“Let’s forget it.”
“Forget it? But . . .” she trailed off as his gaze drew dark.
“But what?”
“I just . . . I mean . . . the woman in that photo—”
“Is someone I don’t talk about.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.” He gave her a firm look.
“But where is she? What—”
“She’s dead,” he interrupted. “All right? She’s dead and that’s all you need to know about her.”
No. No, it wasn’t. Not if she caused a reaction like this from him.
“What happened to her?”
“That’s none of your damn business.”
Molly flinched as he turned away from her.
“Fuck! Fuck!” He leaned his hands against the wall and took a couple of deep breaths. When he turned back to her, his face was filled with regret. “Jesus, Molly, I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one who was going through your private stuff.” She watched him warily though. For the first time, she didn’t feel a hundred percent safe in his company. Not that she thought he’d hurt her physically. But her emotions were a whole other ballgame. She’d thought they were closer than this, but it seemed she was wrong. Seemed that he had a whole bunch of secrets, a part of his life she wasn’t welcome to.
And you don’t? It would make her a hypocrite to protest him holding part of his life apart from her.
“Yeah, but I had no right to talk to you the way I just did. I’m acting like a complete jerk. It’s just . . . I don’t talk about her.”
“She was really special to you.”
“She was my wife. She was my wife and she died. End of story.”
Oh, but that wasn’t the end of the story. Not at all. And why had no one told her any of this? Was it a secret everyone kept from outsiders? Hurt filled her. She’d have thought Lila, Laken, or Savannah might have said something.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”
“No way you could have. Not many people do know.”
“She didn’t live here?”
He let out an impatient sigh. “Look, Molly, don’t make a big deal out of this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I’m not one of your patients. I don’t need to talk this out. It happened two years ago. I don’t need therapy. I had a wife. She died. That’s it. No one talks about her because they didn’t know her. I didn’t live here, and I’d lost touch with my old friends while I was in the Navy. That’s it. So, leave it alone.”
It was hard not to snap at him, not to react with anger. But she held back her own pain, realizing he was lashing out because she’d opened old wounds.
He turned away from her. “I’ve got to get to work. I’ll drop you off at your apartment.”
That was the end of the conversation, she guessed. He’d closed completely off from her. She wouldn’t be getting anything from him now.
“I’ll walk home.”
He swung around and gave her an impatient look. “Don’t be silly. I’ll drive right past your apartment. I’ll take you.”
“A walk will do me good.” Might help her clear her head.
“Molly, please. Just let me give you a ride home.”
He looked so tired and defeated she couldn’t fight him on this. “All right, thanks.”
He looked surprised for a moment. Then nodded. “Come on, then.”
When they got to her apartment, he climbed out and came around to open her door, as usual.
“I’ll see you later?” she asked, feeling more uncertain of her place in his life than she ever had.
“I’ll probably have to work late. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay, be safe.”
He gave her a stiff nod then closed her door and walked back around the car. And for the first time since he’d claimed her, he left without giving her a kiss goodbye.
12
“Hey, hon, how’s it going?” Lila sat down on the bench across the table from Molly. The diner was growing quieter, the midday lunch crowd having left.
“I’m good and you?”
“Hmm, you don’t look so good.” Lila frowned as she studied her. “You’re kind of pale. Are you not feeling well?”
“I’m fine.” She almost looked around for Jake as she said those words. She didn’t know why, wasn’t like he cared anymore.
Not fair, Molly.
Damn it, why did she always have to be fair? Why couldn’t she be unreasonable and irrational and a bitch? But it had only been a day since he’d caught her going through his stuff. He really might be busy and that’s why he hadn’t called.
“What’s wrong? Has something happened with you and Jake?”
“Sort of.” She looked up with a smile as the waitress brought over her iced tea. “Thank you.”
The woman gave her a small smile back. She looked about as tired as Molly felt.
“Thanks, Aspen,” Lila said to the other woman. “You okay?”
Aspen just nodded and moved on to clean another table.
“She looks exhausted,” Molly commented.
“She’s got twin boys and she’s raising them alone. Can’t be easy.”
No, it wouldn’t be.
“What’s going on, Molly?”
“Okay, well, Gavin is best friends with Jake, right?”
She frowned. “He was. When they were kids. But after Jake’s parents died, he moved away, and they lost touch for a bit. I think Jake was just busy in the Navy and Gav had the ranch to take care of. Why’re you asking?”
“So, Gavin never mentioned a woman in Jake’s life? Someone special?”
“Not that I can think of. But, like I said, they drifted apart for a while back then. When Jake returned, he was a different sort of guy. Closed off. Gavin might know something, but he’s not very fond of gossip so he might not tell me.”
She sighed. “It doesn’t matter.” She wouldn’t be the one to divulge Jake’s secrets, not when it seemed he’d kept them from the entire town.
Lila gave her a sympathetic look. “Oh, honey, you really care about him, don’t you?”
Yes, she did. It was so stupid. Why did she have to go and fall in love with him?
“I can see you do. But I don’t think you have anything to worry about. We all have pasts. It’s what’s happening now that matters. And you’re here with Jake, not that other woman.”
Except she wasn’t with Jake. Because she hadn’t heard from him since yesterday. And she hadn’t been brave enough to call him.
“I know. Thanks. You’re right. I’m here. She’s not.”
They chatted for a few moments longer before Lila headed off. She sighed, closing her eyes as she leaned her head back against the back of the booth. She was so tired.
“Mind some company?”
She startled, opening her eyes to find Saxon looming over her. “Jeez, where did you come from?”
“I was in the booth next to you.” He sat across from her without asking if it was all right. She’d only seen him a couple of times since that disastrous experience in Saxons, which had led to the most amazing experience in her life. “You’re not very observant, are you?”
She straightened. “I happen to be very observant. I’m just a bit distracted right now.”
“By this mysterious woman of Jake’s?”
She looked around to make certain no one was close by. Something she should have done, it seemed, before she’d brought the topic up with Lila. She leaned in. “You heard all of that?”
“Yes.”
“I’d appreciate it if you forgot it. It’s private.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have been discussing it in such a public place. Gossiping isn’t something I would normally approve of.”
“Guess I’m glad I don’t need your approval.”
The look he gave her was glacial. And she found her eyes sliding from his. Damn the man. Then she sighed. “You’re right. I shouldn’t
have. It’s not your business. Or mine.”
“I disagree.”
She frowned, raising her eyes back up to his. “She has nothing to do with you.”
“She has everything to do with me. Rebecca might have been Jake’s wife, but she was also my sister.”
She stilled, frozen, her heart thundering in her chest. “Your sister?”
“Yes.” He watched her steadily. “Now, I meant what I said. I don’t believe in gossip. However, this needs to be said. Rebecca was my younger sister. She was everything to me. My world. My only family.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
He nodded abruptly. “She died in a car accident two years ago in San Diego. Jake was out of the country at the time. His career took him away a lot. And I lived in Los Angeles then. We had a hard childhood and as adults, BDSM became a way we both coped with what happened to us. In different ways, of course. She found peace in submitting. She loved Jake. He was her whole world. She found it hard, coping with him away all the time but she knew how much he loved being in the SEALs. And she meant everything to him.”
Why was he telling her all of this? To torture her?
“Are you trying to warn me off?”
“What?” He looked genuinely surprised.
“Are you trying to tell me I won’t ever be as important to Jake as Rebecca was? You don’t have to, you know. We’re not in a committed relationship.”
He frowned at her. “You should be.”
“So you’re not telling me to leave him?”
“Of course not. Why would I do that when I think you’re the best thing that could have happened to him?”
She rubbed at her aching head. She’d had a headache since Jake had dropped her off at her apartment yesterday. Probably from all the crying she’d done. She’d cried bucket loads after discovering the lump in her breast and when she’d finished, she’d cried no more, vowing to live her life out how she wanted. No regrets.
Oh, but she had them now. Why had she ever gone looking in his closet? Idiot. Why had she even gotten involved with him in the first place? She’d known nothing good could come from it. She’d been selfish. She’d wanted just a few moments of happiness. But she hadn’t thought much about how it would affect Jake. About how hard it would be to leave. Way to mess up, Doc. She should be smarter than this. She knew better. And now she’d hurt him by dredging all of this up. That’s why he didn’t want a committed relationship. Because he still loved his wife. She got it. Jake was a loyal guy. It wouldn’t be easy for him to move on.
“What do you mean?”
“Jake blames himself for Rebecca’s death. For not being there. She shouldn’t have been driving that night. She was exhausted—”
“Wait, driving? She was in a car accident?”
“Yes. She ran a stop sign, she was going too fast and didn’t see it. She died before Jake could get home.”
I lost someone I loved in a car accident.
Oh, God, now his overprotective need to keep her safe made much more sense. All the men in Haven seemed to be built that way, Jake even more so.
“Jake thinks if he’d been home then it wouldn’t have happened. That he would have been taking care of her, and she wouldn’t have been driving to the store so late at night to get painkillers. He blames himself, which is why he doesn’t talk about her.”
“That’s terrible.” Her heart ached for him. And for herself.
He’d lost the love of his life. Someone he cared about so much the guilt of her death ate at him and kept him from talking about her.
“He pulled in on himself. I couldn’t reach him. No one could. Not his teammates or his CO. He quit the Navy and came back here. I decided to follow.” He looked off into the distance. “I thought things would be better for him here. That he’d start to forgive himself. But even though he cares about this place and the people, he still kept himself at a distance. All he did was work. He didn’t even play at the club. Until you came along.”
She shook her head. “I don’t mean what you think I do to him. I’m no one special.”
“But you are. He’s been a different person since you came to town. I saw him watching you, saw the way he was drawn to you. When he saw you at the club, he couldn’t resist.”
“He was really pissed at you for setting that up.” She should be too, but she couldn’t work up any annoyance. All she felt was sad and tired.
“I’d do anything to help him. He’s all I have left.”
She tilted her head to one side, studying him. “Maybe at one time he was. But I’ve been watching you too. You belong here now. You may have moved here for him, but you’ve carved out a place for yourself. You care about this town and its people.”
He sat back, giving her a cold look. “We’re not talking about me.”
Right. His defensive walls had just come up. But they weren’t in a therapy session right now and it wasn’t her business to try and figure out what was going on with him.
She sighed. “Jake and I aren’t in a proper relationship.” They’d both been holding back huge parts of themselves. She’d done it to protect herself in the beginning, she didn’t want anyone’s pity. But now, she realized she could never come clean. She couldn’t use her illness as to draw him back, to tie him to her. Jake was the sort of guy who’d stick around. Who wouldn’t leave her. But she didn’t want him to be with her out of some damn obligation. She also didn’t want to hurt him. Better to go now. Before either one of them got in any deeper. Well, before she did. Right now, he didn’t seem to want to even talk to her.
“Look, you’re a strong woman. You’re a therapist. You know how people work.”
Well, she’d have thought so. But dealing with other people’s problems were a completely different ballgame. Her emotions were too involved that any sort of rationality or reason had gone out the door.
“Force him to talk to you about Rebecca. Get it out in the open. He’ll feel better for it and then the two of you can move forward.”
“It’s not quite that simple.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because I can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to. People come to me for therapy for all different reasons but at the end of the day, they have to want to change. To move forward. Jake doesn’t. He’s not ready.”
“Bullshit. He’s ready. He’s just hiding behind Rebecca’s memory because he’s scared. Because he doesn’t want to be hurt again.”
“And I don’t want to be the one to hurt him.”
“So don’t.” There was a hard look in Saxon’s eyes. A promise that if she harmed Jake, she would pay.
She gave him a small smile. “You’ve cleared a lot of things up for me. Thank you. I now know what I have to do.”
“Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like what that is?”
“Sometimes doing the right thing isn’t always the one that makes us feel the best.”
She stood, her heart heavy but knowing this was what had to happen—she had to go.
He was a fucking idiot.
Jake stood outside Laken’s shop and looked up at Molly’s window. The sun was starting to set, and the shop was closed. He held a bunch of lilies in one hand. Her favorite. In the other hand was his play bag. Maybe he was being a bit hopeful. She had every right to tell him to get lost after the way he’d treated her. He should have called her.
Three days had passed since he’d walked in to find her going through that box in his closet. The one that held all the photos he’d saved of Rebecca. He’d closed her out. He’d been a cruel asshole but he hadn’t known how to process his feelings. Feelings for her.
He’d felt guilty. Guilty that he cared about Molly so much. That he hadn’t told her about Rebecca. And he felt guilty that he’d closed Rebecca away for the past two years. She deserved better than that. She deserved to be talked about, for her life to be celebrated.
It had taken him days to work through all his feelings. In the end, he’d real
ized Rebecca wouldn’t want him to live this way. That she wouldn’t want him to mourn her forever. Or to blame himself for her death. He still had regrets, probably always would. But he wouldn’t make the same mistakes with Molly he’d made with Rebecca.
Saxon had been right. Not that Jake intended to ever tell him that. He already had a big enough ego.
When he’d worked that out, he’d taken out those photos of Rebecca, gone through his memories of the sweet, gentle girl he’d married. And she had been a girl. Five years younger than him.
He’d made a mistake in pushing Molly away. He could only hope that huge heart of hers would allow her to forgive him. He walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.
“Molly?” he called out.
Damn it. He hadn’t planned on her not being here. He grabbed his phone, calling her. It went to voicemail.
Shit.
He turned and walked down the stairs.
“Jake?”
He turned, seeing Laken walk out of the back room of the shop. “What are you doing here?” She glanced at the flowers with a slight frown.
“I came to see Molly.” He gave her a wry grin. “To beg for forgiveness, actually. Do you know where she is?”
Her face grew stricken. “Oh, Jake. You’re too late. She’s gone.”
It was like a sucker punch to the gut, and it took a moment for him to recover enough to speak.
“Gone? Gone where?”
“Um, well, I’m not exactly sure where she decided on. She said she’d email and let us know when she settled somewhere but that she might do some traveling first. Oh, Jake. I thought you knew. I’m so sorry.”
“When did she go?”
“This morning. Maybe you can still catch her before she gets on a plane.”
Maybe. If he knew where she was going. And if she’d answer her phone.
“I need to know where she is.” He stared at her. “Please, Laken, it’s important.”
“I can see that it is. I can try calling her.”
“Please.”
She pulled her cell out. Jake waited as she made a call. Finally, she gave him a sad look. “She’s not answering. I promise, as soon as I know where she is, I’ll let you know. You love her, don’t you?”
Molly's Man (Haven, Texas Book 4) Page 16
