No Bad Days

by J. Sterling

  “She still thought you’d come,” Ryan said, shaking his head. But he was wrong. There was no way in hell Jess thought I’d show up.

  “Not possible,” I argued.

  Ryan sighed, then spoke slowly as if I were the stupidest guy in the world. “She’s a chick. They want the fairy tale. She might have told you not to come, but you planted one hell of a fucked-up seed in her head, and then you left it there to rot.”

  “You only think that because you don’t know her,” I said, waving him off. “She told me to stay here, and I listened. I listen to the things she says she wants from me. That’s what you do when you love someone.”

  It wasn’t entirely true. Jess had wanted to stay together and I told her no, but that had been different. She wasn’t thinking clearly when she asked me that. I knew it would be disastrous, us trying to date long-distance, and I couldn’t do that to her. Jess thought she wanted us to stay together, but I knew the best thing for her future was to be apart.

  Ryan shook his head sadly, as if he was some expert on the subject, even though he hadn’t had a serious girlfriend in the last five years. “No, you idiot. You read between the lines when you love someone. You learn when to listen to them and when to call them on their bullshit. And you learn the difference between when to fight and when to walk away.”

  “Says the serial dater,” I shot back.

  “I’m a serial dater because I know right away that the woman isn’t right for me, and I don’t string them along. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t learned to read women. Hell, I’m probably better at reading women than the two of you combined.” He waved a finger between Frank and me.

  Frank let out an annoyed huff. “I think you should call her. You owe her an apology. And as much as I hate to admit it, knucklehead over here is probably right. Even though she told you not to come, she was probably still hoping you would.”

  Ryan whipped out his cell phone and pressed a button. “Shit, Frank. Can you say that again? Nice and slow for the camera.”

  Frank shoved away from the bar stool and flipped off the camera as he headed into the back office.

  “Great. You made him leave,” I said, and Ryan turned the camera on me.

  “Wave hi to the camera, Nick,” Ryan said with a laugh, and I flipped him off before spinning around, turning my back to the camera.

  “Neither of you are any fun,” he grumbled. “I need to finish cleaning up the bar. We good here?”

  I spun back around to face him. “Yeah, we’re good.”

  Ryan headed back behind the bar as I flipped and turned the poker chip in my pocket, his words and my thoughts warring in my head.

  Had Jess really wanted me to show up, even though she’d told me not to? Was Ryan right? I liked to think that I knew Jess’s heart far better than my brother did. There was no way she hadn’t meant what she said to me last night. The tone of her voice was way too serious, not playing around at all. And it wasn’t like she had called me today either. She knew I wasn’t coming, and she didn’t want me to.

  I should have never called. Jess probably never wanted to hear from me again, and I didn’t blame her.

  I’d never want to hear from me again either.

  Getting over Him

  Jess

  I’d half expected time to slow to a crawl, for it to feel like it was barely moving at all after Nick’s call that night. But it hadn’t. If anything, time felt like it moved at warp speed, the days and weeks passing by in quick succession until they became months. I became more involved at the television station at school, picking up shifts when people were sick, and volunteered to work at all the fundraisers.

  I loved how busy and productive my life had become, leaving me little time to think of Nick, even though he still lurked somewhere in the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever not be a part of me, even if only a small part. I’d noticed that when I gave his memory an inch, it took a mile, but thankfully even that seemed to be fading.

  I’d even agreed to go on a date with a guy from the TV station who I thought was cute, but when I found there was less than zero chemistry between us, I didn’t encourage him further. Honestly, I was grateful that it was the lack of chemistry and not the abundance of Nick Fisher on the brain that had stopped me from seeing him again. At this rate, Nick would be a thing of the past in no time.

  My courses were a breeze. I wasn’t sure if it was because the subjects came naturally to me or because I was so intrigued and invested in them, but I was thankful I wasn’t on the dean’s shit list at this school the way I had been down at State. One less thing to worry about was a good thing in my book.

  Rachel came up twice to visit, and both times, she insisted we go to frat parties. When she complained the entire time about how much they sucked, I wanted to yell at her for being rude, but couldn’t find the willpower. Comparing these parties to those Nick’s fraternity used to throw was a joke. There was no comparison. It was sad, really. I mean, how hard was it to throw a good party for a bunch of underage, sex-crazed college students?

  Apparently, Rachel and I were “frat party elitists,” as Brooke had dubbed us tonight after we decided to call it quits well before midnight and left the party. She wasn’t wrong. Nick’s parties had ruined us for all others.

  Rachel and I walked home, our arms wrapped around our midsections. Brooke had stayed at the party to spend time with Kenny, who was surprisingly in the very fraternity whose party we were attending. I never would have pegged him as the frat-boy type.

  “It’s freezing up here,” Rachel complained as she sped up her pace.

  “Preaching to the choir.” I still wasn’t used to the weather change myself, and doubted I would ever get used to it. I pulled out my keys and raced to the front door, thankful I lived so close to campus.

  “I’m kinda hungry,” Rachel said as soon as the door closed, and I laughed and pointed her in the direction of the kitchen.

  “Make whatever you want.”

  She searched the cupboards and the fridge before settling on a bag of microwave popcorn. I’d already started getting ready for bed by the time Rachel joined me in the bathroom, the two of us sharing one sink as we washed our faces. Even when we lived together, we didn’t have to share a bathroom unless we wanted to, so this was a little more togetherness than we were used to.

  The microwave beeped, and Rachel rushed out to grab the popcorn. “Meet you in your room.”

  Once I’d dried my face and put on moisturizer, I hopped on top of my bed and joined Rachel, who’d already claimed a spot and turned on the TV, then snagged a fistful of popcorn.

  “You never really told me about your date,” she mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn.

  “Yes, I did,” I argued, remembering the text messages I sent her immediately following.

  “You just said there was no chemistry.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “What more did you need to know? There literally couldn’t have been less chemistry than if I was on a date with an alien.”

  She shrugged, giving me a sidelong look. “So it had nothing to do with Nick?”

  I choked out a laugh. Nick and I were clearly over. We had been for weeks, if not months. Somewhere between him never showing up that day or calling me to apologize, I’d accepted that fact and was finally ready to move on.

  “That’s what you’ve thought this whole time?”

  “Can’t blame me for wondering,”’ she said with a shrug.

  She was right. I couldn’t blame her.

  “It had nothing to do with Nick, I swear,” I said, throwing up a hand. “Scout’s honor. Not that I was a scout, but still.”

  “So you’re totally over him?”

  Am I?

  “For the most part, yes,” I answered honestly.

  “What does that even mean, for the most part?”

  I chewed on my bottom lip as I wondered how to put the thoughts buried deep inside me into words. “I know that Nick and I are over. For now,” I ad
ded.

  “For now?” That line apparently piqued her curiosity. She stopped chewing and stared right through me.

  “As long as I’m up here, there’s no hope for us. I’m fine with that. I’ve accepted it. But I’d be lying to you, and myself, if I didn’t admit that I thought there was still hope for us one day in the future.”

  “So you think you guys will get back together when you move back?”

  “I have no idea,” I said, not sure if she thought my train of thought was crazy, or if she was on board with it. “I’m just saying that I realize we can’t be together now. That the timing is wrong and we don’t work, I guess. But that doesn’t mean the timing will always be wrong, does it?”

  “I guess not.” She agreed way too easily and fidgeted a moment, not meeting my eyes. “So, I’d been putting off telling you this because I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. But you seem so much better.”

  I sat up straight, tucking my legs underneath me, and turned to face her. “What is it?” I sensed instantly that it had to do with Nick. Much to my surprise, my stomach didn’t dip or knot up like I expected it to.

  She waved a hand in the air. “It could totally be nothing.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment.

  “Spit it out. Whatever it is, I’m sure it won’t faze me,” I lied, hoping I was convincing.

  She narrowed her dark eyes at me. “I wish that were true.”

  I wondered for a moment what she could possibly be wary of confessing to me after everything I’d just said to her. Then a sudden dark thought ripped through my mind.

  “Wait. Nick’s okay, right? Like, there’s nothing physically wrong with him. He isn’t dying or anything?”

  Rachel hunched over with laughter. “Seriously? That’s where your white-girl mind goes? You think I’d be scared to tell you Nick was dying?”

  I cocked my head, studying her. “You wouldn’t be? How sick and twisted are you?”

  Shrugging, she grabbed another handful of popcorn. “Pretty sick and twisted.”

  “If he’s not dying, then what could it possibly be?” I asked, my curiosity piqued.

  “I heard that he’s dating Carla Crawford,” she said quickly, her tone quieter than it had been a moment earlier.

  Carla Crawford. The girl who told me she’d end up with Nick. The girl Nick swore to me he wasn’t interested in, and never would be.

  My stomach, which moments before had been just fine, flipped and began a slow churn. Rachel had been right. I guessed there were some things I wasn’t ready to handle or hear when it came to Nick.

  “Are you sure?” I squeaked out, feeling like I’d been stabbed in the back by the only guy I’d ever really loved.

  “Like I said, I could be wrong.” She gave me a small smile, but it faded. “But I know I’m not.”

  My head nodded on its own, without my willing it to. “This doesn’t make sense.”

  “I know, right? I thought he hated her.”

  Her words snapped me out of my momentary trance, and my stomach stopped its gyrations.

  “He does hate her! I mean, I don’t know if he hates her, but I know he doesn’t like her. Not like that, anyway.” Another thought hit me and I muttered, “This has his dad written all over it.”

  “I actually thought the same thing. But you know what, Jess?” Rachel waited for me to meet her gaze before she continued. “It’s pretty pathetic that he does whatever his dad tells him to. Why doesn’t he just tell him to fuck off? Is he going to follow his dad’s orders for the rest of his life?”

  I shrugged. “It’s not that easy for him. I’m sure he’s just trying to get his dad off his back. But, God, why her, of all people? Why won’t she just go away already?”

  “I know. It’s like he’s dating your nemesis.”

  My nemesis. I groaned. “He has to be doing it for his dad. He has to be,” I said firmly, not sure who I was trying to convince at this point.

  “I hope you’re right. Because I’d really hate to see her win,” Rachel added.

  My thoughts churning furiously, I glared at the wall. If my eyes had any sort of superpower, they would have burned a hole straight through it.

  “Hey.” Her hand grazed my shoulder. “You okay?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. There’s no way this is real. There’s no way he’s not doing this for his dad.”

  Rachel agreed with me; I could tell by the look in her eyes. Even if she hadn’t, she didn’t know Nick and his relationship with his father the way I did. I knew how hard it was for him to stand up to his dad. Even though I hated even thinking about Nick with Carla, I knew there had to be a reason for it.

  Nick wouldn’t date her on his own. I was convinced of that.

  “You sure you’re all right?” Rachel asked, drawing my attention back to her.

  “I’m sure. It’s not like he loves her. I’d bet money on that.”

  “I would too,” she said with a confident nod. “I didn’t just set you back, did I?”

  “No, I’m fine. Promise.”

  “Are you sure you didn’t get under someone else?” Rachel asked with a grin.

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure. I did it the good old-fashioned way. I used Father Time. He’s super helpful.”

  She scooped up some popcorn that I’d all but forgotten about and popped it into her mouth.

  I stared absentmindedly at the TV show playing, my mind lost in thoughts of Nick with Carla, my heart aching for him and the position he must be in. I wanted to hug him and punch him at the same time. It felt like now would have been the perfect time to stand up to his dad once and for all and tell him no, but I wondered if Nick would ever be able to do that. He probably wouldn’t, but I acknowledged to myself that that was Nick’s battle to fight and not mine.

  “I’m sorry for telling you, but I had to, you know?” Rachel said, her eyes pleading for my forgiveness.

  “Don’t apologize. I want to know stuff like that. Thank you.”

  “I feel bad because you’ve made so much progress.”

  “I would have hated finding this out somewhere down the road, and then learning that you knew the whole time and didn’t tell me.”

  “I didn’t even think of it like that,” she said, scrunching up her face. “So we’re good?”

  I reared back a little in surprise. “Of course we’re good.”

  We watched a few more shows before calling it a night. If I was being honest with myself, I was slightly concerned what that night’s sleep might have in store for me, but I woke up in the morning relieved to have had a dreamless night. Rachel was already packing her things when I opened my eyes.

  “It takes forever to get back, especially on Sundays.”

  “I know,” I said through a stretch as I worked my way out of bed. “Thank you for coming. It’s always better when you’re here.”

  “I miss you too.” She smiled and hauled her bag over her shoulder before disappearing through my door. “Call you when I get home. Go back to sleep.”

  Falling back into my bed, I did as she asked, still somewhat surprised by how calm I was about this. Of course I didn’t like the idea of Nick with Carla, of all people, but I couldn’t bring myself to give it any real weight. Even after our time apart, I still felt confident that I knew Nick’s heart better than most people did.

  It was the only way I could process this crazy information without going crazy myself.

  Time continued to fly by. I was acing my classes and still picking up extra hours at the station. I’d even gotten an internship at a local news channel. I had been up against a lot of other applicants, but somehow I had gotten the job.

  Things felt like they were falling into place easily, and I wondered if that’s how things happened when they were meant to be. It made me question everything else that had been such a colossal struggle in my life. Maybe when you were on the right path, things simply worked out without the fight.

  My phone vibrated where it lay on my mattre
ss, and I reached for it before casting a casual glance at the screen.

  Nick. Holy shit. How long has it been since we last talked?

  Chills raced down my spine. Nick didn’t call for no reason. Hell, Nick didn’t call anymore at all. It had been three months since our last conversation. Three months since he told me to start packing. Three months since I’d heard his voice. Almost seven months since I’d seen his face.

  Seven months without Nick . . .

  If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have insisted that I’d never last that long without him. Funny the things your heart is capable of handling without your knowledge. We are so much stronger than we realize.

  “Hey.” I tried to sound nonchalant as I answered, pretending that hearing from him wasn’t sending me into an emotional tailspin. I thought about him and Carla, and suddenly wanted to throw up. That was a first.

  “Jess,” he said, his voice thick, deep, and instantly recognizable.

  “Nick. How are you?”

  “Good, I’m good. How are you?” The fact that he sounded calm—too calm, too relaxed—rattled my every last nerve.

  “Good. Just doing some required reading.” I closed my textbook and set it aside.

  He paused, sucking in a breath before he spoke. “I need to tell you something.”

  “What is it?” I pushed myself up until I was sitting straight up, preparing myself, but for what?

  “Well, first off, I’m dating someone,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, and I knew there was more to this phone call than that tidbit of information I already knew.

  “So? Why would you call me to tell me you’re dating someone? Good for you, Nick. I’m dating someone too,” I lied. “So what?” Anger swirled in my gut, mixing with regret, fear, and sadness. In that order.

  “We’re getting married.”

  What?

  If I had ever thought that my world had crashed around me before, I had been wrong. Dead wrong. Because in that moment, the sun dropped from the sky and fell into the sea, leaving the world shrouded in the darkest shade of black.