by Terry Towers
I’ve been through worse. I’d gone to war. I’m a soldier for Pete’s sakes. I certainly could manage to keep my hormones in check and not attempt to fuck Olivia Vanburen.
Chapter Four
Olivia
There was tension in my body when I sat down on the couch beside Evan as we watched Rick meet Glenn via radio for the first time on television. Normally I enjoyed watching Rick escape from the tank and make it back to the department store with Glenn to meet the others – this was the fourth time I’d seen this particular season – but couldn’t concentrate on the show today. I tried not to frown as I wondered if I had done something to offend Evan; he seemed so distant today.
Right from the moment I’d shown up at his door, he’d greeted me with aloofness, only showing a bit of enthusiasm for my arrival when he saw the box of chocolate and double chocolate chip cookies I’d brought. To say it was a disappointment was an understatement. Everything I wore had been picked out with care after over an hour of obsession and debate. I’d finally decided on black strappy sandals, dark blue destroyed-style low-rise jeans, and a bright blue top that made my eyes pop. Of course, I’d also made an effort to look like I hadn’t taken any effort by keeping my makeup simple, and putting my hair in a ponytail that took forty-five minutes of careful styling to look casual and not fussed-with.
I had spent more time than necessary, obsessed in trying to make the right impression. It was exhausting. And it seemed that it was for nothing.
Once again, I questioned the wisdom of even being there. Upon waking this morning, I had debated about canceling on the get-together, but hadn’t been able to bring myself to do it. The jolt of excitement at just being able to see him was addicting. Truth was, he was off-limits, even if I wanted to break my promise to myself about avoiding guys for the next little while. Evan wasn’t a college guy like I should be dating, he was a man with experience. It was evident even though he had never said it that he was into women like Carrie. Women who didn’t live with their parents or still have their V-card. The cold, hard fact was that even if Evan were into me, my father would kill both of us if he ever suspected we’d done anything sexual.
On the other hand, I was eighteen. I was in college. I was no longer a kid he could control or dictate the life of. Perhaps it was time to take control of my life and that meant being independent and making decisions that would benefit my life and make me happy, even if they weren’t the choice of others in my life.
Kicking off my sandals, I stretched out my legs as Evan got up to go to the kitchen, declining his offer of a soda, and redoubling efforts to focus on The Walking Dead. Maybe if I tried hard enough I’d be able to fully submerge myself in the show and be able to ignore the feelings within me that flared up when in his presence. In my musing, I had lost most of the episode and was surprised to see Rick and Glenn were already at the moment where they were masking their human scents with zombie guts to go out into the pack of zombies to locate transport for the group. Despite my romantic angst, it was difficult not to get drawn into the moment, and I barely noticed when Evan returned. Upon noticing his return, I started to move my feet, but he lifted them and plopped them on his lap instead.
While my gaze didn’t deviate from the screen, my attention suddenly shifted from the characters to center on my feet touching his bare legs just below the bottom hem of his shorts. Suddenly my lips and mouth turned dry and I wished I hadn’t turned down that soda. Running my tongue along my lower lip, I tried to pretend I cared that every zombie in Atlanta was trying to follow Glenn in the car blaring its alarm. Alas, I couldn’t care less – Evan had my full focus.
I had to bite back a moan when he cupped one of my feet and started massaging gently. Damn, it felt good to have his fingers working their way from the toe to the arch of my foot, then heel and back again. Was this guy-friend behavior? I had no idea, but I presumed the answer to be no. Though did it really matter, because it felt divine and there was no way I was going to let it end until he was done. Slowly my eyelids drifted shut while a small smile touched my lips as he applied light pressure to the arch, and I gave up all pretense of trying to watch the show, other than keeping my head turned toward the screen.
His fingers began moving again, this time closer to my ankle, sending my mind whirling, indulging in thoughts that I knew I shouldn’t be having for him. Images of his hand moving higher, caressing my ankles before going higher, sliding slowly up my calves, maybe spending a moment flirting with the back of my knees. Then higher… higher… higher still… I began to feel a pulsing between my legs as the images continued, my desire beginning to dampen my grey cotton bikini-cut panties.
What would it be like to have his large hands smooth a path up my inner thighs, to have his thumbs rest on either side of the apex between my legs? How would his touch be like when he reached my most intimate spot? I was confident in the assumption that it wouldn’t be the slightly clumsy and brief caresses that I’d felt from my previous two boyfriends. I may still have my V-card, but I was far from innocent. Evan would know exactly how to touch and stroke me, to have me burning to have him in me, to make me scream out as I came.
The thoughts overcame me and a soft moan escaped my lips. Oh fuck! The sound had my eyes snapping open. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, not wanting him to see the embarrassment and arousal in my expression. “You give an amazing foot massage,” I said in a thick voice, praying he wouldn’t notice anything amiss. It was the best that I could come up with. And I could feel the burn in my cheeks from my embarrassment.
“It’s one of my specialties.” He sounded completely unconcerned, and his movements appeared natural when he took my other foot to give it the same treatment.
One of his specialties! Wow! What are the others?
Men didn’t do this for women they weren’t into, I finally decided. If it was his specialty, then surely, he knew the reaction his touch had on women.
I applied every ounce of will power to focusing on the show and not on the foot massage, refusing to allow my mind to wander as it had moments before. It was almost a relief when the doorbell rang a couple of minutes later. Taking in a deep breath, I released it as I immediately sat facing forward when he got up to answer.
“Be right back.” He flashed me a smile before turning his back to me to answer the door.
I wasn’t sure if I was more relieved or annoyed that the moment had passed. I should be grateful for the intrusion; it gave me a moment to gather myself and for the fires within me to die down. It was giving me a moment to let my mind clear, yet instead, I couldn’t help the feeling of being disgruntled.
The feeling blossomed to full-on resentment when he returned to the living room a couple of minutes later, followed by Carrie from the beach yesterday. My jaw clenched and I threw mental insults at the other woman. Somehow, despite my displeasure to see Carrie I managed a small smile. Would it be rude if I told her to take a hike? Of course, it would be. Despite that, I really wanted to.
It made me wonder for what felt like the millionth time if I’d misinterpreted something. No doubt, Evan had invited Carrie. It was unlikely he’d wanted a cozy TV-watching session on the couch with just me. No, he’d much prefer Carrie for that sort of thing and had probably only invited me to be polite since I was such a hardcore fan of the show. The idea left me feeling gutted with misery.
“Thanks for letting me join you,” said Carrie, as she plopped down on the middle cushion, effectively dividing me from Evan.
Bitch, I grumbled to myself.
“Not a problem,” said Evan, sounding completely at ease. “The more the merrier. Right, Olivia?”
I nodded, forcing myself to give them both a bright, wide smile. “Plenty of zombies for everyone.”
Whatever, I’m here for the zombies and that’s what I’ll focus on.
As I attempted to return my attention back to the show, trying not to gag on the heavy perfume Carrie had clearly bathed in, I resolved to finish the current episode
and find a pretext to leave. Even zombies couldn’t compete with the nauseating presence of Carrie Cardinal. Given the choice, I’d rather be with the group trying to evade the zombies than forced to sit beside Evan’s friend… girlfriend… fuck buddy? Whatever the hell she was.
To my surprise and disdain as the episode wore on, I found Carrie to be somewhat nice, including me in the conversation, asking about my interests and college classes, and treating me as though I were a friend and equal not a rival for Evan’s affection. It made me dislike her more. I wanted her to be a bitch. I wanted a reason to be able to talk her down in my mind. There was zero reason to hate the other woman, but yet, I couldn’t stand her.
Yeah, okay, I did know the reason why.
It was obvious Carrie liked Evan and they were a much better couple in theory than me with Evan. They were closer in age, they worked together, they knew each other longer, no doubt the list was endless. But despite all that I still wanted to be the one for Evan. I wanted to be the one he wanted and desired, to be the one he called his girlfriend. Carrie could be a saint, with the cure for cancer, and devote her life to taking care of starving children in Ethiopia, but I’d still dislike her.
One more episode. I’d put in one more and then I’d be out of this place. I’d leave, wallow in self-pity, and eat a pint of Häagen-Dazs. I was certain there was still an untouched pint of double chocolate chip in the freezer at home. When the episode ended, I was both relieved and disappointed. As the commercials rolled, I got to my feet. “Well, I have a paper due in Lit class tomorrow, so I have to cut short the marathon.”
Evan looked surprised and maybe even a little disappointed, but that could just be my imagination. “Already? I thought you were going to watch the whole thing. You didn’t mention a paper yesterday.”
Shrugging, I attempted to look nonchalant. “It was something I forgot about until just a moment ago. It’s been such a busy few weeks since I’ve been back that it seems everything slips my mind lately. I’ll probably just keep the show on in the background, as I get the work done.”
“What’s the book?” asked Carrie.
Nosy bitch. What was it to her, anyhow?
“Jane Eyre.” I didn’t miss a beat answering the question since that was the book my class was currently on. I just didn’t bother to tell them I’d finished the book last Saturday and had written the accompanying paper by the following Tuesday. Jane Eyre was by far one of my favorites, it wasn’t even work to write that paper in my opinion.
Carrie grimaced. “I can’t believe they’re still torturing people with that one.”
“I rather enjoyed it,” I said, straightening to my full height and squaring my shoulders. First, she moves in on my chance with Evan and now she’s criticizing an amazing work or literature! What nerve!
“Pride and Prejudice wasn’t bad,” said Carrie. “With Zombies,” she added with a charming giggle that probably lured birds from the trees and drew deer to follow in her wake. I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Trying not to vomit, I managed pleasant goodbyes, collected Copper, and left Evan’s apartment with a feeling of mixed relief and annoyance. I was glad to be out of the three’s a crowd situation, but really wished that the day had ended up like I’d envisioned – with me and Evan cuddled on the sofa snacking on potato chips and watching our favorite show. Again, I lost one to another woman. Batting 0 for 3.
I would have liked to be the type of woman who would sit right there with the two of them and stake my claim on the man I wanted. But I wasn’t that type of girl. The shyness I’d been cursed with my entire life combined with the big failures I’d experienced in the world of love and romance made standing up for the man I wanted an impossibility.
~*~ TT ~*~
Evan
I had to admit, I was rather bewildered at how quickly things had changed between myself and Olivia. One moment, I’d been holding and caressing her feet, making her moan with pleasure and contentment, and the next she was running like a scared rabbit. As soon as Carrie had arrived, everything seemed to have gone to hell in a handbasket – as the saying goes. There had been a new tension in the air that no amount of conversation could cut through. I didn’t know she was going to show up; it was a complete surprise to me. But what was I supposed to do, ask her to leave? I’m not a complete asshole. Instead, Olivia had been the one to disappear.
“Well, she’s a nice little girl, isn’t she?”
I blinked, running a hand through my hair while heaving a sigh, taking a moment to process her words, because my thoughts had left the premises the moment Olivia stepped out the door. “Sorry. What?”
“Olivia. She seems like a sweet girl.”
“Uh.” I cleared my throat, not sure how to respond. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Just be careful, Evan.”
I frowned, not sure what she expected me to be careful of. Of Olivia? Hardly. “What do you mean?”
Carrie gave me a smile that was probably supposed to be warm and caring, but it looked more like a smirk. “She’s clearly infatuated with you. I can imagine you’ve befriended her because you feel sorry for her. Maybe even to score some points with Major Vanburen,” she inserted slyly. “But you need to make sure she doesn’t get the wrong idea. Otherwise, an act of kindness that may well further your career could cost you it instead.”
I had to fight to keep my temper in check. Her words were uncomfortably close to the truth on the matter, though she had no way of knowing about my deal with Major Vanburen. The major had been very clear with me that the special assignment was not to be leaked to anyone – ever – or my ass would be grass. I’d gone along with the assignment because I wanted to make a good impression and I was hardly the type to defy an order, even if the order was highly questionable and well outside my required duties.
The way that Carrie had laid out the situation made me feel sleazy about the whole setup. For a brief time, I’d forgotten it was even an order. Spending time with Olivia wasn’t a chore or duty – it was something I wanted without duress. “We have some common interests, and she’s an interesting person. Smart with the looks to go with it. It’s as simple as that. Anyone else putting some kind of nasty spin on it is just letting their imaginations get away with them.”
Carrie shrugged. “Of course, I know you don’t have any interest in her, Evan. I’d hate for her to get hurt or you to get in shit for a little bad judgment – that’s all.”
“Of course not,” I replied, not even attempting to keep the annoyance out of my tone. I could now see through Carrie’s artificial sweetness. She didn’t give a shit about Olivia’s feeling or my career. All she wanted was to mark her territory – namely, me – but I couldn’t confront her on it. I didn’t need any more trouble.
How had I so badly misjudged Carrie Cardinal? Yes, she was a fuck buddy, at least up until a couple of weeks ago. In fact, there was a point where I’d have been okay with taking it to a more formal status – though we never did. Now, however, I couldn’t imagine enduring the rest of the TV marathon with her, let alone weeks or months in her company. Instead of voicing my displeasure I gritted my teeth and waited for one of my favorite shows to end, dear god why did it have to be a marathon? Of all the luck, Carrie had to hear me and Olivia talking about watching it and decided to invite herself over to spoil our day together.
One thing was for sure, this was the last time Carrie would ever step foot into my house. She and I were done in every aspect with the exception of the few instances I’d be forced to due to work obligations.
Chapter Five
Olivia
Leaving Evan’s house was depressing. I went home to spend the rest of the evening alone with my television, wishing I were still with him. But instead I was alone with just Copper to keep me company. Trying to help relieve some of the loneliness, I booted up my computer and went onto Facebook. As though reading through people’s posts on all the fun and exciting things they’d done that day with their significant oth
er was going to help. If anything, it just made me more depressed. When the realization came that by leaving I was only removing the obstacle that kept Carrie from making a play for Evan I wanted to put my head in a blender.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I needed to be smarter than this.
For all I knew, Evan and Carrie had been fucking for months, maybe longer. The thought depressed me much more than I wanted to admit. I wanted Evan for myself. Screw the fact that my father would disapprove of the relationship and to hell with the fact that I had said I wouldn’t allow myself to fall for someone again. The falling was already happening.
~*~ TT ~*~
The next day wasn’t any better, or at least never started off well for me anyhow. As I sat toward the back of the room listening to the professor ramble on and on, none of the words seemed to be getting through. Why did I take business math? I sucked at math. I didn’t need it for my degree, but I applied late for the school year and there were virtually no courses left to choose from, beggars can’t be choosers. When it came down to it, credits were credits and it would simply be one of my electives; I just didn’t think I would be doing so badly.
I should just drop out… I thought.
As the professor continued to ramble the teacher’s aide began passing out the quizzes we’d taken last week. Looking down at the paper, I groaned out loud. I’d gotten a “D.” This course was going to kill my GPA if I didn’t do something – and fast.
I supposed I could get a tutor. But tutors cost money and the comic book store didn’t pay much to begin with. There was my father, who could lend me the money, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit to him that I was coming close to failing. He’d be so disappointed, he pushed such high academic standards on his children. He graduated at the top of his class with a psychology degree and expected nothing less from us.
