School Is A Nightmare - Quadzilla (Books 1-4) Special Edition

by Raymond Bean

  “Perfect,” Jason said. “Let’s get going. The show starts in about thirty minutes.”

  “What show?” I asked.

  “I’m playing a free show in Times Square at five o’clock.”

  “We thought we might have to cancel,” an important-looking man said.

  “That’s so weird,” I said. “My class is scheduled to go to Times Square at about five o’clock.”

  “You’re welcome to ride with us over there and be our guests at the show,” the man said.

  “That sounds awesome,” I said. “Jason, how do you feel about taking my sisters onstage with you?” I asked.

  “It’d be my pleasure to invite Mindy and Becky onstage with me, Justin,” he said, doing his trademark hair flip, “if you girls are interested.”

  They could only jump up and down. I think they managed a little nodding too. I couldn’t help thinking Jason must have been given some kind of special training that helped him remember names. It was definitely a good trick because he made us all feel like he knew us, even though we had only met a few minutes before.

  Mom went out to track down Igor and tell him we were leaving and that she’d take me to the doctor first thing in the morning. I told Becky I didn’t owe her half my allowance anymore. She agreed.

  14

  Best Trip Ever!

  We were all hurried out a back door of the hospital and into these big black trucks. The girls both got to sit next to Jason, and he was the one squished in the middle for a change. We zoomed through city traffic like it was nothing because we had a police escort. I couldn’t believe it. You would have thought it was the Queen of England or the president the way the police were clearing the way for the kid.

  The cars pulled right into the center of Times Square. We got out and were ushered to the stage. Before I knew what was going on, Jason was on the stage, and the crowd was going nuts.

  “I almost didn’t make it here for the show,” he announced. “I fell and hurt my ankle pretty bad earlier today, but at the hospital, I met a few new friends who helped me out. My new buddy Justin hooked me up with these awesome sneakers.” He lifted his right foot up so everyone could see them. The crowd cheered.

  Mom leaned in close to me and whispered, “Turns out I’m not so lame!”

  I laughed, “I guess not. Maybe Jason should hire you to be his stylist?”

  Jason shouted, “Are you ready to rock?”

  The crowd went crazy again. My sisters were out of their minds with excitement. He waved for them to come out, and his band went into their hit single “Love, Puppy, Baby.” The girls ran out onstage with Jason and danced their faces off.

  Mom and I watched from the back of the stage. Her phone buzzed. “Hello,” she shouted over the music. “Hi, Mrs. Cliff. Justin is just fine. Thanks for checking in. Where are we? We’re in Times Square, at the Jason Freeber concert. Don’t ask. It’s a long story.” She paused to listen to Mrs. Cliff. “You guys are in Times Square too? You see the girls?” She put her hand over the phone and whispered to me, “They can see the girls!” Then she talked into the phone again. “We’ll talk to you guys after the concert!”

  15

  Mrs. Cliff = Mrs. Cool?

  I’m not a big pop music fan, but I have to admit, Jason Freeber can really put on a show. He danced, played the guitar, and got Times Square filled with energy. It was a great time. I’d almost forgotten about my swollen nose and snake bitten hand when the girls came running offstage.

  “That was the greatest thing that ever happened to me!” Mindy said.

  “Me too,” Becky added. “Thanks, Justin.”

  “Yeah,” Mindy said. “You really came through on this one.”

  “Thanks, girls!” I couldn’t believe how nice they were being to me. My sisters and I are usually in battle with each other over the smallest little things. It was kind of cool to get along for a change.

  “Why don’t we find your class and figure out how we’re going to get home.” Mom said.

  “Get this,” Mindy said. “Jason said he would have one of his drivers take us home!”

  “Wow!” Mom said. “This day just keeps getting better and better. Let’s go find Mrs. Cliff and let her know.”

  Mom called Mrs. Cliff, and we walked through the crowd and found my class. All the girls on the trip swarmed my sisters. They had just lived every girl’s dream come true.

  “You looked so cool up there,” one girl said to them.

  “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!” another girl said.

  Mrs. Cliff appeared out of nowhere. “Hi, Justin,” she said. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Mrs. Cliff looked all sweaty, as if she’d been dancing, and she was wearing a Jason Freeber shirt and matching headband!

  “Mrs. Cliff? What are you doing all Freebered out?”

  “I’m a huge Freeber fan! Why do you think I planned to end our day in Times Square today? I knew about this free concert months ago. Isn’t he the cat’s meow?”

  I had no idea what that meant, but I said, “Yeah…I guess.” Then I had a brilliant idea. “Mrs. Cliff, would you like to meet Jason Freeber?”

  It was perfect. She was a huge fan, and he was my new BFF! She and I walked back to the stage. His security guys let me and Mrs. Cliff go right back to see him. We went backstage where he was sitting.

  “Hey, Jason,” I said.

  He was texting. He stopped and said, “Hey, Justin! These sneakers rocked! I hardly felt any pain.” He looked down at Mrs. Cliff’s sneakers. “You’ve got the same ones!”

  “Yeah!” Mrs. Cliff yelped excitedly. “I love the big heel. I think they’re super cool!”

  “May I ask your name, young lady?”

  Mrs. Cliff blushed. “I’m hardly a young lady. But you sure are sweet! I’m Justin’s teacher. We ended our field trip today by seeing you.”

  “I really appreciate that, Mrs. Cliff.”

  “I’m a huge fan!”

  “That’s awesome. Why don’t we take a picture, and I’ll have my assistant e-mail it to you?”

  Jason and Mrs. Cliff took a few pictures together, he signed her shirt and headband, and apparently, I was Mrs. Cliff’s new favorite student. This trip was turning out way better than I had expected.

  16

  Skunked

  Before we climbed into the car to head back home, Mrs. Cliff actually gave me a hug. It was a pretty amazing turnaround. A week ago, I was easily her least favorite student, and now I was her hero. Go figure.

  As our car pulled away, she shouted, “Don’t forget that we have our first social studies test on Tuesday! Remember to study…”

  The word “study” sort of drifted away behind us. Why’d she have to go and ruin a perfectly good ending like that? I wondered.

  “You didn’t tell me you have a test on Tuesday,” Mom said. The guy driving the car smiled and laughed to himself.

  “Does Jason Freeber have to deal with this on a Friday night?” I asked.

  “No,” he laughed. “He does not.”

  Maybe I should start taking singing and dancing lessons, I thought.

  “Justin,” Mom said, “on a more positive note, the girls and I were talking, and they have something they’d like to say to you.”

  “We’re sorry we were so happy when you had to give away Mr. Squeeze last week,” Mindy said.

  “Yeah, that wasn’t cool,” Becky added.

  “Your sisters asked me if your father and I will consider giving you another chance with Mr. Squeeze.”

  “Really? Thank you, guys! That’s amazing.”

  It was pretty amazing. A week ago, my sisters couldn’t get rid of that snake fast enough. Now, thanks to pop icon Jason Freeber, Mr. Squeeze was as good as saved.

  “What do you say, Mom?” I asked, flashing her my best Jason Freeber smile.

  “I texted your father, and he agreed that we can give you another chance, but you have to promise to be more careful with that lid! We don’t want a boa constricto
r getting loose in the house again.”

  “I’ll make sure he can’t get out! You guys are awesome!”

  It was by far the single greatest day I’ve ever had with my mom and sisters. We laughed and talked the whole ride home. It was like a scene out of some cheesy movie where everything just magically works out perfect in the end. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a movie, and the night did not end perfectly.

  Things went sour around ten o’clock, when I was lying in bed. I was thinking about how awesome it would be to get Mr. Squeeze back in the morning when I heard a super loud, ear-bending shriek fill the house. It was Mom!

  I bolted out of bed and ran to Mom and Dad’s room. The lights were on, and they were both standing up on chairs. “There’s a snake in our bed!”

  That’s when I remembered the Garter snake I’d caught that morning. I guess that lid wasn’t strong enough to keep a snake in the tank. It was curled up right in the middle of their bed. I jumped on it and grabbed it with two hands so I wouldn’t get bitten again. It wriggled around for a few seconds. As I was wrestling with it, Mindy and Becky ran into the room. They immediately freaked and jumped up on the chairs with Mom and Dad.

  When Garter snakes get scared, they can sometimes release this awful-smelling spray. It’s a defense mechanism, kind of like a skunk’s. This snake must have been really scared because it sprayed me and Mom and Dad’s bed.

  “What is that?” Dad asked. The girls and Mom were coughing and covering their mouths and noses.

  It smelled absolutely horrible. My eyes were watering it was so bad. All I could think to say was, “Can I still keep Mr. Squeeze?”

  It was a perfectly horrible end to a perfectly horrible day.

  1

  Shocktober

  The only thing October has going for it is Halloween. It’s like some kind of a joke that Halloween is always on the very last day of the month. You have to wait thirty long days before you get to put on your costume and collect all the free candy. It’s just not fair.

  It amazes me that Halloween is one of the greatest days of the year, but they don’t even close school for it. If I grow up to be president, I’ll make Halloween a national holiday and close all the schools.

  Actually, Halloween is so awesome kids should get two days off for it. We should get one day to trick-or-treat and the next day to eat candy in peace or to recover from eating too much candy the night before. Unfortunately, I’m not the president yet, so a national holiday in honor of candy is not going to happen anytime soon.

  Another awesome thing about Halloween is dressing up. I’ve never really had the chance to wear a cool Halloween costume before because up until this year, my mom basically picked my costume. It’s so lame. Every year my sisters are the ones who choose what I’m going to be. Mom always says she’s going to let me pick, but then my sisters come up with an idea that involves me. They like to wear what they call a “group costume.” My mom always falls in love with their idea, and bam, that’s the costume. For example, in second grade, Becky and Mindy thought it was a great idea for Becky to be Cinderella, Mindy to be the wicked stepmother, and for me to dress up as the prince.

  I totally didn’t want to be the prince, but once they told Mom, she fell in love with the idea. I was Prince Charming. There was nothing I could do. It was terrible. To this day, some of my friends still call me Prince Charming.

  Last year, in third grade, Becky wanted to be Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, Mindy wanted to be the Wicked Witch of the North (which was actually perfect for her), and I had to dress up as Toto the dog! Again I complained, but my mom thought it was even cuter than Prince Charming, so I was Toto the dog.

  This year I really made my case to Mom, and she agreed to let me have an “independent” costume, even though she really wished I’d think about a costume with the girls.

  “I want to be a Clone Trooper,” I told her.

  “You can get it if you order it with your own money,” she told me.

  The girls tried to convince me to be a part of their costume again, but I told them there was no way. Unless they wanted to be my prisoners, I wasn’t interested.

  “Come on, Justin,” Mindy said.

  “We’re going to make our costumes this year. They will be the best costumes in the whole school,” Becky added.

  “I’m going to be a Clone Trooper. If you guys want to be some kind of horrible space creatures that I’ve arrested to return to the emperor, that would be awesome. Anything else, you can count me out,” I said.

  “You can help make your costume too,” Mindy said.

  “No, thanks. I’m ordering my costume online. Mom said we can order it tonight after dinner.”

  “Don’t you want to know what we’re going to be?” Becky asked.

  “Nope.”

  “We’re going to be Sarabi and Mufasa,” Mindy said.

  “I don’t know what that means.”

  “They’re the mother and father in The Lion King,” Becky explained.

  “We want you to be Simba!” they both said at the same time.

  “There’s no way I’m dressing up as a baby lion cub.”

  “Oh, you’d be the cutest little lion king there’s ever been!” Mom said, clearly pushing for the Simba costume.

  “I’m not dressing up as a baby lion. I’m going to be a Clone Trooper. This year, I’m not going to be cute!”

  2

  Halloween Party-less

  It’s been pretty clear since the first day of school that my teacher, Mrs. Cliff, doesn’t like me very much. I did manage to get on her good side at the end of our first field trip. The trip was a complete nightmare, but I met pop sensation Jason Freeber and introduced him to Mrs. Cliff, who’s a huge fan. She treated me like gold the whole next week, but it didn’t last.

  After they met, Jason’s assistant emailed a picture of him with his arm around Mrs. Cliff backstage. She framed it and kept it on her desk. Unfortunately, she’d emailed him a few more times and hadn’t heard from him again. It was nice while it lasted, but Mrs. Cliff’s good mood vanished as fast as it had arrived. Before I knew it, I was back in the doghouse.

  On the first Monday of October, it was raining really hard. Mrs. Cliff is always extra cranky on rainy days. Of course, she called on me right after the morning announcements.

  “Justin, what Halloween topic are you going to research for our project?” Mrs. Cliff asked.

  “I’m still not sure,” I admitted.

  “You’re aware that topics are due today?”

  “I know, but I couldn’t decide. Can’t I have one more day?”

  “No, you already had two weeks to prepare. You know my policy—five points off for every day it’s late. It doesn’t even have to be complete. Just let us know what your topic is. I hope you have it ready for tomorrow.”

  In the middle of September, Mrs. Cliff had assigned us a research project on a Halloween topic. We were allowed to select any topic at all as long as it had a connection to Halloween. Some kids were studying the history of vampires, some zombies, and others were studying witches. A few kids decided to focus more on the whole history of the holiday. I was the only kid who didn’t bring my idea in on time. I also had no idea what I was going to research. I don’t mind reading about Halloween creatures, but I definitely don’t want to have to write about them.

  I raised my hand. “Mrs. Cliff, are we going to have a Halloween party?”

  “Justin, you can’t raise your hand and immediately start talking. Please don’t interrupt like that.”

  “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just curious about our party. My friend Aaron in Mrs. Fiesta’s class said they’re having a party on Halloween day.”

  “I’m aware that Mrs. Fiesta’s class is having a party, but we will be doing something even more exciting. We’ll be having a research share!” she said, as if all the kids would be excited about not having a party and sharing our research instead. The room fell silent.

  I raised my hand and waited this
time.

  “Yes, Justin,” she said.

  “Can’t we do the research share and a party?”

  “I’m afraid not. We’ll have a great time sharing our research on Halloween, though. I can’t wait to hear what you’ve all written.”

  I couldn’t believe my bad luck. Halloween was coming, and I was party-less.

  3

  Order It

  That night, Becky and Mindy worked at the kitchen table on their costumes. They had The Lion King soundtrack on in the background. It was so loud I could hardly think while I finished my homework. I had to come up with a topic for my research report. I went on the Internet and searched Halloween monsters.

  I decided to do my project on werewolves, since I was pretty sure Mrs. Cliff was actually capable of becoming one. In the article I read, it said werewolves could paralyze young children simply by gazing at them. It also said they have curled nails and walk with a bit of a hunch. It was pretty clear to me that Mrs. Cliff was probably a werewolf.

  I had just finished filling out my research report paper for Mrs. Cliff when Mom sat next to me.

  “Why don’t we go online and order your costume?” she said.

  “That’s a great idea,” I said, putting the paper back in my folder.

  “It’s not too late to be Simba,” Becky reminded me.

  “Hakuna matata,” Mindy said.

  “I told you, I’m not going to be cute this year. I’m going to be a Clone Trooper.”

  “Here it is,” Mom said, pointing to the screen.

  “That’s not the one I want. I want the blue one with the real helmet. Dad said I could get it.” We clicked around a little more and soon discovered that most of the Clone Trooper costumes were kind of lame-looking. Finally we found one that looked awesome. “That’s it!” I said, excited.

  “That looks great,” Mom said, “but I don’t recognize the company selling it. We should stick with a company we know so we don’t have any problems with it getting here on time.”