Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5)

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Maya didn’t say anything, but her mere presence helped him continue. She always did that for him. No matter what he felt, he was always safe with her. He couldn’t push that away, couldn’t lose that. And if he held on tight enough, he wouldn’t lose it, no matter what happened next.

  He let out a breath. “So, we talked about that, and then we blamed each other for it like idiots, and I hit him.”

  “Sounds about right,” Maya said wryly. “And did he hit you back?”

  Jake shook his head. “No, though he should have. I sort of sucker punched him. But he just took it like he deserved it or something. He might have once, but I don’t think he did now. I hit him not because he’d left, but because he came back and said things I didn’t want to deal with.”

  Maya took his hand and slid her thumb over his red knuckles. “What else did he say?”

  “That I wanted him still,” Jake said softly. “That he wants me.” He paused. “That I want you.”

  Maya’s gaze shot up, and she stopped breathing. “What?”

  Jake’s heart raced, and he looked down at the woman who had been by his side for as long as he could remember. She was the one who filled him with hope, laughter, and the pain he had when he couldn’t have her.

  She was everything.

  And maybe Border was, too.

  Instead of thinking about what that could mean. He used his free hand to cup her face and lowered his lips to hers. She gasped into his mouth, and he pressed harder, needing her taste, needing her. This was what he’d been missing, what he’d needed in his life. Years of being her friend, of wanting nothing more than that because she made him happy and he made her feel the same was worth it washed away. The hunger from that night in the bar roared back, hitting him right in the gut. He wanted her. Needed her, and would do anything to keep her.

  It felt right.

  It was right.

  Maya let him kiss her for a few moments before pulling back.

  The punch to the jaw shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did.

  “What the hell, Jake?” Maya yelled. “You can’t just kiss me like that. You can’t just change things like that.” She took two steps back and raised her chin. “We’re friends. Or did you forget that?”

  “I didn’t forget anything, Maya. How could I? But we both want this to change.”

  Maya snorted. “Oh, so you’re reading my mind now? Tell me what I’m thinking about now.” She glared. and Jake shook his head.

  “You want to hit me again.”

  Maya sneered. “Lucky guess.”

  Jake tried to get his breathing under control. It wasn’t easy when her lips were all swollen and wet from his kiss and her eyes held that heat he had seen the first night he’d met her.

  “We want things to change, Maya. I do. I know you do, too.”

  “Stop telling me what I want.” Maya closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose.

  “Then tell me what you’re thinking?”

  She opened her eyes again, and he couldn’t read the emotion there. “I’m thinking that things are moving too fast and yet not fast enough. You were just with Holly, Jake. Yeah, it’s been a couple of weeks, but that’s not a long time in the grand scheme of things. I know she mentioned me when you two broke up, and I don’t want that to be the reason you’re doing this. I don’t want Border’s words to you to be the reason for this.” Maya paused. “I’m worth more than having other people be the reason someone wants me. It took me a long time to realize that. But I’m worth more.”

  Jake shook his head and took a step toward her. When she didn’t move back, he took it as a good sign. “I’ve been thinking about you for longer than that.”

  When she looked doubtful, he continued.

  “I’m serious,” he said softly. “I’m not proud to admit that I didn’t love Holly. I thought I did, or I thought I could, but I didn’t. I thought she was who I needed to be with in order to move on to the next phase of my life because I couldn’t have who I wanted.” He shook his head. “And that makes me an asshole.”

  “It kind of does,” Maya murmured, and Jake snorted. Leave it to Maya to be completely honest about that in a time like this. “You’re saying you wanted me before this?”

  Jake nodded. It was all or nothing. Because if he hid who he was, what he wanted, he’d mess everything up. This was Maya, his Maya. He couldn’t afford to be scared and lose her because he couldn’t voice what he felt, or what he’d felt in the past.

  “I did,” he said. “I wanted you when I came to Montgomery Ink for the first time and you were with that guy.”

  Maya winced. “I knew that, but it was too late then.”

  “Is it too late now?” Jake asked, his heart in his throat.

  “I don’t know, Jake. We can’t just rush into a change like this.”

  “Are we really changing things? Or are we just opening our eyes?” He reached out and touched her cheek. When she didn’t pull away, Jake took that as a win.

  She didn’t answer him, and he wasn’t sure she could at the moment.

  “We’re still friends, Maya. No matter what happens, we’re friends. We have to be.”

  Maya met his gaze, indecision in her eyes. “What about Border? What about the past? Because it’s not just you and me in this. There’s another person who isn’t Holly. I don’t want to stand in the way of you two, but…I don’t know, Jake.”

  “I don’t know about Border either. I loved him once, Maya. He’s back, and I don’t know what he wants.” He closed his eyes a moment before studying her face. “I don’t understand how things could be happening all at once. I should have stepped up to you before this, but it never felt like the right time. But now he’s back, and I don’t know what to do. Or maybe, I do, and it scares me because I want you, Maya. I want you in my life, and I don’t know how to keep that and not hurt everyone in the process.”

  Maya took a deep breath and seemed to come to a decision. “Then have him, too. Be with him…and maybe be with me, too.”

  Jake’s eyes widened. “What?”

  She shook her head. “I can’t fuck up what the two of you could have. I could see it, Jake. I’ve always seen it. I don’t want to break that up or stand in the way. But I’ve been thinking, too. It’s not just you who’s noticed things have changed. Even if I wanted to hide my head in the sand, which is totally not like me, I knew things were changing.”

  Jake couldn’t breathe, couldn’t quite think. Her presence in his life over the past few months came to him, and he wanted to hit himself for being so careless, so horrible. “You…you’ve been so quiet. So withdrawn. And I didn’t notice.”

  Maya gave him a small smile. “You were trying to make something work. And I understood, even if it hurt. That was on me, Jake. Not you. Though at the time, I kind of wanted it to be on you, as well.”

  “What does this mean?” Hope dared to fill him, and he tried to ignore it.

  “I don’t know exactly. But…I’ve been thinking that maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to choose? This is so weird, but not quite as weird as it should be.”

  “What are you saying exactly?”

  She met his gaze. “That we should figure this out. The three of us. Or rather, you and him and then you and me. Just the three.”

  Jake’s hands shook. “I…I don’t know if Border’s okay with that.” But he did. Border had said as much, hadn’t he? And what had that look Border and Maya shared before meant?

  “Like I said, the three. We figure it out, Jake.”

  “Have you ever been in a ménage?” he asked suddenly, not knowing where the thought had come from.

  Maya let out a dry laugh. “Not a lasting one. You know I’ve been with two men at once. We talked about it after tequila that one time. But I know of ménages that work in real life. In fact, a woman that works with my cousin in New Orleans lives in a permanent bisexual ménage.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if we’re quite there yet. I think I need to be in a room with B
order longer than ten minutes to figure that out.”

  “It feels weird to talk about this without Border here,” Jake said after a moment.

  “Then we wait until he comes back for us to talk about that part of what might happen.”

  “So, you and me? Is this going to happen?” Clear and concise. As long as they put it all on the table, they could do this.

  “Are you talking about sex? That we should only have sex? Or what?”

  “I’m not saying that.” Though images of him and Maya having sex filled his mind and he had to swallow hard to settle himself.

  “Then what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying if it was just sex, I wouldn’t be with you.” He winced. “I wouldn’t risk what we have for just sex.”

  “But that means whatever we do, whatever this is, it’ll be a thing. Something serious. Something that means more than kisses and whatever else might go on. It’s a big step, Jake.”

  “I’m not saying that either,” Jake bit out, confused as hell.

  “Sure sounds like it.”

  “I’m saying that if we have sex, there will be feelings. No matter what. Our roles as friends, as best friends, have responsibilities. And one of those is to be aware of those feelings. I’m not just talking about broken hearts and what could become of this, of us, I’m talking about everything.”

  “So it’s more than sex, more than just wanting each other.” Maya paused. “And whatever could happen with you and Border later.”

  “Of course, it is.” Jake sighed. “It’s you and me, Maya. We’ve always been a duo in a way. So much so that everyone thinks we’re already together as it is. It’s you and me,” he repeated. “But I’m also not taking you to the altar right now either.”

  Maya’s eyes widened. “Fuck, dude. We’re not…I mean…hell. This is confusing.”

  “I know. It’s murky, and pretending it’s not insults us both.”

  “And what about Border?” Maya asked. “Because if we’re talking about things being murky, then he’s part of that.”

  “Border is part of it. Part of the past and…now…fuck. See? It’s all too much?” Jake shook his head. “Maybe we need to take a step back and figure things out because I feel like I’m scrambling here.”

  Maya was quiet for so long that he was afraid he’d lost her. “Then let’s not complicate things. Let’s do what we should have done before and not think too hard.”

  Jake scowled. “We have to think.”

  “Then fuck me.”

  Jake met her eyes and blinked. “That’s the whole problem right now. Fucking. Feelings. All of it.”

  “Fuck me and know that it’s more than sex because I love you like my best friend. And we will see what happens. But know that I’m always going to love you like my best friend. Meaning, whatever happens, whatever happens, I’m not going away. Things won’t change on that end.” She clenched her jaw. “They won’t.”

  “They can’t change,” Jake said after a moment. “I won’t let them. Other things will change. But what we had? Our foundation? That won’t change.”

  “But?” Maya asked. “Because I know there’s a but in there.”

  “But know that going into this, I’m going to do my best not to fuck this up. I’m going to show you what we could maybe have, and try not to think too hard. And what happens with Border? Well, I don’t know. Because it’s all too much, you know?”

  Maya cupped his face. Her hands were soft on his skin, and he wanted to lean into her hold but barely stopped himself. “Stop thinking.”

  “It’s kind of hard when we’re about to change everything.”

  Maya searched his face. “Okay. Then stop making yourself sick over it. Have me, be with me. Do what we should have done before and what we’ve danced around for far too long.” She paused. “And be with Border if you need to.” Jake opened his mouth to say something, and she shook her head. “I’m not like my sisters, you know that. I’ve always been a little more open, so this isn’t going to be any different. Be with him and be with me. And once we get to know one another, maybe we’ll all be together. But you need to find your way, Jake. And I’m selfish enough to want to find my path with you, as well. This is serious, but we’re not going to take ourselves too seriously. That’s the difference.”

  He didn’t know what god or goddess he’d been blessed to know in a former life, because the light that shined down on him now at the thought of this woman would forever have his gratitude.

  Here was a woman, stronger than anyone else he knew, who wanted to not only be with him, but wanted him to find out how he felt about being with another man. That had to be unheard of, and yet here he was, living it.

  “You could get hurt,” he whispered.

  Maya gave him a sad smile. “I’m hurting without you, Jake. I’m willing to risk more for you. You’re worth it. I wish you could see that.”

  Jake leaned down and rested his forehead on hers. “You’re so much stronger than I am.”

  “No, I’m not. It’s just my turn to be strong. I’ve leaned on you before, and that will happen again. So why don’t we lean on each other, Jake?”

  “I love you, Maya,” he whispered. “You’re my best friend.”

  “I love you, too.”

  They both knew those words would mean something different in the future. There was no denying that. And because of that, Jake knew he would have to stop using them until they made sense of the next steps in what they could be.

  “So what do we do now?” he asked, and Maya let out a laugh.

  “We’ve never been awkward like this, have we?” she asked, and Jake slid his hand down her side.

  “No, I guess not.”

  She licked her lips, and he swallowed hard. “Will you kiss me again?”

  Jake smiled then. “The Maya I know doesn’t ask to be kissed, darling.”

  She rolled her eyes and grinned. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

  He slid his hand over her ass, and when he squeezed, they both let out a breath. “I think I know you just fine, Montgomery. I think if you want this kiss, this time, you should take it. You’re the woman who told me how oral is a deal breaker for you. You’re the one who prowled toward me that night. So take what you want, Maya. And I’ll do the same.”

  Her eyes darkened, and he knew that had been the right thing to say.

  When she cupped the back of his head and brought his lips down to hers, he was lost. She bit his bottom lip, forcing a groan from him. He pressed her lower half closer to him, and she kissed him harder. When he rocked into her, the hard ridge of his cock pressing into her belly, he knew there was no going back.

  But Jake didn’t want to go back.

  Ever.

  He ran his hands over her body, wanting to know every inch of her. Again, for the first time, for now, forever. They were older now, a lot more confident, and yet on a new plane when it came to who they were to each other. This wasn’t a one-off after a long night of dancing and drinking. He wasn’t even sure it would have been back then.

  This was now, and he knew he’d do anything to keep it like that.

  He pulled away, trying to catch his breath. “I want you in my bed, Maya. I want you everywhere, come to think of it.”

  “Then have me, Jake,” she said, panting. “Because I don’t think I can wait any longer. Oh, and I’d better get oral this time. Just saying.”

  He threw his head back and laughed, knowing that no matter what happened next, he had Maya for now, and he would try to keep what they had the same…but evolved.

  This was his Maya.

  And Border? Well, maybe he’d have Border, too.

  That should have made him a selfish man, but he couldn’t help but think maybe he was finally just Jake Gallagher.

  One lucky motherfucker.

  Chapter Eight

  Maya swallowed hard as Jake laughed, and she tried not to freak the hell out. She might not have been joking about the oral
thing, but now she wasn’t sure what to do next.

  Maya hated being unsure.

  And this was about as sure as she’d ever been about being unsure. Sure, she’d told herself she’d try a ménage with them, but now here she was, taking the first step.

  And she hadn’t even talked to Border yet.

  She might be going about this all backwards, considering Border might not want this¸ though Jake had a feeling the man did, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to stop being in Jake’s arms at the moment.

  She’d take things as they came and try to protect her heart in the process. Because there was no going back now. She wanted this, even if she wasn’t sure what she’d do with the need.

  Jake covered her mouth with his, and she sank into him. His taste, his touch, pulled her out of most of the darkest of her thoughts. He’d always been able to do that with just a look, but now it went deeper.

  She pulled back and cupped his face, trying to catch her breath. “So, we’re really doing this?”

  Jake licked his lips before biting down on her lower one. “Well, we were. Then you pulled away to ask if we were doing this, so I don’t know.”

  She pushed at his chest and rolled her eyes. “Ass.”

  He patted her butt before squeezing one cheek. “I like this ass. You going to let me fuck it?”

  If she’d been drinking something then, she’d probably have sprayed it all over his face. “You like fucking asses, do you?”

  He smiled at her, looking for all the world like an innocent, tattooed schoolboy. “Actually, I tend to bottom, thank you kindly.” Where that southern drawl had come from, she didn’t know, but she liked it.

  She laughed then, bringing him closer so she could rest her head on his chest, all the while, trying not to squirm in his arms. “Now I’m picturing you being fucked from behind and I’m all antsy.”

  Jake chuckled roughly and kissed the top of her head. “It bodes well for us doing this if me with another guy turns you on.”

  Maya pulled away and looked up at him. “You turn me on. You with Border? I have to say, I didn’t know that was the exact fantasy I had in my head when you said you’d been with men before, but damn, Jake.” She licked her lips, letting her tongue ring slide over the wet flesh. “I think I’m going to like that a lot.”