“Yes, I do.” But he questioned whether she felt the same. How could she just leave him like that? He’d been an asshole, sure, but surely they’d had something worth staying and fighting for.
Laken sighed. “For what it’s worth, she looked really upset. We tried to convince her not to leave. We thought she’d change her mind. She seemed to love it here and she really cared for you. It was easy to see from the way she spoke about you. But she told us she had to go, that it was better to do it now before people got really hurt. Whatever that meant.”
Too late.
“What are you doing here?”
Jake didn’t turn to look at the man standing behind him. He lay on his back on the weight bench, pushing the weighted barbell up and down. Sweat coated his body, and his arms were shaking, starting to tire. How long had he been at this? Did he care? Working out was the only way he could quiet his brain.
Two tanned hands grabbed hold of the bar and held it still. Saxon’s face appeared upside down above him. “I’m talking to you.”
Jake glared at him. “Let go. I’m not finished.”
“You are now.”
Jake narrowed his gaze. Rage filled him, and he welcomed it.
“I’m not your fucking sub,” Jake spat at him. “Let go. Now.”
Saxon let the barbell go and disappointment filled Jake. He hadn’t expected him to give in so easily. He wanted a fight, he realized. He wanted a way to rid himself of the anger burning a hole in his gut. Two days had passed since she’d gone. It felt like a lifetime.
Jake pumped the barbell up and down a few more times, more to make a point than because he wanted to continue. He slotted the bar into the rack and sat up, reaching for his towel to wipe his face.
He looked over at Saxon, who was now sitting on a small bench across from him. They were alone in the gym, the few people that had been around had disappeared.
“What are you doing here, Saxon?”
“I believe that’s what I asked you.”
“I think that’s fucking obvious, don’t you?” Jake paused, taking a deep breath. Do not let him get to you.
“You’re right. It is. You’re hiding.”
“If I’m hiding I’m not doing a very good job since you found me.”
“Why did you let her go?”
“What?” Jake was perplexed by the change of subject. Talking to Saxon on a good day tried his patience. Today was not a good day. “I’m not in the mood for your riddles so why don’t you just spit out whatever it is you came to say.”
“Fine. I want to know why you let Molly go. She’s the first person you’ve truly responded to since Rebecca. I could tell you cared deeply about her, even though you probably never told her that, or admitted it to yourself. So why did you let her go?”
“When did you become such an old busybody? Running that club has given you a God complex. But you’re not God. And what I do is none of your business.” Jake rose. He was out of there. He’d come for some peace, not an inquisition.
“I care about you, Jake.”
Jake stilled. It wasn’t like Saxon to be open about his feelings. He liked to manipulate. He enjoyed messing in other people’s lives. But he didn’t welcome anyone into his.
“I consider you family—my only family. I don’t want to see you mess up what could be a really good thing.”
Jake thought about walking away but he considered the interfering bastard family as well. And as much as he pissed him off, he wouldn’t turn his back on family.
“I’m worried about you. I’ve been concerned for a long time. You’ve completely closed yourself off. You never smile, never relax—until Molly came along. She lightened you. She brought you back to life. You love her, don’t you?”
Jake winced. He did.
“So why did you let her go? Why aren’t you fighting for her?”
Jake turned to him. “I didn’t let her go. I didn’t even know she was leaving.”
“She just left? She signed a contract with you.”
Contracts were very important in Saxon’s world.
Jake sighed. “She had a good reason, I was an asshole.”
“That goes without saying.”
Jake scowled at him.
Saxon shrugged. “You are not the most open and easygoing of people.”
“And you are?”
“Ah, but this isn’t about me.”
“She found pictures of Rebecca, and I didn’t handle it well. I wouldn’t talk to her.” He winced. “I promised her I wouldn’t do that, wouldn’t shut her out and I did it anyway. So, if anyone broke the contract, it was me.”
He wasn’t worthy of being her Dom. Not when he couldn’t give her what she needed.
Saxon sighed. “Well, I might have had a part to play in this mess.”
“How?”
“I overheard her asking Lila whether she knew of a woman in your life before. Lila didn’t know anything.”
“So you filled in the blanks.” Jake scowled. “That wasn’t your place.”
“I thought I could reassure her that while Rebecca had been important to you, so was she. I told her you hadn’t reacted to any woman but her since Rebecca’s death. That she’s special to you.”
“So why would that make her run?” Jake asked.
Saxon frowned. “I don’t know.”
“I was going to make things up to her, to ask to be more than just her training Dom. To explain about Rebecca and why I reacted the way I did. I realized I was feeling guilty about my feelings for Molly.”
“Rebecca wouldn’t want that.”
“I know. That’s the conclusion I came to as well. Too late because she’d already given up on me.” And that ate at him. He hadn’t expected her to just desert me like that. He’d thought she would fight.
Like you’re doing now? Haven’t you just given up?
“You’re just going to let her go then? You’re going to work out and snap at everyone in sight because you feel sorry for yourself? Apparently, you gave out a record number of tickets yesterday.”
“Not my problem people want to break the law; they deserve a ticket.”
“You tried to give Joe Lyons a ticket for biking on the footpath.”
“The footpath isn’t for biking.”
“The kid’s barely out of training wheels.”
Yeah, so he might have gone a bit overboard. “I wasn’t serious.”
“Yes, you were. You’re upset because she left and you’re sulking.”
“I’m not fucking sulking.”
“Then what do you call it? You should be chasing her down.”
Jake felt tired. “No one knows where she is.”
“So find her. You’re supposed to be a cop, aren’t you?”
Jake scowled. “Maybe she’s better off without me.”
“And now we get to the heart of it. You are not to blame for Rebecca’s death. No more than I am.”
He wasn’t saying anything Jake didn’t know. “We argued that night I left. She wanted me to quit the SEALs.”
Saxon nodded. “I know. She called me up the next day to vent.”
“She did? You knew all this time?”
Saxon frowned. “That’s why you feel so much guilt? Over that argument?”
“We made up later, but my last words to her in person were spoken in anger. I should have done it. I should have quit for her.”
“Jake, she knew who you were when she married you. She also regretted that argument. Yeah, she didn’t like worrying about you every time you left. But Rebecca was stronger than I think most of us gave her credit for. She was handling it. You can’t keep feeling guilty, she wouldn’t want that.”
“I think I’ve clung to the guilt as an excuse not to move on.”
“Being with a therapist has been good for you.” Saxon frowned slightly. “You know, just taking off like that isn’t the way I thought Molly would react. I thought she’d stay and fight it out with you. Make you confront your past.”
> “Something else is going on.” It had been niggling away at him for a while. He was missing something. “She loves it here. She wouldn’t have just taken off because we had a fight.”
“What would you do if someone did know where she was? Is she worth the time and effort of going after her?”
Jake straightened. “She did break the contract. She’s owed punishment.” And he owed her an explanation and an apology.
“I’m all about disciplining naughty subs, but I probably wouldn’t lead with that,” Saxon advised.
“You know where she is.”
“I do.” He pulled a piece of paper from his back pocket. “She’s in Rarotonga. You have a flight to catch in Houston. You’ll fly to L.A. then to the island. You might want to take some bug spray and sunscreen.”
Jack reached out and took the paper. “Thanks, man.”
Saxon shrugged. “What’s family for if we can’t help track down your naughty sub so you can punish her?”
13
She stared at herself in the mirror. The pale, bedraggled woman with red-rimmed eyes and slumped shoulders was a stranger. This wasn’t her. This was the woman who’d spent days wallowing in self-pity after her diagnosis, who’d yelled and screamed and decided the world was a shitty, shitty place.
But after a few days, that woman had picked herself up, told herself that she might have been dealt a crap hand, but that didn’t mean she should spend the rest of her days feeling sorry for herself.
That’s when she’d embarked on her new life. When she’d decided to do what she wanted. Not what was expected of her.
And look where she’d ended up. A full circle. She was back to having a pity party, wondering what she’d done to deserve this.
For years she’d coaxed people into speaking about their emotions, about their greatest fears, their darkest days. She’d guided them through the torment and most of the time to the other side. And right now, when she needed that for herself, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t figure out a way free from the darkness.
She wanted to go home.
She slumped to the floor of the hotel room she’d rented. She was paying a ridiculous amount to stay in the most exclusive resort on the island and she could have been in some hovel for all she noticed. Ever since she’d arrived, she’d just lain in bed crying.
She’d made the wrong choice. The tightness in her chest eased slightly. She’d run when she should have stayed and fought.
Secrets really did have a way of festering. Of poisoning one from the inside out. She could tell herself she’d done the right thing, but had she?
She wanted to go home.
So that’s what she was going to do. Being here wasn’t making her happy. She was utterly miserable—and alone. She’d been lonely for so much of her life, while her mother was dying, then after her death until her aunt took her in. Even when she’d been with Richard she’d felt isolated.
But in Haven, she’d never been lonely. Even if Jake didn’t want her, she had friends there and she needed them. If Jake did want her, she’d just have to make damn sure he wasn’t staying out of obligation. And she’d have to do whatever she could to protect him when she was gone. She didn’t know how, and maybe this was a purely selfish move. But it felt right. Just making the decision to tell everyone made her feel lighter.
No, she wouldn’t be alone. Never again.
She rose, purpose filling her with energy as she grabbed her laptop and bought an online ticket for the next flight to L.A., which wasn’t leaving until midnight the following night. She quickly packed then sat, looking around. What to do for the night? She’d spent enough time in this room.
She took her bucket list from her handbag. Maybe it was time to tick off something else.
Jake winced as she completely missed the note. She was a terrible singer; not that anyone listening seemed to care. It was close to two a.m., and those left in the beachside bar were either too drunk or too tired to care about the awful noise coming from Molly. Did she actually consider that singing? From the way she swayed back and forth he could tell she was more than a little tipsy. Maybe she sounded better when she was sober.
He took a sip of his beer and watched her, taking his fill. He was exhausted from the two flights. His plane had been delayed in Los Angeles, so he hadn’t arrived in Rarotonga until well after ten. Then he’d gone straight to her hotel room. How Saxon had known where she was staying, let alone her room number, he didn’t know. That man was scary sometimes.
She hadn’t been there. That would have been too easy. Luckily, the guy in reception wasn’t all that concerned about the privacy of his guests. He’d told Jake that Molly had been asking about karaoke and he’d directed her to this bar.
The song, thankfully, ended, and Jake stood, ready to make his move. She stumbled as she headed off the stage. Didn’t she realize how vulnerable she was? All alone? Drunk? Anyone could take advantage of her. He frowned as a man approached her. He grabbed her arm, pulling her against him then swayed with her. Jake waited for her to draw back, to push the idiot away. Instead, she seemed to sag against the potbellied dickwad who was currently sliding his hands down to her butt.
Uh-uh. Not happening.
That was Jake’s butt, because she was Jake’s woman, and no one else got to touch her. He moved quickly towards them, slamming his hand down on the other guy’s shoulder. He was several inches shorter than Jake, and his T-shirt was soaked from sweat.
Damn, that was disgusting. He was going to need disinfecting.
The guy turned. “Bugger off, I’m dancing.”
“Well you need to go find some other girl to dance with because this one’s mine.”
Molly raised her face and looked up at him. For a moment, he thought he’d been mistaken and she wasn’t drunk like he’d first thought. Then she smiled a big, loopy grin. “Jake!”
Yep, she was completely sloshed. Otherwise she wouldn’t be greeting him like a long-lost friend. She pulled back from potbelly and opened her arms. “You’re here. I wondered if you’d turn up tonight.”
She had? Had someone told her he was coming?
“He turns up in all my dreams, you know,” she told potbelly. “Although usually, the dreams are sexier than this one. I’m tied up to a spanking bench or a St. Andrews Cross, and he tells me what a bad girl I’ve been for lying to him. Then he spanks me. And then he makes me come. Over and over. Oh, the sex is so amazing. I miss it.” She sighed.
Well, he guessed he should be grateful she missed something.
Potbelly, who looked more than a little alarmed, stepped away. He gave Jake a worried look. “She’s all yours, mate.” Then he scurried off like the fat, little rat he was.
Lying to him? What had she been lying to him about? Jake eyed her for a moment. “Your memory seems to be a little faulty, love. If you were being punished for lying you wouldn’t be allowed to come.”
“But this is my dream.” She frowned. “In my dream, I get to come.”
He ran a hand through her hair. It was tied up in a ponytail, and he quickly released it, letting the thick tresses fly free. “What have you been lying to me about, Molly?” It was a bit underhanded of him to question her while she wasn’t sober, but his curiosity was piqued.
She sighed. “You know what I lied about. That’s why you’re here to punish me.”
He leaned in, wrapping his arms around her. A feeling of rightness fell over him. This was where she was meant to be.
“Refresh my memory.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She half-sobbed, and he found himself rubbing her back, soothing her.
“Sh, love, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it right now.” But he’d find out eventually. And she was going to learn not to keep things from him. The same went for him.
“I wish that were true.”
“What?”
“That you loved me. I wish you loved me. Only I don’t want to hurt you.”
“How would you hurt me?
” he asked curiously. He needed to get her calmed down and home. He wouldn’t get any sense from her in her condition.
“By leaving you.”
“You already left me. You came here without saying goodbye. You broke our contract.” He tried to keep the growl out of his voice but he wasn’t terrible successful.
She rubbed her face against his chest, her stomach was pressed tightly to his hard cock. “Had to leave. Didn’t want to hurt you. But was coming back. Made a mistake.”
He sighed with frustration. She was making no sense.
“I wanna go home,” she told him, glancing up at him with teary eyes. His stomach clenched.
“Okay, baby. Let’s get you back to your hotel room. I’m staying with you, by the way.” No way was he getting another room. Not only didn’t he trust her not to sneak off, but he couldn’t leave her alone when she was in this state.
“That’s not my home. Haven’s my home.” She sniffled. God, he’d have to watch himself or she’d easily have him wrapped around her little finger. “I felt like I belonged there.”
“You did belong there. Why did you leave? Was it because of me?”
“Yes.”
Guilt filled him. “Baby, no matter what went on between us, you didn’t have to go. I know I was an asshole, not wanting to talk about Rebecca. I cut myself off from you when I’d promised I wouldn’t. I don’t blame you for breaking the contract with me. But that didn’t mean you had to leave.”
“Yes, it did. Because I didn’t want to hurt you like she did.” She sagged against him. “I don’t feel so well.”
He stared down at her in confusion. Something weird was going on. But he wasn’t going to get much sense out of her tonight. Tomorrow he’d get the answers he was looking for. No matter what he had to do to get them.
Oh fuck, I feel like shit.
Her head throbbed. Thump. Thump. Thump. She needed water. Painkillers. Something to numb the hideous pain. But she was pretty certain that if she moved she was going to vomit. She whimpered quietly.
What had she been thinking last night? She winced as the memories surfaced. Heading to the bar. Drinking cocktails, then shots, and then, oh crap, singing bad karaoke. Well, she guessed she could knock that off the list.
Molly's Man (Haven, Texas Book 4) Page 17
