by Terry Towers
She slowed again, back to our previous easy pace.
Bitch. Made me run for nothing.
“Even though he dumped her for someone else, the rumor is that he’s been in a tizzy ever since you got back. You didn’t hear it from me, but Julie complained a fair amount how he was pretty shook up after you left to live with your mom. He talked about you a lot. Like, more than she was comfortable with.”
“Whatever,” I scoffed. I hope he did suffer. I certainly did – because of him. He was the first heartbreak of my life, even if there were only two.
Kelly shrugged. “Hey, that’s just what I heard from my brother. They were hanging out last weekend and he was saying how hot you’ve gotten since you left and how he thinks he made a big mistake back then. He caught a glimpse of you at the movies, but he’s been kinda stalking your Facebook page.”
I frowned, not sure how I felt about that newest tidbit of info. Stalking my Facebook page was a little creepy. Of course, I did it with Evan, but that was different – that was research. The idea of ever taking Trevor back was repugnant. What wasn’t repugnant, however, was the image of being able to reject him; to tell him that he’d lost a good thing and he’d never, ever get it back.
My former friend grimaced. “You wouldn’t seriously consider taking him back though, would you?”
I didn’t have to pretend to shudder. “God, no. Trevor O’Conner is a dick. He and Julie stole my life from me, and he’s crazy if he thinks I’d ever want him back.” Regardless of my words, it did make me feel good to know that he had regret, even if it was a long time coming. That in itself gave me a much-needed boost of self-confidence.
~*~ TT ~*~
On my way home after my last class my father called, asking me to stop by his office, but not giving me any indication as to why it couldn’t wait until we were both home. Changing directions at the light, I began driving for the base instead of home. At the gate the MPs waved me through with just a cursory examination; it seemed everyone knew the major’s daughter. A couple of minutes later, I showed up at my father’s office. “Hey, Dad,” I said in greeting upon knocking on his open office door and then stepping inside.
“Hello, Olivia. Thanks for stopping by. I need a favor.”
“Sure.” Since getting my license and a small car, my father often asked me to run little errands for him, especially when he got caught behind on work, though usually he told me what he wanted on the phone so I could do it on my way. With my father shouldering the bill for my car insurance until I got a little more money coming in from my job, I could hardly say no. “What can I do for you? Work stressing you out? Need a beer run? I’m underage but I’ll give it a shot,” I said, teasing.
“Very funny. No.”
“Are you sure? I’ve been anxious to test my new fake ID.”
“Har har, young lady.” A glimmer of a smile appeared on his otherwise serious face. “I have other people to do that for me when needed.” He waved a hand. “No, this is much more important. Could you go by Loveland Jewelers to pick up a package for me?”
“Oh, it’s your anniversary, isn’t it?” My grin widened. I’d completely forgotten as well. “Did you forget, Dad?”
“I didn’t forget. I ordered Stephanie’s gift weeks ago, but I don’t have time to pick it up before tonight.” He opened his wallet, extracting a VISA card. “Use this. I already spoke to the owner. Hank is expecting you and said you could use the card with no problem.”
“That’s after I get a new wardrobe, huh, Dad?” I teased, taking the card.
“Negative, Miss. You may also fill your gas tank with the card. Oh, and pick up some roses and chocolates please. Your stepmother has a fondness for yellow roses, but red will do if the florist doesn’t have yellow.” Her father grimaced. “That I did forget to special order. It has been stupidly busy here lately.”
It was always busy here, for him at least. Leaning across the desk, I gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll take care of it, Dad. Where do you want me to take the gifts? Home?”
“Nope. Back here, please. I’m meeting Stephanie at the restaurant in the hotel where we’re staying the night.”
“Okay.” I looked down at my watch. “Give me an hour or so.”
“Just complete the mission ASAP.”
I grinned, snapping a smart salute, learned from years of observation. “Yes, Major.”
~*~ TT ~*~
I took care of my father’s errands in record time, but forgot to go by the gas station. With a sigh, I stopped my car near the building housing Dad’s office and got out, taking the packages with me. The box of chocolates was huge, no doubt it would keep my stepmom in sinful caloric heaven for at least a month, but it was a pain to balance with the roses. Somehow, I managed to get it all into my father’s office and leave it on his desk. He wasn’t around, so I pocketed the credit card again to get gas, deciding to return it to him when they got home tomorrow. Hopefully, it isn’t going to be his primary payment method for dinner and the hotel. If it was I’m sure that he wouldn’t hesitate to give me a call. Pulling out my phone, I sent him a quick text message letting him know I still had his card in case he forgot. Between the workload he had right now and the anxiety of making sure it was the best anniversary ever for my stepmother it wasn’t unreasonable for him to forget it.
Humming to myself, I exited Dad’s office and was heading back to my car when I caught sight of Evan heading across the large room, with the rest of him obscured by a stack of boxes. Deciding it would be rude not to say hello, even after the awkward way we had parted Saturday evening, I made my way toward him, coming to an abrupt stop just a few yards away when I realized Carrie was standing in front of him. She approached him, and pressed close to him, speaking softly, in an intimate pose. I couldn’t make out what was being said, but didn’t want to venture closer. As I watched, stupefied and horrified, Carrie stretched upward to kiss Evan. Those audacious lips dared to invade the territory where mine had just been two days ago!
Outrage and pain ripped through me, and I couldn’t restrain a small sound of distress. To my embarrassment, Evan looked up at the sound, our gazes meeting, even as Carrie’s mouth stayed pressed to his. Feeling exposed and raw, I turned and hurried out of the building. For a second, I thought I heard him calling my name, but knew it must be my imagination. Evan wouldn’t be calling me back.
I kept going, practically running by the time I reached my car. My hands shook, but I managed to dig the keys from my pocket and with a little effort shove them into the ignition, turning the key with a vicious twist. The car engine roared to life and I shifted into reverse and pulled away without looking back, determined not to torment myself with a phantom image of Evan chasing after my car, begging me to stay and listen to him. That would never happen in a million years, so why put myself through the pain of wishing for it?
Instead, I gritted my teeth forcing back tears, and headed my car to the gas station, determined to carry on as though nothing had changed, to act like my heart wasn’t bleeding in my chest, and that my feelings weren’t stronger for the man I insisted was just my friend than I had ever planned to allow myself.
Parking the car by the pump, I sat staring out at the parking lot for several moments, numb by what I’d witnessed. Oh, man, it was so much worse than I’d imagined to see Evan cozying up with Carrie. In an abstract way, I’d thought I could handle it, naïvely comparing the experience to how it had felt to see Trevor and Julie kiss or discovering the text messages on Michael’s phone. I’d been with Trevor a year and Michael close to three. The pain I felt now shouldn’t be worse, but it was. This was so much worse. My chest hurt, tears rimmed my eyes, and I found it hard to breathe, much less concentrate. Getting out of the car and pumping gas seemed like a herculean chore at this moment. Fortunately, some impatient motorist behind me honked a horn, snapping me back to the present.
With a reluctant sigh, I forced myself from the car. My body and brain appeared to function well enough that I co
uld insert the card, get approval, and start pumping gas. I watched the numbers on the gallons and price spots rising steadily, automatically releasing the handle when it clicked off upon my tank filling. The handle seemed to weigh a thousand pounds and seemed to take every ounce of energy that I had in me to lift it and to return it to the gas pump.
“Olivia.”
I jerked awake from the haze I was in at the sound of my name, taking a moment to retrieve the receipt with deliberate care before turning to see who had called me. My heart screamed for it to be Evan, but I knew it wasn’t. In my shocked state, I didn’t even recognize the voice or the face for a second – it had been several years and his voice had deepened since we’d last spoken – but I soon realized that it wasn’t the guy I’d so foolishly fallen for and my heart sank.
As much as I didn’t want Evan to have chased me down, a larger part of me wanted that more than anything. I longed for him to chase me down and tell me it wasn’t what I thought.
I stared up at the man standing over me, disappointment swelling when I finally came out of my haze and recognized him. “Hello, Trevor,” I said with a lack of any type of enthusiasm. I was dead inside right now.
“I’m so glad I saw you here.” He shot me a wide, friendly smile.
Making a noncommittal sound, I screwed on my gas cap and made to move around him, freezing when he put a hand on my arm. I stared at the tanned hand for a second, not quite feeling his touch. “What do you want? After all these years and after what you did, I really don’t have anything to say to you.” Was that dull, lifeless voice really mine?
He winced. “I get it. I do. But that was a long time ago. I’ve changed.”
I frowned. “Get what, Trevor?” My frown deepened. “And I don’t care if you’ve changed or not.”
“You’re going to make it hard for me, huh? I deserve having to work for it.”
“It?”
“You, your trust, getting you back. I need to earn it. If you want me to beg, I will.”
I almost choked on the urge to laugh, but forced my expression to remain unimpressed. “That’s not necessary.”
He looked surprised, and the expression made him seem almost fishlike.
Had I really been hung up on this man at one point in time? I’d left Boston to move to California to get away from him and then run a second time from an identical situation when Michael cheated on me. But as I stood staring up at him now, it made me wonder why. Why did I allow those men to have such power over me? Did I have such a low opinion of myself?
“That’s generous of you, baby.” His grin widened.
I shuddered. Did he really think he had any right to call me baby? “My name is Olivia, not baby.”
Trevor nodded. “Sure, anything you want, bab–Olivia.”
I want to be left alone. Those were the words I meant to utter. Instead, what emerged from my mouth shocked me almost as much as it shocked him. “Do you still want to sleep with me?”
For a second, he looked like a deer caught in headlights, about as shocked at my question as I was to have said it. “I, uh…what?”
“Do you want to have sex with me?” I asked, each word very clear and slow, to ensure there was no confusion. “It was something you wanted from almost day one of when we were together. We both know that’s the reason why you left me for Julie, you’d waited longer than you wanted to and she was more than happy to fuck you. So do you want to have sex with me or not?”
A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead. No doubt I’d confused the shit out of him. “Umm. Of course?”
“You don’t sound too sure.” I arched a brow. “You spent almost the entire year we were together harassing me for not giving it up before you finally cheated on me. But now you’re standing in front of me confused.” I tapped his chest with my index finger. “So, which is it? Are you the player you want people to think you are, or just a poser?”
His face reddened, the blush creeping up his neck and to his face. “I’m no poser.”
I grinned, leaning a bit closer. I was being an asshole, I knew it. But it made me feel powerful. He deserved being put on the spot for a change. “But you aren’t that experienced, are you?” Cocking my head, I eyed him dispassionately. “I’ll bet you’ve been with two girls, counting Julie. Maybe three, but you don’t count the first time because you were so bad.”
His blue eyes darkened; I could see the anger brewing in them. “You don’t know shit.”
I laughed at how his demeanor went from hot to cold. “Oh, calm down. I may not have talked to you for years, but I still know you. People don’t change that much.”
“Whatever. You don’t have to be a bitch.” He started to turn away. “Forget it.”
I put a hand on his arm, making him pause. “I’m not trying to be. I guess I just don’t have an emotional investment in this scenario, so it allows me to be more objective.”
“Huh?”
I waved my other hand. “Never mind. Do you want me to be number … three?”
Trevor looked more confused than ever. “I don’t get what you want. What kind of game are you playing with me? Whatever it is, it’s seriously fucked up.”
I shrugged. “I want to get rid of my virginity. It’s become more of a nuisance than anything else. You’ll do as well as anyone.”
My heart cried out for Evan, but my mind knew he would never be the one to take my virginity, that he would never be my boyfriend or lover, so why not Trevor? Why the fuck not? No man seemed to want me. I was always second fiddle. Might as well see what all the hype is about.
Besides, if I fucked Trevor then no one would ever suspect how hard I’d fallen for Evan Fennel. I might even be able to fool myself. And maybe – just maybe – it would take away some of the pain. Women fucked the men they were in love with out of their minds all the time with other men.
My ex-boyfriend looked uncertain. “What’s really going on?”
Rolling my eyes at him, I responded, “I want to have sex. You’re available. Yes or no? Jeez, why is this so damned hard? Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Squinting, he asked, “Is this some kind of game? Are you trying to get me in trouble with your father? I’m lucky to be alive after that happened, if he found out I went and had some one-night fling with you…”
“No. In fact, he and my stepmom are doing their anniversary thing tonight. If you’re not telling anyone, I sure as hell won’t. So, he’ll never know. Take me to the special place you tried to get me to go to several times when we were dating. It’ll be like old times, but this time you’ll actually get what you really want.”
He still hesitated. “Why’d you change your mind? I couldn’t pry your legs open with a crowbar when we were together. You were so intent on keeping your virginity until you knew I was the one.” There was taunting in the way he said “the one.”
I laughed, genuinely amused. Who’d have thought that he would be the one playing hard to get? It was an amusing role reversal. “I had some time to think about it and decided there was no point in hanging on to a relic. Love is seriously overrated. Thinking I should hold out until I found the right one is the thinking of a little girl, not someone who is in college.”
Finally, he seemed to realize I was serious. “Okay, if you really mean it. This time, I’m going to treat you so good, baby.”
“Olivia,” I reminded him with a long sigh. Maybe I’d just be better off going to a damned bar and hooking up there. “I never said I wanted you back.” My brow creased as I stared up at him; had he not been following the conversation this whole time? “I don’t want you back. I wouldn’t go through that again. I just want you to fuck me. Can you handle that?”
He blanched at my crudity; my words weren’t the words that the Olivia he knew would say. But I wasn’t that girl anymore. If I hadn’t been so stunned at the sight of seeing Evan and Carrie together, my words would have shocked even me. But sanity and common sense weren’t at the wheel of my consciousness right now. Right
now, I was full of hurt, rage, and a jumble of other emotions I couldn’t quite pinpoint. I was in total self-destruct mode.
The sound of a horn behind us reminded me that I was still at the pumps. “So, how about it? Where do you want to meet?”
“How about the high school parking lot in ten minutes?”
“We’re going to have sex in the parking lot?” It seemed a little juvenile to me, but whatever. What did it matter anyhow? The deed would get done, that’s what mattered.
Trevor scowled. “No, Olivia. We’re going to meet there, and I’ll drive you to my special place.”
Special place, dear god.
“Fine.” I rolled my eyes, turned from him, got into my car, and peeled out of the gas station much quicker than any police officer would like. I refused to let my brain function beyond a basic level, to ensure I was driving safely, as I drove to the high school. At the high school, I pulled up several minutes before him and waited behind the wheel of my car, forcing my mind to stay shut off. At least if I didn’t think I wouldn’t hurt and that’s what I wanted, I wanted to shut down and not feel – never again.
Finally, he pulled up several spots away from my car. “What took you so long?” I asked, getting out of my vehicle and walking over to his.
“Supplies.”
Supplies? I crinkled up my nose as I opened the car door and slid inside, lifting the bag on the front seat to snoop through it, wondering what he considered essential. Condoms and wine coolers. How romantic. I did roll my eyes this time.
I barely bit back a snort of laughter as I considered the contents, especially when I saw the condoms had been ribbed, supposedly for my pleasure, and supposed to glow in the dark. At least they were lubricated. He was such a thoughtful lover.
To blot out the small voice in the back of my head that was trying to scream at me to stop and think, to end this before it got out of hand, I shoved aside the bag and leaned across the seat, putting my arm around Trevor’s neck and pulling closer. From what I could remember, his kisses hadn’t been that bad, though I hadn’t had anything to compare them with back then. I had a little bit of experience now. This time, however, his kisses didn’t even qualify as mediocre. There was no spark, there was no desire in me to have him. But, by god, I was determined. I inched closer still and opened my mouth to deepen the kiss, my tongue slipping past my lips and to his. As we kissed, the worst kiss of my life, he cupped one of my breasts, rubbing the nipple with his thumb. My body tensed at the feel of his hand on me. Every part of me wanted to push him away and it was hard to resist that urge.
