Oz, The Complete Collection

by L. Frank Baum

  We can hardly blame Kaliko for this, and even the cruel Ruggedo forgave him; for he knew very well that if he mashed his Royal Chamberlain he could never find another so intelligent and obedient. Kaliko could make the nomes work when their King could not, for the nomes hated Ruggedo and there were so many thousands of the quaint little underground people that they could easily have rebelled and defied the King had they dared to do so. Sometimes, when Ruggedo abused them worse than usual, they grew sullen and threw down their hammers and picks. Then, however hard the King scolded or whipped them, they would not work until Kaliko came and begged them to. For Kaliko was one of themselves and was as much abused by the King as any nome in the vast series of caverns.

  But to-day all the little people were working industriously at their tasks and Ruggedo, having nothing to do, was greatly bored. He sent for the Long-Eared Hearer and asked him to listen carefully and report what was going on in the big world.

  “It seems,” said the Hearer, after listening for awhile, “that the women in America have clubs.”

  “Are there spikes in them?” asked Ruggedo, yawning.

  “I cannot hear any spikes, your Majesty,” was the reply.

  “Then their clubs are not as good as my sceptre. What else do you hear?’

  “There’s a war.

  “Bah! there’s always a war. What else?”

  For a time the Hearer was silent, bending forward and spreading out his big ears to catch the slightest sound. Then suddenly he said:

  “Here is an interesting thing, your Majesty. These people are arguing as to who shall conquer the Metal Monarch, seize his treasure and drive him from his dominions.”

  “What people?” demanded Ruggedo, sitting up straight in his throne.

  “The ones you threw down the Hollow Tube.”

  “Where are they now?”

  “In the same Tube, and coming back this way,” said the Hearer.

  Ruggedo got out of his throne and began to pace up and down the cavern.

  “I wonder what can be done to stop them,” he mused.

  “Well,” said the Hearer, “if you could turn the Tube upside down, they would be falling the other way, your Majesty.”

  Ruggedo glared at him wickedly, for it was impossible to turn the Tube upside down and he believed the Hearer was slyly poking fun at him. Presently he asked:

  “How far away are those people now?”

  “About nine thousand three hundred and six miles, seventeen furlongs, eight feet and four inches—as nearly as I can judge from the sound of their voices,” replied the Hearer.

  “Aha! Then it will be some time before they arrive,” said Ruggedo, “and when they get here I shall be ready to receive them.”

  He rushed to his gong and pounded upon it so fiercely that Kaliko came bounding into the cavern with one shoe off and one shoe on, for he was just dressing himself after a swim in the hot bubbling lake of the Underground Kingdom.

  “Kaliko, those invaders whom we threw down the Tube are coming back again!” he exclaimed.

  “I thought they would,” said the Royal Chamberlain, pulling on the other shoe. “Tititi-Hoochoo would not allow them to remain in his kingdom, of course, and so I’ve been expecting them back for some time. That was a very foolish action of yours, Rug.”

  “What, to throw them down the Tube?”

  “Yes. Tititi-Hoochoo has forbidden us to throw even rubbish into the Tube.”

  “Pooh! what do I care for the Jinjin?” asked Ruggedo scornfully. “He never leaves his own kingdom, which is on the other side of the world.”

  “True; but he might send some one through the Tube to punish you,” suggested Kaliko.

  “I’d like to see him do it! Who could conquer my thousands of nomes?”

  “Why, they’ve been conquered before, if I remember aright,” answered Kaliko with a grin. “Once I saw you running from a little girl named Dorothy, and her friends, as if you were really afraid.”

  “Well, I was afraid, that time,” admitted the Nome King, with a deep sigh, “for Dorothy had a Yellow Hen that laid eggs!”

  The King shuddered as he said “eggs,” and Kaliko also shuddered, and so did the Long-Eared Hearer; for eggs are the only things that the nomes greatly dread. The reason for this is that eggs belong on the earth’s surface, where birds and fowl of all sorts live, and there is something about a hen’s egg, especially, that fills a nome with horror. If by chance the inside of an egg touches one of these underground people, he withers up and blows away and that is the end of him—unless he manages quickly to speak a magical word which only a few of the nomes know. Therefore Ruggedo and his followers had very good cause to shudder at the mere mention of eggs.

  “But Dorothy,” said the King, “is not with this band of invaders; nor is the Yellow Hen. As for Tititi-Hoochoo, he has no means of knowing that we are afraid of eggs.”

  “You mustn’t be too sure of that,” Kaliko warned him. “Tititi-Hoochoo knows a great many things, being a fairy, and his powers are far superior to any we can boast.”

  Ruggedo shrugged impatiently and turned to the Hearer.

  “Listen,” said he, “and tell me if you hear any eggs coming through the Tube.”

  The Long-Eared one listened and then shook his head. But Kaliko laughed at the King.

  “No one can hear an egg, your Majesty,” said he. “The only way to discover the truth is to look through the Magic Spyglass.”

  “That’s it!” cried the King. “Why didn’t I think of it before? Look at once, Kaliko!”

  So Kaliko went to the Spyglass and by uttering a mumbled charm he caused the other end of it to twist around, so that it pointed down the opening of the Tube. Then he put his eye to the glass and was able to gaze along all the turns and windings of the Magic Spyglass and then deep into the Tube, to where our friends were at that time falling.

  “Dear me!” he exclaimed. “Here comes a dragon.”

  “A big one?” asked Ruggedo.

  “A monster. He has an electric light on the end of his tail, so I can see him very plainly. And the other people are all riding upon his back.”

  “How about the eggs?” inquired the King.

  Kaliko looked again.

  “I can see no eggs at all,” said he; “but I imagine that the dragon is as dangerous as eggs. Probably Tititi-Hoochoo has sent him here to punish you for dropping those strangers into the Forbidden Tube. I warned you not to do it, your Majesty.”

  This news made the Nome King anxious. For a few minutes he paced up and down, stroking his long beard and thinking with all his might. After this he turned to Kaliko and said:

  “All the harm a dragon can do is to scratch with his claws and bite with his teeth.”

  “That is not all, but it’s quite enough,” returned Kaliko earnestly. “On the other hand, no one can hurt a dragon, because he’s the toughest creature alive. One flop of his huge tail could smash a hundred nomes to pancakes, and with teeth and claws he could tear even you or me into small bits, so that it would be almost impossible to put us together again. Once, a few hundred years ago, while wandering through some deserted caverns, I came upon a small piece of a nome lying on the rocky floor. I asked the piece of nome what had happened to it. Fortunately the mouth was a part of this piece—the mouth and the left eye—so it was able to tell me that a fierce dragon was the cause. It had attacked the poor nome and scattered him in every direction, and as there was no friend near to collect his pieces and put him together, they had been separated for a great many years. So you see, your Majesty, it is not in good taste to sneer at a dragon.”

  The King had listened attentively to Kaliko. Said he:

  “It will only be necessary to chain this dragon which Tititi-Hoochoo has sent here, in order to prevent his reaching us with his claws and teeth.”

  “He also breathes flames,” Kaliko reminded him.

  “My nomes are not afraid of fire, nor am I,” said Ruggedo.

  “Well, how about
the Army of Oogaboo?”

  “Sixteen cowardly officers and Tik-Tok! Why, I could defeat them single-handed; but I won’t try to. I’ll summon my army of nomes to drive the invaders out of my territory, and if we catch any of them I intend to stick needles into them until they hop with pain.”

  “I hope you won’t hurt any of the girls,” said Kaliko.

  “I’ll hurt ’em all!” roared the angry Metal Monarch. “And that braying Mule I’ll make into hoof-soup, and feed it to my nomes, that it may add to their strength.”

  “Why not be good to the strangers and release your prisoner, the Shaggy Man’s brother?” suggested Kaliko.

  “Never!”

  “It may save you a lot of annoyance. And you don’t want the Ugly One.”

  “I don’t want him; that’s true. But I won’t allow anybody to order me around. I’m King of the Nomes and I’m the Metal Monarch, and I shall do as I please and what I please and when I please!”

  With this speech Ruggedo threw his sceptre at Kaliko’s head, aiming it so well that the Royal Chamberlain had to fall flat upon the floor in order to escape it. But the Hearer did not see the sceptre coming and it swept past his head so closely that it broke off the tip of one of his long ears. He gave a dreadful yell that quite startled Ruggedo, and the King was sorry for the accident because those long ears of the Hearer were really valuable to him.

  So the Nome King forgot to be angry with Kaliko and ordered his Chamberlain to summon General Guph and the army of nomes and have them properly armed. They were then to march to the mouth of the Tube, where they could seize the travelers as soon as they appeared.

  Chapter 15

  The DRAGON DEFIES DANGER

  lthough the journey through the Tube was longer, this time, than before, it was so much more comfortable that none of our friends minded it at all. They talked together most of the time and as they found the dragon good-natured and fond of the sound of his own voice they soon became well acquainted with him and accepted him as a companion.

  “You see,” said Shaggy, in his frank way, “Quox is on our side, and therefore the dragon is a good fellow. If he happened to be an enemy, instead of a friend, I am sure I should dislike him very much, for his breath smells of brimstone, he is very conceited and he is so strong and fierce that he would prove a dangerous foe.”

  “Yes, indeed,” returned Quox, who had listened to this speech with pleasure; “I suppose I am about as terrible as any living thing. I am glad you find me conceited, for that proves I know my good qualities. As for my breath smelling of brimstone, I really can’t help it, and I once met a man whose breath smelled of onions, which I consider far worse.”

  “I don’t,” said Betsy; “I love onions.

  “And I love brimstone,” declared the dragon, “so don’t let us quarrel over one another’s peculiarities.”

  Saying this, he breathed a long breath and shot a flame fifty feet from his mouth. The brimstone made Betsy cough, but she remembered about the onions and said nothing.

  They had no idea how far they had gone through the center of the earth, nor when to expect the trip to end. At one time the little girl remarked:

  “I wonder when we’ll reach the bottom of this hole. And isn’t it funny, Shaggy Man, that what is the bottom to us now, was the top when we fell the other way?”

  “What puzzles me,” said Files, “is that we are able to fall both ways.”

  “That,” announced Tik-Tok, “is be-cause the world is round.”

  “Exactly,” responded Shaggy. “The machinery in your head is in fine working order, Tik-Tok. You know, Betsy, that there is such a thing as the Attraction of Gravitation, which draws everything toward the center of the earth. That is why we fall out of bed, and why everything clings to the surface of the earth.”

  “Then why doesn’t everyone go on down to the center of the earth?” inquired the little girl.

  “I was afraid you were going to ask me that,” replied Shaggy in a sad tone. “The reason, my dear, is that the earth is so solid that other solid things can’t get through it. But when there’s a hole, as there is in this case, we drop right down to the center of the world.”

  “Why don’t we stop there?” asked Betsy.

  “Because we go so fast that we acquire speed enough to carry us right up to the other end.”

  “I don’t understand that, and it makes my head ache to try to figure it out,” she said after some thought. “One thing draws us to the center and another thing pushes us away from it. But—”

  “Don’t ask me why, please,” interrupted the Shaggy Man. “If you can’t understand it, let it go at that.”

  “Do you understand it?” she inquired.

  “All the magic isn’t in fairyland,” he said gravely. “There’s lots of magic in all Nature, and you may see it as well in the United States, where you and I once lived, as you can here.”

  “I never did,” she replied.

  “Because you were so used to it all that you didn’t realize it was magic. Is anything more wonderful than to see a flower grow and blossom, or to get light out of the electricity in the air? The cows that manufacture milk for us must have machinery fully as remarkable as that in Tik-Tok’s copper body, and perhaps you’ve noticed that—”

  And then, before Shaggy could finish his speech, the strong light of day suddenly broke upon them, grew brighter, and completely enveloped them. The dragon’s claws no longer scraped against the metal Tube, for he shot into the open air a hundred feet or more and sailed so far away from the slanting hole that when he landed it was on the peak of a mountain and just over the entrance to the many underground caverns of the Nome King.

  Some of the officers tumbled off their seats when Quox struck the ground, but most of the dragon’s passengers only felt a slight jar. All were glad to be on solid earth again and they at once dismounted and began to look about them. Queerly enough, as soon as they had left the dragon, the seats that were strapped to the monster’s back disappeared, and this probably happened because there was no further use for them and because Quox looked far more dignified in just his silver scales. Of course he still wore the forty yards of ribbon around his neck, as well as the great locket, but these only made him look “dressed up,” as Betsy remarked.

  Now the army of nomes had gathered thickly around the mouth of the Tube, in order to be ready to capture the band of invaders as soon as they popped out. There were, indeed, hundreds of nomes assembled, and they were led by Guph, their most famous General. But they did not expect the dragon to fly so high, and he shot out of the Tube so suddenly that it took them by surprise. When the nomes had rubbed the astonishment out of their eyes and regained their wits, they discovered the dragon quietly seated on the mountainside far above their heads, while the other strangers were standing in a group and calmly looking down upon them.

  General Guph was very angry at the escape, which was no one’s fault but his own.

  “Come down here and be captured!” he shouted, waving his sword at them.

  “Come up here and capture us—if you dare!” replied Queen Ann, who was winding up the clockwork of her Private Soldier, so he could fight more briskly.

  Guph’s first answer was a roar of rage at the defiance; then he turned and issued a command to his nomes. These were all armed with sharp spears and with one accord they raised these spears and threw them straight at their foes, so that they rushed through the air in a perfect cloud of flying weapons.

  Some damage might have been done had not the dragon quickly crawled before the others, his body being so big that it shielded every one of them, including Hank. The spears rattled against the silver scales of Quox and then fell harmlessly to the ground. They were magic spears, of course, and all straightway bounded back into the hands of those who had thrown them, but even Guph could see that it was useless to repeat the attack.

  It was now Queen Ann’s turn to attack, so the Generals yelled “For—ward march!” and the Colonels and Majors a
nd Captains repeated the command and the valiant Army of Oogaboo, which seemed to be composed mainly of Tik-Tok, marched forward in single column toward the nomes, while Betsy and Polychrome cheered and Hank gave a loud “Hee-haw!” and Shaggy shouted “Hooray!” and Queen Ann screamed: “At ’em, Tik-Tok—at ’em!”

  The nomes did not await the Clockwork Man’s attack but in a twinkling disappeared into the underground caverns. They made a great mistake in being so hasty, for Tik-Tok had not taken a dozen steps before he stubbed his copper toe on a rock and fell flat to the ground, where he cried: “Pick me up! Pick me up! Pick me up!” until Shaggy and Files ran forward and raised him to his feet again.

  The dragon chuckled softly to himself as he scratched his left ear with his hind claw, but no one was paying much attention to Quox just then.

  It was evident to Ann and her officers that there could be no fighting unless the enemy was present, and in order to find the enemy they must boldly enter the underground Kingdom of the Nomes. So bold a step demanded a council of war.

  “Don’t you think I’d better drop in on Ruggedo and obey the orders of the Jinjin?” asked Quox.

  “By no means!” returned Queen Ann. “We have already put the army of nomes to flight and all that yet remains is to force our way into those caverns, and conquer the Nome King and all his people.”

  “That seems to me something of a job,” said the dragon, closing his eyes sleepily. “But go ahead, if you like, and I’ll wait here for you. Don’t be in any hurry on my account. To one who lives thousands of years the delay of a few days means nothing at all, and I shall probably sleep until the time comes for me to act.”

  Ann was provoked at this speech.