Graced: A Love Letters Novel

by Kristen Blakely

  Noelle nodded. Her wide-eyed gaze rested on his bruised knuckles.

  He slid his hand into his pocket. “Will you come back to Havre de Grace for visits?”

  “I…” She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  He lowered his gaze. There wasn’t anything left to say, was there?

  She stepped out from behind the counter. “I have a flight back to Los Angeles tomorrow. Holly’s going to be keeping an eye on the store until Rick finds a buyer for it. Would you like to take the kitten home for Grace?”

  Connor followed her to the white kitten’s cage. The little cat purred in recognition. “I found out why her goldfish are dying.”

  Noelle turned to look at him. “Why?”

  “She was petting them. She thought she was showing them love.” He shook his head. “I think it’s time to give her a pet she can love in the right way.” He pulled out his wallet.

  Noelle shook her head. “I’d like it to be a gift to her.”

  His chest felt heavy. “Sure, sounds great. She’ll appreciate it; she’ll take good care of her. Can I come back for the cat at the end of the day, after I pick Grace up from her after-school program?”

  “Of course.” Noelle’s smile was taut on her face, the motion stiff and unnatural.

  Connor walked to the door but before he stepped out, he turned around. “I’m sorry about last night. It was the culmination of a really rough week, but it didn’t give me the right to freak my daughter out by taking sleeping pills. I really thought she’d be all right for a few hours, long enough for me to get some sleep.”

  Noelle held her hands up. “Connor, you don’t have to explain.”

  “I feel like I do.” With effort, he steadied his voice and pushed on. “I know everything about my family is so far from normal right now. We lost our way after Millie, and I’m still trying to find my way back. The few days we had with you fooled me into thinking that perhaps I had my act together; last week…last night proved I didn’t.”

  She stared at him wordlessly.

  “I’m not asking you to wait until I figure things out, until we find our way back to normal, but in a few months, in a year, perhaps, we’ll be in a better place.” He managed a humorless smile. His present was a goddamned mess; the future was all he had going for him. “If you’re not dating anyone then, we’d like to come and visit you in Los Angeles. Grace said she’d prefer Disneyland.”

  She said nothing. In that instant, his heart broke. Rejection did not have to be spoken to hurt like hell. “Please think about it,” he murmured. “My family won’t always be broken. We won’t always be screwed up. Maybe you could give us another chance when we’re normal.” Connor drew a deep breath but nothing seemed to ease the pain. “We’ll see you this evening to pick up the cat and to say goodbye.” He pushed on the door and stepped out onto the sidewalk.

  A part of him remained behind, silent, shattered.

  Noelle stared at the closed door as Connor walked out of the store and out of her life.

  Realization descended with the impact of a meteor.

  She had wanted a man who would have loved her when things were normal, and loved her more when things were not. Connor may or may not have been that person, but she realized that she had utterly failed to live up to her lofty expectations and demands of love.

  Blinded by her loss, she had forgotten how hard Connor struggled and how hard he was still struggling. When she turned her back on him and his family, naturally he would blame himself and the dysfunctional tangle he had made of his life. What other conclusion could he draw than the belief that his family was too broken for her?

  Nothing could have been further from the truth. She wanted him; she wanted his children; she wanted the crazy schedules and messy house; she wanted the impetuous hugs and sticky kisses.

  Sweet heavens, what have I done?

  She snatched up her cell phone. “Rick? Can you hold off on the sale of the pet store? I think I may be staying in Havre de Grace after all.”

  Noelle was waiting when Connor, Grace, and Hope entered the store that evening. He inclined his head to her, and looked down at Grace. “Why don’t you go talk to Noelle while I show Hope the fishes?”

  Noelle’s heart tugged in empathy. Connor looked tired. His smile was perfunctory—polite and without joy.

  Grace scurried down the aisle to Noelle, who took her hand and led her to the kitten’s cage. “I have a friend here who wants to go home with you.”

  Grace blinked hard. “Really? Daddy said I could have the kitten?”

  “Yes, he did.”

  Grace looked down the aisle where her father squatted next to Hope to look at the fish in the aquarium. The smile faded from Grace’s face.

  “What is it?” Noelle asked.

  “But I don’t want a kitten anymore.”

  “I thought you said that all you wanted for Christmas is a kitten. I know it’s late, but sometimes, presents arrive late.”

  “I changed my mind.” Grace’s mouth twisted. “Daddy said you’re a friend.”

  “That’s right, I am.”

  “Daddy also said that friends sometimes leave. Only family stays, because they have to.”

  “A family stays because of love.”

  “I know.” Grace’s fingers played with the zipper on her coat. “Sometimes I get mad with Daddy, but I love my daddy, and I think if you try, you could love him too.”

  “Oh, Grace—”

  “I want you to be my family and stay. I don’t want you to leave. It makes Daddy sad.”

  “Grace—”

  “If you stay, I promise to be good. Hope will be good too. We will be happy again, all of us, like a real family.”

  Noelle’s heart swelled with love for the precious child. “Your daddy and I have lots of things to talk about before we can decide to be a family, but for now, I promise to be a friend—a really good friend. I’ll come by and put you to bed every night.”

  “Really? Tonight, too?”

  “Especially tonight. Come on, let’s get Snowball home.” Noelle handed the kitten to Grace and picked up a small stack of pet supplies, including a litter box, litter, and food. She walked up to Connor. “I promised to put Grace to bed tonight. Is it okay?”

  Reluctance flickered in his eyes, but he nodded. “Of course. Let’s go.”

  The apparent normalcy at dinner stood in stark contrast to the despair Noelle knew Connor must be feeling. His eyes betrayed quiet sorrow, but he smiled and laughed and did everything he could to create a happy memory for his children. Noelle stared at him, the love in her chest so sharp and so profound, it hurt. How could she ever have thought that Connor was a fair-weather lover? When things got tough, he hung in there and tried even harder.

  After she tucked the children into bed, she found Connor downstairs, waiting by the fire with an unopened bottle of wine and two glasses on the side table. He looked up at her, and a sad half smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Shall we have a glass of wine to toast old friendships and new beginnings?”

  “Sure.” She walked down the steps to join him in the living room.

  He popped the cork, poured a glass of red wine, and handed it to her. The rims of their glasses touched in a toast. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and my family.”

  “You’re welcome. I wish I could do more.”

  “You’ve done more than anyone has, more than anyone could expect.” He sipped from his glass. His voice caught with hesitation. “If you want a clean break, just say so. Otherwise, I’d like to stay in touch. If things change—”

  “Connor, can we sit?”

  “Sure.” He obliged easily although the furrow between his eyes betrayed his confusion.

  Noelle took a deep gulp of her wine, but it failed to steady her nerves. “Before you decide if you want to stay in touch, there’s something I need to tell you.”

  He waited in silence.

  “I can’t have children.” Her voice came out in a breat
hy whisper.

  “What?”

  She repeated the words, her voice stronger. “I can’t have children.” She set her glass down, and her fingers entwined, tangling. “I was diagnosed with stage one uterine cancer six years ago, and I had a hysterectomy. I can’t have children, and I know you want more.”

  His hands wrapped around hers, warm and steadying. “Noelle, why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

  “I didn’t want you to think that I was less-than-a-complete woman, especially after you said you wanted more children.”

  “I would never have said it if I’d known.”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s always important to lay all the cards on the table, especially cards as life-changing as these. Anyway, I just wanted to put it out there, in case it changes anything.”

  “It changes nothing. I want you and the children we’ll raise together. Where they come from doesn’t matter to anyone who realizes that love comes from the heart and not from a birth certificate.”

  Noelle breathed out, her relief palpable.

  Connor smiled. “Does this mean you’ll let us come out to Los Angeles to visit you?”

  “Why would you go to L.A. when I’m staying here?”

  His eyes widened. “What?”

  “I called Rick and cancelled the sale of the pet store. I’m staying, Connor, indefinitely, and I hope you don’t mind having dinner together every night and breakfast in the morning. Maybe we’ll find a new normal that works for all of us.” She tugged her fingers gently through his hair as he drew her into his arms. “It’s time to toast our new beginnings, here, in Havre de Grace.”

  “And to love,” he murmured.

  Yes, Noelle thought as she relaxed in his embrace. Always to love.

  Epilogue

  [[ Twelve months later ]]

  Silvery chimes tinkled through the foyer.

  “I’ll get the door!” Grace shrieked. She jumped off the kitchen island, scrambled to the front door, and flung it open. “Daddy!” She threw her arms around his waist and squeezed a hug. “Dinner is ready, and Mom—” She caught herself in time. “Noelle says you’re late.”

  If her father had noticed her verbal slip, he said nothing. “It smells—” He inhaled deeply. Faint lines creased his brow. “—like ox-tail stew?”

  “Yes!” Grace beamed. “I told Mom—Noelle—you liked them, and she found a recipe.”

  Noelle—although Grace secretly thought of her as Mommy—laughed as she stepped out of the kitchen to kiss his cheek. “We had to drive to an Asian grocery store in Baltimore to find the ox tails. I won’t vouch for the taste just yet, but it does smell good.”

  “It’s usually even better reheated.” Her father grinned. Grace’s smile widened until her cheeks hurt. Seeing her father smile easily and often, the way he had before Mama had died, made her chest swell with so much happiness, it hurt.

  Hope, two years old and always underfoot, peeked out from behind Noelle’s legs and flashed her father a grin over the peeled carrot she used as a teething snack. She held up the half-eaten carrot to Noelle. “Mama.”

  Grace’s eyes narrowed as Noelle picked Hope up and settled her in the high chair. It wasn’t fair that Hope could call Noelle “Mama” just because everyone said she was two years old and didn’t know better. Grace looked at her father. “Can we open presents after dinner?”

  “Don’t you want to wait until Grandma and Grandpa come over for Christmas tomorrow?”

  “Just one, on Christmas Eve, please?” Grace wheedled. She caught her father’s eye.

  His smile deepened. “All right, just one. After dinner.”

  Grace hurried through the meal Noelle had prepared. She picked the meat from around the bones of the ox tail, shuffled the grilled vegetables around her plate to make it look like she’d eaten some of them, and asked for a second serving of mashed potatoes. Even so, she was done with dinner before her father and Noelle were even halfway through their meal. Of course, Hope didn’t seem to mind dawdling. When she got tired of eating, she played with her food, turning her tray of food into a smear of art.

  Grace huffed and squirmed in her seat. She rolled her eyes at her father and gently kicked Noelle under the table. Finally, Noelle gave Grace a smile. “All right, I think we’re done with dinner. You can go get your present.”

  Grace shot from her seat and ran into the living room. Beneath the Christmas tree was the small gift her father asked her to hide among the other presents. She snatched up the box and took it to Noelle. “This is for you from Hope and from me.”

  Noelle’s eyes widened. “Thank you, Grace.” Her fingers traced the wrapper that depicted storks delivering babies bundled in blue and pink. She looked up, her eyes searching his face. “I saw this wrapped gift in your dresser a year ago, together with the other present—the jewelry box.”

  He nodded but said nothing.

  Grace stood beside Noelle, bouncing on the balls of her feet, as Noelle unwrapped the gift and opened the box to reveal a platinum ring set with two precious stones. Grace let out a happy squeal. “This is my birthstone, and this is Hope’s. This ring is for you so you don’t forget our birthdays.”

  Noelle laughed, but her voice shook, trembling on the edge of tears. “It’s a motherhood ring.”

  He spoke, his voice low. “I bought the ring for Millie to celebrate Hope’s birth. She would have wanted you to have it, and I’d like you to have this.” He knelt before Noelle and held up a small, pale blue box.

  Noelle held her breath as she flipped up the cover of the box. A diamond engagement ring sparkled with brilliant fire as it caught the light.

  “Will you marry me?” He looked up at her. “Be a mother in name as you already are in your heart, and be my wife?”

  Grace bit down on her lower lip. Say, yes, she pleaded silently.

  “Oh, Connor, of course!” Noelle flung her arms around his neck, and their lips met in a kiss that would have usually made Grace roll her eyes.

  At that moment, though, fake disdain was the last thing on Grace’s mind. Her thoughts wrapped around Noelle’s response. “Of course” means…“yes.” She sucked in a tremulous breath. Her voice quivered. “Mommy?” The word was a tentative sound, scarcely a whisper, but Mommy heard, as she always did.

  Mommy turned to her with a dazzling smile, and Grace found herself drawn into the familiar embrace that had wiped away her tears and cuddled her for a year, except that it was different. This time, it was her mommy’s embrace. Grace squeezed her eyes shut against the pinprick of tears and leaned into the arms of her father and mother surrounding her and protecting her.

  Behind her, Hope giggled and thumped on her food tray. “Mama!”

  Grace smiled triumphantly. Now she’s my mama too.

  THE END

  Turn the page and continue Love Letters with this excerpt from HAUNTED!

  Haunted

  Not all gifts can be treasured. Only one can be kept...

  I’ve given up on love, but Christmas unexpectedly ignites my bleak and solitary life with three men who represent my past, my present, and my future.

  Peter Warren, my high school and college sweetheart, who shattered my heart but rules my dreams…

  James Kerrigan, the principal of Havre de Grace Elementary School and my boss…

  Brandon Smith, the dashing New York City lawyer, who promises an escape from the confines of my small town life…

  Which man offers the gift of true love and happily ever after?

  CHAPTER ONE

  The crush of bodies slammed against Holly Langford and rushed past her, sweeping her along like a tidal wave. The noise of raised voices and sneakers pounding against tile blurred into a cacophony that ricocheted through her skull.

  The assault had begun, and it wasn’t even 8 a.m.

  “Hello, Ms. Langford.”

  “’Morning, Ms. Langford.”

  The careless owner of a heavy winter boot stepped on her toes. “Oops, sorry, Ms. Langford.”


  Thank God, the boot had been child-sized. The foot, however, and the accompanying singsong apology had belonged to Aidan Warren, which called into question how accidental the toe stomp really was.

  Aidan’s grin was taunting, the gleam in his eyes malicious.

  Holly fought the flare of anger. “Get to class,” she ordered.

  The child’s grin turned into a smirk. He turned his back on her and stalked down the corridor. Holly pressed two fingers to the migraine burgeoning in the middle of her forehead. When had the children in her first grade class become such a pain in the—

  “Hey, are you all right?” James Kerrigan’s strong hand gripped her upper arm. His deep, smooth baritone anchored her against the rising tide of irritation. “Did you get back last night?”

  Holly glanced up at James, her boss and the principal of Havre de Grace Elementary School. “Yeah, I did.” A few deep breaths pushed back the surge of raw emotions. James’s presence, she had to admit, helped. He exuded serenity, as if he had an inexhaustible supply stashed in a secret desk drawer at his office. If she ever found his stash, she’d steal it. Heavens knew how much she needed peace, especially at Christmas, the seeming nexus of every wretched memory in her life.

  He studied her. “I expected you back in the new year, not in the last week of school before Christmas.”

  The concern she heard in his voice, combined with the emotionally wringing events of the past week, made her voice tremble. “It’s not like I needed to hang around after my aunt’s funeral.”

  “Holly?”

  She shook her head to forestall further questions, but the fragile smile on her lips quivered.

  James’s brow furrowed with a frown. “Do you need to take another day?”

  “No. You’ve had to put up with my class the entire week. Any longer, and they might drive you into quitting. We can’t afford to lose our principal.”