Troika

by Adam Pelzman

  AMY EINHORN BOOKS

  Published by G. P. Putnam’s Sons

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  Copyright © 2014 by Adam Pelzman

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Pelzman, Adam.

  Troika / Adam Pelzman.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 978-0-698-14195-7

  1. Cuban Americans—Fiction. 2. Stripteasers—Fiction. 3. Orphans—Russia—Fiction. 4. Rich people—Fiction. 5. Triangles (Interpersonal relations)—Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3616—E443T76 2014 2013036209

  813'.6—dc23

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Version_1

  For Jonathan Spencer Newman, my brother

  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Epigraph

  PERFECT DARKNESS

  BLINK, THERE I GO

  SOME FOOL

  THE HUNTER’S SON

  GIRL, YOU SEE THINGS CLEAR

  THE SOFT PURR

  PURGATORY

  AREPAS AND SWEET CORN

  MANNA

  FOR YOU AND YOUR GOD

  SCARCITY. NEED. KNOWLEDGE.

  CYCLE OF ABUSE

  SAINT ANNA OF KASHIN

  TRIGGER FINGER

  TO THE DOGWOOD HE POINTS

  HOLDOUT

  THE NIGHT

  ZENO’S PARADOX

  135 DEGREES

  REALITY NUMBER THREE

  A SUCKER FOR A MAN WHO CRIES

  SACRED RITUAL

  TAP, TAP, PAUSE

  JE VEUX PASSER MA VIE AVEC TOI

  LOOKING GLASS

  ENOUGH

  CLOVE GUM

  THE RUBICON

  INNOCENCE

  HALLWAYS

  SUPPLICANT

  SERENDIPITY

  SOMETHING AMISS

  ESCAPE ARTIST

  BREAKFAST FOR THREE

  (MIS)FORTUNE

  ANGEL OF THE WATERS

  CLOUD ON A STICK

  WHO’S THE FOOL

  I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE

  BROKEN DOLL

  THE TOMBS

  DAMAGE CONTROL

  SISTERHOOD

  EPILOGUE #1

  EPILOGUE #2

  EPILOGUE #3

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.

  —BERTRAND RUSSELL

  I am ashamed—ashamed to admit that I am so unattractive that I have never kissed a girl. That’s not true. I did once, when I was eight, before the girls knew what ugly was. That was a bright-life moment. But soon the fist of hierarchy squeezed tight and rammed me to the underworld.

  My great loves have been unilateral and unknown to all but me. That is why I write, to create voices, back and forth, with Her, where only a muffled soliloquy once existed—a maddening, tortured, silent scream.

  Sometimes I dream about a blind girl, but fear that her sighted friend—the one she’s known since third grade—would tell her she’d made a terrible mistake. He’s hideous, she might whisper, just hideous. Or maybe the friend would have mercy on me. Do you think she would? Have mercy?

  I once asked a man, my father, if mercy exists. Yes, he said, mercy abounds. And he gave me a tap on the top of my head, a loving yet hollow tap that foretold both the tragedy of a child and the powerlessness of a father, the awful soul-sickening impotence of Our Father. Yes, He repeated, mercy abounds.

  But I’m not so sure. I was born in Mercy General, says it right here, right on this piece of paper. But that’s as close as I get.

  —JULIAN PRAVDIN

  PERFECT DARKNESS

  He comes in the first time, eight o’clock on a Tuesday night and it’s real slow. White, maybe forty, real handsome in an odd way—unusual—with a crooked nose like some Irish boxer. He’s got sharp clothes and messed-up hair, not sloppy but sort of stylish, and a fancy watch, blue face with gold around the edges, and I’m thinking ooh, that’s a pricey watch.

  First thing I do when they sit down is I sit right next to them before the other girls get there, and that’s what I do with Julian. When I started out, I wasn’t so aggressive and all the other girls got the dances and the tips and I ended up spending the whole shift running from table to table—like some dolled-up little girl in her mama’s clothing—late for the party and not making any money. But after a few weeks I learned how it worked. That’s when the girls found out I wasn’t fooling around anymore and stood way back when I was on the move.

  So, he comes in and sits down a couple feet from the stage. I see Lopez eyeing him, and she’s a nasty slut. She’s one of those inked-up burlesque girls, with the Betty Boop haircut and the black eyeliner and pierced everywhere. And I know what she’s gonna do to this guy, ’cause Lopez is a skanky bitch and a hustler and she keeps going until she gets their stats and God forbid they’re rich or famous or in politics, ’cause then she holds them up until they pay her off. But I throw her a glance, a mean stare, and Lopez freezes like she’s some animal in the night that just got lit up—she’s all bark and no bite with me—and that’s my opening.

  I sit down next to him and say, real confident, my name’s Perla, what’s yours? He tells me Steve, but I know from doing this a thousand times that the way he’s saying it doesn’t ring true, like he hesitated just a second to give it some thought. It’s the smallest details I’m always seeing. But that’s the thing about first names. We use them so much, people always calling us by them, that when someone asks what it is, then no reason to have to think about it. What’s your name? Bob. What’s your name? Rick. What’s your name? Joe. See, it’s real fast. Bob, Rick, Joe. Question, answer. Question, answer. Question, answer.

  But a zodiac sign? That’s another thing. There’s so many of them, twelve actually, and sometimes it’s hard to remember them all. When I was little, I wanted to be a Capricorn, the sea goat, ’cause both my parents were born on January third, which I always thought was strange, both of them on the same date. I mean, what are the odds? Turns out it’s one in three sixty-five. Except if it’s a leap year, then the odds are a little worse. But I didn’t get a Capricorn birthday. I ended up Sagittarius, the one that’s half horse and half archer. Which is fine with me.

  So I say no way you a Steve. And he looks all nervous and sweating a bit, especially on his forehead, and he smiles and says you got me, it’s Julian. And the way he says it, real fast and self-ass
ured, I know he’s telling the truth. Pleasure to meet you, Julian. And I lean over and give him a playful little peck on the cheek, my signature move, fun and sophisticated, to show him that I got a little personality, a little class, not like the other girls. I look up and Lopez is glaring at me all angry, I guess ’cause it’s a slow night and we’re not making much money and she sees a nice-looking man with a fancy watch.

  I ask Julian if I can buy him a drink, which is what I do sometimes when it’s real slow and I got a handsome guy. That’s the opposite of what the other girls do. They’re always begging the guys for a drink, which I don’t think is a good idea ’cause it puts the guy on the defensive, makes him think you want something from him. Which of course you do, and he knows it, otherwise what’s he doing here in the first place? But why wouldn’t you just pretend sometimes that’s not the case. Seems like a good strategy to me. And the truth is, he’s gonna pay for it one way or the other.

  Anyway, he says I’d love a water. A water, I want to know, you don’t drink? Nope, he says, I used to but not anymore. And something about the way Julian speaks makes me think that maybe he’s not from here—and I don’t mean from some place like the Panhandle or Alabama. I mean from another country. I can’t pick up the accent, but I can tell the pronunciation’s just too perfect, all proper and smart, like he learned it from those language tapes or from watching the evening news.

  I wave over to the waitress. She’s a white girl in her forties, a lady really. Jade’s her name and she used to dance here, but it’s too late for that now. She’s had two kids—actually, two pregnancies and one kid—and her body’s all stretched out, red marks around the hips. I hope the same thing doesn’t happen to me, being a cocktail waitress in a place like this at an age like that. So I wave her over and get Julian a bottle of water and get myself one too, ’cause I don’t drink either, and not ’cause I got a problem, but ’cause I need to be in total control of myself at work, reduce the chance that I make a mistake and put myself in a bad situation. Sometimes I treat myself to a ginger ale with an orange slice, but I stick with water this time.

  When Jade comes back with the drinks, Julian says thanks for the offer, Perla, but this round’s on me. And that’s the best possible result, when I offer to pay but the guy pays anyway, ’cause I get credit for being generous but it doesn’t cost me a dime. Julian turns to Jade and asks how much and she says a hundred dollars. She gives me a little wink ’cause this is our inside joke, where she makes a new guy think he’s getting jobbed. And you can see on his face that he’s shocked, and you can also see him look over to the bouncer near the stage, whose name is Schultz—yes, Schultz—and who looks like something you’d see in an old horror movie that takes place in Transylvania or Bavaria or some other spooky place like that. And I guess Julian decides that even though a hundred’s a crime, he’s out of his territory and it’s better than having to fight Schultz.

  So he opens his wallet and takes out a hundred-dollar bill, hands it to Jade. Well, damned if she ever had someone just hand over the money without a big production, and she laughs and says I’m just screwing with you, sweetie, it’s ten for the two. Well, Julian gets all red and embarrassed and he looks at me, then Jade. He smiles and says I knew you were screwing with me, which of course he didn’t, but keep the hundred anyway. Jade’s shocked and she leans over and gives him a big wet kiss on the cheek, not like my classy peck.

  With a certain type of guy, the talk’s awkward, and that’s what it’s like at first with Julian. The drunk college guys, they just jabber away with nonsense and they’re so excited to be near a nude girl that the words just flow out their mouths, like their entire system’s flying. The locals, the burnouts who hang around every night, they don’t say much, don’t even seem too interested in the girls, like we might as well be a piece of old furniture that you throw your coat and keys on at the end of the day. But the mature ones, the ones with some substance, especially the new ones, they’re hard to crack. With them, it’s not all hey, baby, show me some ass. With a guy like Julian, you gotta talk all grown-up, which isn’t easy for a girl like me. I can do it and all, but that’s not a place I like to go in the club. Outside, fine, but not in the club.

  He isn’t much for taking the lead, so I start with the usual. Where you from? What do you do? First time here? You married? Got kids? Julian downs half his water before he can answer a question, and when he does answer he’s so vague that what’s the point? I’m from up north, he says. Where, I say? Orlando? No, New York. What sort of work? I’m in business up there. Business? I say. Well, that could be anything, right? What’s not a business? And no, he says, I’m not married. So I take his left hand and hold it up to the light. There’s no ring, that’s for sure, so I’m looking for the indentation. You know, lots of times they take it off right before they come in and the mark’s still there. But if he’s got a mark, I sure can’t see it.

  Then he starts asking me questions, most of the same ones I asked him, but it’s worse when it’s the man asking the girl. It’s worse ’cause I’ve answered the same questions a thousand times and the guys really don’t care what I say, and it’s hard as hell to pretend I care. And the worse thing is you know exactly what they’re doing. They’re acting all interested in my life, but they’re really trying to figure out how a girl like me, all pretty and innocent and I don’t have any tattoos or piercings, how I could do this type of work.

  There’s also something voyeuristic about the questions, like they’re trying to get into my world, peer inside. Do you enjoy it? Do guys ever get rough? How much a night do you make? Your family know what you do? They want to know the secrets. But the funny thing is, funny to me at least, is that they don’t need my answers to get in my world. They’re already in my world. These fools are part of it. And not only are they part of it, but it’s them, not us, who are the real actors, the lead actors. Me? I only got a supporting role. If it’s not me, it could be anyone. So when a guy like Julian starts asking me questions about the darkness of my life, it’s like a tourist, a foreigner, standing on Broadway and Forty-fifth Street and asking a local for directions to Times Square. And the New Yorker looks around at all the bright lights and the theaters and thinks what the . . . ?

  Now, the only reason I know that’s how it works in New York is ’cause my dad took me to the city when I was little, just a couple of years after we left Cuba. It’s the only time he ever did take me on a trip up north, and we were standing right in front of the Shubert Theatre and damned if he didn’t walk right up to a taxi driver having a smoke and say sir, you be kind enough to point me and my daughter in the direction of Times Square?

  So how does this place work, Julian asks, my first time here. You got three choices, I say. You can sit here with me and talk for free until I get bored and go find someone else who will pay me. How long until that happens? he asks. Five minutes ago. I smile. Or we can go in that room over there with the drapes, that’s the VIP Room. That’s fifty for the house and fifty for me. There’s some privacy there, more than out here on the floor. And then over there, that’s the Champagne Room, behind the black door. And what happens there? he asks and downs the rest of his water. That’s a hundred for the house and a hundred for me, and we got lots of privacy. How long? he wants to know. About fifteen minutes—and I adjust my top to get him focused on my tits. Could be a little more if I like you. Or a little less if I don’t.

  Julian takes out his wallet again and hands me two hundreds, one for me and one for the house. Champagne Room it is, and I lead him to the back. There’s a low chair against the back wall. I sit him down then close the door. I stand over him and look down at his face, and he’s got that damned look that drives me nuts, all serious, like it’s the first time he’s ever seen a pair of tits. So I take my top off and hang it on a little hook on the wall that they put up after we complained about not having a clean place to put our lingerie. I get up on top of Julian, straddle him and start doing m
y thing.

  Now, there’s a few ways this can go. There’s some guys, usually the younger ones and real drunk, who can get pretty aggressive. They’ll be grabbing my ass hard, pulling on my nipples, trying to get their hands under my panties, which they’re not allowed to do. That’s against the rules—at least my rules. Then there’s the nerdy types, so shy and nervous that they can’t even look me in the eyes, looking like they’d rather be anywhere else but next to a pretty, naked girl. Then there’s guys who are just so plain middle-of-the-road that it’s real easy. One song, two songs, three songs, four. They move a little, groan a little, rub your tits like they’re petting a puppy or something, and then it’s over. That’s easy money. But every once in a while there’s a guy like Julian, and that’s the most dangerous kind.

  I had him pegged for the plain vanilla type, an easy hundred. But first thing I notice about him is the way he touches me, not too hard and not too soft, but right in the middle. Like he doesn’t want to lose me but also afraid he’s gonna leave a bruise or something. He’s holding me the way a boyfriend would hold me, a good boyfriend. Then he starts on my tits with his mouth. Not biting or nibbling, but brushing his lips real tender across my nipples. Now, I got a rule, which is this. If there’s ever a moment that I start to feel good, start to feel a little, well, you know, then I shut it down right then and there. I get back to business.

  But I’m feeling a little something with Julian, not just between my legs, but in the chest too. And not in the chest like my skin feels funny, but inside, down near my lungs. That’s happened to me a few times over the years, and like I said, I just shut it down, which is what I do with him. And I’m back to doing my thing, flicking my hair across his face all playful, shaking my ass, even nibble on his ear a bit. But next thing I know, he puts his hands between my legs and presses strong against me, not under the panties but on top, and there it goes again but even worse this time. And he knows just how to touch a girl. Some guys are too clumsy down there, like they’re trying to crush a grape. But Julian? Julian knows how to rub it perfect, just enough pressure and just the right angle. I press my face into his neck. I start feeling tingles in my thighs and then I feel it coming on, an orgasm, so big and deep, so unexpected that I think I’m gonna break apart.