by Terry Towers
“So, what was that all about?”
Taking a deep breath in, I slowly released it, forcing a timid smile to my lips. I could just tell him to mind his own business; I barely knew the man. One date – correction, outing – between friends does not a relationship make. The very thought of talking about any of what had happened was one big humiliation for me that made me second-guess everything about myself – especially my intelligence. How stupid do you have to be to ignore the signs of cheating – not just once, but twice! But in my heart I knew it wasn’t as simple as that. When your heart is on the line, it’s easier and less painful to ignore the signs and tell yourself you’re delusional. The man you loved would never hurt you that way, because you would never dream of hurting him that way…
There was one even deeper reason for overlooking what was under my nose. I never felt I was good enough and the thought of being alone was scary. If they wanted someone else, then what was wrong with me? If they didn’t want me then why would anyone else? Just thinking the thoughts brought tears to my eyes. I batted them away with the back of my hand as I looked away from him. I couldn’t show him the weakness within me – it was already bad enough that I knew the weakness existed.
For as long as I could remember, my parents had pushed me. If I got an A they demanded an A+. When I was in track and field I had to be first; third place was just the second loser. Whether my parents intended it or not, those expectations followed me and now it was affecting me and my relationships.
But there was something about Evan that made me feel secure. I barely knew him, but he’d shepherded me away from those people, shielding me from them with no questions asked. Protecting me. It made me feel taken care of. “The couple we were walking toward, well, the guy is my ex-boyfriend, my very first boyfriend to be exact. And the chick is my ex-best friend. The whole group used to be my friends. It’s in the past, but…” I shrugged.
He winced. “So, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that they became a couple before he had an ex status with you?”
I nodded. “Apparently, most of the school knew before I did. That’s why I moved East to be with my mother. I hoped distance would heal me.” I shivered despite myself, remembering the humiliation of walking into the lunchroom to find the two kissing without regard to me witnessing it. They had chosen to go public without so much as warning to me, and they had done it in a big way. Maybe if it had been more private it wouldn’t have been so bad, this type of thing happened all the time to lots of girls – alas, it hadn’t.
To this day, I still couldn’t believe that they would hurt me in such a way. It was beyond mean – it was cruel. Sure, Michael had also hurt me, but at least I knew before it could bite me in the ass. Shaking my head, I said, “I tried to tough it out, but after a couple of bad months I couldn’t take it anymore. Most of my friends were also theirs, and when sides started to form they decided to stick with the cheerleader and the basketball team captain rather than with me – the bookworm.”
“Being a teenager sucks.”
“Yeah, and so do the so-called friends you make then. The worst part of it is, when I moved to Boston to stay with my mother the same thing happened. Not in such grand form, but the man I loved, who I really saw spending the rest of my life with, cheated. I found out just before prom, so I didn’t even go.” I threw my hands out to my sides. “So, here I am, back to where it all started, hoping college will be better. So far it is.”
Evan shrugged. “I still have a couple of friends from high school, but with years come distance. You’ll see.”
I laughed; it was a pathetic sound to my own ears. “Here’s hoping.” I raised my Frappuccino and took another drink, finding the bitter/sweet taste uplifting. That combined with the sympathetic company was helping to make me feel better.
He grimaced. “I’ve been in relationships in the past that didn’t end well. It fades, even the ones that end on the worst terms.”
“Makes it hard to want to take that leap and trust someone else again. I’m trying,” I said with a small grin, earning a sheepish smile from him.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Shaking my head, a blonde lock falling over my eye, I replied, “No, you’re right. It’ll just take time.” I was only halfway convinced. One thing I didn’t share with him was the fact I was still a virgin. I had a feeling that had a lot to do with the fact they’d found other people to have sex with. For a millisecond, the idea of asking Evan to relieve me of that burden crossed my mind, bringing a fiery blush in its wake. It was a ludicrous idea, but I was feeling an intense attraction toward him and friends had sex all the time… didn’t they. Maybe holding on to my virginity all this time wasn’t as honorable as I’d once thought, but more foolish than anything else.
I grimaced with embarrassment as I imagined the sergeant’s horror if I asked him to help me get rid of my virginity. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at his imagined reaction. Needless to say, I’d never know his true reaction since I’d never ask such a thing – I wouldn’t have the balls to do it.
A frown creased his brow as he stared at me. “You okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, thanks.” Damn him for being so observant.
I’d met Evan at the theatre, deciding to make the hour-long walk, but he insisted that he give me a lift back home. In his opinion it was only proper. Grabbing a blue faceless helmet, he brushed my hair back and then gently placed it upon my head.
Once he cinched up the strap, I smiled. “I bet it looks stupid on me.”
“Not in the least,” he said with a laugh. “Though it does look dorky on most people. On you, it’s…” he paused as if considering his words before proceeding with his thought, “sexy.”
Once he had put on his helmet and settled onto the bike, I climbed on the machine behind Evan. My father had a Harley-Davidson so I was familiar with motorcycles; I’d ridden with him on numerous occasions. My father’s bike, however, was bigger and bulkier compared to Evan’s Kawasaki Ninja, which made me a little nervous. It was, however, comforting to wrap my arms around him and cling tightly to his back. I refused to admit there was anything more to my reaction than reassurance that I wouldn’t fall off the motorcycle. As he sped out of the parking lot and onto the street, I found myself being lulled into a sense of contentment and desire with the heat of his back against my front and the steady hum of the bike between my legs. By the time we arrived at my house, my entire body was humming.
The ride was shorter than I would have liked and with great reluctance, I slid off the machine and handed him the helmet he’d put upon my head. Evan slipped off his own helmet and smiled. “I had a great time, Olivia. Thanks for not turning me into a loser who goes to chick flicks by himself.”
I gave him a little wave, reluctantly taking a few steps back from him. “You’re welcome. I had fun. It was nice to go out.”
“If you don’t have plans next weekend, it’s supposed to be warm enough for a day at the beach. I don’t think we can go swimming or surfing, but maybe a picnic? Toss around the Frisbee?”
I loved the beach. Who didn’t? I don’t think you could live in California and not enjoy it; the beach and wonderful weather were among the things I’d missed terribly when I’d moved to Boston. “Yeah, that sounds fun. Are you sure you don’t have someone else that you’d enjoy that with more? I suspect I was a little bit of a buzzkill today with all the drama and…”
He shrugged. “We can invite others, if you prefer. Make it a group thing. But it’s you I want to spend time with.”
“I don’t care either way.” I was attempting to sound nonchalant, but I was lying with that statement. I didn’t want him inviting anyone else. The fact that I suddenly wanted it to be just me and Evan tripped my internal alarms, making me think that it would be better as a group thing. More people meant less chance of things getting intimate between us. “I could ask a couple of people, if you want to bring some. We could do a bonfire.” Who in the hell was
I going to invite? I really didn’t have any friends here anymore. I was a damned social outcast here.
He nodded. “Okay. I think I’ll bring my dog too. She loves the beach.”
“So does our bloodhound. Copper could spend all day at the beach, chasing the waves.”
Evan gave me a grin that looked especially sexy in the fading light. “Maybe they can become fast friends. Then we’ll be forced to get together – for the sake of the dogs.”
I laughed. Yes, an excuse to get together for the sake of the dogs was as good of an excuse as any. Running a hand through my locks, I attempted to rectify the problem of helmet hair, saying, “So, we’ll meet there around noon, on Saturday?”
“Yeah. I’ll call you again later in the week to work out the details.”
Waiting until midweek to talk to him? That was three days away. It seemed like an impossibly long time. I knew I had to stop such thoughts before I began to develop a crush on what could be my only friend in town. The fact was that a relationship with Evan was clearly doomed for failure. I was broken and damaged; getting any romantic feelings for Evan was the last thing I should ever do.
Spending more time with him was dangerous, but I couldn’t help myself. I was drawn to him and needed him in my life.
Chapter Three
Olivia
As promised, Evan called midweek. It was a short call to confirm the location and whether I had anyone in mind to join us. Not wanting to end up a complete loser, I managed to round up a couple of people from one of my college classes. I wouldn’t so much call them friends as acquaintances – two girls who I was working on an assignment with. When he hung up I longed to hear his voice again. My fingers hovered over his name in my cell phone. All I had to do was press the button – but I didn’t.
Just friends.
I sighed and rolled over, grabbing the romance novel I’d been reading before he called, and returned to the page I’d left off at. It was a steamy ménage novel where two hunky men were so in love with the heroine that they would rather share her than lose her. I may have sworn off men, but I wasn’t completely immune to wanting to be loved in such a way.
My eyes focused on the page and I continued on where I’d left off.
~*~ TT ~*~
While my two friends were college students, both also eighteen years of age, his were Army buddies all in their mid- to late twenties. At first I was concerned that his friends and mine might not have anything in common, due to the age and lifestyle differences, but everyone seemed to have a good time.
Even our dogs seemed to be getting along and enjoying each other’s company. His dog was a toy poodle, named Buffy of all things. Certainly didn’t fit what I’d expect a man like him to own. Copper spent most of his time playing with her, making his body as close to the ground as possible so Buffy would have a chance of getting the upper hand. Apparently, Buffy usually had a hard time warming up to other dogs, especially larger dogs, but the two were wonderful together. Watching them frolic on the sand provided a lot of entertainment both for me and everyone else in our party.
The only dark time in my entire day of sun and surf was seeing Evan interacting with Carrie…whatever her name was. Though of course, I’m being petty – her real name was Carrie Cardinal. She had flaming red hair tied up in a tight ponytail at the top of her head, complementing her fair complexion and faint freckles. She was pretty, short, curvy, and close to his age, which I had learned was twenty-four. Carrie was also in the Army, a corporal, though I had no idea what her profession was. He’d introduced her as his friend, not girlfriend, which made me feel good. Even though we were supposed to be just friends I would have been upset to know he had a girlfriend – you would think he’d have divulged that information to me by now. However, even though they weren’t a couple, I would have been blind not to see the way the other woman flirted with him, and how he didn’t seem to be too interested in fighting her off. As the day went on it made me wonder if perhaps there was something more than friendship between them – friends with benefits perhaps?
The jealousy I felt over watching them together alarmed me, because I seriously wanted nothing to do with men in a romantic way, at least that was what I was telling myself. It was a promise I’d made to myself after my last heartbreak, and yet here I was, thinking about breaking it. At the movies, I’d thought that there might be something between us; a part of me hoped. But now I knew he was friendly, but nothing more.
With a sigh, I shifted positions on the blanket, careful not to get too close to Evan, who lay beside me, and watched people shoot fireworks into the night sky. The smartest thing I could do would be to make sure I didn’t see Evan again, to let our burgeoning friendship wither before it became something I couldn’t handle. My reaction to seeing him with Carrie proved it. I was already crushing on him, which meant in order to keep from being hurt, I couldn’t be friends with him.
However, the idea of pulling away from him and cutting my losses fled my mind the moment that Evan touched my shoulder. “Hey, are you planning to watch The Walking Dead marathon tomorrow?”
I nodded. Of course, who didn’t watch The Walking Dead? “Sure. I’ve seen all the episodes, but it’s worth watching again to get ready for the new season.” What proceeded was an hour-long conversation on who might be the first to die when the new season started and our opinions on how the series was going up until now. The conversation was laid-back and put me at ease.
“Why don’t you come over? Bring Copper, so Buffy will have company too. Perhaps he can help get her over her shyness.”
I nodded. “Okay.” Being alone with Evan in his apartment was a stupid idea, but I couldn’t find the ability to refuse; it was frustrating. On the other hand, he hadn’t said anything about being alone. Maybe he’d invited others. I knew I should hope that was the case, but found myself wishing for the exact opposite. It was too easy to picture myself curled up on his couch, cuddled in his arms, as we watched one of our favorite shows together. I immediately squashed any further imaginings that might lead me to embarrassing, squirm-worthy thoughts that I didn’t even want to have in the privacy of my own room, let alone on the beach, surrounded by ten other people, with the object of such taboo thoughts right beside me.
What in the hell am I doing?
I was on a collision course, that’s what, and refusing to get off the ride before my heart went up in a blaze of glory.
~*~ TT ~*~
Evan
What the hell am I doing right now? I needed to stop seeing Olivia before something bad happened and she got hurt again. I had a bad track record with women; relationships weren’t my forte. One night of fucking, oh yeah. A dedicated relationship, nope.
I went through my apartment one more time, making sure it looked tidy, all the while asking myself why I was caring so much. Inviting Olivia to my place had been spur-of-the-moment and it was questionable on whether or not it was a good idea. I had compounded that spectacularly bad idea by not inviting anyone else, aside from her dog, Copper – who was unlikely to make a proper chaperone. Having Olivia here, alone, was sheer madness and truly would test my restraint. On more than one occasion during our little beach outing I found myself sporting a hard-on due to seeing her in a cute, pink, frilly bikini. Her breasts weren’t the biggest, but the bikini seemed to make them look like proper C cups and her ass… Jesus Christ.
I knew better than to feel this way about her, and to want to spend more time with her. A few hours in her company left me wanting more and wanting the contact to become more intimate. I’d had to distract myself with Carrie at the beach to keep from putting the moves on Olivia.
Touching her hands, getting a whiff of her perfume, watching her nibble on her lower lip, seeing the wind blow in her golden hair, it was all leading me to dangerous territory. If it were any other woman, by now she’d already have been in my bed and I’d have been balls deep within her. But the major had wanted me to give Olivia a little friendly attention and to help boost her
confidence. He certainly didn’t want me putting the moves on his teenaged daughter.
Teenaged daughter. She’s a teenager. Barely eighteen. She wasn’t even old enough to go to the bars.
So why didn’t I call her this morning and cancel, back when there had been time? I should have. I’d been lying in bed thinking about how smoking hot she’d looked yesterday, with the slight breeze bringing a flush of pink to her cheeks as she had run across the sand to catch a Frisbee, her breasts bouncing with each step. I didn’t need porn this morning, just visions of her had me hard and gave me the momentum to rub one out.
It was after I exploded over my hand that I realized I had crossed the bounds of casual friendship into something else, somewhere dangerous. I’d reached for the cell phone on my nightstand. Yet, I’d been unable to snatch it up and call her with some flimsy pretext, because the need to see her had overwhelmed my common sense.
Hurrying into the bathroom, I spent a long moment looking in the mirror deciding whether I needed to shave or not. I despised shaving on the weekends. It was a routine I was forced to do on the weekdays; my weekends were for relaxing. I began to shave anyhow. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, man.” I said it deliberately, reminding myself just how far I could be busted down for playing the wrong games with the major’s daughter, as I lathered my face with shaving cream. “She’s going to come over, and you’re going to be nice and friendly and distant. No funny business and nothing to encourage her to think otherwise. Got it?” Jesus, what if she ended up falling in love with me and I ended up being yet another man to break her heart? Her father would have my career on a platter. This was dangerous in more ways than one.
I nodded at myself, the blade of my razor cutting through the shaving cream and darn near slicing my neck with the triple blade in the process. I winced at my carelessness. What an idiot I was being today. Of course, cutting my own throat would save the major the trouble of killing me himself if I did something stupid and ended up crossing the line that couldn’t be crossed. I just had to remember that when Olivia came over.
