Angel (Club Nymph Book 2)

by Abby Gale

  I was nervous, excited, confused; even after all those years Mike was capable of pulling every kind of emotions in me.

  “We won’t be long,” I murmured.

  Pax’ hand enveloped mine before I got out of the car. His piercing blue eyes sucked me in their depth. “I’ll be here,” he rasped.

  “I know. We’ll be back,” I replied, meaning more than I said.

  “Are you ready, MJ?” I turned to look at my son who seemed like he would visit Disneyland instead of a prison. Nodding his head he tried to open the belt on his child seat. I sometimes forgot he was just three year old with his intelligence.

  *****

  I sat on the chair with MJ on my lap, waiting for Mike to show up in the visiting room. Waiting Mike was like the last moment of the passionate kiss that left you satisfied but also hungry for more, or the last piece of dessert you wanted to eat even though you feel like you won’t be able to take any more, even though you knew your decision will be followed by regret. Waiting for him was like hoping to catch the last glimpse of someone you loved before the goodbye – exciting, upsetting, and full of longing which would end with heartache and regret.

  Finally he walked in, looking like he owned the place and everyone was below him, but his indifference cracked when his eyes found us. He stopped on his track, his eyes moving back and forth between MJ and me. I held my breath as he slowly made his way toward us, his eyes focused on MJ.

  “Mike,” I breathed out as he stood next to me. His eyes turned toward the personnel who waited a few feet away from our table. It was the procedure they had, especially since I had a toddler sitting on my lap.

  MJ touched my cheek before asking with a whisper, “Daddy?”

  “Yes, MJ. He’s your daddy,” I rasped without taking my eyes away from Mike. He swallowed, fisting his hands like he was trying to control himself. I knew this side of him, he was the vulnerable, broken man who made my heart bleed every time he appeared.

  Placing MJ to the chair next to mine I stood up and closed the small distance between us, hugging him tight. His arms around me shouldn’t have given me any comfort, but they did. It was like I’d found my anchor in life again. The only problem was this anchor wasn’t chaining me to the ground it was pulling me into the depth of hell without any hope in getting out.

  “You have to separate,” the personnel interrupted our moment. After breathing me in, Mike released me.

  “Angel,” he choked as he kneeled down in front of MJ’s chair. His eyes were on me with full of questions.

  “MJ wanted to see his daddy. Tomorrow it’s his birthday so you are his present,” I whispered, my eyes welled up with tears.

  “Hi, little man,” he whispered. I had never seen his face like the way he looked at MJ; his eyes were full of adoration.

  “Hi,” MJ smiled, reaching out to touch Mike’s cheek –the scarred one.

  “You don’t need to be scared, MJ,” Mike reassured him, but I knew my baby; he wasn’t scared he was just observing Mike like he did everyone.

  “I’m not scared,” MJ said, jumping off from his chair to Mike’s arms. Mike’s eyes turned to the personnel for approval, but I reassured him, “I’ve read the guideline. You’re allowed to spend time with him.”

  “Can I kiss him?” His voice ripped my heart out. It wasn’t the monster in front of me at that moment it was a man who deserved second chance, but I knew that would never happen; he did terrible things –things that he would never be able to redeem.

  I nodded, trying to send back the tears formed in my eyes. Mike lifted MJ to his lap after sitting on his chair. He hugged him tight to his chest, smelling and kissing him; I had never seen him that open, that vulnerable, and that emotional. The lump in my throat was obstructing my air. I didn’t know how long they held onto each other. Finally when Mike’s attention was back on me I smiled sadly at them as MJ placed his head under Mike’s chin like he was getting ready to take a nap.

  “How are you, Angel?” Mike asked.

  “I’m fine. I missed you… sorry I didn’t come earlier,” I mumbled, feeling nervous to communicate with him in my emotional state.

  “I wasn’t expecting you to come. I wanted it, but have never thought you would want to visit me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Mike. I loved you.”

  “Past tense?” he sadly smiled at me, caressing MJ’s hair as he looked at his daddy like he was the God himself.

  I sighed. “It has to be past tense, Mike. We don’t have a future and we were never meant to be… maybe in different circumstances, maybe if we were different people.”

  He only nodded. The tense silence filled the distance between us before I could finally find the courage to say what I want or most likely should.

  “Mike…” I started, my voice trailed off before I could continue.

  “You came here to say goodbye, yeah?”

  “The last three years were hard for me, Mike. I didn’t know how to go on, I still don’t, but I have to… for MJ, for myself. I have to leave everything –you, me, us- behind, in the past so I can build a future for myself and my boy,” I said with more confidence than I felt.

  “There is someone else,” he said, it was just a statement, but I still nodded my head.

  “Who?”

  “Does that matter?”

  “Does he treat you well? Both of you?” he asked, hugging MJ tighter. My little boy looked like he was about to fall asleep in his arms.

  “Yes. He worships both of us. He is a good man, Mike,” I told him, tucking the hair strand behind my ear I added, “I loved you, Mike, but it is time for me to say goodbye to you. This is the first and the last time I’ll ever see you. You left your marks on me and I don’t regret any of them and I don’t hate you for anything you did, but it is time you become a memory from my past… for my boy, for myself…”

  I took a deep breath after I finished, trying to not feel sorry for the way his shoulders launched forward.

  “You’re mine,” he whispered.

  “Not anymore.”

  His eyes captive mine for a long while before he finally let out a long sigh. “You’re right. But… I loved you, too, Angel. I wish I knew how to be a better man.”

  Reaching for his hand I caressed his warm skin on the table. “I wish it, too.”

  There was nothing more to say, we both knew this was inevitable.

  “You better leave. He shouldn’t stay here any longer. I don’t want him to remember this place,” Mike said, nodding his head toward MJ who was already asleep.

  “MJ, baby?” I woke him up.

  “Mommy?” He looked confused, but his smile came back when his eyes found Mike. “Not a dream,” he murmured.

  “No, little man. It wasn’t a dream. We met, but now you have to leave, forget about me, and live your life, okay? You need to be happy, promise?” Mike asked with the sweetest voice I’d ever heard.

  “Okay, Daddy,” MJ said, making the lump more obvious in my throat as he hug Mike with his small arms.

  “Goodbye, baby boy,” Mike whispered, his eyes were closed, his face was buried into the crook of MJ’s neck. I hardly had the time to school my emotions when he pulled back.

  MJ walked toward me, holding my hand. I let my eyes roam Mike’s body for one last time.

  “Goodbye, Mike.”

  MJ was silent as we walked away from the building, but he was squeezing my hand. Was it possible for a child to try controlling his emotions?

  “Can Mommy carry you to the car, baby boy?” I asked.

  “No, Mommy. I’m good.”

  I smiled before looking back to the building over my shoulder.

  I still loved him.

  I still missed him even though I saw his face just seconds ago.

  I knew I would never be able to forget him, but I wasn’t planning on it anyway. I didn’t want to forget him; all I wanted was to keep living with all my marks.

  When I saw the car and Pax sitting in it I slowed my steps. I wa
s still emotional. Mike was still holding a place in my heart and I didn’t want him to leave. He was my secret I would keep with me as long as I lived. But my happiness, my light, and my clarity was in front of me now, waiting for me like he always did.

  Channing Paxton was my future and I was grateful he loved me with all my broken pieces.

  “Daddy!” MJ ran toward him. He needed his love more than my affection right now. I wondered what he was thinking after today, after meeting Mike, but he seemed happy as Pax swirled with him in his arms.

  Channing Paxton was the good man, maybe even one of the best and I was lucky to have him.

  I smiled to my future that was playing in front of me as my past was behind me.

  I knew it was a wrong decision…

  Mike– October 31, 2018

  I watched them walk toward the car waiting outside. A guy got out of the driver seat and I knew him. Channing fucking Paxton… the bartender who wanted what was mine from the beginning.

  “Daddy,” MJ shrieked, running toward the fucking Paxton. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. My hands turned to fists as I watched the scene in front of me.

  I looked at my angel’s face, she had a small smile on her face as that bastard Paxton swirled my son in his arms.

  Another man was making my woman smile.

  Another man was making her happy.

  My son was calling another man daddy.

  My family belonged to another man.

  I have nothing.

  I lost them.

  I lost everything I had.

  I’m lost…

  *****

  Hours passed but the anger that was boiling inside of me didn’t dissipate. I was shaking with rage and I welcomed it because it was easier to feel angry than feeling hurt.

  Damn if it didn’t hurt…

  I wasn’t angry at her. My anger was more focused on me than anyone or anything else. I had everything. Even though my way of bringing them into my life wasn’t normal she chose to love me and she gave me a family.

  She wanted to save me and she could have, but I was the monster; I didn’t learn from my mistakes. Yes, I did the right thing with her by letting her leave but only to follow that with a mistake. Why did I have to look for another girl to corrupt? Why didn’t I just sit in my house and wait to die?

  I deserved to die.

  I was happy my son wouldn’t grow up with a guy like me.

  I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve her. Even death was an easy choice for me because nothing would redeem my sins.

  I’d become worse than the people I hated the most.

  *****

  It was easy to plan my death. All it took was a visit to my brother dearest’s cell so I could empty all of the drug packages and throw all the money to the main area. He was furious and I gave him the reason he wanted to get to finally kill me.

  William Harrison hated me, he was just too scared of my sick mind he couldn’t act on it; he knew he would never be able to beat me, but today was different… today I wouldn’t fight back.

  And I didn’t.

  I didn’t know how many times he stabbed me till the guards barged into my cell, but all I did was smile at him, making him even angrier.

  The pain was too much, it wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced before and my death was slow –just the way I deserved it. I felt my blood drain out of my body from the pores of the handmade knife. It burned like hell and I welcomed it; that was where I would be anyway, if there was a life after death that is.

  “You fucking psycho motherfucker asshole! Die and rot in hell!” was the last thing I’d heard from William before he sneaked a kick to my stomach, sealing my death.

  Finally, the monster died, roaring and the scared kid in me followed him into the darkness, crying…

  November 1, 2018

  “Happy birthday, MJ!” Dawn was singing the birthday song for MJ.

  We all clapped our hands while my little boy blew out all the candles. His smile was adorable.

  “Auntie,” he said after examining his toy car and wrapped his little arms around Dawn’s neck. It was his way of thanking her. He preferred to show affection rather than using words. Because of this he was still talking with one-word sentences. Even though he could easily handle a long conversation. He had a deep, silent intelligence that was shocking for a three-year-old boy. Sometimes I thought he understood more than he should.

  “Happy birthday, little man.” Xander said and lifted MJ to his arms.

  A part of me broke when I saw how MJ looked at Xander. There was clear affection and awe in his face. He had the same look when Alex gave him his present. MJ studied his present with intelligent eyes and smiled at him.

  “Uncles,” he said and tried to wrap his arms around both Alex and Xander.

  Me?

  I was watching them from a far.

  “Mommy?” MJ called out for me. His voice was so mature for a boy at that age. I haven’t been a good mother to him, but he didn’t give up on me with his little heart. I smiled at him, but my mind wasn’t proper enough. After two years of professional help I wasn’t on the right track, yet. I didn’t even know if I’d ever be normal again.

  “I’m coming, baby boy. I’ll just bring the knife to slice your cake, okay?” I said and he nodded his head. I felt Dawn’s eyes on me and reassured her with a smile.

  She knew I sometimes needed the time alone. I was glad she didn’t push too far.

  I walked into the house back and frowned when I heard the voices from television. Dawn must have forgotten it on.

  I walked to the voice and stopped dead in my place.

  Today, Michael Harrison was found stabbed in his prison cell and pronounced dead while being transported to the hospital. The victim’s brother, William Harrison, a current prison inmate, has been arrested for the alleged murder.

  It was three years ago when the Harrison brothers were convicted with life sentences for multiple counts of rape, murder, kidnapping, drug trafficking and obstruction of justice...

  I couldn’t look away from the TV screen. I felt like my body was surrounded with ice. My skin prickled and the ground spun under me. I put my hand to the wall for support.

  No one knew what I’d been through. No one understood my feelings.

  Everyone thought I was about to be cured. But I wasn’t…I was beyond the limit to be cured.

  I missed his face every second of everyday…

  I was in love with my nightmare and even though I knew it was wrong I couldn’t help myself.

  After two years of professional help, I couldn’t erase his marks from my body or from my soul. This was sick…my feelings for him weren’t normal. I should hate him. I should have been happy that he was dead but here I was…crying over my kidnapper, my rapist…and the dad of my baby boy.

  I killed him. We shouldn’t have visited him. I knew that was a bad decision yet again I did another mistake. Now he was truly gone from my life, my world. He was gone.

  Yesterday’s clarity was blurred with this news. Every emotion I worked so hard to control came back to the surface; I was drowning in the darkness again.

  Till the door opened and Pax rushed inside.

  “Angel, I’m sorry I’m late. Fuck, the traffic-” he stopped mid-sentence when he saw me. “Baby?” He came to me, wrapping me in his arms.

  “What’s wrong?” he whispered to my hair, but I didn’t need to reply when the news replayed on the TV.

  Hugging me tighter he caressed my back and placed kisses to my temple. “Shh, it’s okay to cry. You’re okay, you’ll be okay,” he murmured till my sobs stopped.

  “I killed him. We shouldn’t have gone to visit him,” I choked.

  “You didn’t kill him, you gave him the best present a man could get; you showed him his son, Angel.”

  “And he is gone, now.”

  “Don’t you think it is better than to spend your whole life in a cell? Maybe he can finally find the peace he despera
tely needed?” he told me, wiping away the tears from my cheeks. I looked at him suspiciously, why was he talking about him like he cared him?

  “You hate him,” I accused.

  “I do, but you love him… and to win your heart he must have done something right, I respect him for that.”

  “Pax…” I breathed out, but didn’t know what to say to the beautiful hearted man in front of me so I only hugged him with everything I had.

  “I love you, Angel,” he whispered, making my heart float on the clouds like every time he said that.

  “I love him, Channing. But I love you, too. I know it is sick, but I can’t change that; I am broken. But if you can accept this I love you with every shattered pieces of my heart,” I rasped, hoping he would accept a love as sick as mine.

  “Marry me,” he said.

  He was never giving up, never getting bored of proposing me.

  I smiled like I always did whenever he proposed, but this time was different; this time I had an answer:

  “Okay.”

  THE END

  Playlist

  Closer –Nine Inch Nails

  Monsters –Katie Sky

  Wildest Dream –Madilyn Bailey

  Till it happens to you – Lady Gaga

  Lost boy – Ruth B.

  Broken ones –Jacquie Lee

  Break in –Halestorm

  Almost lover –A Fine Frenzy

  Writing this book was such a challenge and I enjoyed every minute of it.

  First of all, thanks a lot to my readers. Thanks to you I’m doing what I love. You’re making my dream come true.

  Huge thanks to Celia Aaron. She is one of my favorite authors and a great person I had privilege to know. She made time for me to read Angel and gave me feedback that was invaluable.

  I want to thank my PA, Cheril Olmsted. She works so hard to spread the words about my works and I wouldn’t be able to focus my books if she wasn’t there for me. She’s an amazing person and she puts my life in order.