him away and be King of the Nomes myself. Why not? The Whimsies are stronger than the Nomes, and they also are my friends. There are some people still stronger than the Growleywogs, and if I can but induce them to aid me I shall have nothing more to fear.”

  Chapter 9

  HOW the WOGGLE-BUG TAUGHT ATHLETICS

  t did not take Dorothy long to establish herself in her new home, for she knew the people and the manners and customs of the Emerald City just as well as she knew the old Kansas farm.

  But Uncle Henry and Aunt Em had some trouble in getting used to the finery and pomp and ceremony of Ozma’s palace, and felt uneasy because they were obliged to be “dressed up” all the time. Yet every one was very courteous and kind to them and endeavored to make them happy. Ozma, especially, made much of Dorothy’s relatives, for her little friend’s sake, and she well knew that the awkwardness and strangeness of their new mode of life would all wear off in time.

  The old people were chiefly troubled by the fact that there was no work for them to do.

  “Ev’ry day is like Sunday, now,” declared Aunt Em, solemnly, “and I can’t say I like it. If they’d only let me do up the dishes after meals, or even sweep an’ dust my own rooms, I’d be a deal happier. Henry don’t know what to do with himself either, and once when he stole out an’ fed the chickens Billina scolded him for letting ’em eat between meals. I never knew before what a hardship it is to be rich and have everything you want.”

  These complaints began to worry Dorothy; so she had a long talk with Ozma upon the subject.

  “I see I must find them something to do,” said the girlish Ruler of Oz, seriously. “I have been watching your uncle and aunt, and I believe they will be more contented if occupied with some light tasks. While I am considering this matter, Dorothy, you might make a trip with them through the Land of Oz, visiting some of the odd corners and introducing your relatives to some of our curious people.”

  “Oh, that would be fine!” exclaimed Dorothy, eagerly.

  “I will give you an escort befitting your rank as a Princess,” continued Ozma; “and you may go to some of the places you have not yet visited yourself, as well as some others that you know. I will mark out a plan of the trip for you and have everything in readiness for you to start to-morrow morning. Take your time, dear, and be gone as long as you wish. By the time you return I shall have found some occupation for Uncle Henry and Aunt Em that will keep them from being restless and dissatisfied.”

  Dorothy thanked her good friend and kissed the lovely Ruler gratefully. Then she ran to tell the joyful news to her uncle and aunt.

  Next morning, after breakfast, everything was found ready for their departure.

  The escort included Omby Amby, the Captain General of Ozma’s army, which consisted merely of twenty-seven officers besides the Captain General. Once Omby Amby had been a private soldier—the only private in the army—but as there was never any fighting to do Ozma saw no need of a private, so she made Omby Amby the highest officer of them all. He was very tall and slim and wore a gay uniform and a fierce mustache. Yet the mustache was the only fierce thing about Omby Amby, whose nature was as gentle as that of a child.

  The wonderful Wizard had asked to join the party, and with him came his friend the Shaggy Man, who was shaggy but not ragged, being dressed in fine silks with satin shags and bobtails. The Shaggy Man had shaggy whiskers and hair, but a sweet disposition and a soft, pleasant voice.

  There was an open wagon, with three seats for the passengers, and the wagon was drawn by the famous wooden Sawhorse which had once been brought to life by Ozma by means of a magic powder. The Sawhorse wore golden shoes to keep his wooden legs from wearing away, and he was strong and swift. As this curious creature was Ozma’s own favorite steed, and very popular with all the people of the Emerald City, Dorothy knew that she had been highly favored by being permitted to use the Sawhorse on her journey.

  In the front seat of the wagon sat Dorothy and the Wizard. Uncle Henry and Aunt Em sat in the next seat and the Shaggy Man and Omby Amby in the third seat. Of course Toto was with the party, curled up at Dorothy’s feet, and just as they were about to start Billina came fluttering along the path and begged to be taken with them. Dorothy readily agreed, so the Yellow Hen flew up and perched herself upon the dashboard. She wore her pearl necklace and three bracelets upon each leg, in honor of the occasion.

  Dorothy kissed Ozma good-bye, and all the people standing around waved their handkerchiefs, and the band in an upper balcony struck up a military march. Then the Wizard clucked to the Sawhorse and said: “Gid-dap!” and the wooden animal pranced away and drew behind him the big red wagon and all the passengers, without any effort at all. A servant threw open a gate of the palace enclosure, that they might pass out; and so, with music and shouts following them, the journey was begun.

  “It’s almost like a circus,” said Aunt Em, proudly. “I can’t help feelin’ high an’ mighty in this kind of a turn-out.”

  Indeed, as they passed down the street, all the people cheered them lustily, and the Shaggy Man and the Wizard and the Captain General all took off their ha
ts and bowed politely in acknowledgment.

  When they came to the great wall of the Emerald City the gates were opened by the Guardian who always tended them. Over the gateway hung a dull-colored metal magnet shaped like a horse-shoe, placed against a shield of polished gold.

  “That,” said the Shaggy Man, impressively, “is the wonderful Love Magnet. I brought it to the Emerald City myself, and all who pass beneath this gateway are both loving and beloved.”

  “It’s a fine thing,” declared Aunt Em, admiringly. “If we’d had it in Kansas I guess the man who held a mortgage on the farm wouldn’t have turned us out.”

  “Then I’m glad we didn’t have it,” returned Uncle Henry. “I like Oz better than Kansas, even; an’ this little wood Sawhorse beats all the critters I ever saw. He don’t have to be curried, or fed, or watered, an’ he’s strong as an ox. Can he talk, Dorothy?”

  “Yes, Uncle,” replied the child. “But the Sawhorse never says much. He told me once that he can’t talk and think at the same time, so he prefers to think.”

  “Which is very sensible,” declared the Wizard, nodding approvingly. “Which way do we go, Dorothy?”

  “Straight ahead into the Quadling Country,” she answered. “I’ve got a letter of interduction to Miss Cuttenclip.”

  “Oh!” exclaimed the Wizard, much interested. “Are we going there? Then I’m glad I came, for I’ve always wanted to meet the Cuttenclips.”

  “Who are they?” inquired Aunt Em.

  “Wait till we get there,” replied Dorothy, with a laugh; “then you’ll see for yourself. I’ve never seen the Cuttenclips, you know, so I can’t ’zactly ’splain ’em to you.”

  Once free of the Emerald City the Sawhorse dashed away at tremendous speed. Indeed, he went so fast that Aunt Em had hard work to catch her breath, and Uncle Henry held fast to the seat of the red wagon.

  “Gently—gently, my boy!” called the Wizard, and at this the Sawhorse slackened his speed.

  “What’s wrong?” asked the animal, slightly turning his wooden head to look at the party with one eye, which was a knot of wood.

  “Why, we wish to admire the scenery, that’s all,” answered the Wizard.

  “Some of your passengers,” added the Shaggy Man, “have never been out of the Emerald City before, and the country is all new to them.”

  “If you go too fast you’ll spoil all the fun,” said Dorothy. “There’s no hurry.”

  “Very well; it is all the same to me,” observed the Sawhorse; and after that he went at a more moderate pace.

  Uncle Henry was astonished.

  “How can a wooden thing be so intelligent?” he asked.

  “Why, I gave him some sawdust brains the last time I fitted his head with new ears,” explained the Wizard. “The sawdust was made from hard knots, and now the Sawhorse is able to think out any knotty problem he meets with.”

  “I see,” said Uncle Henry.

  “I don’t,” remarked Aunt Em; but no one paid any attention to this statement.

  Before long they came to a stately building that stood upon a green plain with handsome shade trees grouped here and there.

  “What is that?” asked Uncle Henry.

  “That,” replied the Wizard, “is the Royal Athletic College of Oz, which is directed by Professor H. M. Woggle-Bug, T.E.”

  “Let’s stop and make a call,” suggested Dorothy.

  So the Sawhorse drew up in front of the great building and they were met at the door by the learned Woggle-Bug himself. He seemed fully as tall as the Wizard, and was dressed in a red and white checked vest and a blue swallow-tailed coat, and had yellow knee breeches and purple silk stockings upon his slender legs. A tall hat was jauntily set upon his head and he wore spectacles over his big bright eyes.

  “Welcome, Dorothy,” said the Woggle-Bug; “and welcome to all your friends. We are indeed pleased to receive you at this great Temple of Learning.”

  “I thought it was an Athletic College,” said the Shaggy Man.

  “It is, my dear sir,” answered the Woggle-Bug, proudly. “Here it is that we teach the youth of our great land scientific College Athletics—in all their purity.”

  “Don’t you teach them anything else?” asked Dorothy. “Don’t they get any reading, writing and ’rithmetic?”

  “Oh, yes; of course. They get all those, and more,” returned the Professor. “But such things occupy little of their time. Please follow me and I will show you how my scholars are usually occupied. This is a class hour and they are all busy.”

  They followed him to a big field back of the college building, where several hundred young Ozites were at their classes. In one place they played football, in another baseball. Some played tennis, some golf; some were swimming in a big pool. Upon a river which wound through the grounds several crews in racing boats were rowing with great enthusiasm. Other groups of students played basketball and cricket, while in one place a ring was roped in to permit boxing and wrestling by the energetic youths. All the collegians seemed busy and there was much laughter and shouting.

  “This college,” said Professor Woggle-Bug, complacently, “is a great success. Its educational value is undisputed, and we are turning out many great and valuable citizens every year.”

  “But when do they study?” asked Dorothy.

  “Study?” said the Woggle-Bug, looking perplexed at the question.

  “Yes; when do they get their ’rithmetic, and jogerfy, and such things?”

  “Oh, they take doses of those every night and morning,” was the reply.

  “What do you mean by doses?” Dorothy inquired, wonderingly.

  “Why, we use the newly invented School Pills, made by your friend the Wizard. These pills we have found to be very effective, and they save a lot of time. Please step this way and I will show you our Laboratory of Learning.”

  He led them to a room in the building where many large bottles were standing in rows upon shelves.

  “These are the Algebra Pills,” said the Professor, taking down one of the bottles. “One at night, on retiring, is equal to four hours of study. Here are the Geography Pills—one at night and one in the morning. In this next bottle are the Latin Pills—one three times a day. Then we have the Grammar Pills—one before each meal—and the Spelling Pills, which are taken whenever needed.”

  “Your scholars must have to take a lot of pills,” remarked Dorothy, thoughtfully. “How do they take ’em, in applesauce?”

  “No, my dear. They are sugar-coated and are quickly and easily swallowed. I believe the students would rather take the pills than study, and certainly the pills are a more effective method. You see, until these School Pills were invented we wasted a lot of time in study that may now be better employed in practising athletics.”

  “Seems to me the pills are a good thing,” said Omby Amby, who remembered how it used to make his head ache as a boy to study arithmetic.

  “They are, sir,” declared the Woggle-Bug, earnestly. “They give us an advantage over all other colleges, because at no loss of time our boys become thoroughly conversant with Greek and Latin, Mathematics and Geography, Grammar and Literature. You see they are never obliged to interrupt their games to acquire the lesser branches of learning.”

  “It’s a great invention, I’m sure,” said Dorothy, looking admiringly at the Wizard, who blushed modestly at this praise.

  “We live in an age of progress,” announced Professor Woggle-Bug, pompously. “It is easier to swallow knowledge than to acquire it laboriously from books. Is it not so, my friends?”

  “Some folks can swallow anything,” said Aunt Em, “but to me this seems too much like taking medicine.”

  “Young men in college always have to take their medicine, one way or another,” observed the Wizard, with a smile; “and, as our Professor says, these School Pills have proved to be a great success. One day while I was making them I happened to drop one of them, and one of Billina’s chickens gobbled it up. A few minutes afterward this
chick got upon a roost and recited ‘The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck’ without making a single mistake. Then it recited ‘The Charge of the Light Brigade’ and afterwards ‘Excelsior.’ You see, the chicken had eaten an Elocution Pill.”

  They now bade good-bye to the Professor, and thanking him for his kind reception mounted again into the red wagon and continued their journey.

  Chapter 10

  HOW the CUTTENCLIPS LIVED

  he travelers had taken no provisions with them because they knew that they would be welcomed wherever they might go in the Land of Oz, and that the people would feed and lodge them with genuine hospitality. So about noon they stopped at a farm-house and were given a delicious luncheon of bread and milk, fruits and wheat cakes with maple syrup. After resting a while and strolling through the orchards with their host—a round, jolly farmer—they got into the wagon and again started the Sawhorse along the pretty, winding road.

  There were sign-posts at all the corners, and finally they came to one which read:

  TAKE THIS ROAD TO THE CUTTENCLIPS

  There was also a hand pointing in the right direction, so they turned the Sawhorse that way and found it a very good road, but seemingly little traveled.

  “I’ve never seen the Cuttenclips before,” remarked Dorothy.

  “Nor I,” said the Captain General.

  “Nor I,” said the Wizard.

  “Nor I,” said Billina.

  “I’ve hardly been out of the Emerald City since I arrived in this country,” added the Shaggy Man.

  “Why, none of us has been there, then,” exclaimed the little girl. “I wonder what the Cuttenclips are like.”

  “We shall soon find out,” said the Wizard, with a sly laugh. “I’ve heard they are rather flimsy things.”

  The farm-houses became fewer as they proceeded, and the path was at times so faint that the Sawhorse had hard work to keep in the road. The wagon began to jounce, too; so they were obliged to go slowly.