by Karen Booth
Here’s another. I can’t stop myself. Miss you.
Dear Alex,
Last night was awesome and I don’t just mean the movie. Did I tell you that your hair smells like strawberries? It does.
My mom told me she liked you a lot and that you’re really pretty. It was a little embarrassing to talk about with my mom, but she’s right. Well, she’s almost right. I think you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait until we can go out again. Do you have to work next weekend? I hope not.
Has anyone asked you to prom? I know one guy who was thinking about it, but I’m really hoping I beat him to the punch. I guess that’s not really a good way to ask you, is it? How about this? Do you want to go to the prom with me, Alex?
Love, David
P.S. Your car is badass.
He hit send and sat back in his desk chair. It was a peculiar, sometimes painful, feeling to channel his inner horny teenage boy, to think about how much he wanted Alex then and now, to put into practice the way things could have been. Still, he felt better with each one he wrote, as if he’d claimed something that was his but lost. Whenever Alex answered, it sent exhilaration through him. This time, her answer came mere moments later.
Dear David,
I will gladly read as many of these as you want to write. They’re charming and sweet, just like you, and certainly a welcome respite from the craziness of our lives. Unfortunately, they aren’t real either, and as much as neither of us feels like facing everything that’s staring us in the face, we have to. Or at the very least I have to, because I have Tyler and Page to worry about.
Now that I’m back at home, it’s hit me big time. As amazing as it would be to go back to the beginning, that can’t ever happen. It isn’t reality. The past that you and I share isn’t what either of us would have wished for, but it will never change. It will always be there. I will always have my history with Glenn. Even after the divorce, Glenn and I will still be connected, forever, because of Tyler and Page.
David’s lungs were frozen in fear, caught by Alex’s words, snapping him back from the fantasy he held so close.
I love you. I love you more than I’ve loved any man, and you know that I’ve only loved one other man. You, Page, and Tyler are my entire world. I would never do anything to hurt you.
There was the reassurance he so desperately wanted, but he knew Alex’s letter wasn’t about providing comfort. This was a plea for him to finally deal with the question. What do I want?
Because I love you so much, I can’t live with myself if you leave behind your life’s work because of me. There has to be another reason. It can’t just be about me. That puts a lot of pressure on us both to make something work that might not. I think you and I need to focus on one thing, and that’s not reconstructing a past, it’s figuring out if we have a future.
Love you.
Alex
David was swept into a heart-pounding haze. Is that really what I do? Am I just holding on to the past, wanting only what I could never have? Then it hit him that the revival of Double Damage’s career was about holding on to the past too. Perhaps everything really does need to change.
He considered a reply, but there were no words. Right now he had questions, lots of them, and very little in the way of answers.
Chapter Fifty-One
Five days. Five days without hearing from David. I pushed him too hard in that email. He has all of these people begging him for answers and I had to add to all of that. If she’d learned one thing in her marriage to Glenn, it was that men do not like to be pushed. And yet, she’d pushed David, hard.
To make things worse, Glenn taking up residence in the guesthouse had been driving Alex far crazier than she ever imagined. One more day until Glenn is back on the road and out of my hair. There’s no way this will work for much longer. He’s going to drive me crazy and I’ll be forced to choke him in his sleep.
One more day of Glenn also meant one more day until she’d know for certain what David’s decision was. As far as Glenn was concerned, David’s non-answer was an answer—an answer that yes, he would be joining the band on the road, subject to Glenn’s every whim, and leaving Alex behind.
The beeps and buzzes of video games reverberated into the upstairs hall. Alex sneaked past the bonus room as Tyler, Glenn, and Page were talking trash. She relished Tyler yelling, “Daddy, you suck at this.”
“Hey, Alex,” Glenn called. “Hold up.”
She winced and her shoulders tightened. For a moment, she kept going.
“Alex. Wait.”
Shit. She came to a halt and turned as he appeared in the doorway. “What’s up?”
He laughed and shook his head. “Tyler is a monster with Mario Kart. Nobody can beat him. I’ve been trying all morning. It’s insane.” He strode over and planted his arm around her shoulders. “You okay? You look tired.”
She drew in a deep breath through her nose. “Nope. I’m awesome.”
“Great. Can we talk? Downstairs?”
Talk? Downstairs? Don’t you need to beat a ten-year-old at video games? “Uh, sure.”
Glenn led the way and Alex followed, annoyed that he retained his rock-star swagger even when he was just padding around the house in basketball shorts and a grubby sweatshirt. He grabbed a glass when they got to the kitchen and filled it with water.
“So, I’ve been thinking.” He drained his drink and set the glass on the counter.
Don’t do that. It never ends well. “Uh huh.” Pulling out a barstool, she planted herself at the kitchen island.
“Now just hear me out on this one. I know we agreed that you would keep the house in the divorce, but I really want it.”
Thank God for signed documents. “It doesn’t work like that. It’s done.”
“I know, I know, but just listen. Instead of you having to buy me out of my half of the house, I could buy you out.”
“Why?”
“Look, you have the advantage of being around Tyler and Page all the time. At least if I have the house, it’s a familiar place when they come to stay with me. They’ll still have their rooms. I think it’s important that they’re comfortable. Otherwise, staying at Dad’s house on the weekend is going to be this totally foreign concept. And I don’t like that.”
“Where am I supposed to take them?” This question had been eating at her for five days.
If David really did let the band go without him and they were free to be together, would he want them to move in with him? She wanted to think the answer was yes, but David had been so ambiguous when she’d asked him about the future. He seemed to think “I love you” was enough to assure her everything would be fine.
“Ah, see, this is where it gets perfect. I ran into asshole Peter down the street this morning when I went for my run. He’s thinking about selling. He hasn’t listed the house yet. We could get in there before the real estate agents step in and hopefully get a better deal.”
“You want to live a block away from me?”
“I want to live a block away from the boys. That would be amazing. And I love this house, Alex.” He looked around the room wistfully. “Being back here really made me appreciate how much I missed it. The home studio is already here. It’s perfect for me.”
“What are you going to do with all of this space? Aren’t you going to be on the road all the time?”
“Sure, I’ll be traveling a lot, but life goes on. What if I meet someone? Get married again? Maybe have a few more kids.”
As much as she thought Glenn would expect her to be irked by the concept, Alex
liked the idea. I would love to watch someone else try to be married to him. “I think I need some time to digest this.”
After getting past the initial shock of the suggestion, it was easy to admit that being back in the house was draining, and it wasn’t only because of Glenn’s presence. It felt as though she was living in a museum devoted to the tattered history of their marriage.
“Well, I think it would be good for
you. Give you a fresh start.” He stepped closer and
placed his hand on her back. “You’d still have a safety net with your own house. You know, in case things don’t work out with you and David.”
“Please don’t start with your speculations again.” She twisted her torso to get him to drop his hand. “He’ll do what’s right for him and I will live with whatever his decision is.” At least I hope I can live with it.
He crossed his arms and looked at Alex, his dark eyebrows arching above his pale blue eyes. “Sometimes you’re still the naïve high school girl I fell in love with. It’s charming, but also a little sad. I would hope by now you would’ve learned not to rely on a man for your happiness.”
The doorbell rang. “I’ll get it.” Alex turned back to Glenn before she walked out of the room. “And of course I know I shouldn’t rely on a man. You taught me that.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
David rang the doorbell, trying to play off the fact he was about to end one of the most meaningful relationships of his life. He closed his eyes for an instant and went over the key points. He’d practiced his part several times at home, but it was impossible to know how the human powder keg would react.
The door opened and his heart stopped. Then it went right back to thundering in his chest. “Hey.”
Alex smiled back tentatively. “Hi.” Her cheeks flushed and he cherished the sight. It hadn’t even been a week and it’d been too long.
“I missed you,” he whispered.
Another stunning wave of pink colored her face. “Me too.”
“Who is it?” Glenn’s voice boomed from somewhere out of sight. “Oh. David.”
Their eyes met, and David was eager to knock Glenn’s usual self-satisfied look off his face. Rather than using his fists, he took a deep breath and used words. “It’s time to talk.”
“Finally come to your senses, I take it.” Glenn pulled the door open wide and gestured for David to come in. “Al, you probably don’t want to be around for this. Might make it awkward.”
“Uh, no, Glenn.” He cleared his throat, steeling himself. “Alex needs to stay for this. You both need to be here for this.”
Glenn’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “My office?”
“Sure,” David said. “Lead the way.”
Glenn turned and David reached for Alex’s hand, squeezing it and letting it go, wishing he could convey everything he felt about her in a single touch. I love you so much.
David filed into the room and took a seat in one of the tufted leather chairs, Alex sitting next to him. Glenn was already behind the grand desk in his office.
“So, is this the part where you apologize and tell me you’re ready to go back on the road?” Glenn picked up a pen and tapped it against the desk blotter.
David had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. “Hate to disappoint you, but I’m not coming back to the band. Marty hired my replacement this morning. If he doesn’t work out after this tour, you can find someone else.”
Glenn didn’t reply. He twisted his lips, his eyes growing darker.
Fine. Don’t say anything. I’ll keep going. “And I have a few conditions.”
“Conditions? How can there be conditions if you’re quitting?” Glenn reared his head back in disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Rest assured, this is no joke. Not even the slightest bit funny.” He noticed how every word he said made him feel lighter. He hadn’t realized how good it would feel to rid himself of years of baggage. “I want out, but I need to make things right with the other guys and Marty. You have to drop the prima donna touring demands, now. Nick and Tony need to be made one-third partners in touring, with the new guitarist as an employee. They also need an equal say in what happens with the band from this point forward. No Glenn Halford dictatorship.”
“Uh, I’m trying to figure out how you’re in a position to impose conditions on me, especially since you’re quitting.” Glenn sat back in his chair, seeming every bit as self-assured as he had when David had arrived.
“Actually, I’m in every position to impose conditions. You can’t use the Double Damage name without my permission. We co-own it.”
Glenn became impossibly still. “You wouldn’t sink to that. Not after everything you did to me. I don’t think you have the balls.”
“Oh yeah? Try me.” David sat back in the chair and ran his finger along the stitching of the chair arm, never taking his eyes off Glenn. Adrenaline sped through his veins, every word felt so right. “Do right by the other guys and I won’t be a dick about it. Screw them over in any way and I’ll haul your ass into court.”
“You can’t just march into my house and threaten me. We both know that you need this tour as much as any of us. You can’t stay out of the spotlight.”
The spotlight. Fuck the spotlight. David shook his head. “Actually, I will gladly step out of the spotlight if that means I don’t have to be in a band with you anymore. I can’t do it anymore. Keeping you happy takes entirely too much effort. It isn’t worth it.”
David looked over and watched as Alex’s eyes darted back and forth between Glenn and him. Perhaps she’d never seen this day coming.
Glenn laughed and shook his head. “Have to admit, I hadn’t thought of the issue of the band name. You do realize that you’re just screwing the other guys and Marty if you don’t let us use the name. I believe that leaves us at a stalemate.”
David nodded, turned to Alex again, determined to catch her eyes and gain some reassurance, before looking back at Glenn. “I thought of that, too. I’ve already told Nick and Tony that if the touring thing dried up, I would write them in for a percentage of the songwriting royalties on Last Love. You and I both know that’s a sizable amount of money. Neither of them is exactly dying to go on the road with you anyway.”
Glenn scowled. “Those two are replaceable. You and I are the real attraction.”
The nerve. “You’re a fucking idiot if you think those guys are anything more than perfect and ridiculously patient. You have no idea how big of a pain in the ass you are.” God, it felt good to say that.
Alex clapped her hand over her mouth.
“If you think you can bruise my ego in some way with your words, you’re wrong.” Glenn straightened is his chair, held his head high. “Every great artist is misunderstood.”
Great artist. Classic. David shook his head and smirked. “You tell yourself whatever you need to. It’s not my problem anymore.”
“If I can’t tour, you’re taking food out of my children’s mouths. You’re robbing me of my chance to make a living.”
“First off, if you’re the big attraction, go on the road as Glenn Halford. And you and I both know I would never let Tyler and Page go without anything. Don’t pull that guilt trip on me. It isn’t going to work.”
A moment of silence played out as Glenn stared off at the bookshelves. The gears were clearly turning. David wondered if he might soon start to smell smoke.
Glenn tapped the desk three times and looked up with annoyance in his eyes. “You know what? Fine. I’ll do what you want only because I know that you’ll come slinking back with your tail between your legs as soon as you hear how much ass we’re kicking on the road. I will love every last minute of that.”
Not quite an act of contrition. David stood and squared his body to Glenn’s desk. “That’s not going to happen. I got a job writing a film score through my connections at Lion’s Heart.”
“Really?” Alex squeaked, the first thing she’d said at all.
David brushed the back of her hand with his. “Really. And, Marty thinks he can get me plenty of work as a producer. I have no shortage of things I can do. It’s pretty exciting.”
“So this is about ego, isn’t it?” Glenn muttered. “You couldn’t stand to let me win.”
David shook his head. “You know, Glenn. I feel sorry for you. You don’t get it. This was about two things and neither of them has a single thing to do with anybody
winning anything. I had to set myself free from the band and from you. I can’t do this anymore.”
“And what’s the other thing?” Alex asked.
The hair on the back of David’s neck stood up as he readied himself to say what he’d been longing to say. “I had to give myself a real shot at love.”
Chapter Fifty-Three
Once again, Lisa managed to say something too loud in Alex’s foyer. “Holy shit.” She waved the now-familiar issue of Rolling Stone, emblazoned with a photo of Glenn and the dubious headline: The Most Infamous Ego in Rock ‘n’ Roll.
“Stop it. I really don’t want the boys to see that.” Alex closed the door quietly, hoping Tyler hadn’t heard anything. She was fairly certain Page had already read the article about his dad online, although he swore he’d only skimmed it.
Lisa dropped her bag on the entry table and clutched the glossy pages to her chest. “Does that mean I can’t read the story again while I’m babysitting?” She snorted. “Because holy shit.”
The Rolling Stone story about Double Damage had hit the newsstands fewer than eight hours ago, and although she and David had lived in fear of the day it would come out, they were pleasantly surprised by the tone and content. No word yet on Glenn’s reaction and it was hard to know. Does a man with an overinflated ego care what anyone says about him as long as it’s via the cover of a journalistic institution?
Lisa flipped through the pages as they walked into the kitchen, stopping once to glance over her shoulder. “This makes Glenn sound like the most egotistical, lying, self-obsessed person on the planet.”
“Finally, for once. Truth in journalism.” David leaned against the kitchen island, irresistible in a day’s worth of scruff, wearing jeans and a gray dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He walked over and gave Lisa a hug. “Thanks for watching the boys so Alex and I can go out.”
Alex was still worried about keeping Tyler’s face out of the pages that detailed many of Glenn’s dalliances over the years, along with direct quotes from two jilted mistresses. “The magazine?” She bugged her eyes at Lisa. “Hand it over. As much as I’m glad that Glenn was outed as the cheating liar that he is, I really don’t want that around the house. Some of it is a bit sensationalized.”
