by Jess Dee
Talking about whom… He tried not to look through his window, tried not to make eye contact with the man, but it was pretty damn hard when the view from his door led straight out the window and into the other man’s office.
Ben turned his head, averting his gaze. But it was too late. He’d already seen something he couldn’t quite believe he was seeing. Already comprehended something that made him long for those bottles of scotch he’d polished off a couple of days before.
Will wasn’t alone.
Sitting in his office, right opposite him, was Melissa.
Chapter Fifteen
“I’m trying to make sense of it all.” Melissa looked at Will, desperate to find answers she wasn’t sure he could give.
“Come on, Mel. You’re no fool. You understand what happened with the three of us.”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t. Not really. See, I’m not like you two, Will. I’m not out there sexually. I’m not used to experimenting and pushing my boundaries. This woman you’ve seen is not the regular me.” She knew she was blushing. Not just because her cheeks burned, but because discussing this embarrassed her to no end. Humiliated her. She was attempting to find understanding and meaning from the third person in their ménage. The person with whom she shared no other bond save the kink he’d added to her nights.
Yes, she’d taken an instant liking to him, and the physical attraction between them had been strong, magnetic even. But that was where it ended. Neither was under any illusion the encounter would turn into anything more.
In fact, Will himself had made that pretty clear at Ben’s apartment.
While Melissa still lay in a post-orgasmic haze, and Ben had disappeared into the bathroom to clean up and to find a washcloth for her, Will had dressed then leaned over and kissed her on her forehead. An affectionate kiss. A goodbye kiss.
“Thank you,” he’d whispered. “For allowing me in tonight. For letting me share you with Ben just this once.”
He hadn’t waited for her to contradict him and talk about a next time. He’d quite clearly told her there wouldn’t be a next time, something that Melissa had assumed as well.
Though the evening had been fantastic, it was a one-off experience. She’d never considered it might be more. She’d never wanted more from Will. Ben gave her everything she needed.
Well, Ben had given her everything she needed, right up until the time he gave her the shock of her life.
Before that terrible moment, she’d kind of assumed that after the threesome, things would go back to normal between her and Ben. Or go back to being just the two of them, at any rate.
Boy, had she ever been wrong.
Nothing was the same. Nothing at all.
There was no “two of them” left in this whole sorry situation. Whatever had developed between Ben and her had been cut off cold. Ben hadn’t acknowledged her since she’d left his place. Hadn’t phoned, hadn’t visited. He hadn’t even come to work. Not a word had she heard from him, and his silence and absence ripped at her heart and her belly, leaving them lying in a thousand excruciating shreds.
Discussing all of this with Will was close to impossible for Melissa, opening up to someone else a foreign experience. Yes, she’d let Ben in, allowed him to see the real Melissa, but that had taken time and a truckload of trust. Will, well, with Will she was taking a chance. But something told her she could trust him. Perhaps it was the gentle and understanding yet passionate way he’d handled her while she’d been with him and Ben.
She was still surprised to find herself in his office. Surprised that he was the one she’d turned to. But somehow he seemed like the perfect person to seek advice from. He knew Ben. He knew what had happened between Ben and her. He’d been there with them. And he was the man Ben had surreptitiously challenged. He was as much a part of this as they were. Well, not as much, since Mel liked Will but did not feel for him the depth of emotion she felt for Ben.
Melissa took a deep, fortifying breath. “I’ve never allowed a third person to watch me have sex. I’ve never had sex with two men. I chose the safe option every single time. Until now. Until Ben—and you.”
Will smiled at her. An encouraging smile, as though sensing her trepidation in sharing all of this with him. “And why do you think that is? What is it about Ben, or about Ben and me, that brings out your wild side?”
Melissa stared at him, at a loss. She didn’t have answers.
“Think about it, Mel. What made you step out of your comfort zone? What made it okay to experiment with us when you’d never experiment ordinarily?”
Okay, so maybe she did have answers. Maybe it was more a problem of not wanting to give away her secrets. But she’d come this far, had gotten up the courage to seek Will out. She couldn’t pull back now. Besides, he was so warm and open and understanding, her instinct told her she could tell him anything. “I was bored,” she admitted at length. “Bored and unsatisfied with my life.”
“So spicing it up took away that boredom?”
She gave his question ample consideration. “It added excitement and entertainment and pleasure. Lots of pleasure.”
“Leaving you satisfied?”
“Sexually satisfied.”
“And emotionally?”
Melissa didn’t answer.
“Are you still bored?”
Melissa’s shoulders slumped. Misery overwhelmed her. And as it did, cloaking her in a blanket of gloom and depression, Melissa suddenly wanted to talk. Wanted to be honest with someone about her life, about how much she despised it. And since she was with Will, had come here anyway… “Can I be honest with you?”
He smiled gently at her. “I’d be disappointed if you weren’t.”
She dropped her head in her hands. “I hate my life, Will. Apart from Ben, I hate everything about it. I hate my job, I hate the choices I’ve made, I hate where I am.” Wow. Okay. That was honest. Perhaps more honest than she’d been in the last twelve years. It was Ben’s doing. He’d forced her to confront her life and her emotions too many times over the weeks. She could no longer deny her true feelings.
“And yet you continue to live your life every day without changing it?”
She did change it. Often. She sought to do better, sought to achieve more. But those changes didn’t make her life essentially different. If anything they only got her more entrenched in living it. “I guess I do.” She looked up at him.
“Why?”
“Because it’s the life I chose to live. I can’t just give it up.”
He held up both hands in question. “Why not?”
Hah, he made it sound so simple. “Because one doesn’t just throw one’s ambition and goals aside. Doesn’t give up because life gets boring.” She’d spent years telling herself that. It was easy to say it to Will.
“So one is expected to continue living the same dull life forever, because that’s what one expects of oneself?”
“Exactly.” At least he understood.
“You know what, Mel?”
“What?”
“That’s a crock of shit if ever I’ve heard one.”
She jerked her head. “Pardon?”
His voice was still gentle, but now it was firm too. “If you’re not happy with your life and with the choices you’ve made, move on. Make different choices. Do something else. There’s no one shackling you down. You’re your own free agent. Do what you want to do.”
Okay, maybe he didn’t understand after all. “That’s a little simplistic, don’t you think?”
“What’s wrong with simple? You have complicated, and you’re unhappy. Lose the complications. Make it simple.”
“Is that what you tell your clients?” Melissa turned the conversation around, focusing it on him. “When they want to adopt a baby from overseas?”
Will laughed. “Never. There’s nothing simple about intercountry adoption. But what I will say to my clients, every time, is, ‘Make one hundred percent sure this is the path you want to take. Because it g
ets tough. It gets unbearable. You hit dead ends and curveballs. And there is no guarantee. Make sure this is the path you want to walk because once you start, you have to be committed to the process. The progression will be exhausting, discouraging and daunting. It will get you down, but the end point, which may be years down the line, will make it worthwhile.’” Will took a breath. “That’s the only reason my clients stick it out and endure the hardship. Because the end goal is worth it. It’s what they want more than anything else in life.”
He tilted his head and looked at her questioningly. “Is that why you’re so committed to your life, to your job? Because you know the end point you’re striving for is ultimately what you want more than anything else?”
Success had always been what she’d wanted more than anything else. Success had always been her end goal. Or not failing again, at any rate. But hadn’t she achieved success a hundred times over already? She’d passed her HSC the second time round, passed her tech courses—at the expense of her relationship with Thomas—passed her uni degrees, gotten the job she’d applied for and risen through the ranks of Preston Elks. What more could she achieve or do to prove she’d been successful? How much more successful did she have to be to silence the ongoing lament of her teenage self?
She wasn’t that teenager anymore. She hadn’t been for a long time. She’d left her behind, years ago, and changed into a different woman.
She had succeeded. Maybe she hadn’t made partner yet, but everything else? Yes!
Ben had told her all of this, but at the time, she hadn’t been ready to hear it. Now everything was different. Now she knew he was right.
All that success had never made her happy. And what she wanted now, was to be happy. At some stage, since being with Ben, her goals had changed. She no longer wanted success. Ultimately, she wanted happiness.
She blinked and finally answered Will’s question with a shocked shake of her head. “Uh, I’m surprised to admit that the end point I’ve always worked towards isn’t what I want. Not anymore.”
Will didn’t miss a beat, didn’t stop to discuss her mammoth realization. He just picked up on her admission and went with it. “So change it. Change your goal. Work towards something you desperately want now. And before you try to argue with me or convince yourself otherwise, yes, it is just that simple.”
Melissa stared, gobsmacked.
Maybe, just maybe, it was that simple. For long moments she sat motionless, letting the idea sink in. Letting it take root in her mind. Letting it grow. And finally, when she thought she might just have her mind wrapped around the idea, she gaped at him in wonder. “You know something, Will?”
“Nope, tell me.”
“I think you’re wonderful.”
His eyes twinkled. “Not to mention sexy as hell and good-looking to boot.”
“Not to mention that at all.” She grinned at him. “You’re the whole package, Will Granger.” And that whole package had just opened Melissa’s eyes to a whole new world.
“But I’m not Ben,” he said quietly. Meaningfully.
She had the grace to blush. “But you’re not Ben,” she agreed.
“Do you love him?”
She bit her lip, considered her answer. And knew when she gave it, it was the absolute truth. It had been the truth for a very long time. Only now it was unavoidable. She no longer wished to deny it. “Very much.”
Dear God.
She did. She loved him. So much she thought she might burst from it. The emotion filled her heart completely and threatened to overflow. She, Melissa no-time-for-romance-or-relationships Sparks, was head-over-heels, crazy, madly in love with Ben.
“Does he know?”
She bit her lower lip and shook her head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because…I’ve never told him.” But then she’d never realized she loved him. Not until Will asked.
Now she couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t believe she’d been so daft, so ignorant as to not notice it before. Of course she was in love with Ben. She had been all along, even before anything had happened between them. These last few weeks had only cemented that love. Solidified it, in her mind.
“Ah. Okay.” Will was silent for a minute, pensive. “He loves you too, you know.”
Sudden sorrow shadowed her joy, making Melissa sigh. “I…I thought he did.” He’d told her he did. “But now I’m no longer sure.” Not after the other night. Not after he’d shared her with Will and then stepped back and waited for her to choose the other man.
Will stared at her pensively. “Let me tell you something. Benny Boy isn’t the type to fall easily. Trust me. I’ve seen women shift mountains trying to get him to notice them, trying to get more than just a quickie with him. He’s either been oblivious to their efforts or disinterested. But with you…he’s neither. The man has fallen for you, Mel. He’s fallen hard.”
“H-how do you know that?” God, she wished she could believe him. Wished she had the faith Will did. But Ben’s behavior after their threesome told her otherwise. He may have thought he loved her, but if that had been the God-given truth, he wouldn’t have let her leave that night. He wouldn’t have expected her to choose Will. Would he?
“Ben and I have shared women before. Lots of them. Not once has he ever shown possessiveness, ever given off a vibe that he’d rather be alone with any of them. Until you.” Will pursed his lips. “He hated sharing you, did you know that?”
Melissa blinked in surprise. “You could tell?”
“Hell, yeah. He despised it, and in the moment, he despised me. His expressions and his behavior told me the very act was eating him up inside.”
The penny dropped. “Which is why you gave him an out. Told him we could stop.”
Will nodded. “But he was determined to go through with it…” He hesitated, regarding her with wise eyes. “Because he thought it was what you wanted. He believed it would make you happy. And as he told me, he’d do anything you wanted, as long as it made you happy.”
She gaped at him, speechless. He’d done it for her, to make her happy—even knowing how his threesome with Sienna had turned out. And if, as Will had said, Ben was still in love with her, he’d done it knowing he risked losing the second woman he loved.
Did that make him the biggest idiot on earth or the most generous lover a woman could ask for?
Possibly a bit of both.
“That bloke is gone for you, Mel. Bloody hook, line and sinker in love.”
“He is?”
“He is.”
Then that would make him the most generous lover a woman could ask for. Perhaps wrapped up with a little idiot.
Melissa jumped to her feet. “I have to speak to him.”
“That’d be a good idea.” Will stood too.
“I’m going, now. But first…”
“First?”
She stepped forward and hugged him tight. “Thank you, Will. For everything.”
He hugged her back. “Trust me, beautiful, the pleasure was all mine.”
She could hear the smile in his voice. “That’s where you’re wrong, Mr. Granger. But I think, from now on, that blind on Ben’s window will remain closed at night.” It was time. If indeed Will was right, and Ben did love her, and she loved Ben, then it was time for just the two of them to be together. Alone.
He released her, and she stepped back.
“I’ve kind of been expecting that.”
“You have?”
“You and Ben are good together. It’s very clear. But now you need to be great together, and you don’t need me there to complicate matters.”
She smiled at him. “You really are wonderful, ya know?”
“I know.” His answering smile was mischievous. Sexy. “And now…” Will hitched his thumbed at the window. “I think you’d better go back to your offices and deal with a very jealous colleague.”
Melissa turned to look through the window. And there, in a complete reversal of roles, stood Ben
—the man she loved—in the building next door, watching her and Will.
Chapter Sixteen
Ben hurt all over. The pain in his chest radiated outward until not one inch of his body remained unaffected. The ache was overwhelming. All encompassing. He couldn’t see through it, couldn’t get past it. He’d tried not to think about it. Tried to ignore it. Tried for hours. But the pain kept spreading, and the agony was unavoidable.
Melissa had been in Will’s office.
Hell, fuck that. Melissa had been in Will’s arms.
Nausea threatened to choke him.
He forced himself to take a steady breath and tried to quell the need to hit something—or somebody. Tried—
“Ben? Do you have a minute?”
Melissa.
She didn’t wait for his response. Or maybe she did, but he spent so long formulating one, she finally gave up. “I have a document that needs proofreading. Do you mind?”
Yes, he fucking minded. He minded that she’d been in Will’s office. He minded that she’d been in Will’s arms. He fucking minded a lot. But then he’d been the one to drive her there, so he couldn’t argue. He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Ashamed of himself, mortified right down to his bones, he wished he could take it all back. Wished he could change the way things had worked out between them. But what was done was done. There was no going back, only forward. And as soon as he was stable enough to move forward, he would. He’d go after Melissa with everything he had. Apologize to her. Profusely. Beg her forgiveness. And get her to see that Will was not the man for her. Ben was.
In the meantime, she was in his office, asking him to proof a document, and he was not at all prepared to see or face her. Couldn’t she get Jerry, Sue or Pete to read through it? It’d be much easier on both of them that way.
