Walking Into The Unknown

by Ginny Dye

  “No!” Carrie’s voice was filled with horror. “What possible good did he think could come from that?”

  “His pride had been wounded,” Matthew said angrily. “He was not thinking at all!”

  Captain Marley nodded. “Matthew is right. Word of the village’s destruction spread quickly among the tribes. Battles raged across Kansas all last summer and into the fall. The result was many dead and wounded on both sides. Finally, not wanting to spend more money on the war, the government started looking for alternatives. Hancock was transferred and then replaced by General Sheridan.”

  “They didn’t want to spend more money?” Nathan snapped. “Did the government never acknowledge how wrong it all was?”

  “No,” Captain Marley admitted, his expression revealing far more than his words. “There was a treaty signed three and a half months ago, but I don’t think the Indians really realize the treaty amounts to nothing.”

  “Nothing?” Carrie was furious.

  “The American government is determined to run the Indians out of America, Carrie,” Matthew said flatly.

  “Where do they propose they go?” Carrie snapped. “Will they run them all the way into the Pacific Ocean where they will drown?” Her voice was shaking. “Why do white men think they can take whatever they want to? First, they enslaved millions of black people. Now they are going to kill off all the Indians? And they dare say it is because God ordains it? I feel sick!”

  “It is not something to be proud of,” Captain Marley admitted.

  Carrie whipped around to stare at him, suddenly not at all sure she could like this man. “Why do you do this?” she demanded. “How can you be part of an army determined to destroy a whole way of life and murder innocent people?”

  Captain Marley flinched but didn’t look away. “Because it’s the only way I know to try and help. I was with Colonel Chivington three years ago at Sand Creek,” he said, his voice ragged with torment as his eyes filled with painful memories. “I tried to stop it. The men were too drunk. They wouldn’t listen to reason…” His voice trailed off. “I came forward to tell what had happened, but I’ve already told you nothing was done.” He shook his head. “I thought about leaving the army, but that’s as good as saying I don’t care and turning my back on the Indians. I don’t know if I can possibly make a difference, but I have to try.”

  Carrie gazed into his eyes and realized she was looking a good man. “I’m sorry,” she said gently. “Thank you for what you’re trying to do.”

  “And thank you for trying to help the Navajo. There are very few people who care about the Indians. They only think about them when they are standing in the way of what they want, and then their solution is to remove them or kill them.”

  “I will change that,” Matthew said passionately. “When we return, there will be many articles written to give exposure. I can at least bring what is happening to light.”

  The captain looked at him. “I hope it will help, but America has shown that greed mandates its actions.” He shook his head. “It will be a long time before America stops taking all of the West that they want. I suspect they will stop only when there is nothing left to claim.”

  “The slaves were emancipated,” Carrie reminded him, trying to give him hope.

  “Yes, but they are far from being free,” he said. He stood abruptly. “I’m sorry to put all of this on you on the first night of your journey. You are here to make a difference. I don’t know that it will change the Indian situation in this country, but you will certainly help a large number of the Navajo.”

  “That’s reason enough to travel the Santa Fe Trail in the winter,” Carrie said, hoping she was right. She was getting ready to take her team across the entire state of Kansas, the scene of horrific battles that had ended just months earlier.

  Captain Marley read the expression in her eyes. “I don’t believe there will be any raids on this trip,” he said. “The Indians settle in for the winter, and they will not want to break the treaty so quickly.”

  “And on the way home?” Nathan asked astutely. “It will be summer, and more time will have passed.”

  Captain Marley’s silence and grim expression was all the answer they needed.

  *****

  Carrie watched Independence disappear behind them as the wagon train pulled away. She turned her face toward the open Kansas plains. She had hated the flat expanse when she had traveled it with Abby the year before, but she knew her raw grief had colored everything then. Now she was traveling the same route in a wagon train, but it felt different. It felt right somehow. Her trip through Kansas with Abby had been support for her stepmother, nothing else. Now her purpose for being here was so much more important than that. Nine hundred miles away, thousands of Navajo Indians needed their help.

  It had still been dark when they had been rousted from their beds inside the wagons, but the sun had begun teasing the horizon when they pulled out. Carrie, Janie, Melissa and Carolyn shared one wagon. The men occupied the other. Carrie knew it must be very hard for Janie and Matthew to sleep apart, but they didn’t have another option.

  “Is it all this flat?” Janie asked, her eyes sweeping the horizon.

  “No,” Carrie assured her. “It gets flatter.”

  “You’re serious?” Janie pulled her coat tightly around her, and then reached for the blankets piled behind the bench.

  “Be glad you’re not driving,” Carrie replied. “At least we have the wagon canvas to break the wind.” She could see it buffeting Matthew, and through the back opening, she could see Nathan on the seat of the wagon behind them. His face was almost as red as his hair. He caught her eye and waved cheerfully. She returned the wave and looked back at Janie. “I predict we will soon be bored out of our minds.”

  “I predict you’re right,” Janie answered, “but at least I brought books to study.”

  “How many hours do we travel each day?” Melissa asked, her eyes wide with excitement.

  “About seven,” Carolyn answered. “I talked to the wagon master last night. The days are short during the winter. No one wants to drive at night, and we need time to set up camp before it gets dark.” She held up knitting needles and yarn. “I’m interested to see how many sweaters I can make while we are on the trail.”

  Carrie looked at Melissa. “What are you going to do to pass the time?”

  “Janie and I brought books to share,” she answered. “She brought textbooks, but I brought books I have longed to read, but haven’t had the time.” She pulled out a small crate. “I brought Walden by Henry David Thoreau, and Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. I’ve heard they both are quite wonderful, though very different. I also brought Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlett Letter. I’ve heard that literary critics praised the book, but religious leaders took issue with the subject matter.”

  “That is quite true,” Carolyn confirmed. “I won’t spoil the story for you, but the main character transforms in a way that is quite astounding, becoming quite a free thinker. There are hardly any religious leaders who applaud that,” she said. She looked at the box of books with something close to reverence. “I know you have many more books in there. I hope this trip lasts long enough for me to read them all. My life has been far too busy to read. I miss it.”

  “I think you’ll have plenty of time,” Carrie assured her with a smile.

  “And you?” Carolyn asked. “How are you going to spend your time?”

  “I’m looking forward to reading, as well,” Carrie answered, “but I’m also going to keep a journal. I’m hoping I will find portions of our journey interesting enough for inclusion in the book on herbs and medicinal plants that will be my final project for my medical degree.”

  She didn’t mention that she also hoped her writing would help her make sense of all the feelings flowing through her mind and heart. Every plodding step the oxen took removed her further from the memories of the plantation, but now that she had what she had wanted, she found herself grasping those memor
ies tightly. It was not going to be easy to separate herself from Robert enough to discover who she was without him.

  She searched for a way to distract her thoughts. “Will you teach me how to knit?” she asked Carolyn.

  “Knit?” Janie asked in an astonished voice. “I tried to teach you years ago, but you always turned up your nose and said you would learn to knit when you were an old woman.”

  “That’s because I couldn’t imagine sitting still that long,” Carrie retorted. “Now that I’m going to be stuck in a wagon for months, it’s evident I will have the time.”

  “I’ll teach you,” Carolyn promised. “I predict we’ll need all the warm clothes possible.” She stood to place a thick pillow under her bottom, and then pulled a heavy blanket around her. “We may also find it difficult to knit if our hands have frostbite,” she said darkly.

  Carrie knew she was right. “I don’t want anything dangerous to happen on the trail, but I hope there is at least enough activity to keep our trip interesting.”

  “Stop!” Janie cried.

  Carrie stared at her. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “You forget I’ve been your friend for a long time. Every time you say something like that we almost die, or something horrible happens.”

  Carrie laughed. “That is not true,” she protested. Janie stared at her silently. “Well,” she relented after several moments. “Perhaps a little true.”

  “Great,” Carolyn muttered. “Just great.”

  Laughter rang through the wagon, pushing back the cold as they rolled forward through the plains.

  *****

  “I would give anything for a hot bath,” Carolyn muttered.

  “I might kill you to get to it first,” Janie admitted. “I never knew it was possible to feel so dirty.” She looked at Carrie. “It’s only been two weeks. We won’t have a bath for two months?”

  “I warned you,” Carrie reminded them with a smile.

  “Yes, but warning and reality are two totally different things,” Janie muttered. “I read some things about wagon train trips before we left. No one said anything about having to be filthy and smelly the entire time.”

  “That’s because most wagon trains leave in late spring,” Melissa said wearily, pushing her dirty hair back from her face. “People can bathe in the lakes and rivers along the way. I’m not eager to jump into frigid water in February.” She forced a smile. “At least we don’t have to worry about the water levels being high for the crossings. There are no rainstorms to cause them to rise, and there is no snowmelt in the mountains.”

  “I find it hard to be excited about that,” Janie replied morosely. “I’m about to decide freezing cold water is better than nothing.”

  “You’ll change your mind quickly,” Carrie teased.

  “Oh, hush,” Janie said. “You know this is bothering you as much as it is bothering us. Why are you being so cheerful?”

  Carrie sighed. “Because I feel responsible for your misery. The least I can do is make you feel a little better about it.”

  “I would much prefer you to be equally miserable,” Carolyn retorted, but the gleam of amusement was back in her eyes. “You did warn us.”

  “I suppose I should be glad Matthew has to sleep in the other wagon,” Janie said. “At least he doesn’t have to smell me.”

  Carrie saw her friend’s smile, but she also saw the sadness in her eyes. She knew how hard it would be for her if she had been forced to sleep apart from Robert on a trip of this duration. Unfortunately, she didn’t know what she could do about it…and she couldn’t deny that being dirty was not romantic.

  *****

  Later that afternoon, Captain Marley rode by their wagon. “Is there anything I can do for you ladies?”

  Carrie made her decision quickly. “Yes. I would like to ride one of the horses in your string of extras. I might go quite mad if I have to sit in this wagon for another entire day.”

  Captain Marley looked at her, obviously trying to figure out how to respond. “We don’t have sidesaddles,” he said carefully.

  “I won’t need one,” Carrie said. While she had opted for dresses so as to not draw more attention to herself, she had packed her breeches. She was dying to get into clothing that was actually comfortable. As dirty as she was, it hardly mattered what she was wearing, and now that they were on the trail, surely she would not offend anyone.

  “Our horses are quite spirited,” Captain Marley said evasively.

  Carrie knew it was time to play her hand. “Did Captain Jones ever tell you about a woman who managed to escape his troops on a plantation outside Richmond?”

  Captain Marley grinned. “As a matter of fact, he did. He was quite impressed with the young lady who thundered across the field on a gray Thoroughbred, and then jumped a tall fence after one of his soldiers put a bullet in her shoulder. And she was bareback!” His eyes narrowed. “How did you know about…?” His eyes widened.

  “That was me,” Carrie confirmed. “Now, may I ride one of your horses?”

  “Most definitely. I’ll make sure the men know you can handle any of them.”

  “I believe I’ll prove it myself,” Carrie said tartly.

  Carrie was dressed in breeches when they stopped for a lunch break of biscuits and cold meat. There was not time to build fires for a hot meal in the middle of the day, but that just made getting into their night camp even more appealing. She pulled on her boots and buttoned Robert’s coat securely before she shoved a hat down on her head.

  Captain Marley strode up and gazed at her. “Is that how all Southern women dress now?”

  “Only the smart ones,” Carrie said with a smile. “And only the ones who have spent the last year running a breeding stable.”

  “I see,” Captain Marley muttered. “You know it’s not going to go over well with the men if you prove you can outride them.”

  “Your men’s pride is hardly my concern,” Carrie retorted, but she relented. “I’ll do my best to ride like a commoner.”

  Captain Marley chuckled, and then beckoned one of his men forward. He was leading a tall chestnut mare with bright, intelligent eyes.

  “What a beauty,” Carrie murmured, stroking the mare’s face gently. “What is her name?”

  “Celeste.”

  Carrie blinked. “Celeste?”

  “I’m afraid my daughter was with me the day I picked her up. She insisted on naming her, despite my objections,” Captain Marley said with a wince. “I apologize to this mare almost every day.”

  Carrie grinned. “Hello, Celeste. It’s nice to make your acquaintance.”

  *****

  Carrie’s feet were cold, but she was grinning when she cantered up next to the captain. “I feel like I have been let out of prison. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. You should have said something sooner. I’ve seen you get out of the wagon and walk long stretches.”

  “If I had to read one more page, or pretend to enjoy knitting for even one more minute, I was sure I would lose my sanity.”

  Captain Marley laughed. “Wagon travel is difficult at any time, but it is particularly brutal in winter.” He cocked his head. “Why now? Why not wait until spring?”

  “You’re not the first to ask me,” she assured him. Carrie explained her unique situation. “I didn’t want to do any other internship, and I didn’t want to delay my medical degree longer than necessary.”

  Captain Marley was watching her closely. “You own a breeding operation and you are a doctor? How do you blend the two?”

  Carrie had asked herself the same question many times. “I have no idea,” she answered honestly. “Right now, Mark Jones’ sister is running the stables.”

  “Susan? That’s wonderful! She’s quite the horsewoman.”

  “She is, indeed,” Carrie agreed.

  “And when you return?” Captain Marley pressed. “What then?”

  Carrie sighed. “That is the question I hope I will have the answer for by the ti
me I return. I know I can maintain ownership of the stables, but I also know Susan would love to be partial or full owner of the operation. I am going to be a doctor, but…”

  Carrie stared out over the flat sameness. She wished for anything to break the monotony, but perhaps she was simply chafing against the monotony of her thoughts. “My late husband started Cromwell Stables,” she revealed.

  “Late?”

  Carrie acknowledged the captain’s ability to draw her out. He was a good listener. She wasn’t certain, though, that she wanted to talk about it.

  Captain Marley read her face. “Forgive me for prying.”

  Carrie shook her head. There was something about the vast openness that made it easier to reveal herself “It’s all right. My husband, Robert, was murdered last spring by vigilantes from the Ku Klux Klan when they attacked our plantation.”

  “My God,” Captain Marley muttered. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

  Carrie nodded absently. She was used to people being shocked. “Thank you.”

  Captain Marley continued to watch her. “You’re looking for answers. Many people join wagon trains for the same reason. They want a new beginning, or something different.”

  “That’s true for me, too,” Carrie admitted. “My primary motivation is helping the Navajo Indians while I finish my requirements for my degree, but I’m also trying to figure out who I am without Robert.”