Faithless: A Salvation Society Novel

by Megan Green

  I scan her face, trying to read into what she could possibly be thinking. But her eyes are vacant, her mind so clearly lost in thought I’m not sure she even remembers where she is.

  I let another few seconds pass, but when she still doesn’t react, I wave my hand in front of her face.

  “Earth to Kate,” I joke, letting out a relieved breath when she blinks back to the present.

  Her eyelids flutter a few times, as if she’s trying to get her bearings. When she remembers where we are, she flushes.

  “Sorry about that. They just reminded me of Lissy and me when we were that age.”

  I reach across the table and place my hand over hers, ignoring the flame that blooms in my chest at the contact. She doesn’t need that right now. She needs someone to lean on.

  She needs a friend.

  “You guys were really close once, weren’t you?”

  She nods, her eyes once again glazing over as she remembers her past.

  “There was nothing we didn’t do together,” she says with a sad smile. “She was my best friend. And I idolized her. She could do no wrong in my eyes. Much the same way Ellie looks up to Gracie. I see a lot of myself and Lissy in your girls.”

  I nod. “I love that they’re so close. They drive me batty at times with their bickering, but I know deep down, they adore one another.”

  Kate pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes fixed on some point over my shoulder. “I hope it stays that way for them. I think having a dad like you, who loves them both so completely, will help them keep that friendship for life.”

  I squeeze her hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I don’t have to explain my question. She knows exactly what I’m talking about without me even having to say it.

  The demise of her relationship with Felicity.

  She sighs. “Not really. But I probably should. A therapist would probably say it’d be good for me.”

  I stay silent, letting her know she’s free to continue if she chooses.

  “You have to understand, my parents weren’t like you. I can’t speak for how Felicity was as a mother, but from what I’ve seen with your interactions with Gracie and Ellie, you’ve done everything in your power to let those girls know they’re both the apples of your eye. I’ve never once gotten the sense that you didn’t love them equally. You never play favorites. Never make them compete for your attention.”

  Tears shine in the corners of her eyes, and I want nothing more than to go to her side, to put my arm around her, hold her… anything to ease some of her pain.

  “My parents only planned on having one child. Once Felicity was born, they felt their family was complete, and had no intention of ever giving her a sibling. My father was even scheduled for a vasectomy shortly after my mother found out she was pregnant with me. Unfortunately for them, it was a few weeks too late.”

  Jesus, I mentally curse. How must it have felt, knowing your parents hadn’t hoped and prayed for your existence? Not only that, but it sounded as if they’d gone out of their way to make it known she wasn’t wanted.

  “Thankfully, Lissy and I had an easy relationship, and even though it was clear my parents never felt the same way about me as they did my sister, they eventually grew to care for me in their own way. I think that was mainly due to the fact that Lissy had loved me so completely.”

  “That’s awful, Kate. I can’t even imagine how that must’ve been for you.”

  She shrugs. “It is what it is. And it was all I knew, so at the time, I didn’t really think anything of it. I figured all parents had their favorite kids. But I was still cared for. Still had plenty to eat, received plenty of gifts on Christmas. I don’t want you thinking they abused me or anything. They were just… different with me.”

  I’d never really cared much for my in-laws. Even when things had been great between me and Lissy, it had always bothered me that they seemed to coddle her so much. They caved to her every whim and were far too involved in their adult daughter’s life than any normal parents should be.

  But now, hearing how they treated their youngest child…

  I picture my sweet Ellie, see her beautiful, smiling face, and try to imagine my life without her. The mere thought causes so much pain to rip through my chest, I have to physically press my hand against my sternum to make sure my heart is still beating.

  “Once things started going bad between Felicity and me, it was as if the first fourteen years of my life hadn’t even happened. Gone were the semi-supportive parents I knew and loved. After Felicity made it known she no longer wanted to have anything to do with me, they followed suit. They supplied food and shelter, but it was as if I was an unwelcome houseguest. They tolerated my presence, but barely.”

  “I still don’t understand what happened. How did the two of you go from being best friends to worst enemies?”

  “It started slowly, to be honest. Whenever report cards came home, and my grades were even slightly higher than Felicity’s, she’d get angry with me. Then when she was fifteen—about to start high school, a pivotal point in any teenage girl’s life—my guidance counselor called my parents into her office and suggested I skip a grade. I was too advanced to remain in middle school. So at the start of her freshman year, Felicity had to deal with her little sister tagging along with her friends.”

  I hadn’t known that, but it suddenly makes a lot of sense. Felicity had always been too concerned with keeping up appearances. She wanted all of our friends to think she was the best and brightest. I could only imagine she must’ve been the same way in high school—probably worse. She wouldn’t like being upstaged by her younger sister.

  “After that, she started excluding me from things. She didn’t want me spending time with her and her friends. She stopped inviting me to do things like go to the movies or go shopping at the mall. She wouldn’t say more than two words to me at dinner every night. For months, I tried to get her to talk to me. Tried to rekindle the friendship we’d once shared. But when I overheard her telling her friends how much her baby sister bugged her by constantly hanging around, I finally gave up. She spoke of me like I was a toddler, not someone only fourteen months her junior.

  “I learned to entertain and amuse myself. I started spending all my free time reading and writing. I threw myself even further into my studies, having nothing better to do in the evenings than spend hours writing my next paper. Having skipped a grade and being in a completely new school, I didn’t know anybody. And when your popular sister tells everyone to stay away from you…well, making friends wasn’t easy.”

  My stomach sours thinking of Felicity poisoning the entire student body against her sister. And I realize then that despite everything Lissy had told me over the years to the contrary, I believe every single word out of Kate’s mouth.

  Years of marriage to Felicity had revealed a lot of characteristics of her personality I didn’t exactly love, her vindictiveness at the very top of that list. I told myself that after such a long time together, there were bound to be qualities we found in each other that we didn’t care for. I’m sure she didn’t love my overwhelming dedication to my work—back then I’d still been a SEAL and, aside from my family, nothing had been more important to me. I knew it bothered her that I had to leave for months at a time, but it was just one of those things. Things we worked through because that’s what marriage was about.

  But looking back… the list of things I didn’t like about my wife had long surpassed the list of things I’d fallen in love with. And seeing the look in Kate’s eyes as she recalls the falling out with her sister, hearing the hurt and dejection in her voice as she tells me about those awful days…

  There’s not a doubt in my mind that she’s telling the truth.

  “I learned to live with her animosity for the next few years. I missed her like crazy, but I figured it was something that would eventually blow over. Teenage hormones and all that, you know? But when my acceptance letter to Northwestern arrived, it drove th
e final nail in the coffin of our relationship. Felicity had received a rejection the day before, and the hatred with which she looked at me when my thick envelope arrived is something that haunts me to this day. We never spoke again after that. The last thing I remember her saying to me is how much she hated me.

  “I left for college a few months later, packing my bags and lugging them out to the cab to take me to the airport all by myself. I’d won a few writing contests over the years, and I’d stashed away my winnings since I didn’t have any semblance of a social life. That’s how I paid for my ticket to Illinois. I left without even saying goodbye to my parents or my sister.”

  She reaches up with her free hand to wipe away a stray tear that rolls down her cheek.

  “I’m sorry,” she says with a small laugh. “I didn’t mean to put such a damper on our evening.”

  I shake my head fiercely. “You didn’t. Thank you for telling me all that.”

  “I don’t want anything I said to color your memory of Felicity. Despite it all, I loved her. Deep down, I know she was a good person. She was just confused and upset. Even after all those years apart, I still held onto hope that someday, we might reconnect.”

  I swallow hard. Now they’d never have that chance.

  “You’re an amazing woman, Kate Mitchell,” I tell her, squeezing her hand one more time. She turns her palm over on the table, lacing her fingers with mine for just a moment and squeezing back.

  “Thank you, Shane. It feels good to hear you say that.”

  We walk around the fair a little after that, our steps and the crowd around us bringing us closer together before driving us apart. Several times, her shoulder brushes against my arm, and each time she moves away from me again, I want to pull her back to my side, to keep her warm body pressed firmly into my own.

  I’d been walking a dangerous line before Kate had explained her history with Felicity. But now I was tiptoeing on the edge of disaster. And it was a ledge I had no desire to back away from.

  “Too bad the fireworks aren’t until tomorrow,” she says, nodding over to the flyer pinned to a tree announcing the show tomorrow evening. “We could use a bit of that magic to help salvage this evening.”

  Her tone is light and jesting, but something tells me she’s worried she scared me off with everything she’s shared with me tonight.

  I grab her wrist, pulling her up short as she attempts to continue her trek down the street. She spins to face me.

  “I’m bringing the girls to see the fireworks tomorrow night. Come with us.”

  She nods, once again pulling her lip between her teeth.

  It takes everything in me not to lean in, not to press my lips where the lines of her teeth still mar that perfect flesh. But I know it’s not the right time. She’s too vulnerable. Too emotional after spilling the details of her past.

  But I do know one thing.

  Someday, maybe in a week, maybe a month, or maybe even a few years from now…

  I’m going to know exactly how Kate Mitchell tastes.

  Chapter Twelve

  Kate

  I swipe another coat of sheer lip gloss over my lips, blowing out a sigh as I stare at my reflection in the hotel mirror. Twenty-four hours ago, I’d been standing in the same place, doing this same thing, trying to decide just how I wanted the evening to go.

  Now, the nerves I’d felt last night seem like child’s play compared to the anxiety churning inside my stomach as I prepare to meet Shane and the girls for fireworks.

  It sounds so innocent. An aunt meeting her nieces and their father for an evening of fun and entertainment.

  But the feeling in my chest tells me it’s anything but.

  Something had shifted between me and Shane last night. Following my explanation of the happenings between Felicity and me all those years ago, I’d sensed a change in Shane’s behavior toward me. But it wasn’t him pulling away, something I’d become accustomed to from others over the years. No, he’d seemed to grow closer. He watched me in a way I’d never seen from him before, and at one point, toward the end of the night, I thought he actually might kiss me.

  The worst part of it all?

  I’d been disappointed when he hadn’t.

  I’d tossed and turned all night long once I got back to my hotel room. I’m not sure what to make of what had transpired over the course of the evening. I’m not sure how to feel about the way Shane had responded to my story.

  On the one hand, I know starting anything with him is wrong. He is off-limits in every sense of the word and allowing myself to feel anything for him will only guarantee me a one-way ticket to hell.

  On the other hand…

  I’ve never met anybody quite like Shane Dempsey. He’s good. He’s pure. He’s honest. And most of all, he makes me feel like I matter. Like I’m more than just the nuisance my parents made me out to be. And like I am more than just the talented writer that my colleagues and acquaintances back in Chicago see me as.

  When Shane looked at me last night, I felt like a woman. A woman who’d finally been seen for exactly who she is for the first time in her life.

  Which only makes me feel even more guilty.

  I’m no closer to understanding my feelings toward Shane Dempsey now than I was when I went to bed last night. Only now, I don’t have the comfort of distance to try and figure it out.

  I either woman the fuck up and get my ass out there and face him, or I risk disappointing Ellie and Gracie. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to do that.

  With a heavy breath, I drop the tube of lip gloss back on the vanity and spin on my heel. I pick up my small crossbody bag, take one final survey of the room to make sure I’m not forgetting anything, and make my way to the door.

  There’s a slight nip in the air when I step outside, a sign that the warm Indian summer days will soon be drawing to a close. Normally by now, I’ve already busted out my long-sleeved shirts and thermals for the chilly Chicago evenings. The moderate temps of the last few days have been a welcome change.

  I forgo my rental car, deciding instead to enjoy the excitement of the people around me as I make my trek to the convenience store where I’d agreed to meet Shane and the girls. Instead of watching from the park and having to deal with the overcrowded bleachers, Shane had told me they had a special spot—someplace they’d found years ago where they could enjoy the show and avoid the throng of people.

  Shane’s truck waits in the parking lot when I reach the agreed-upon spot, Gracie and Ellie goofing off in the open bed. Shane watches their movement from his spot against the tailgate, his careful eye never faltering.

  That is, until Gracie notices my approach, and her high-pitched scream tears through the air around us.

  “Auntie Kate!”

  I chuckle quietly. Leave it to this little girl to greet me as if she hasn’t seen me in weeks, not just twenty-four hours.

  Shane’s eyes move from the bed of the truck to watch my approach, a wide smile spreading across his face when he sees me. I lift my hand and give him a small wave, my heart skipping a beat at the sight of his handsome face.

  Taking advantage of Shane’s distraction, Gracie flies past him, jumping down from the back of the truck and skidding to her knees. My stomach bottoms out, and I wait for the pain to hit her, for the tears to start. Just as I’m about to rush to help her to her feet, she hops up, dusting off her knees before resuming her sprint toward me.

  “Hi, Auntie Kate! Are you excited for the fireworks?” she asks, taking my hand with both of hers, her frenzied little feet moving a million miles an hour beneath her.

  “I am!” I tell her, her excitement so contagious I can’t help but nearly shout the words.

  “Come on,” she says, yanking my arm toward the truck. “You can sit in the middle.”

  She beams up at me as she says it, and I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t think I’ll fit in the back seat.

  “Hi,” Shane says when we reach him and Ellie. He’s got his you
ngest in his arms, and she kicks wildly to be let down. He sets her on her feet, and I crouch down to catch her.

  “Hi,” I say to Shane as I stand back up with Ellie on my hip. I’m grateful for the distraction, because looking at him without a barrier between us could prove to be dangerous.

  “Glad you could make it. They put on quite a show for this,” he says, pulling open the rear passenger door.

  I move forward, handing Ellie off to her dad so he can get her buckled into her car seat. “I remember. We used to go every year when I was a kid.”

  He nods. “That’s right, I remember Felicity mentioning that her parents were big on Riverfest. I guess I just never realized…” He trails off.

  Never realized you’d been there, too, I finish silently for him.

  It doesn’t surprise me that Shane hadn’t realized I’d been with my family all those hours we’d spent at Riverfest. I’m sure Felicity never mentioned me.

  Will it ever stop hurting—hearing how much she despised me even all these years later? You’d think by now I’d be used to it. Built up a callus when it came to the hostility of my sister.

  But I guess some things never change.

  Felicity had never stopped hating me.

  And I’ve never stopped wanting her to care.

  Shane finishes fastening Ellie’s seat before taking Gracie’s hand and leading her around to the other side. Before he can lift her in, she turns to me, looking at me expectantly.

  “Get in, Auntie Kate. Ellie and I decided you could sit between us. That way we each get a turn to sit by you.”

  I smile down at her. Hearing her explanation almost makes me want to try and cram myself into the small back seat, if only to make her happy. Luckily, Shane interjects before I actually do it.

  “Auntie Kate is too tall for the back seat, Gracie Lou Who. Her knees will be up by her ears.” He shrugs his shoulders up tight against his ears as if trying to demonstrate how I’ll look.

  Gracie chuckles. “But it’s not a very long ride,” she persists.