She hoped she hadn’t made a complete fool of herself. She sighed. Well, at least she didn’t know anyone here. No reason to be embarrassed. Except there was something tugging at her . . . something important she needed to remember.
“Good morning, sunshine, how are we feeling?”
She stiffened. Nope. She had to be wrong. Couldn’t be. This had to be another one of those dreams. The ones that’d plagued her night after night. She’d had huge problems getting her brain to quieten enough to fall asleep and then when she had, there he was. Tormenting her and making her wish for things she couldn’t have.
“So your plan is to ignore me? Might work for a while. But since I have water, painkillers, and coffee I’m betting you won’t be able to hold out for long.” He was trying to sound relaxed, but she could hear the underlying tension in his voice.
She opened one eye, staring up at him. “Jake.”
He gave her a serious look. “That’s me. Glad to see you haven’t forgotten me.”
“It’s been less than a week. Of course, I remember you.” What was his point? What was he doing here? And why did he have to be here when she was feeling so goddamn terrible?
“Really? Because you seem to have forgotten to say goodbye to me. To tell me you were leaving. That you were breaking our contract.”
She winced. “Can I have the water please?”
He held out a bottle of water immediately. She cautiously sat up, biting back a groan. She stared at the water in her hand. Might not be a good idea considering how nauseous she felt. A memory hit her. Her vomiting, crouched over the toilet feeling like she was going to die . . . and Jake . . .
“Oh, God, tell me I didn’t throw up in front of you.”
“Afraid I can’t tell you that. I don’t know what you were drinking, but most of what came out was a disgusting purple color.”
“Purple People Eaters,” she groaned, holding her hand up to her head. “Why did I drink so much?”
“That’s my question. Here.” He took the bottle from her and opened it, handing it back. “Drink.” He grabbed some painkillers and handed them to her. She took them gratefully. “Why would you drink that much when you were on your own in a bar filled with strangers? Some idiot was hitting on you, and you were barely conscious. He could have taken you home with him and you probably wouldn’t have realized until it was too late, and he was raping you.”
“You’re being a bit dramatic, aren’t you?” Surely things hadn’t been as bad as that. Except she did have a vague memory of being pressed up against some guy that smelled like garlic. Eew.
His face darkened. “I can assure you I am not. You were reckless with your safety, Molly. And I think we both know what sort of consequences come from that.”
She stilled. “The contract is void. I left.”
“Without telling me. Yes, I remember. I had no idea where you were. You promised to get in contact with Laken and you never did.” The disapproval in his voice hit her hard. She’d intended to call her friends.
“They’re concerned about you. I was worried about you.”
“How did you find me?”
“Saxon.”
She didn’t bother asking for details. She figured she probably didn’t want to know how he’d found her.
“I’m sorry all of you were anxious, but, as you can see, I’m fine.”
“Fine? You call this fine?” He waved his hand over her. “If I wasn’t there you could have gotten into real trouble, Molly.”
“Jake, I—”
“I know I was an asshole and I cut myself off from you, something I promised I wouldn’t do. I pushed you away when I should have pulled you closer. I came to explain everything to you a few nights ago, to tell you about Rebecca. But you were gone.”
He’d come? She blinked back tears. Would she have stayed if he’d caught her before she left?
“I felt guilty.”
“Guilty? About what?”
“My feelings for you. I thought I was betraying Rebecca.”
“Oh, Jake.” She had to fight against the urge to reach for him. What she wouldn’t give just to bury her face against his chest, to be surrounded in the sense of security that came from being close to him. “She wouldn’t want that.” She hadn’t known Rebecca, but it was the way she felt. When she was gone, she would want him to find happiness again. She had to blink to keep back her tears, the lump in her throat grew to the point she could barely swallow.
“Yeah, I finally realized she wouldn’t want me feeling that way. I’ve mourned her for two years. I blamed myself for her death.”
She knew how hard it would have hit a man like Jake to realize he couldn’t protect those closest to him. She pushed aside her own grief to help him. “In the end, we all make our own choices. You can’t be responsible for hers.” She couldn’t resist any longer. She reached out and took his hand in hers.
He gave her a small smile and turned his hand over, squeezed hers tightly. “When I think back, I realize that Rebecca and I had been drifting apart slightly. We had an argument before I got deployed. She hated my job, hated being alone, worrying about me. It was the first time we’d really fought. Because I was away so much, I think we both pushed aside our fears and frustrations when we were together and they’d all boiled up into that massive argument. I said some nasty things before I left. And although I spoke to her on the phone and we made up before her death, I can still hear all those horrible words we spoke to each other.”
“Oh, Jake. I’m so sorry.”
“I guess I never felt like I made things right between us. And then she was gone.”
“I understand how hard that must have been. But I’m sure she knew you loved her. Couples fight. They make up. People mess up. I know she forgave you. You forgave her, right?”
He nodded. “I did a lot of thinking these past few days since you found those photos. I realized I could keep living with this guilt, keep punishing myself, or I could let it all go. I knew Rebecca would want me to let it go. Of course, it’s not quite that easy.”
“No, it’s not.”
“But I figured I could start by telling you about her and by asking you to consider having me as your Dom for real. Not just for training.”
Her heart broke for both of them. Why hadn’t she met him at a different time?
“But you just walked away. So I can only conclude you don’t feel as much for me as I feel for you.” He withdrew his hand, and her body felt instantly cold. She pulled her legs up to her chest, trying to comfort herself.
“That’s not true.”
“No? Then why did you sneak off like you did? Without even a goodbye? Without the courtesy of telling your Dom you were breaking things off?”
“Because I wanted to protect you.” And herself.
He snorted. “Baby, have you met me? What the hell makes you think I need your protection?”
His words hurt a little, but she figured she deserved them. “Sometimes we all need protection. And not just from physical pain.”
“Has this got something to do with what you’ve been lying to me about?”
How did he know about that? Had she said something last night? Damn those tequila shots anyway. Molly sighed.
“What did you think you were protecting me from?”
“Me.” She gave him a tired smile. “After Saxon told me about Rebecca, and I realized her death had affected you so greatly, I couldn’t do the same to you as well.”
He narrowed his gaze. “What the hell does that mean?”
She reached over and opened the bedside drawer, pulling out a piece of paper. “This might make things clearer.”
Jake stared down at the piece of paper, not understanding for a moment. There was a heading at the top: Molly’s bucket list. Ten things were listed beneath it. Some of them were crossed off. Others were still there, like getting a tattoo and jumping from a plane.
“A bucket list? Why would you need this?”
Tears dripped down
her face. She looked like shit. There were dark smudges under her eyes that spoke of sleepless nights. Her face was drawn and pale, and he thought she’d lost weight. Too much weight in such a small space of time.
“Because I’m dying, Jake.”
He refused to hear the words. To take them in. Because they couldn’t be true. This wasn’t happening. His breath caught in his lungs, his mind whirling.
Dying? No.
“I have breast cancer. I found a lump a couple of months ago. Soon after, I handed in my resignation, sold most of my stuff and headed to Haven. I wanted to tick off some things on my bucket list and I wanted to see the place Savannah spoke so fondly of. I intended to do everything on that list then move to some tropical island to live out the rest of my life.”
To die. She’d come here to die. He was going to lose her.
“No one knew?”
“I didn’t want to be the woman with the death sentence hanging over her. I didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want everyone looking at me in sympathy. I’ve lived with this for most of my life. It’s why Richard left me. Well, that was his excuse. He said he couldn’t live with a ticking time bomb any longer.
“But you broke up with Richard over two years ago. You said you found the lump a few months ago.”
“Breast cancer runs in my family,” she explained. “Both my grandmother and my mother died of it when they were in their thirties. I was just thirteen when my mom died. She fought hard, but, in the end, it was all for nothing. After she was gone, my dad had a breakdown. He couldn’t handle it. He completely closed himself off. He stopped noticing I was even there.”
Jake wondered how that would have affected a teenage girl who’d just lost her mom. He couldn’t conceive of how could her dad have done that. Sure, he must have been devastated by his wife’s death, but to ignore his own daughter due to his grief was unforgivable.
Jake didn’t understand that at all. But he thought maybe he understood her better now. Her father hadn’t coped with his wife’s death, he’d shut Molly out. And Richard had done the same as punishment. Then he’d left her because she had this hanging over her. Both had left her, but she had to realize Jake wasn’t like that. He hadn’t left her; it was the other way around.
“After we grew closer, why didn’t you tell me then? Did you think I would turn away from you? You left because you thought I would leave you?” He was devastated that she might think that of him.
“No, I never thought that.” She looked at him sadly. “I thought about telling you after I . . . after I figured out that I loved you. I knew you wouldn’t turn away from me. But that was the same day I found those photos and realized there was a part of your past I didn’t know about. And then when Saxon explained how you’d lost Rebecca and how badly you’d taken that loss, I knew I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t put you through that again.”
“Once again, you figured you knew best, didn’t you?” he said coldly, standing. “You decided what was best for me and you took off. Well, you don’t get to make those decisions about my life, Molly. About us. You should have stayed. You should have told me. You took away my right to take care of you.”
“I didn’t want you to have to go through what my dad did.”
“There’s a problem with your reasoning, Molly. You forgot to factor in that I love you. That not telling me might have hurt me more. I’m not your dad and I’m not Richard. Losing Rebecca was awful, it was horrid, but I wouldn’t have given up one moment with her. And you had no right to make that decision for me.”
“Jake, please—”
“I just . . . I need a bit of time to myself. To think.”
He turned and walked out, unable to be in the same room with her anymore. He needed time to think. To decide what to do next.
Molly sat on the beach, watching the sun set. She’d waited all day in her hotel room for Jake to return. Her plane left in a few hours, but she had no plans of getting on it. Not while Jake was here.
She’d finally come out to get some air, unable to stare at the hotel walls anymore and wallow in her guilt. Jake was right. She’d thought she’d known what was best for him. Tears dripped down her face as she realized she’d made a huge mistake and she had no idea how to fix any of it. She wiped her hands over her cheeks.
“This is a breathtakingly beautiful place.”
She startled, turning to find Jake standing behind her, staring out at the horizon. She held her hand over her chest. “I really wish you’d take up whistling or something so I’d know when you were coming.”
“Now where’s the fun in that?”
He sat next to her. All she’d need to do was lean in and she’d be touching him. It was so hard to resist. Only the idea that he might reject her held her in place. But damn she needed his arms around her. She needed to hear it was going to be all right even if that was a complete lie.
“I was coming back to Haven, you know,” she told him quietly.
“I saw the packed bags earlier.”
“I’ve spent these last few days so miserable and I realized I wasn’t being fair to either of us. I thought I was doing the right thing, but instead, I just caused us both more pain. Jake, I . . .” her words dried up, a sob building in the back of her throat. Her body shook as she started to cry. It was just all too much. “Please don’t be angry at me. Please. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. Please, I couldn’t stand it if you hated me.”
To her surprise, he lifted her onto his lap, holding her close. His arms surrounded her in safety. The scent of him filled her. Home. She was home.
“Oh, love, don’t cry. It’s okay. It’s all right. I’m here now and I’m not angry. Sh, now, you’re gonna make yourself sick, and I think you threw up enough last night to last you a while.”
She let out a small laugh. “Sorry about that.”
“The next time you want to go out you can be damned certain I’m going with you. I will not have another man feeling up my woman.”
She stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking today. Baby, you were wrong to keep this from me. Even more wrong to leave the way you did.”
“I know. You’re right. I always think I know best. I really fucked everything up.” And she was miserable because of it.
“But I was wrong to shut you out. To not tell you about Rebecca. If I’d told you everything instead of Saxon, you wouldn’t be under the mistaken impression you needed to protect me—from anything. I protect you, not the other way around. I’m not walking away, Molly. And I’m not letting you pull away from me.”
“Jake, I’m dying.”
He shuddered, and she wished she could see his face more clearly. “What sort of prognosis did they give you? Did you get a second opinion?”
She grimaced, knowing how he would probably react to her answer.
“Actually, don’t answer that. Not yet. There will be time to talk about all of that. For now . . . I just want to make sure you know that I love you.” He pulled her close against him. “It’s going to take me a while to get used to island time.”
“What?” she asked, surprised by the change in topic.
“I’m not used to relaxing. Everyone around here moves at a slower pace, that’s going to take some getting used to. I’ll jump out of a plane with you but I’m not getting a tattoo.”
“Jake what are you talking about?”
“Your bucket list. I don’t like the idea of putting your life in the hands of a stranger, but we’re going to do everything on that list. Only we’ll have to delay the last one for a bit. I’d move here now if I could, but I owe it to the people of Haven to give them notice. So we’ll go back. I’ll hand in my resignation and then when I’m free we’ll come back here.”
She felt a little numb with shock. “You’ve got it all worked out.”
He stared down at her. “I have. But the main thing to know is I’m not leaving you, Molly. I’m here for you. I’m going to take care of you.”
&nbs
p; “I don’t want to leave you.” Life was so fucking unfair sometimes. How could she have found him only to have such a short time with him?
“Oh, baby, I don’t want that either. But I also know that for whatever time you have left, I want to spend it with you. We might not have the future, but we have now.”
“Okay. Okay, we’ll go back to Haven. You’re not quitting your job though. I’m going to stay with you there.”
“But you wanted to live here, didn’t you?”
She waved a hand through the air. “Living on a tropical island ain’t as grand as it sounds. You know, all that sun and surf and hot guys wearing hardly anything at all—” she broke off, as he growled at her.
“Who are these hot guys and what were you doing looking at them?” he demanded.
“I only have eyes for one hot guy.” She cupped the side of his face. “Jake, are you sure?”
“You’re damn right I’m sure.”
She let out a deep breath, the tension in her stomach unraveling. She still wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do but she did know she couldn’t let him go. She was going to have to say goodbye to him eventually, but she’d take what time with him she could get.
“There’s going to be some conditions, though.”
“Conditions?” She gave him a wary look, but she knew she’d agree to anything.
“No more lies. No keeping stuff from each other. No holding back or saying things are fine when they aren’t.”
“That sounds fair enough.”
“If one of us is upset about something, we stay and fight it out.”
“All right.”
“And then we make up. No walking out or going to be angry with each other.”
She reached up and cupped the side of his face. “I’m looking forward to the making-up.”
She was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster she’d been on, yet her body was really enjoying being next to his. And if the hardness she could feel against her hip was any indication, he was feeling the same way.
Leaning in, she kissed her way down his neck. “You haven’t said anything about our contract.”
Molly's Man (Haven, Texas Book 4) Page 18
