Moses stood before the doors leading to the balcony. “How did this happen, Twig?” he asked.
Johari was taken aback by the lost quality in his deep voice. She would’ve been stunned to know she looked as lost as he sounded.
“I called the night before to ask if you’d be at your apartment,” she began while moving deeper into the room. “That morning I was gonna tell you I was pregnant. When I got there and saw that you um…weren’t alone, all I could think about was getting out of there and driving ‘til I couldn’t go any further.” She folded her arms across her chest and began to pace the elegant room. “I went to my parents. I didn’t tell them what was going on, but they knew it had to do with you. I wanted to drop out of school even, but they made me stick with it. Then, I found out I had enough credits to graduate anyway so... school was the last thing on my mind.” She sat on the arm of the sofa, looking as though she were staring into her past. “I started hanging out at clubs, met up with some old friends…they were the ones who turned me on to the motorcycles,” she shared with a slow smile that soon faded into something solemn. “I turned myself on to alcohol. We slept all day…drank all night. The baby never had a chance.” She looked up in time to see Moses’ dark eyes glint furiously. “Then to make matters worse, I go and crash my bike into someone’s barn. I lost the baby.”
Moses exhaled as though he’d been holding his breath for several minutes. He frowned, massaging the front of his Yankees jersey where a dull ache throbbed in his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he whispered.
“And just when was the right time, Ram? Before or after you got out of bed with your friend?” Jo snapped, leaving the arm of the chair.
“I told you what that was, Jo.”
“Yeah, too bad I didn’t know that then!” She spat, shaking her head while her silver eyes narrowed. “And Carlos thought you’d understand. Humph.”
“So he knew all this time,” Moses noted, feeling his heart constrict again.
“My parents were worried. They called him because they knew how close he was to the both of us. I was such a wreck,” she recalled, dragging both hands through her thick bright hair. “He pulled me out of the hole I’d crawled into. He saved my life,” she added with a shrug.
The doorbell rang again-it was room service. Jo signed for the vegetarian lasagna and returned to the living room.
“Did you know?” Moses asked pausing to swallow past the emotion lodged in his throat. “Did you know what it was?”
Jo slapped a tear from her cheek. “I was pregnant long enough for them to tell me, but I didn’t want to know.”
Moses hid his hands in his jean pockets and looked away. More words failed him.
“It was for the best,” Jo firmly stated, slapping her hands to her thighs. “What sort of life would it have had? I hated you.”
Moses bit his tongue to keep from asking her if she hated their child. He didn’t have the stomach to hear her answer.
“I told you everything so…if there’s nothing else…” she said, glancing toward the door. She blinked, surprised when he headed out without further discussion. Nodding, she busied herself with the food on the room service cart. Like a slow rumble nausea, her emotions overwhelmed her. She hurtled the silver plate cover across the room and began to cry.
***
Honolulu, Hawaii
Nile Bequois stood before the self portrait of her and her mother, debating as she often did whenever she studied the piece for an extended period of time. The TV. played in the den of her secluded beach front home, but Nile paid little attention to the stories being broadcast on the 24hr Front Page News. That is, until she heard the name Houston Ramsey. Turning from the picture, she focused in on the story which reported on the man’s upcoming trial. The female anchor then added that Houston’s trial would be followed by his brother’s.
“…Marcus Ramsey is scheduled to appear as a witness for the prosecution against his brother…”
Nile gasped suddenly, her hand going to her mouth as her eyes widened. She ran past the den and to her bed room where she flung open the walk-in closet and fell to the floor. There, she pulled a tiny safe from the most remote corner of the shoe-filled area. After applying the combination, she extracted a square velvet box. Inside, were at least seventy small cards-each with photos and two sets of thumb prints.
Nile held up one of the cards to the sunlight streaming through the room’s bay window. “Is this what you really came to see me for, Papa?”
***
The second Saturday in September arrived beautiful and sunny yet there was a distinct nip in the air which hinted autumn was just around the corner. Quincee’s baptism was beautiful and the event followed Yohan and Melina walking down the aisle once more. ‘Lovely’ was truly the order of the day.
Afterwards, the attendees ventured to Quest and Mick’s where the overnight celebration would be held. Johari and Jahzara arrived with their parents George and Kathy Frazier. Jo knew Moses rarely, if ever, attended family gatherings. Still, she prayed he wouldn’t have a sudden change of heart and make an appearance. The way things had ended between them…she didn’t exactly know what he’d been thinking when he left and realized she didn’t want to know. What else could he be thinking other than she was the worst kind of person-to knowingly endanger not only her life but the life of their baby.
Thoughts of the tortured and impossible relationship, forced her eyes closed. She leaned in a bit more heavily against her father.
“You okay Jo Frazier?” George asked, squeezing his youngest daughter a bit closer.
Jo laughed as she usually did when her dad teased her by speaking her name as though she were the famed boxer. She simply nodded and they walked on ahead of her mother and sister.
Unlike Johari, Jahzara was determined to seek out a certain Ramsey. She knew Quay would be with his wife-she was counting on that. She needed to see that. She needed the hurt to penetrate and penetrate deep so that it would purge the love, desire and regret that pulsed through her veins.
Then, she saw him with Ty for sure. Her gaze narrowed then at the sight of the two identical boys who waddled next to them. The room was lively with more laughter and conversation. Zara realized the beautiful chocolate-skinned boys were theirs. A family. A family that she’d wanted for herself with Quay. It would never happen. Not for her and not with Quay-not with anyone.
“Zara? Are you alright?” Kathy Frazier asked, having heard her daughter’s gasp.
Zara nodded and managed a smile that seemed to convince her mother. Her eyes quickly returned to the source of her surprise. Taurus Ramsey stood across the room. He was holding Quincee, smiling down at her as if she were his own. Zara clutched her mother’s hand more tightly in hopes of preventing herself from fainting.
~~~
“She looks more like you every day,” Taurus raved, brushing the end of his black tie across Quincee’s chin.
Michaela scrunched her nose and made a face at her daughter. “I hope not. I’ve always thought my eyes were too big.”
“A woman’s eyes can never be too big,” he declared, leaning down to kiss Quin’s forehead.
Again, Mick made a face at her daughter. “We’ll remind him that he said that one day.”
Taurus laughed, but the lighthearted moment was interrupted when the baby was suddenly removed from his arms. Taurus and Mick looked up to see that it was Quest who had taken his daughter.
“Time for her nap,” he announced and turned away.
“Quest!” Mick called in unison with Taurus.
Slowly, Quest turned. His eyes glinted darkly with the tell tale look which said his mood had delved into that abyss that was well known and best avoided.
“Quest we need to talk,” Taurus said, undaunted by his cousin’s demeanor.
Offering no reply, Quest turned again and carried his daughter from the room.
Mick shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said.
Taurus waved it off. “Don’t wo
rry about it. But Mick, I need to talk to him. It’s important,” he expressed, his light eyes intent with sincerity.
Of course, Mick was curious but decided not to pry. “He’ll come around,” she promised, squeezing Taurus’ arm before she went to find her husband.
~~~
“All these people…you don’t even know all these people, do you? Do you, lovely girl?” Quest taunted softly, while Quincee cooed and gazed up at him. The nursery door slammed a few moments after he placed her in the crib.
“She’s almost asleep Mick,” he said, not bothering to face his wife.
“Well that’s just too bad because we’re about to talk.”
Quest was tucking Quincee’s stuffed animals around her. “Not here. Not now Michaela.”
“Yes here and yes now dammit.”
Quest whirled away from the crib. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Demanding an explanation and I damn well expect one since we won’t be leaving until you give it.”
Quincee uttered another adorable cooing sound and Quest turned back to her. The look in his eyes as he watched his daughter was guarded-almost desperate.
Mick ignored the racing of her heart in her throat. She crossed the room to grab the sleeve of his camel-colored suit coat. “You’re scaring me!” she hissed, letting him see the tears pooling her eyes.
Uttering a soft curse of regret, Quest pulled his wife into a crushing embrace. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he chanted, pressing his face to the top of her blue-black curls.
Mick stiffened and pushed him away. “I don’t want your apologies,” she said, smoothing her hands across the long bell sleeves of her violet swing dress.
Quest backed away. “This is about Zara,” he confessed, massaging the bridge of his nose.
Mick couldn’t have been more stunned, but remained silent. She took a seat on the rocker near the crib and waited.
“She was always obsessed with Quay. But before she had him for her own, she made it clear that any Ramsey would do.” His long lashes shielded his eyes when he rubbed the aching brand on his arm. “Back then, we all took what we wanted and we were always offered more than our share.”
“Quest? What are you trying to tell me?” Mick whispered.
He wouldn’t look at her. “I think all of us-aside from Moses and Yohan took Zara up on her…offers. After she and Quay became a couple, I stayed away. I don’t know about Fern, but I know Taurus didn’t. We were close back then, you know that?” he asked, glancing over to see Michaela nod. “One day, he told me she was pregnant. He knew Houston would’ve killed him if he knew and then there was Quay. Even though he didn’t really love Zara, he wouldn’t have let being made a fool of go without serious punishment.” He grimaced and smoothed both hands across his wavy hair. “Then there was Zara and she had her own plans. But I think Quay had dumped her before she could use the baby to keep him. She knew it wasn’t his.”
As though he hadn’t the strength to stand, Quest came and sat near the rocker. Mick joined him there.
“Taurus asked what I thought he should do,” he went on, toying with the hem of Mick’s dress. “He didn’t want the child, but…it was a child and we knew that.” He said and closed his eyes as if trying to ward off the memory. “Even still, I told him about a man-the father of a friend we went to school with. He was a doctor who could…handle it. I told T I could set it up…I…I don’t know why I helped him-helped him like that. I told myself it was for Quay,” he shook his head. “I don’t know. Time pushes things to the back of your mind. It allows you to move on without looking back, until something happens in your life,” he paused to look up at Quincee’s crib, “to bring it all right back to the top of everything.”
Mick scooted closer and cupped his face in her hands. “Is this what you thought I wouldn’t understand or forgive?” she asked.
“Damn Mick, did you hear anything I said?” he snapped, pulling her hands from his face. “I helped to kill a child-a baby like Quin. How could you understand, let alone forgive that?”
Mick clutched the lapels of his jacket and gave him a tiny shake. “Idiot,” she hissed. “Baby listen to me. You and Quay and Taurus and-and everybody. Y’all were kids. Kids playin’ at adult games you had no business with. All of us make mistakes when we’re young but we grow up and hopefully learn from them. We can’t go back Quest. We can only embrace the lesson. Look at you now-all of you. Businessmen, family men. Taurus is a respected attorney-“
“And Zara, Mick? What about her?” he asked, searching her face as if she had the answer. “She never had time to grow and learn. She was thrown in hell and left there to rot.”
“And now she’s back with her family,” Mick reminded him. “We’ll all help to get her through this. She finally has a chance-that’s gotta count for something.”
Quest pulled Mick into another crushing hug that was more for his assurance than hers.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The next morning, Johari took a coffee and pastry into the sunroom and caught sight of Zara. She was outside strolling the gardens off the eastern portion of Quest and Mick’s property. A smile crossed Jo’s mouth as she observed the peace she saw on her sister’s face.
Would it last? Now that all secrets were known, could Zara recover and craft a real life for herself? Jo felt her smile fading then as she realized the questions posed were just as relevant in regards to her own life. Losing her taste for the coffee, she set the mug on the sill and tossed the pastry into the wastebasket before turning away from the window.
Finding Moses in the doorway stopped her breath. She recovered soon enough, clearing her throat as she crossed the room. “I’ll just get out of your way,” she mumbled.
“Twig,” Moses called, keeping the entrance blocked by his towering frame.
Jo shook her head, reading the emotion in his unsettling dark stare. “Don’t. Whatever you came to say-whatever kind words you have, you may want to save them,” she advised.
“I was wrong to let you leave the other night believing that I thought this was your fault.” He told her anyway.
“Moses stop,” Jo groaned, turning away to bury her face in her hands. “I’m not without blame,” she added.
He followed her into the room. “Johari don’t-“
“Dammit Moses, I was glad!” She blurted, wanting to cry but resisting the urge. She was intent on making herself clear. “I was glad it happened. I didn’t want it! I hated it because it was yours. Moses I didn’t want your child.” She covered her mouth, but didn’t look away from his face. She knew she’d just carried him right back to his days as the child Josephine Ramsey despised. The child she didn’t want. “There’s no way you could forgive me now. Things are full circle. I made you feel as unworthy now as your mother has all your life. I’m leaving this afternoon,” she announced suddenly while smoothing damp hands across the seat of her jeans. “It’s a job-only for a few days. I’m taking Zara, but we’ll be back for Marc’s trial. Then I’ll be leaving Seattle for good and you’ll never have to see me-to be reminded of all this ugliness ever again.”
Moses made no comment. In fact, it was all he could do to remain standing.
Johari smeared the tears from her cheeks and left the room. Josephine stood right outside the door. They looked at one another only a few moments, before Jo stormed off. Josephine bowed her head briefly, before stepping to the doorway where she found Moses facing the windows. Taking a deep breath, she told herself that it was time, long past time. She closed the room’s double doors behind her.
Moses heard the click of the lock and turned with Johari’s name on his lips. Finding his mother there instead, returned the hardened look to his handsome face. “Sorry I can’t rewind that for you Ma,” he jibed, looking back towards the gardens. “I know you’d get a kick out of seein’ it again.”
“No Moses. No I wouldn’t.”
The softness in her voice was a thing Moses rarely heard-not directed towards him anyway. Slowly, he
turned to face her.
Josephine fiddled with the red and gold scarf at her neck while stepping further into the room. “Do you know what your name means? Moses…deliverer. Your middle name Tahir-pure. That’s what I thought of you when I was pregnant. I had lived in a constant state of unhappiness. Marc treated me like…then I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy-overjoyed,” she said and nodded when Moses appeared skeptical. “No matter what Marc did, he couldn’t ruin that and then when you came…I was even happier.” She reminisced and tucked her hands into the side pockets of her floral print pant set.
“Of course your father found a way to overshadow it all. It was the only way he could be happy, you see?” she continued, her expression dimming once again. “Oh Moses, I have so much to apologize for. None of which I expect to be forgiven,” she added, turning to face her son. “What I deserve is to have you tell me to go to hell, but first you need to hear what I have to say.” She insisted when he made no comment.
“After Yohan was born-after…my affair with Crane, I knew there was something more. Something better to life than what I’d been living through. What happened with Crane…gave my confidence a much needed boost and for the first time, I believed I could make it with you boys on my own. Moses? Do you remember starting school late?” she asked him, looking down at her hands while she spoke. “We left Savannah just before you were about to start?”
Slowly, Moses nodded. He was too afraid to speak lest something happen to interrupt the moment.
“I’d finally gotten the nerve to leave Marc,” she said. “I could’ve made it. I did make it for little more than a year. I was so careful-I didn’t even enroll you in school; I knew any slip and Marc would have us,” she smirked. “Then a simple call to my mother ruined everything. She told him where we were and well…he found us. Told me I wasn’t going to embarrass him. I told him to go to hell. He promised that he’d take you, Fernando and Yohan and have me earn a living on my back.” She paused to breathe into her palms. “I knew he meant it and earning a living on my back didn’t sound half as bad as knowing he’d have the three of you. You most of all,” she admitted, fixing him with a steady gaze. “You looked every bit of him-beautiful, irresistible and with that same quietness, observing; looking for weakness it seemed. Oh you scared me,” she admitted, her lashes fluttering rapidly. “You scared me, love and I didn’t know how to handle it. So I pushed you away.”
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