The Awakening Series: Volumes 1 - 3

by Dean Murray

  "You can't mean me."

  "That's exactly what I mean, Selene. I made a mistake when I gave Excalibur to Arthur. Not with regards to his character, he was all I could have hoped there, but with regards to letting that weapon out into the world. It has caused nothing but problems since he was killed. The net effect of the memories it preserves is small, but it serves as a dangerous symbol. You are the only other person I'm willing to entrust the one remaining artifact in my possession to."

  I shook my head. "I'm the last person you should be giving that to. I don't know enough to protect it. Give it to Jace. He's good in ways that I'll never be good. Not only that, he can protect it."

  "I'm sorry, Selene, but this is how things have to be. If we're to have a chance in the fight that is fast approaching us you'll have to be the one to wield the Scepter of Storms. Nobody else can be trusted with that kind of artifact."

  The tears that had been threatening to make an appearance were back. Somehow the idea of beings like Fenrir taking over the entire world wasn't quite as scary as being the symbol that was supposed to stop them.

  "This is crazy. You barely know me. You can't possibly be willing to give me an artifact based off of two conversations that collectively lasted less than half an hour."

  "You're right. If that was all the interaction I'd had with you, I wouldn't be willing to propose this course of action."

  Everything suddenly clicked into place. "You knew Genevieve. That's why you're willing to do this. You knew me in a past incarnation. This was about confirming that you could still trust me."

  The Lady held out a hand and suddenly it was no longer empty. She was holding a long, golden rod that looked like it had more in common with the maces I'd seen knights wield in historical movies than with the scepters kings were supposed to have used.

  "You're brighter than you give yourself credit for being, Selene. You're the one and only Awakened I trust will both use this addictive weapon for its intended purpose and then give it back to me—of your own free will—when the war is over. It has to be your decision though—Byron will never agree to bring the ward down otherwise. Will you do it?"

  I was shaking as I reached for the scepter, but I reached for it nonetheless. I felt an odd jolt as my fingers touched it. It was a bit like an electrical shock, but it didn't hurt—it was more like having a dislocated shoulder popped back into place. I was so astonished at the artifact's reaction to me that it took me several seconds to realize that the Lady hadn't released the weapon yet.

  "I wish this was the end of it. I wish I didn't have to include yet another provision, but Byron agreeing to bring down the wards around Camelot isn't enough for me to bring my entire court into the battle. In order to release this weapon into your keeping, Selene, I need you to promise me that you'll serve me for the next two hundred years."

  I blinked, trying to understand. "Serve you how?"

  "In any way I request. You will use your talents and abilities however I see fit, you will create any effects I require, and you will hold nothing back from me."

  "Once we've won this war you want me to create wards, powerful ones that can later be brought down to feed you additional power. You want to speed up the process of becoming too strong for any group of Awakened to ever bring you down."

  "Yes, among other things."

  The implications were clear. I wouldn't have been able to understand the price she was asking of me even as recently as yesterday, but our conversation had done more than just provide me with hints as to who her creator might have been. It had painted a clear picture of a world where the fae were the most powerful force.

  It was a world that still terrified me, and it was a world I would have to give up my last few years with my dad and Ari in order to bring about.

  "No. I can't do it. I won't do it—I wouldn't even if I could."

  She reached out and grabbed me by the shoulders. I half expected her to shake me, but she just held on, stopping me from running away.

  "I wouldn't ask this if I didn't have to, Selene. It's necessary."

  "And then what? Once I'm used up, with no more memory of my past than Sandra has of hers, I'll be released to do whatever I want in a world that you've remade into whatever image you believe is best? I thought you were crazy for being willing to trust me after just two conversations, but that's nothing compared to the insanity of expecting me to trust you based on nothing more than this."

  "I know this is a lot to ask, Selene, but I promise you that no other fae on either side of this conflict has spent as much time with your kind as I have. None of my people have lived with humans like I've lived with humans. I don't forget anything, Selene—I can't. Out of all the fae who could end up ruling the world, I'm the most…human…option you're going to find."

  What she was asking me to do was insane, but I looked into her eyes and I believed her. I couldn't explain it, but I did.

  "Okay. I'll do it. Give me the scepter, convince your people to help us out, and I'll serve you for the next two hundred years."

  Chapter 12

  Five minutes later I was staring at an artifact I had no idea how to use, all by myself, with tears running down my face. I'd made the right decision—or at least I thought I had—but that didn't mean it was going to be an easy path to walk.

  I couldn't have said for sure how long I sat there in the middle of the forest, but it couldn't have been more than five or ten minutes. It felt like I was there for hours, but Jace never would have left me by myself for that long.

  As soon as the Lady had handed me the Scepter of Storms, I'd felt an uncontrollable need to get away. I'd expected her to think that I was trying to double-cross her, but she seemed to understand what I was going through. She showed me to a back door and I didn't even wait to hear her warnings about the danger of running off by myself. I disappeared into the acres and acres of trees at more than seven times normal speed.

  I shouldn't have been able to do that. It wasn't like I'd never managed that powerful of a time amp before, but even now I still didn't know how I'd managed it the first time. The second time wasn't any more enlightening, but I was too emotional right then to wonder about how I'd managed to replicate something that I should still be years, or even decades, away from mastering.

  I ran for several miles and then collapsed as I let my effects expire. Even as fast as I'd run, I still hadn't managed to outrun the Lady's words of caution. It was impossible for Awakened to travel through the forest without getting lost.

  Luckily I had two friends who weren't about to let that stop them. After what seemed like forever Bethany showed up, leading Jace along behind her.

  "Selene, what's going on?"

  I held up the scepter. "I got it. She's agreed to help us out. Everything we wanted—almost everything, at least. I think she's bending one of Byron's terms, but I guess the two of them can hash that out once it becomes an issue. She gave me the Scepter of Storms, which she says is the last artifact still in her possession, and she'll rally the rest of the Seelie Court to go after Kyle and the rest."

  Bethany looked torn, like she wasn't sure whether she was supposed to comfort me or if she would be better off giving Jace and me some privacy. Luckily Jace wasn't at all conflicted.

  "Bethany, thank you for bringing me here. Could you give us a few moments? Don't go too far away, we'll need your help getting back, but Selene is going to need some time."

  "Sure, I'll just be over there, far enough away that you'll have plenty of privacy, but close enough I'll be able to hear you if you yell."

  Jace waited for a couple of seconds—just long enough for Bethany to be out of sight—and then knelt down and pulled me onto his lap.

  "What's wrong, Selene?"

  "What makes you think anything is wrong? I just told you that we got everything we needed. We finally have a chance of surviving this war."

  Jace sighed. "I'm sorry I've been keeping you at arm's length for the last little while. I understand if you don't feel
like you can trust me with whatever is going on, but I want to help if you'll let me."

  Hearing that sent me into a fresh round of sobbing. It had to be hard for Jace to sit there like that—not trying to fix things or offer solutions to my problems—but he let me cry for several more minutes without saying anything.

  "You're not the problem, Jace. I'm the problem. You have every reason in the world to hate me forever and yet you don't. Instead, you apologize for being distant and tell me that you want to help me out.

  "I'm an idiot and I'm no good for you. Maybe that wasn't the case the last time around, but it's definitely the case this incarnation, even before everything that's happened today. You need to run away and forget about me. It would be the best thing for you."

  "You're starting to scare me, Selene. What's going on?"

  "The Lady gave me the scepter, but she wanted something in return. She wants a pet Awakened who will do whatever she wants for the next two hundred years. Once this war is over with, I'll be hers to use up until there is nothing left of the person I am right now."

  Jace started shaking his head. The motion started out slow and shocky, but by the end the motion had become almost violent.

  "No. That's unacceptable. We're fighting to stop exactly that kind of thing. Her making you her slave is no better than Kyle making you his. There's no difference."

  "She didn't compel me, Jace. That's the only difference that matters. I agreed of my own free will."

  "After she blackmailed you by threatening not to help us. Is there any difference between saying that you won't help someone who's going to die, and saying that you'll kill them?"

  Strangely enough, my tears were almost completely gone by that point. Part of me didn't want to defend what the Lady had done, but the rest of me seemed determined to prove to Jace that she wasn't the villain here.

  "I can't explain the difference, Jace. I'm no good with logic and debating. All I can tell you is the fact that I had a choice feels like it makes all of the difference in the world. It's true she backed me into a corner. I don't think I would have done that to her if our positions had been reversed, but I'm not even angry with her. She did what she felt like she had to do.

  "I'm just sad that the price she's asking from me is going to mean that I'll lose everyone I care about. My dad, Ari, you and Kat—you'll all be gone. Dad and Ari will be dead for more than a hundred years by the time I'm done serving. You and Kat will still be alive, but I won't remember either of you and after two hundred years you won't remember me either. You'll have moved on."

  "No, this isn't happening, Selene. This was your choice, but you're not the only one who can choose to serve. I'll help out. I have more than a hundred years of memories stored away inside of my head right now. She doesn't care about you, she wants the memories you're going to accrue over the next two hundred years.

  "If I offer my hundred years' worth of memories and then help after that we'll both only have to serve for fifty years each. Maybe Kat and Byron will help out too. Kat could spare forty years without even noticing it was gone and Byron owes you for standing up to Kat. He's got at least a couple hundred years' worth saved away. There is no reason that you have to miss out on your time with your father and Ari."

  I wanted to believe that he'd found the solution to my problem. There was no guarantee that Kat or Byron would be willing to help me out—not when the price of aiding me was going to be so steep—but even just having Jace help me would make a huge difference.

  My dad wouldn't last another fifty years—not even with Kat doing everything she could to slow down the aging process—but Ari might. I'd still lose out on most of the time I could have had with her, but I would have something to look forward to.

  I wanted it so badly, but in the end I knew it wasn't fair to Jace. I wasn't going to make him bail me out. Right or wrong, I was the one who'd made the decision to agree to the Lady's terms. I needed to be the one to pay that price.

  "No, Jace, I won't let you do that. This is my battle. You need to stay strong. Kat and Ari and my dad are going to need you to keep them safe—I need to know that you're out there keeping them safe. I'm not stupid. Winning this war isn't going to mean that there won't be any more dangers out there waiting in the night.

  "Winning this war is about stopping Kyle, about breaking up his alliance. Once that happens the biggest threat is over and the Lady will shift to a more cautious stance. She'll still hunt down rogue Awakened and Unseelie warriors, but that's going to take time. If you aren't there to protect the people I care the most about, then none of them will survive more than a few years."

  I could see that he understood the picture I was painting, but he didn't want it to be true. He opened his mouth to argue with me, but I cut him off.

  "No, Jace, this really is for the best. You're the best person I've ever met, and if anyone is capable of forgiving me for what I've done it's you, but you shouldn't have to—nobody should have to forgive something like that. I kept telling myself that the passage of time would help make all of this go away, but it won't—not really.

  "I know what I'm volunteering for. Best-case scenario is that I'm an empty husk when she's done with me, but we both know it's much more likely that once I'm weakened I'll end up killed by some Unseelie warrior. That's okay though because it means I'll come back as someone else. I won't be the girl who was willing to cheat on you with your brother. Maybe then we'll be able to be together like we were meant to be."

  Jace was shaking now. "Stop it, Selene. You can't talk like that. I'm not going to lose you again. I'm not going to spend the next two hundred years waiting for you and then watch you die at the end of all that."

  "It's the only way for us to get past everything that's happened."

  "No, it's not. I'm already past it. Let me burn up all of the memories I have stored away. When we're done with our fifty years of service I won't remember any of this. I'll just know that you are the beautiful woman who made getting out of bed worthwhile each morning."

  I shook my head. "No, Jace, it wouldn't be right for you to pay that price just to get past what I've done. Besides, even that wouldn't solve our problem. You've written it down in your journals, what I did is never going away."

  "It's gone. I'll rip that page out of my journal and never record it again. This can all be like it never happened, Selene. I want you and I'm willing to pay any price to make that happen."

  "And what about Kat? She's not going to destroy any record of it having happened. What happens if we stumble upon one of Kyle's old journals two hundred years from now and you start wondering if I kept that from you? It's a short step from that to losing your trust in me. No, Jace, I don't want you to help. This can be my penance, this can be the way that I show how committed I am to you—to us."

  I started to call out to Bethany, but Jace placed his hand over my mouth, cutting off my call before I'd managed to work myself up to any real volume.

  "I can't stop you, Selene. I can't make you accept my help any more than I can make the Lady cut your sentence down in exchange for some of the memories I've squirreled away over the last century and a half, but if you're going to do this then I'm not going to let you walk away from me thinking that I don't love you just as much as I did before Kyle stole you away to his bunker."

  Jace dropped his hand away from my mouth, but before I could say anything it was replaced with his mouth.

  Kissing Jace was electrifying in ways nothing else in my life had ever been. The feeling of his mouth against mine, of his hands resting low on my hips, blew away all of the other concerns that had been right at the point of drowning me.

  In that moment I wasn't the latest incarnation of an immortal demigod who was supposed to serve as a rallying symbol for the good Awakened and the Seelie warriors. I wasn't a crack researcher, I was just a girl, a girl who desperately loved Jace and who'd grown to crave his touch more than anything else.

  I'd spent weeks tied in knots, wondering whether I'd be h
appier in the long run with Jace or with Kyle, and in the end it didn't matter because I couldn't participate in the atrocities that Kyle was so casually orchestrating. Kyle's lust for power outweighed all of the rest of the potential good I'd seen in him.

  I still loved the fact that he'd been able to challenge me intellectually—probably in ways that Jace would never be able to. I loved the fact that I could unleash my anger and not worry about hurting his feelings. With Kyle I always knew that his anger was there eagerly waiting to slip its leash and crash against me with just as much force as mine crashed into him.

  There was a freedom to the idea of being with Kyle that was undeniably tempting. I would never have to worry about being anything other than what I already was, but the attraction there went beyond all of that. Some part of me needed to…not break Kyle, but to gentle him.

  Putting a saddle on any horse was an accomplishment, but when the horse was a powerful, independent-minded thoroughbred the accomplishment was all the more valuable. Maybe I finally understood at least part of what the girls in school had sometimes talked about. There was an appeal to the chase that I'd never understood until Kyle had entered the picture, and it was surprisingly strong.

  I found myself angry that the option of dating Kyle had been taken away from me. It wasn't that I was mad because I still wanted to date him, I was mad because I'd never had the chance to decide on my own.

  That meant that on some level my decision to date Jace—and only Jace—wouldn't be as valid, as powerful, as it should have been. I wanted the option of dating Kyle because I wanted to be able to turn away from Kyle and choose Jace with my entire heart.

  Sometime in the last week I'd made that decision, but now I'd always have to worry that Jace would suspect I'd picked him only because I'd never had any other choice. That wasn't acceptable.

  I leaned into Jace, pushing against him hard enough that he had to brace himself against the ground so that we didn't fall over. I ran both hands through his hair as I flicked my tongue inside of his mouth.