Mean Crush

by K L Wood

  She squeezed my ankle, giving me a sad smile. “My first love? He broke my heart, too. He broke up with me after having spent the summer in Europe with his family.” She shook her head, and I could see the pain still lingering in her eyes. “He told me that we were heading to different universities and wouldn’t work. That we needed to grow up and think about the future, one that obviously didn’t include me. It crushed me.”

  “That sucks.” I wiped at my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  She smiled and grabbed hold of my hand. “But you know what? It does get easier if you make up your mind to move on. Screw him if he doesn’t see how amazing you are.”

  I winced. “I’m not amazing.”

  “But you really are, Tab. You’re smart, funny, and you looked out for me when I was drunk when you didn’t know a thing about me. Those girls across the hall didn’t give a crap about us or each other. You’re a good person, and you’re beautiful. Hell, if I was a guy, I’d pick you up in a heartbeat.”

  I laughed, nudging her with my foot. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

  She hopped up, holding her hand out to me. “Come on.”

  “Where?”

  “To find you a costume. You’re going to stop wallowing over a guy who already moved on, get out of bed, and show the world how amazing Tabitha Bell really is.”

  Her hand looked tempting, but my body and heart were so heavy, it took too much energy to move.

  Shelly put a hand on her hip. “If you don’t come with me, I’ll be forced to tell our RA that you're depressed…and they’ll have to call your parents.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

  “Like hell I wouldn’t.” She scoffed, throwing her hands up in the air. “This is college. No parents! This is supposed to be the best years of our lives. Don’t waste this time, because I’ll promise you’ll regret it later.”

  Shelly was right. I knew it before she said it, but I felt if I let go, I’d lose Reed forever. He’d been the one I loved for so long that he felt like a part of me, and I didn’t know who I would be without that.

  But he obviously moved on from me just fine. He hadn’t texted me once nor responded to any of mine. Reed didn’t love me. If he did, it was nothing more than the feelings he had for Paige. The guy was incapable of love. I should’ve known by the relationships he had.

  At least he had the decency not to be my first or treat me like one of his booty calls. I’d always be grateful to him for that, because if he had, knowing how I felt now, I didn’t think I would have recovered from that.

  I set down my Kindle and threw off the blanket from my lap. “I’ll make you a deal. You show me how to get over a heartbreak, and I’ll go to the party.”

  Shelly grinned and pulled her phone from her back pocket. “I still have my girl power playlist. Essential listening for a man hangover.”

  She thumbed through her phone, and “Respect” by Aretha Franklin poured through the speaker. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up, grooving to the song and singing at the top of her lungs.

  “We’re going to get in trouble for being this loud.”

  She got closer to my face. “Who the hell cares?” She shimmied her shoulders and blasted the song louder until, eventually, I started singing along with her.

  By the next song, I let myself get lost in the music and jumped on the bed. We belted out the words to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” without holding back.

  Banging rattled our door, but we ignored it, and Shelly turned the music up louder.

  By the next song, Lisa, the RA, swung open the door.

  Shelly unplugged the speaker, and we stepped down from the bed.

  “You know the rules about loud music!”

  “It wasn’t that loud,” Shelly said.

  I elbowed her, trying to suppress a giggle. “Sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  “It better not, or we’re going to have problems.” She went to leave but turned back to us. “And don’t jump on the bed. You’re not five.”

  Shelly saluted her. “Yes, sir. I mean, ma’am.”

  I snorted and pretended to clear my throat.

  “All right, Shelly, let’s go.”

  “What did I do?”

  I stepped in front of Shelly. “Please don’t. She was just trying to help me get over a bad heartbreak.” I smiled back at my roommate. “And it’s helping.”

  “Oh.” Lisa’s face softened. “Jump on the bed as much as you want, then. Just put in earbuds or something, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said. “Thanks.”

  “If you don’t mind,” Lisa added, looking over at Shelly, “could you email me your playlist?”

  “Yeah, no problem.”

  “Thanks.”

  Lisa closed the door, and we looked at each other, knowing full well we escaped trouble. We both burst out laughing and fell back on the bed.

  I grabbed her hand. “Thank you. I’m glad you were picked to be my roommate.”

  She squeezed back. “Me, too.” She popped up. “Now, let’s go find you a costume for one of the best nights of your life.”

  I might have crushed on Reed for ten years, even fallen in love. But we never did more than kiss that one night, and even then, he stopped it. I never had with him what Bryant and Paige had. Or what Shelly and her first love had. We were never a couple.

  It was time to move on and live my life.

  12

  Darkness Sees the Light

  February 2nd

  Reed

  Tabitha’s birthday. Twenty years old now and only three more months of her sophomore year left. Two more years until graduation. The thought of it felt too damn long. I ignored my phone, fighting the temptation to text her.

  You wanted this. You wanted Tabitha to move on, so leave her the hell alone.

  I opened the shutters to my window, inhaling the smell of garlic and fresh bread from the apartment across the street. Federica, no doubt. She was magic in the kitchen and the only woman I’d let come into my place as freely and often as she did. She was pushing eighty and worried about me more than she should, but I liked it. I needed it more than I realized after leaving home.

  I reminded Federica of her American grandson, and since she didn’t get to see him enough, she spoiled me with food as if making up for time lost she couldn’t get back with him. It worked for both of us…even though we didn’t talk much about it.

  I recognized the soft knock on my door and smiled when I opened it. Federica held a loaf of bread wrapped in a cloth in her arms. “For you, tesoro.”

  “Thank you.” I accepted the warm bread and opened the door wider. “Have some with me?”

  She patted my chest. “Of course.”

  I offered her coffee, tea, or water, and she shrugged. I held up a bottle of her favorite wine, and a hand went to her heart. “Cuore mio.”

  I laughed and grabbed a glass from the cabinet. The wine was too sweet for me, but I tolerated it for Federica.

  I handed her a half-full glass. “This was my Angelo’s favorite.”

  She said it every time she took her first sip. It didn’t annoy me. She lost her husband ten years ago, and I loved that she still thought of him.

  “Tell me about him.”

  Federica didn’t hesitate. She told me things I’d heard many times. How he loved her bread, kissed her cheek, and danced with her in the kitchen while she tried to shoo him off while she cooked. How every anniversary he’d leave orange blossoms waiting for her on the nightstand to wake up to, the same flowers she had in her bouquet the day they were married.

  I wanted what they had, but I knew it wasn’t in the cards for me.

  “Why don’t you settle down with a nice girl, huh?”

  “Despite what you think, I’m not a nice guy.”

  “Ah yes, big Farfallone, with your women.”

  “My women?”

  “Here, the young woman love. The old woman talk.” She shrugged, finishing off the rest of her wine.
<
br />   I laughed and poured her another glass despite her protests. I knew she wanted more, but it was a ritual I now understood.

  Federica wagged a finger in my direction, squinting her eyes. “But I see you, tesero. There is only one woman for you. Luce dei miei occhi.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Light of my eyes.”

  Tabitha wasn’t just the light of my eyes; she lit up my damn soul in a way no one else could.

  I didn’t comment, electing to sip my wine instead.

  “Why don’t you tell her you love her, huh?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Che cazzata!”

  I choked on my drink. Federica had never cursed in front of me before.

  “It’s true.” I placed the glass on the coffee table. “I’m no good for her.”

  “But you are.” She smiled. “You are like a Chiaroscuro painting. Only darkness can see a light’s brilliance in all its beauty and shades. And like my Angelo, you’ll protect it at any cost.”

  I didn’t respond. I couldn’t…even though she seemed to understand.

  “Who is your light, huh? What’s her name?”

  I swallowed. “Tabitha.”

  “Does she love you?”

  “She does…or she did. I don’t know…I rejected her.”

  She nodded and finished her wine. “Do you know what my Angelo would tell you?”

  “What?”

  She got up and smacked the top of my head. “Ask her to marry you, idiota!” She shuffled her way to the kitchen. “Come, I teach you to cook.”

  I shook my head and laughed. How could I deny the best cook in Italy a teaching lesson…even if she did force me to think about Tabitha?

  God, I missed the hell out of her.

  I missed her smile, her laugh, reading in silence with her.

  I wanted those days back. I wanted her light…every shade of it.

  13

  A Chapter Closed

  March 7th

  Tabitha

  My eyes popped open at the feeling of something poking against my butt. An arm wrapped around me, and I instantly pushed him off. “Tyler,” I whispered but so wanted to yell, “You can’t be in here.”

  “Your parents are still asleep.” He grinned and pressed his mega hard-on against my belly. “We’ll skip the foreplay and make it a quickie. They’ll never know.”

  He barely did foreplay to begin with. This would be nothing new.

  “No.” I ripped the covers off him, and he rubbed up his shaft over his briefs.

  “Come on, you owe me for making me come to your parents’ house for spring break.” He stuck his hands down his underwear, gripping his cock. “We should be in Florida right now, fucking on a hotel bed.”

  “I owe you?” I asked through gritted teeth.

  He groaned and flopped his head against the pillow. “I’m blue balling it here. Are you really going to force me to jerk off in your parents’ bathroom?”

  Ugh.

  “Not the visual I need this early in the morning.” I pulled the blanket over my shoulder. “And the answer is still no.”

  Tyler huffed and took his hands out of his briefs. “This week is gonna suck.”

  “You didn’t have to come.”

  In fact, I didn’t want him to come, but my parents wanted to meet him. My first “serious” boyfriend. We’d been together almost two months, and the first few weeks were fun. He made me laugh a lot, and I needed it at the time. Tyler wanted me, and it felt really good to be wanted.

  But now? I saw all the little things I didn’t before. He was messy. The kind of guy that would leave a pizza box from the weekend before on his desk, next to a pair of dirty socks. Where Tyler once made me laugh, now he made me cringe with how crude he could be. And sex? Pfft. That was basically five minutes of stabbing my vagina until he yelled out and announced to the world that his “balls are exploding.”

  But at least he had the courtesy to be gentler during my first time. Not that it felt good or that I even enjoyed it all that much, but I had to at least give him some credit for not pounding me like he usually did.

  “I’m going to take a shower.” Tyler hopped off the bed and pulled on his sweatpants that were lying on the floor.

  I grabbed my phone from my nightstand to check the time. There were two texts from Paige that were sent late last night.

  P: Just landed in California and with Bryant now. He says, “Hey” lol.

  P: Tabitha, I just talked to my mom, and I wanted to warn you. Reed is flying in tomorrow morning to visit for a few days. He said he wanted to surprise them since he couldn’t come down during the holidays. My parents are going to invite all of you over for dinner tomorrow. I’m so sorry I can’t be there. But know you can FaceTime or text me any time you need to.

  A tidal wave could have smashed into our house and crushed it into a million tiny pieces, and I still wouldn’t have moved an inch. My fingers gripped the phone tighter as I reread her text.

  Raw pain seared through my chest, like a knife twisting around and around through my heart. It had been eight months since I’d seen Reed. Three of those months, I’d cried as if he were the only cure to my suffering. I had spent the next three months learning to get over someone who obviously didn’t love me back.

  And these last two months with Tyler? I actually convinced myself I’d moved on from Reed. That he wouldn’t have the same effect on me that he used to have.

  I was so wrong.

  Instead of replying to Paige—who didn’t know anything about heartbreak—I texted Shelly.

  T: Sorry for texting so early, but I’m freaking out. Reed is coming home today, and I have to go with my family to see him. And freaking Tyler is here too!!! I thought I was over him, but knowing that I’m going to see him in the flesh again…I don’t think I can handle it.

  I chewed my thumbnail as I watched the screen. After a few seconds, texting bubbles surfaced, and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  S: You CAN handle it! Remember what I taught you about turning the tables. Smile and show him that your life is just fine without him and that you’re not the same little girl pining after him. Let him pine after you if he wants. You’re a strong woman now. Listen to the girl power playlist and imagine how you WANT that dinner to go from the first moment you walk through the door and see his face to the moment you walk out. By the time the real dinner happens, you’ll be ready. Trust me.

  The tense muscles in my shoulder began to unravel.

  She was right. I wasn’t that same little girl in love.

  I can do this.

  Reed

  I shoved my hands into my pockets and glanced at the time on the microwave for the hundredth time. Tabitha and her family should be here any minute.

  The smell of a prime rib cooking in the oven should have had my mouth watering by now, but my appetite had been squashed from the nerves knotting in my stomach. I had this planned for a damn month, but it felt like I’d flown home on a whim, and my mind bounced back and forth, wondering if I made a mistake coming here like I did.

  “You’ve been antsy all day.” My mother pushed me aside to open a drawer. “What’s wrong with you?”

  I’m about to tell the girl I love how I feel.

  What I should’ve done the night she cut herself open and handed me her heart. Like the idiot I was, I fucking rejected it. I thought I was doing it for the right reasons, but I couldn’t deny it anymore, and I didn’t want to lose her. That thought alone kept me up in the wee hours.

  I stepped closer as my mother opened the oven and checked the temperature on the meat thermometer.

  “Mom…how would you feel about Tabitha and me…”

  “What?” Her brows furrowed at first but rose when she stared back at me. A sorry expression hung in her eyes before she turned away and closed the oven. “Reed, honey, there’s something you should know.”

  The front door opened, and I half ran to the living room ar
ea. I didn’t want to miss the first moment I’d see Tabitha’s face when she walked through that door.

  “Look at you!” Auntie Sam held her arms out to me and gave me a big bear hug like my mom would. “It’s so good to have you home again.”

  “It’s good to be back.”

  Uncle Derek nodded to me and shook my hand. “Good to see ya.” He wasn’t as welcoming with me as Tabitha’s mother. My taunting his daughter when we were kids rubbed him the wrong way, and I didn’t blame him for that one bit. In fact, I respected the hell out of him for giving me shit whenever he caught me in the act.

  I looked up to see Tabitha cross the threshold, and her presence radiated through the entire space. I inhaled and absorbed every bit of it. She looked around the room and stilled when her eyes locked with mine. Something tender and soft hung between us, but then she stood up a little straighter, her stare colder, darker…like I was the last person on earth she wanted to see.

  I expected this. In my mind, I prepared for it. I’d broken Tabitha’s heart and hadn’t seen her in months. I’d even skipped coming home for Christmas when I really didn’t need to.

  I couldn’t face her then.

  Another guy, tall, blonde, and blue-eyed, walked in the door. Hairs prickled the back of my neck as I watched him move closer to Tabitha. He placed a hand on the small of her back and moved lower, grabbing a handful of her ass. She elbowed him, and I wanted to march over there and punch him square in the jaw.

  The blood pumped through my veins so frigging fast that I could hear it swoosh through my ears. “Who the fuck are you?”

  I didn’t realize I’d said it out loud until I saw Tabitha’s mouth drop open. Her unwelcome guest pulled her closer to him, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. “Tyler, her boyfriend. Who are you?”

  That’s fucking it.