At the Edge

by Norah McClintock

  I paused at the door to the party room and drew in a deep breath. What if Nick wasn’t here yet? What if I walked in and no one talked to me?

  “Excuse me,” a voice said behind me. It was Jenn, the girl who had ignored me the whole time I’d been at the restaurant with Nick. She reached past me and pulled the door open. “You coming in or what?” she said.

  I followed her inside.

  The pulsing music was much louder now. Everyone stood clustered in the middle of the room. At first all I saw were the backs of the kids closest to me and, at intervals, the faces of the kids farthest from me. They seemed to have formed a large circle. I glanced at Jenn. She grinned at me and walked toward the circle. I followed her.

  When I got close enough to get a good look at what was happening, my jaw dropped. Nick was in the middle of the circle with Danny. They were dancing. Not only that, they were good together. They really seemed to know what they were doing, which told me that they’d danced together before. I stared at them. I had never danced with Nick. I had never even suspected that he liked to dance. But there he was, moving to the beat—and to Danny—like it was the most natural thing in the world to him. Everyone around was urging them on. Danny was wearing a short, low-cut dress and spiky heels. Nick, as usual, was dressed completely in black.

  Finally the music stopped.

  The spectators burst into applause.

  Danny pulled Nick close and went up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Nick smiled and blushed—something he rarely did.

  Then he spotted me.

  He said something to Danny, squeezed her hand, and then came through the circle toward me.

  “I was worried you got lost or something,” he said.

  “So I see.” The words popped out of my mouth without my thinking. I regretted them as soon as I saw the annoyed look on Nick’s face.

  “Danny loves to dance,” he said. “She’s been taking lessons ever since she was a kid. She used to make me practice with her. I hated it.”

  “It didn’t look to me like you were having a terrible time,” I said. Even I could hear how snotty I sounded, but I couldn’t help myself. I was furious with Danny. And with Nick. Had he even told her that he was seeing me?

  Nick took me by the elbow and pulled me aside.

  “What’s the matter with you, Robyn? I told you that Danny is an old friend. Do you think I’d act the way you’re acting if I saw you and Billy dancing?”

  “Billy would never kiss me,” I said.

  “Billy’s not a girl.” He drew in a deep breath, struggling to control his temper. “Come on. There are people here you haven’t met yet.”

  He took my hand, led me around the room, and introduced me to a dozen or more of his friends. There were so many names that I forgot most of them almost immediately.

  A fast song ended, and a slow one began.

  “You want to dance?” Nick said.

  I looked up at him and nodded. He escorted me onto the dance floor and put his arms around me. We swayed to the music. It was heavenly. I forgot all about Danny.

  The slow song was followed by something faster.

  “Hey, Nick,” Danny said, her eyes twinkling. “Remember this one?”

  Nick’s cheeks flushed. He shook his head.

  “Come on, Nick,” someone called. “Show us some more moves.”

  Someone else nudged him toward Danny. Nick glanced at me. Danny tugged on his hand. She started to sway to the music. People began to clap. She grinned at Nick, and suddenly they were dancing again. I watched enviously. I was nowhere near as good as Danny. And they seemed to be having a great time. Another pulsingly fast song followed, and they kept dancing.

  “Those two are amazing together,” a girl said.

  I turned to look at her, but my eyes met Jenn’s instead. She smirked at me.

  When the music stopped, Nick and Danny made their way over to where I was standing. She greeted me warmly.

  “Bet you didn’t know Nicky had so many moves,” she said, laughing. “He always told me he wasn’t going to practice with me, dancing is for girls. But he’s good, right?”

  Danny stuck close to him all night. Even though she didn’t go to his school, she seemed to have no trouble fitting in. She knew everyone, and everyone knew her. She laughed and joked around and didn’t appear to be remotely uncomfortable. I had never seen Nick look so relaxed—and that made me jealous too.

  A guy I didn’t know came up to me and said hi. Nick introduced him: Devlin. Devlin looked me over and asked me if I wanted to dance.

  “Uh, thanks, but—”

  “Go ahead,” Nick said. “Have some fun.”

  “But—”

  Nick took me aside and whispered in my ear, “These are my friends, Robyn.”

  “I know.”

  “So you could at least try to be nice to them.”

  “I am trying.”

  “Well, try harder. Loosen up. Have some fun, okay?” His words stung.

  “Okay.” I smiled at Devlin. “I’d love to dance,” I said.

  I followed him onto the dance floor. His style of dancing consisted of shuffling his feet and waving his arms—until the fast music ended and the slow music began. Then he wrapped his arms tightly—too tightly—around me and started to move to the beat. I couldn’t wait for the music to stop. I thanked him and fled.

  I didn’t see Nick anywhere.

  The back door to the party room was open, and half the guests had spilled out onto a terrace where the air was cooler. I found Nick standing at the railing with Danny, looking out over the city.

  “—worried about him,” he was saying.

  “If he’s catching up on his high school stuff, that’s good,” Danny said. “And he’s a father now. That changes people. Joey’s not a bad guy, Nick. He always looked out for you, didn’t he? I bet he can’t wait to get out of there and look after Jack.”

  “But he’s got another two years, minimum,” Nick said. “That doesn’t seem like a long time, but it’s different when you’re locked up. A day can seem like a month, and a year can drag by like a century. I’m afraid he’ll lose heart and do something stupid.”

  “That’s why your messages are so important. And he’s writing back, right?”

  I stared open-mouthed at the two of them. Nick was telling Danny things that he had never told me.

  “Keep writing him,” Danny said. “Keep encouraging him.”

  Nick nodded and slipped an arm around her. “I didn’t realize how much I missed you until I ran into you again. I could always talk to you.”

  She smiled up at him.

  I wheeled around to run back inside and collided with Jenn. She looked at me and then at Nick and Danny.

  “Keep up that jealous act and you’ll lose him for sure,” she sneered.

  I shoved past her. Devlin grabbed my hand. I shook it off.

  “Hey!” he said, wounded. “Come on, let’s dance.”

  “No,” I said, and quickly added an insincere “Thank you.” I didn’t want to dance with anyone except Nick.

  At first Devlin looked hurt. Then he looked angry. He muttered something under his breath. I stormed out of the party room. If Nick wanted to stay with his friends and dance the night away with Danny, he could be my guest.

  M

  y dad knocked on my bedroom door the next morning. He was wearing the same grungy jeans, work boots, and plaid shirt.

  “Did you just get in, Dad?”

  “Couple hours ago. I had some paperwork to catch up on. Nick is at the door, Robbie. He wants to talk

  to you.”

  I dressed quickly. I felt all jumbled inside. Had he come to apologize for spending so much time with Danny last night? Or was he angry with me?

  I couldn’t tell by looking at him.

  Nick was standing in the door to my dad’s loft. He nodded when he saw me, but he didn’t smile. That wasn’t good. He glanced at my dad, who was working in his office on the far side of the loft. Then he
stepped back out into the hall. I went outside with him, and he closed the door so that my dad wouldn’t be able to hear us.

  “Why did you take off like that last night?” he said. Definitely angry. His eyes burned into me. “I would never have done that to you, Robyn.”

  It was the worst thing he could have said.

  “Really?” I said. “You would never leave without telling me where you were going?”

  He glowered at me. He had done exactly that before Christmas last year. He had disappeared for two whole months, and I’d had no idea where he was.

  “I apologized for that, Robyn.”

  “And now you want me to apologize even though you asked me to a party and then spent the whole time with another girl? You didn’t even tell me she was going to be there, Nick.”

  “I didn’t know. Leo invited her.”

  “Who’s Leo?”

  “It was his party. He invited Danny. He likes her. Everyone does.”

  “So I noticed.”

  Nick drew in a deep breath. “You’re right,” he said.

  “I am?”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you at the party. But there’s nothing going on between Danny and me. We’re friends. That’s it.”

  He looked so sincere that I couldn’t stay mad.

  “I’m sorry I left like I did. It’s just that ... she’s so pretty. And she’s such a great dancer. And ...” I hesitated. “And you tell her things you never tell me.”

  He looked surprised. “Like what?”

  “About Joey. About how he’s doing, what he’s doing.”

  “She knows Joey.”

  “I know him too.”

  “Yeah, but you think he’s a total screw-up. You don’t like him. If they never let him out, you’d be fine with it.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Yes, it is, Robyn. I’ve seen the look on your face when I mention his name.”

  Okay, so maybe it was true.

  “He got you into big trouble, Nick.”

  “He’s my brother.”

  “He’s your stepbrother.”

  “You think that makes a difference?” Nick said. His nostrils flared. “Joey saved my life. He matters to me. He’s always going to matter to me. Danny understands that.”

  “Danny! I’m tired of hearing about Danny!”

  “And I’m getting tired of the way you’re acting. It’s like a whole side of you that I’ve never seen before.” He shook his head again. “I have to go. I’m meeting someone.”

  “Don’t tell me, let me guess—Danny?”

  “As a matter of fact, no. I’m meeting some guys from school. We’re working on a project together.”

  He didn’t kiss me. He didn’t tell me that he’d see me later. He just turned and started down the stairs. I stood in the hall and listened until his footsteps faded. When I finally went back inside, my dad glanced up from his computer.

  “Everything okay, Robbie?”

  I nodded. Then I went to my room, closed the door, and burst into tears. I hated the way I was acting, but I hated the way he was acting even more.

  . . .

  The phone rang and, just like I’d been doing all day, I jumped.

  “It’s for you, Robbie,” my dad called. The slight frown on his face told me that the voice on the other end wasn’t one that he recognized, which meant it wasn’t Nick.

  I took the receiver from him, and he stumbled back to his bedroom. After being up all night, he had spent most of the day sleeping.

  “Hello?” I said.

  “Robyn, this is Richard Derrick, James Derrick’s father. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

  “No, not at all.”

  “I’m calling to invite you to dinner tomorrow night. I know this is short notice, but I’d love the chance to meet you. James has spoken so highly of you. And I know he’d love some company besides his old dad, especially with such a sad anniversary coming up.”

  Sad anniversary? I guessed that he was referring to the death of James’s mom.

  “Well, I—”

  “If the weather holds, I thought I’d barbecue. Do you like salmon?”

  “Yes,” I said. “But—”

  “I know it would mean a lot to James if you would come.” If that was true, why hadn’t James asked me himself? “How about it?”

  “Well, I guess I could—”

  “Wonderful,” James’s father said. “Let me give you the address.”

  S

  unday started out bright and sunny, but I felt nothing but gloom. I didn’t hear from Nick. I wondered what he was doing and who he was with. I picked up the phone a dozen times to try his number. But every time I did, I thought of Danny. By the time I left my dad’s place the weather had changed to match my mood. Clouds had started to gather, and the sky turned from blue to grey. When I got off the bus in James’s neighborhood, it was completely overcast.

  I found his house with no trouble. His car wasn’t in the driveway, but a red Honda was. I walked up onto the front porch and rang the bell. I was not at all prepared for the man who greeted me. He had piercing blue eyes, and he smiled at me as if he were expecting me. James’s father. One side of his face was badly scarred, as if it had been hideously smashed, and he leaned heavily on a cane when he opened the door for me.

  “You must be Robyn,” he said, his voice hearty and booming. “James has told me so much about you. Come in, come in. He should be back any minute.”

  As he ushered me into the small but immaculate house, I watched his rolling, lopsided gait. If it weren’t for the cane, he might have toppled over.

  “Please, come on through,” he said.

  I followed him into the kitchen.

  “Sit down,” he said. “Can I offer you some lemonade?”

  I accepted. He poured me a glass and then perched on a stool at the counter, his cane propped against the cabinets, to cut vegetables for a salad.

  “Can I help you with that?” I said.

  “No, thanks. I’m fine,” he said. “You just relax. Tell me, how is James responding to your tutoring?”

  “He’s trying hard,” I said, which was mostly true.

  His dad looked skeptical. “But is he learning?”

  “We’ve only met a few times. But when he concentrates, he does well.”

  “When he concentrates,” Mr. Derrick said. He shook his head. “James has always had problems with that. When I send him to the store for something, I make him repeat what he’s supposed to get. Otherwise he forgets. If I give him a list, chances are he’ll lose it.” He laughed. “Thank God for cell phones.” His face grew more serious. “Though James has had other things on his mind for the past little while,” he said. “His mother died, you know.”

  “He told me. I’m sorry.”

  Mr. Derrick sighed. “We’ve had our share of family tragedy, that’s for sure. It’s been hard on both of us, but I think it’s been harder for James.” He paused and looked at me. “Did he tell you about how he got that limp?”

  “He said he’d been in an accident.”

  “Accident,” Derrick said. He gave the word an odd inflection and paused again, as if he were deciding what to say or whether to say anything at all. “In the end, the police logged it as an accident. It happened last year—almost exactly two years after James’s mother died. Did he tell you?”

  “No.”

  “It’s probably not something that you should discuss with James,” Mr. Derrick said. “It would only upset him. But since you’re tutoring him, well, maybe you should understand a little about him. He’s been through a lot. And after his mother died ...” He sighed. “I was in the car with James. I don’t blame him, of course. He wasn’t himself after everything that had happened. James was very close to his mother.”

  What did he mean, he didn’t blame James? Had James crashed the car on purpose? Why would he do something like that? I looked at Mr. Derrick’s cane and at his badly scarred face. Had th
at happened in the same crash?

  I heard a car engine outside.

  Derrick grabbed his cane and stood up. “That must be James. Come on. Let’s surprise him.”

  We reached the front porch just as James was getting out of his car. He had a piece of paper in his hand and seemed to be studying it.

  His dad called his name.

  James jumped. He threw the piece of paper into the front seat of the car, slammed the door, and spun around. His eyes went to me.

  “Look who I invited for dinner,” his dad said.

  James stared at me, processing the fact of my presence.

  “Surprise,” I said, smiling even though I felt like the last person on earth he wanted to see.

  “Well, what do you say, Dee?” his father said.

  Dee?

  James mumbled a hello. Suddenly I wished I hadn’t come. It was obvious I was making James uncomfortable.

  “I’m just about ready to put the salmon on the barbecue,” Mr. Derrick said. “Why don’t you each grab a glass of lemonade and come out and sit on the deck?”

  James and I made ourselves comfortable on thickly padded chairs under a large umbrella. As Mr. Derrick lit the barbecue and set foil-wrapped packets of vegetables on the grill, the clouds grew darker and darker overhead. A cool breeze started to blow.

  “Feel that?” Derrick said. “We’re going to get some rain.”

  While he worked, I looked around. The backyard was narrow but deep and well landscaped with flower beds and rock gardens. There was even a pond with water lilies floating on it.

  “This place must be gorgeous in summer,” I said.

  “It is,” Derrick said. “I wish I could take credit, but the previous owners did all the work. The real estate agent assured me that all of the plants and flowers are perennials, so they don’t need much care.”

  “A good thing, too,” James said. He still seemed dazed by my presence. “My dad teases me about forgetting things, but he’s the poster boy for absentminded professors.”

  I looked at Mr. Derrick. “You’re a professor?”