The Zane Grey Megapack

by Zane Grey

  When the three disabled soldiers, the last passengers to disembark, slowly and laboriously descended to the wharf, no one offered to help them, no one waited with a smile and hand-clasp of welcome. No one saw them, except a burly policeman, who evidently had charge of the traffic at the door. He poked his club into the ribs of the one-legged, slowly shuffling Maynard and said with cheerful gruffness: “Step lively, Buddy, step lively!”

  Lane, with his two comrades, spent three days at a barracks-hospital for soldiers in Bedford Park. It was a long flimsy structure, bare except for rows of cots along each wall, and stoves at middle, and each end. The place was overcrowded with disabled service men, all worse off than Lane and his comrades. Lane felt that he really was keeping a sicker man than himself from what attention the hospital afforded. So he was glad, at the end of the third day, to find they could be discharged from the army.

  This enforced stay, when he knew he was on his way home, had seemed almost unbearable to Lane. He felt that he had the strength to get home, and that was about all. He began to expectorate blood—no unusual thing for him—but this time to such extent that he feared the return of hemorrhage. The nights seemed sleepless, burning, black voids; and the days were hideous with noise and distraction. He wanted to think about the fact that he was home—an astounding and unbelievable thing. Once he went down to the city and walked on Broadway and Fifth Avenue, taxing his endurance to the limit. But he had become used to pain and exhaustion. So long as he could keep up he did not mind.

  That day three powerful impressions were forced upon Lane, never to be effaced. First he found that the change in him was vast and incalculable and vague. He could divine but not understand. Secondly, the men of the service, disabled or not, were old stories to New Yorkers. Lane saw soldiers begging from pedestrians. He muttered to himself: “By God, I’ll starve to death before I ever do that!” He could not detect any aloofness on the part of passers-by. They were just inattentive. Lane remembered with sudden shock how differently soldiers had been regarded two or three years ago. He had read lengthy newspaper accounts of the wild and magnificent welcome accorded to the first soldiers to return to New York. How strange the contrast! But that was long ago—past history—buried under the immense and hurried and inscrutable changes of a nation. Lane divined that, as he felt the mighty resistless throb of the great city. His third and strongest impression concerned the women he met and passed on the streets. Their lips and cheeks were rouged. Their dresses were cut too low at the neck. But even this fashion was not nearly so striking as the short skirts, cut off at the knees, and in many cases above. At first this roused a strange amaze in Lane. “What’s the idea, I wonder?” he mused. But in the end it disgusted him. He reflected that for two swift years he had been out of the track of events, away from centers of population. Paris itself had held no attraction for him. Dreamer and brooder, he had failed to see the material things. But this third impression troubled him more than the other two and stirred thoughts he tried to dispel. Returning to the barracks he learned that he and his friends would be free on the morrow; and long into the night he rejoiced in the knowledge. Free! The grinding, incomprehensible Juggernaut and himself were at the parting of the ways. Before he went to sleep he remembered a forgotten prayer his mother had taught him. His ordeal was over. What had happened did not matter. The Hell was past and he must bury memory. Whether or not he had a month or a year to live it must be lived without memories of his ordeal.

  Next day, at the railroad station, even at the moment of departure, Lane and Blair Maynard had their problem with Red Payson. He did not want to go to Blair’s home.

  “But hell, Red, you haven’t any home—any place to go,” blurted out Maynard.

  So they argued with him, and implored him, and reasoned with him. Since his discharge from the hospital in France Payson had always been cool, weary, abstracted, difficult to reach. And here at the last he grew strangely aloof and stubborn. Every word that bore relation to his own welfare seemed only to alienate him the more. Lane sensed this.

  “See here, Red,” he said, “hasn’t it occurred to you that Blair and I need you?”

  “Need me? What!” he exclaimed, with perceptible change of tone, though it was incredulous.

  “Sure,” interposed Blair.

  “Red—listen,” continued Lane, speaking low and with difficulty. “Blair and I have been through the—the whole show together.… And we’ve been in the hospitals with you for months.… We’ve all got—sort of to rely on each other.… Let’s stick it out to the end. I guess—you know—we may not have a long time.…”

  Lane’s voice trailed off. Then the stony face of the listener changed for a fleeting second.

  “Boys, I’ll go over with you,” he said.

  And then the maimed Blair, awkward with his crutch and bag, insisted on helping Lane get Red aboard the train. Red could just about walk. Sombrely they clambered up the steps into the Pullman.

  Middleville was a prosperous and thriving inland town of twenty thousand inhabitants, identical with many towns of about the same size in the middle and eastern United States.

  Lane had been born there and had lived there all his life, seldom having been away up to the advent of the war. So that the memories of home and town and place, which he carried away from America with him, had never had any chance, up to the time of his departure, to change from the vivid, exaggerated image of boyhood. Since he had left Middleville he had seen great cities, palaces, castles, edifices, he had crossed great rivers, he had traveled thousands of miles, he had looked down some of the famous thoroughfares of the world.

  Was this then the reason that Middleville, upon his arrival, seemed so strange, sordid, shrunken, so vastly changed? He stared, even while he helped Payson off the train—stared at the little brick station at once so familiar and yet so strange, that had held a place of dignity in the picture of his memory. The moment was one of shock.

  Then he was distracted from his pondering by tearful and joyful cries, and deeper voices of men. He looked up to recognize Blair’s mother, father, sister; and men and women whose faces appeared familiar, but whose names he could not recall. His acute faculty of perception took quick note of a change in Blair’s mother. Lane turned his gaze away. The agony of joy and sorrow—the light of her face—was more than Lane could stand. He looked at the sister Margaret—a tall, fair girl. She had paint on her cheeks. She did not see Lane. Her strained gaze held a beautiful and piercing intentness. Then her eyes opened wide, her hand went to cover her mouth, and she cried out: “Oh Blair!—poor boy! Brother!”

  Only Lane heard her. The others were crying out themselves as Blair’s gray-haired mother received him into her arms. She seemed a proud woman, broken and unsteady. Red Payson’s grip on Lane’s arm told what that scene meant to him. How pitiful the vain effort of Blair’s people to hide their horror! Presently mother and sister and women relatives fell aside to let the soldier boy meet his father. This was something that rang the bells in Lane’s heart. Men were different, and Blair faced his father differently. The wild boy had come home—the scapegoat of many Middleville escapades had returned—the ne’er-do-well sought his father’s house. He had come home to die. It was there in Blair’s white face—the dreadful truth. He wore a ribbon on his breast and he leaned on a crutch. For the instant, as father and son faced each other, there was something in Blair’s poise, his look of an eagle, that carried home a poignant sense of his greatness. Lane thrilled with it and a lump constricted his throat. Then with Blair’s ringing “Dad!” and the father’s deep and broken: “My son! My son!” the two embraced.

  In a stifling moment more it seemed, attention turned on Red Payson, who stood nearest. Blair’s folk were eager, kind, soft-spoken and warm in their welcome.

  Then it came Lane’s turn, and what they said or did he scarcely knew, until Margaret kissed him. “Oh, Dare! I’m so glad to see you home.” Tears were standing in her clear blue eyes. “You’re changed, but—not
—not so much as Blair.”

  Lane responded as best he could, and presently he found himself standing at the curb, watching the car move away.

  “Come out tomorrow,” called back Blair.

  The Maynard’s car was carrying his comrades away. His first feeling was one of gladness—the next of relief. He could be alone now—alone to find out what had happened to him, and to this strange Middleville. An old negro wearing a blue uniform accosted Lane, shook hands with him, asked him if he had any baggage. “Yas sir, I sho knowed you, Mistah Dare Lane. But you looks powerful bad.”

  Lane crossed the station platform, and the railroad yard and tracks, to make a short cut in the direction of his home. He shrank from meeting any one. He had not sent word just when he would arrive, though he had written his mother from New York that it would be soon, He was glad that no one belonging to him had been at the station. He wanted to see his mother in his home. Walking fast exhausted him, and he had to rest. How dead his legs felt! In fact he felt queer all over. The old burn and gnaw in his breast had expanded to a heavy, full, suffocating sensation. Yet his blood seemed to race. Suddenly an overwhelming emotion of rapture flooded over him. Home at last! He did not think of any one. He was walking across the railroad yards where as a boy he had been wont to steal rides on freight trains. Soon he reached the bridge. In the gathering twilight he halted to clutch at the railing and look out across where the waters met—where Sycamore Creek flowed into Middleville River. The roar of water falling over the dam came melodiously and stirringly to his ears. And as he looked again he was assailed by that strange sense of littleness, of shrunkenness, which had struck him so forcibly at the station. He listened to the murmur of running water. Then, while the sweetness of joy pervaded him, there seemed to rise from below or across the river or from somewhere the same strange misgiving, a keener dread, a chill that was not in the air, a fatal portent of the future. Why should this come to mock him at such a sacred and beautiful moment?

  Passers-by stared at Lane, and some of them whispered, and one hesitated, as if impelled to speak. Wheeling away Lane crossed the bridge, turned up River Street, soon turned off again into a darker street, and reaching High School Park he sat down to rest again. He was almost spent. The park was quiet and lonely. The bare trees showed their skeleton outlines against the cold sky. It was March and the air was raw and chilly. This park that had once been a wonderful place now appeared so small. Everything he saw was familiar yet grotesque in the way it had become dwarfed. Across the street from where he sat lights shone in the windows of a house. He knew the place. Who lived there? One of the girls—he had forgotten which. From somewhere the discordance of a Victrola jarred on Lane’s sensitive ears.

  Lifting his bag he proceeded on his way, halting every little while to catch his breath. When he turned a corner into a side street, recognizing every tree and gate and house, there came a gathering and swelling of his emotions and he began to weaken and shake. He was afraid he could not make it half way up the street. But he kept on. The torture now was more a mingled rapture and grief than the physical protest of his racked body. At last he saw the modest little house—and then he stood at the gate, quivering. Home! A light in the window of his old room! A terrible and tremendous storm of feeling forced him to lean on the gate. How many endless hours had the pictured memory of that house haunted him? There was the beloved room where he had lived and slept and read, and cherished over his books and over his compositions a secret hope and ambition to make of himself an author. How strange to remember that! But it was true. His day labor at Manton’s office, for all the years since he had graduated from High School, had been only a means to an end. No one had dreamed of his dream. Then the war had come and now his hope, if not his faith, was dead. Never before had the realization been so galling, so bitter. Endlessly and eternally he must be concerned with himself. He had driven that habit of thought away a million times, but it would return. All he had prayed for was to get home—only to reach home alive—to see his mother, and his sister Lorna—and Helen—and then.… But he was here now and all that prayer was falsehood. Just to get home was not enough. He had been cheated of career, love, happiness.

  It required extreme effort to cross the little yard, to mount the porch. In a moment more he would see his mother. He heard her within, somewhere at the back of the house. Wherefore he tip-toed round to the kitchen door. Here he paused, quaking. A cold sweat broke out all over him. Why was this return so dreadful? He pressed a shaking hand over his heart. How surely he knew he could not deceive his mother! The moment she saw him, after the first flash of joy, she would see the wreck of the boy she had let go to war. Lane choked over his emotion, but he could not spare her. Opening the door he entered.

  There she stood at the stove and she looked up at the sound he made. Yes! but stranger than all other changes was the change in her. She was not the mother of his boyhood. Nor was the change alone age or grief or wasted cheek. The moment tore cruelly at Lane’s heart. She did not recognize him swiftly. But when she did.…

  “Oh God!… Daren! My boy!” she whispered.

  “Mother!”

  CHAPTER II

  His mother divined what he knew. And her embrace was so close, almost fierce in its tenderness, her voice so broken, that Lane could only hide his face over her, and shut his eyes, and shudder in an ecstasy. God alone had omniscience to tell what his soul needed, but something of it was embodied in home and mother.

  That first acute moment past, he released her, and she clung to his hands, her face upturned, her eyes full of pain and joy, and woman’s searching power, while she broke into almost incoherent speech; and he responded in feeling, though he caught little of the content of her words, and scarcely knew what he was saying.

  Then he reeled a little and the kitchen dimmed in his sight. Sinking into a chair and leaning on the table he fought his weakness. He came close to fainting. But he held on to his sense, aware of his mother fluttering over him. Gradually the spell passed.

  “Mother—maybe I’m starved,” he said, smiling at her.

  That practical speech released the strain and inspired his mother to action. She began to bustle round the kitchen, talking all the while. Lane watched her and listened, and spoke occasionally. Once he asked about his sister Lorna, but his mother either did not hear or chose not to reply. All she said was music to his ears, yet not quite what his heart longed for. He began to distrust this strange longing. There was something wrong with his mind. His faculties seemed too sensitive. Every word his mother uttered was news, surprising, unusual, as if it emanated from a home-world that had changed. And presently she dropped into complaint at the hard times and the cost of everything.

  “Mother,” he interrupted, “I didn’t blow my money. I’ve saved nearly a year’s pay. It’s yours.”

  “But, Daren, you’ll need money,” she protested.

  “Not much. And maybe—I’ll be strong enough to go to work—presently,” he said, hopefully. “Do you think Manton will take me back—half days at first?”

  “I have my doubts, Daren,” she replied, soberly. “Hattie Wilson has your old job. And I hear they’re pleased with her. Few of the boys got their places back.”

  “Hattie Wilson!” exclaimed Lane. “Why, she was a kid in the eighth grade when I left home.”

  “Yes, my son. But that was nearly three years ago. And the children have sprung up like weeds. Wild weeds!”

  “Well! That tousle-headed Wilson kid!” mused Lane. An uneasy conviction of having been forgotten dawned upon Lane. He remembered Blair Maynard’s bitter prophecy, which he had been unable to accept.

  “Anyway, Daren, are you able to work?” asked his mother.

  “Sure,” he replied, lying cheerfully, with a smile on his face. “Not hard work, just yet, but I can do something.”

  His mother did not share his enthusiasm. She went on preparing the supper.

  “How do you manage to get along?” inquired Lane.


  “Lord only knows,” she replied, sombrely. “It has been very hard. When you left home I had only the interest on your father’s life insurance. I sold the farm—”

  “Oh, no!” exclaimed Lane, with a rush of boyhood memories.

  “I had to,” she went on. “I made that money help out for a long time. Then I—I mortgaged this place.… Things cost so terribly. And Lorna had to have so much more.… But she’s just left school and gone to work. That helps.”

  “Lorna left school!” ejaculated Lane, incredulously. “Why, mother, she was only a child. Thirteen years old when I left! She’ll miss her education. I’ll send her back.”

  “Well, son, I doubt if you can make Lorna do anything she doesn’t want to do,” returned his mother. “She wanted to quit school—to earn money. Whatever she was when you left home she’s grown up now. You’ll not know her.”

  “Know Lorna! Why, mother dear, I carried Lorna’s picture all through the war.”

  “You won’t know her,” returned Mrs. Lane, positively. “My boy, these years so short to you have been ages here at home. You will find your sister—different from the little girl you left. You’ll find all the girls you knew changed—changed. I have given up trying to understand what’s come over the world.”

  “How—about Helen?” inquired Lane, with strange reluctance and shyness.

  “Helen who?” asked his mother.

  “Helen Wrapp, of course,” replied Lane, quickly in his surprise. “The girl I was engaged to when I left.”

  “Oh!—I had forgotten,” she sighed.