Ray of Heart (Ray #5)

by E. L. Todd

  “I haven’t really watched much TV lately.”

  Then what did he do all day? “Kayden and I were watching America’s Funniest Home Videos and—”

  A drop-dead gorgeous blonde came to our table and made eyes at Zeke. “Hey, have I seen you somewhere before?”

  Zeke looked up at her, not seeming to care about how high her dress was cut or how far her tits were popping out. “I’m a doctor. Maybe you’ve been to my office.” He turned back to his beer and started to peel the label, completely uninterested.

  Damn, he had it bad.

  The woman didn’t lose her confidence. “Oh, maybe that’s it. I just got a check-up the other day.”

  Zeke nodded, even though he wasn’t agreeing to anything.

  “You’re quiet,” she noted. “But I like that sort of thing. Can I have your number? Maybe we can grab a pizza.”

  If a beautiful girl asked me to pizza, I’d have a hard time turning her down—if Kayden wasn’t in my life. In fact, the idea of Kayden asking me to get pizza turned me on a bit. With her cute blonde hair and that tiny little mouth...she looked so cute when she ate. Okay, I zoned out there. Back to the conversation.

  “I have a girlfriend,” Zeke said. “But thanks anyway.”

  “Oh, my mistake,” she said. “I should have known since you’re so hot.” She walked away and returned to her friends at their table.

  “Um...” I rubbed my chin as I tried to find the right words. “You don’t have a girlfriend, Zeke. You can go out with her if you want.”

  “I don’t want to go out with her.” He stared at his beer again, his elbows resting on the table.

  “But you are single—”

  “I don’t want to be single, Rex.” He closed his eyes and curled his hands into fists. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I’m gonna get Rae back, and I’m not touching anyone in the meantime.”

  This was going to be a tough few months. “I get it, man. But...you aren’t getting back together.” Since I was his best friend, I had to be real with him. I couldn’t let him continue to live in this fantasy. It would just hurt him more in the long run.

  “We are.”

  “Dude—”

  “I don’t know how it’s going to happen. I don’t know when. But one day, we’re gonna end up together. Maybe you think it’s hopeless, but I don’t. I’m not giving up on her, alright? So stop reminding me that I’m free to fuck whoever I want.” He grabbed his beer and slammed it down, almost shattering it. “Because I don’t want to fuck anybody.”

  ***

  When I walked into my apartment, Kayden was already there. She wore one of my t-shirts and my boxers, looking better in my clothes than I did. She was sitting on the couch reading, her long hair trailing down her front. “How’d it go?”

  I shrugged and sat beside her.

  She frowned, seeing the sadness on my face. “I’m sorry.”

  “This whole thing sucks.”

  “I know.” She crawled into my lap and straddled my hips. The second she was on top of me, my cock awakened despite my sorrow. She ran her hands up and down my chest, her nipples pressing through the fabric of my t-shirt.

  “I told him not to tell her. But did he listen to me? Nooo.”

  “They’ll get through this.”

  “I know Rae as well as you do. They’re never getting back together.”

  “I meant, they’ll get through it and be friends again.” She scooted closer to me, her chest pressed against mine.

  My hands moved to her thighs, and I gripped her. “Yeah...maybe.”

  “They will.”

  I looked into her green eyes, seeing the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on. “Promise me something.”

  “Okay.”

  “Promise me you’ll never leave me.” I’d never told her I loved her. That was a feeling I’d never been acquainted with. But I knew I never wanted her to walk out on me. I knew I would never hurt her by even looking at another woman. Whatever this feeling was, it was substantial.

  She cupped my face, and her eyes softened so much tears began to form. “I promise.”

  I kissed the corner of her mouth and pulled her into my chest, thankful I had what Zeke lost. I knew what kind of pain he was in because all I had to do was imagine Kayden walking away. She was an integral part of my life, experiencing everything by my side. Now she was a part of me. “You wanna move in with me?” The thought hadn’t crossed my mind until that exact moment, but when it did, I knew it was right. She was always there anyway, sleeping in my bed and cooking for me. Every time she went to her apartment, I hated it.

  “You’re serious?” she whispered.

  “Never been more serious in my life.”

  Tears formed in her eyes and she nearly wept. “Oh my god, I would love to live with you.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed me tightly, her love encasing me. Her joy was infectious.

  “Good. I wasn’t going to let you say no.”

  She chuckled. “Would you have captured me and tied me up?”

  “Yep. And come to think of it... I think I might do that right now anyway.”

  “Oh, yeah?” She leaned back and looked at me with a smile.

  I squeezed her thighs before I stood, lifting her into the air. “Hell yeah.”

  ***

  Kayden was making my favorite breakfast, waffles and tater tots, so I walked across the hall to see if Rae wanted to join us. Like I was back in time, I felt like her guardian that constantly had to check on her. It was a Saturday morning, so I assumed she would spend the entire day in front of the TV.

  “Hey, you want some—” I stopped when I saw her in dark jeans with a loose fitting beige sweater. The biggest shock was that her hair was down—and she wore makeup. Foundation was across her skin, and she had a streak of eyeliner under each eye. She pulled a small backpack over her shoulders like she was going somewhere. “Wow, you look nice.”

  Rae’s eyebrows jumped so high they nearly flew off her face. “I’ve never heard you say that, not once.”

  “I guess I’m just in shock. You’ve looked like shit for so long—” I shut my mouth when I realized that was a low thing for me to say. “I’m just not used to it.”

  “Well, my scalp was starting to hurt from always having my hair pulled back. I decided to let it out a little bit.” She grabbed Safari’s leash. Her dog was in a blue sweater, something else I’d never seen before.

  “Where are you going?” I blurted.

  “Sailing.”

  “What?” I heard the word, but I wasn’t sure if I’d just imagined it. “Sailing?”

  “Yeah. You know, on a boat.”

  And she was sarcastic again? “You’re in a much better mood...”

  “Uh...” She shrugged. “I guess I feel better. I still couldn’t sleep last night because I kept dreaming about Zeke. So I’m not sure how I feel.” She adjusted Safari’s sweater then rose to her full height again. “Did you need something?”

  “Kayden is making breakfast, and I wanted to invite you over.”

  “Oh, I’m not hungry. But thanks anyway.”

  That part hadn’t changed. “Who are you going sailing with?” I knew Jessie was far too pampered to sit on a cold boat all day long. And it definitely wasn’t Zeke—that I could tell.

  “Well, Safari is my first mate.” She kneeled down and smothered her dog with kisses and rubs.

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, I know the two of you can’t commandeer a boat, so there must be someone—”

  Someone knocked on the door.

  Rae stood and didn’t make eye contact with me. “It’s open.”

  The door opened, and my goddamn worst nightmare walked inside.

  Ryker.

  That fucking piece of shit.

  Asshole.

  I turned on him, feeling my hands form fists so I could punch him in the face. The last time I saw him, he was sitting across from Rae in that restaurant, holding her hands and kissing them like some d
ouchebag. He was the reason Zeke made the worst mistake of his life. On top of that, he was a shithead to Rae. “Fuck. No.” I turned back to Rae, completely livid. “What the hell, Rae? This has got to be a joke. You and Zeke have only been broken up for a month, and you went back to him? He’s a son-of-a-bitch.”

  Ryker put his hands in his pockets and sighed. “Guess I deserved that.”

  “Shut up, pretty boy.” When I turned back to him, I squared my shoulders.

  Ryker didn’t seem to understand his life was in danger because he was still relaxed.

  “Ryker, can you give us a second?” Rae asked.

  “Sure.” Ryker left the apartment and waited in the hall.

  I immediately rounded on her. “You’ve got to be kidding me right now. This is wrong, just wrong. Zeke is at home crying over you and you’re back in bed with Ryker? You’re better than this, Rae. Don’t treat Zeke like this. And don’t trust Ryker.”

  “First of all, Zeke slept with someone within hours of our supposed breakup. So don’t give me that crap.”

  Technically, that was true. But it was a different situation. “He was devastated, alright? Cut the guy some slack.”

  “Second of all, Ryker and I are just friends—”

  “That fuck.”

  “No, we aren’t.” She looked me dead in the eye. “Nothing is gonna happen with Ryker. I’m still heartbroken over Zeke. Nothing has changed. But Ryker makes me feel better. We talk about other things, so I’m not sitting around moping over Zeke all day long. And he doesn’t remind me of him like the rest of you.”

  “Rae, I already see where this is going. You say you’re just friends—”

  “We are just friends. I told him nothing will ever happen between us—and not just because of Zeke. I’m not gonna start sleeping with him again. I can’t picture myself with anyone but Zeke—even now. So seriously, chill out.”

  “But you know—”

  “If Zeke and I can go back to being friends, I don’t see why I can’t do the same thing with Ryker.”

  “Because he’s a fucking asshole. Did you forget what he did?”

  “No,” she said calmly. “But I’ve forgiven him. You can throw a hissy fit all you want, but it’s not gonna change anything. So please butt out and stop telling me what to do. I’m a big girl who can make her own decisions.”

  I was still uneasy about this whole thing. “How do you think Zeke is gonna feel when he hears about this?”

  “I said nothing is gonna happen with Ryker. He can either believe me or not believe me. The ball is in his court.” She grabbed Safari and headed to the door. “Or you can just not tell him, Rex.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Rae

  With the harbor far in the distance, the wind carried us over the waves as we headed out to sea. Ryker wore a long-sleeved white t-shirt with a black jacket. He commanded the ship like it was routine, tying the ropes and moving the sails so we could navigate over the water.

  Safari kept running back and forth from one side to the other, practically jumping because he was so excited by what he was looking at. He stared into the water like he might see something interesting. Then he ran to the other side of the bow and looked into the water again, completely adorable in his little sweater.

  Ryker anchored the boat in the middle of the sea, providing a great view of the wide open ocean and the land behind us. Then he left the steering wheel and took a seat with me at the front of the fifteen-foot sailboat. “Safari is a natural-born sailor.”

  Safari was still running around, exploring the water.

  “If only he had a captain’s hat, he would look complete,” I said as I watched my dog move around.

  Ryker grabbed the ice chest and set it between us, a large barrier preventing us from touching. “He hasn’t growled at me in a few hours. It’s a new record.”

  “I think he’s just found something else to do. When we get back to land, he’ll be back to his old self.”

  Ryker chuckled then opened the lid. “Good to know.” He pulled out two beers and a couple sandwiches packed in zippered bags. “I hope turkey is okay.”

  “I’m starving. Couldn’t care less what’s on it.” I grabbed a sandwich from him and opened the wrapping. “Thank you.”

  “No problem. I also packed a snack for Safari.”

  I opened my bag of chips and saw Safari sitting at the very tip of the boat, looking out to sea in fascination. “He can eat later.” I felt the boat rock gently over the waves as we looked at the scenery before us. It was a sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, but the air on top of the water was freezing. I took a bite of my sandwich. “This is good.”

  “Thanks. I made it.”

  “Wow. Maybe you should leave COLLECT and apply to Subway.”

  He chuckled. “I could be the sandwich maker of the month.”

  “They have the best cookies too. So, that’s always a perk.”

  He dug into the ice chest and pulled out another bag. “I know you like to have something sweet after every meal.”

  I eyed the chocolate chip cookies sitting in the plastic bag. “You would be an excellent soccer mom, you know that?”

  “Why, thank you.” He smiled before he took a bite of his sandwich, looking classically handsome. “That was always my second choice if COLLECT didn’t work out.”

  I didn’t realize how hungry I was until the food was placed in front of me. I ate half of it within a minute, truly feeling an appetite for the first time in five weeks. Something about the sun and fresh air made me feel less broken. There wasn’t an elephant standing on my chest anymore. But when I went to bed that night, alone, I knew that sensation would return.

  “So...Rex seemed pretty upset.”

  “Just ignore him. That’s what I do.”

  “No, you don’t,” Ryker said before he took another bite. “He’s just looking out for you. Can’t really be angry with him for it.”

  “Yeah, but sometimes he needs to butt out. I know he never will, so I just need to give up on that dream.”

  Ryker finished his sandwich before I did, which had always been the case when we were dating. “How are things between him and Kayden?”

  “Good. He finally admits he has a girlfriend. That’s the most progress I’ve ever seen him make.”

  “Good for him.” Ryker reached into his pocket and pulled out his aviator sunglasses then placed them on the bridge of his nose. He looked like a guy in a cologne ad, sitting on a sailboat on the Pacific. “Kayden is a good fit.”

  “Yeah, she puts up with his craziness because she loves him... Just not sure why she loves him sometimes.”

  “Rex is a good guy. His heart is always in the right place.”

  I talked shit about my brother a lot, but I loved him with my whole heart. When someone said anything mean about him, I turned into a psycho sister. And when someone said something sweet about him, it meant a lot to me. “Yeah...it is.”

  Ryker rested his arms on his thighs and looked across the water. “Have you seen Zeke lately?”

  I knew Zeke was bound to come up in conversation even though I didn’t like talking about him. “It’s been over a week now.”

  Ryker turned to me, watching me hold the sandwich without eating it. “I know you don’t like to talk about him, but I think it’ll help in the long run if you do.”

  “Nothing will help me in the long run.” I rolled up the rest of my sandwich in a paper towel and returned it to the plastic bag. “I went to his place to pick up my stuff, but things got out of hand. He kissed me and the clothes fell off...but I stopped it. I knew I would regret it later if I went through with it.”

  “Regret it how?” He asked the question like the topic didn’t make him uncomfortable.

  “Just make it harder to move on. I would have had to completely start over.”

  He shook his head. “Wow. You have some serious strength.”

  “You have no idea...”

  He gave me a look of pity, even though
his eyes couldn’t be seen.

  “I finally got the hell out of there. At the door, I reminded him that we’d promised each other we would always be friends and we needed to keep our promise. He agreed.”

  “How do you think that’s gonna go?”

  I sighed because it seemed like an impossible task that couldn’t be done. “It’s gonna be really hard. It’ll take me a long time to truly look at him as just a friend. Eventually, he’s gonna start dating again, and I don’t know how I’m gonna handle that.”

  “You could just take him back...”

  I ignored the advice, tired of hearing it from anyone. “But I know we’ll get through it. I can lose him as a boyfriend, but I could never lose him as a friend. He’s too important to me.”

  Ryker fell silent, like he didn’t know what else to say.

  “God, breakups suck.” I’d been through two massive breakups in a single year, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I wondered if it would be better to end up as an old lady with a bunch of cats. Much less heartbreak that way.

  “Yeah, they do...but you’ll get through it, Rae. You’re the strongest chick I know.”

  “Strength has nothing to do with it. You can’t fight an enemy you can’t see...” Heartbreak was an emotion that couldn’t be physically touched. It just existed in your chest, weighing you down.

  “I know I really hurt you, but you got through that, Rae. You can get through this.”

  I knew I’d hurt Ryker too, so this was a mutual understanding. “How’s your mom?”

  “She’s...alright.” He shrugged and stared out at the water. “My brother spends a lot of time with her. I’m around when I can be. It’ll take her a long time to get over my father’s death. Losing a spouse... I can’t even imagine.”

  “Yeah...”

  “But she’s taking it one day at a time.” He rubbed his left knuckle like he was thinking of an old scar. “I started seeing a therapist.”

  I tried to hide my surprise so my reaction wouldn’t make him uncomfortable. “Oh...that’s great.”

  “I was really against the idea, but my mom kinda gave me a push. It’s been helpful.”

  “Good.”

  “We talk about my father most of the time. I’m trying to deal with the guilt and the regret.”