Having Faith: Callaghan Brothers, Book 7

by Zanders, Abbie

  Matt squirmed uncomfortably under Kieran’s steady gaze, but to his credit, didn’t look away. Normally Kieran wouldn’t even think of discussing his and Faith’s physical relationship (or lack thereof) with Matt, but he understood the kid’s need to know where things stood. More importantly, Kieran wanted him to know what his intentions were, because they would affect Matt greatly.

  “No,” Kieran said finally. Truthfully. “But I am very much in love with her.”

  The relief in Matt’s features was obvious, though his eyes did widen at Kieran’s open confession. Then a frown creased his youthful brow. “Does she know?”

  Kieran’s lips thinned a little. “I’ve made my feelings clear to her, yes.”

  “And?”

  “And what?” Kieran grumbled almost irritably, sitting back and running his hand through his hair. The truth was, he was trying to figure that out himself. Several weeks had passed since his confession, and while Faith was no longer actively pushing him away, they hadn’t made significant progress forward, either.

  She had yet to say the words he longed to hear, even though he knew she loved him. It was hidden in her softly spoken words, in her eyes when she looked at him, and in the quiet way she included him in their daily lives.

  He wouldn’t trade any of that. But he wanted more. Each day his physical need to join with her grew. Over the past several years, he’d watched his brothers go through similar periods. He understood that it was all part of the natural progression of things. Although, he thought wryly, they all seemed to have better success of getting their croies into their beds.

  Maybe that was what they needed to get past this plateau. Maybe once she felt the magic he knew they would create together it would chase the last of doubts from her mind. He’d been extremely patient. Maybe too patient. Perhaps she needed a little nudge. A little romance...wine, dinner, flowers, a private room at the Goddess...

  “What did she say?” Matt asked, interrupting Kieran’s train of thought. Kieran’s blue eyes flashed, and Matt seemed to understand. He exhaled, as if he, too, was frustrated by his mother’s lack of action. “Yeah, she’s like that. Are you going to ask her to marry you?”

  Yes. Without question. Once she accepts who and what she is to me. Yet he didn’t feel like getting into a discussion about croies with young Matt just yet. The boy was just beginning to fully enter the realm of female awareness, he couldn’t be expected to grasp that concept. Hell, Kieran was twenty-eight and the very idea of being inexorably linked to another soul left him dizzy.

  Instead, Kieran posed a question of his own. “How would you feel about it if I did?”

  Matt sat back in his chair and seemed to give it serious consideration for several long minutes.

  “I think I’d like it,” he said finally. “I mean, you’re cool. And I’m pretty sure she’s in love with you, too.”

  Yeah, Kieran thought so, too. Faith seemed to be the only one not readily accepting of that fact.

  “Plus,” Matt continued logically, “you make her happy.”

  “Do I?” Kieran wondered, though he hadn’t meant to say so out loud.

  Matt rolled his eyes. “Duh.”

  Kieran sighed. Hearing Matt say so (sort of) made him feel slightly better, but then what was holding her back? The truth was, things were more complicated than that. Loving her and making her happy obviously wasn’t enough.

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “Well, it is, isn’t it?” Matt asked. “At least it should be, anyway. You’ve got to make her see that, Kieran. I don’t think anyone else could.” Matt’s voice grew quieter. “She doesn’t think I know, but I do. All the shit she puts up with, just so we have food on the table and a place to sleep. How she pretends to eat, but doesn’t so there’s more for me. It hasn’t been easy, but she made it work. She’s sacrificed too much. And she’s too smart to spend the rest of her life cleaning up after other people. She needs a chance, Kieran. She needs you. You are the only one I’ve ever seen her listen to.”

  Kieran was floored by Matt’s insight, and by the depth of his feelings on the matter. Weren’t teenagers supposed to be too self-absorbed to notice things like that? Then again, Matt was no normal teen. He had Faith for a mother. Kieran felt a surge of pride for the boy.

  “When did you get so smart, anyway?”

  Matt smirked, and the cocky teenager was back. “Adults,” he said, shaking his head, making Kieran chuckle.

  * * *

  The knock at the door surprised her. Very few people came to visit. Matt was at BodyWorks with Kieran working on his next belt, and she had the place to herself for a few hours.

  “Hi, George,” Faith said when she saw the older man on her porch. Looking quite sharp in the navy blue knee-length shorts and light blue cotton shirt that comprised the standard warm-weather uniform of the US Postal Service, he smiled warmly. His eyes matched the color of his shirt, and his short-trimmed hair was snowy white beneath his cap.

  Faith didn’t get to see him often. He usually left the mail in the box up along the roadside, but if Faith was working outside when he came by, he’d stop and chat for a few moments. She suspected it had something to do with the iced tea or lemonade and cookies she always offered him, but she didn’t mind. George was one of those people who knew how to be friendly without being intrusive.

  “I’ve got a certified letter here for you, Faith. I’ll need you to sign for it.”

  Faith looked at the envelope, a plain white 8.5 by 11 number, her blood chilling when she saw the name of the law firm and the return address: Longstreet & Son, Athens, Georgia.

  “Thanks, George,” she said, signing the electronic receipt with the stylus he held out for her, glad to see that her hands weren’t shaking too much for the task. Remembering her manners, she asked, “Would you like some sweet tea? I have a batch of sugar cookies I just took out of the oven, too.”

  “Thanks, but not today, Faith. I’m running a little behind; my knee’s acting up again. But if it’s not too much trouble, I’ll take a couple of those cookies for my wife. She loves them. Which reminds me – I’m supposed to ask you for the recipe.”

  “I’ll write it up and leave it in the box tomorrow,” she said automatically as she slid a dozen or so cookies into a plastic container, then put a couple into his hand.

  “That would be great, Faith, thanks.”

  Faith remained frozen to the spot for several minutes after George left. The envelope felt like a hundred pound weight in her hand. She held it away from her by the tips of her fingers as if it might suddenly grow teeth and snap at her. What in the world would Nathan’s family law firm be sending to her?

  She laid the letter on the table, her mind racing. It couldn’t be good, whatever it was. Anything to do with lawyers usually wasn’t, and anything that had to do with Nathan definitely wasn’t. All the times his father had gotten in touch with her, he’d done so discreetly. Ethan Longstreet would never contact her through his business.

  She tossed it onto the table and went about making some hot tea to give her hands something to do and chase away the sudden chill that seemed to settle in her bones despite the unseasonably warm weather. Maybe she shouldn’t have accepted it. Maybe she should have refused to sign for it. What would have happened then? What if she simply refused to open it? Would they send another?

  She was still staring at the envelope two hours later when Kieran and Matt came through the door. Their laughter sounded loud and foreign after sitting in the silence for so long.

  “Mom, what’s wrong?” Matt asked the moment he saw her face. What could she tell him? Oh, it’s nothing, dear. Just that I received a certified letter from the father you’ve never known and has never tried to contact you.

  She opted for cautious honesty. “I’m not sure, really. This came in the mail today.”

  Matt looked at the envelope. “Longstreet & Son Legal?” The name held no meaning for him, but he knew enough to sense that anything with “Lega
l” in the name probably wasn’t good. “What is it?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t opened it yet.” Faith felt Kieran’s eyes on her. Knew that he recognized the name even if Matt didn’t.

  “You have to open it, Mom.”

  “I know.”

  “Do it now, while me and Kieran are here.” Even though she was a wreck, Matt’s words made her heart swell. Protecting her, comforting her, even though she was the parent. And including Kieran, as if he understood how much he had come to mean to her.

  She nodded, her fingers shaking so much as she tried to peel apart the sealed lip that she gave herself a paper cut. Before the blood could soak through the expensive vellum stationary, she handed it to Kieran. “Would you mind?” she asked, reaching for a tissue to wrap around her finger.

  Kieran extracted two items – a long, rectangular, legal-size envelope also bearing the name of the firm, and a smaller note-sized one, hand-written and addressed to Faith. Faith regarded both as if they might bite her.

  “Start with the official-looking one,” she said. Kieran nodded and opened the legal letter. His expression gave nothing away as he scanned the paper. Faith didn’t even realize she was holding her breath until he folded it back into thirds and slipped it into the envelope.

  “It’s a notification that you and Matt have been named as beneficiaries in a will.”

  “Who’s will?”

  Kieran met her eyes meaningfully. “Ethan Longstreet.” Faith’s face softened. “Oh, no. Not Ethan.”

  “Old Ethan?” Matt asked, a frown on his face. “The guy that used to take me fishing?”

  Faith nodded. “What did he leave stuff to us for?” Matt asked.

  Because he’s your grandfather. “I think he wanted you to remember him. You two always seemed to have a good time together.”

  “Yeah, we did,” Matt agreed. He looked at Kieran. “Does it say how much?”

  “Matt!” Faith scolded. “It doesn’t matter! What matters is that he remembered you. Have a little respect.”

  Looking properly abashed, Matt apologized. “I’m sorry, Mom. You’re right.”

  “Actually, Faith,” Kieran said, his face unreadable. “I think it might matter in this case.”

  “Why?” she asked, though the sinking feeling in her stomach already presented her with a possibility.

  “Because he left you one million dollars and his son is contesting it.”

  “Holy shit,” Matt breathed. Faith couldn’t even bring herself to admonish him for it, not when the same words were sounding in her own mind.

  “One million dollars?” Faith whispered.

  Kieran nodded. Oh, Ethan, she thought. What have you done?

  Kieran handed her the small, sealed envelope with her name written across the front. “This is addressed to you. It looks personal.”

  Faith looked at it, recognizing Ethan’s scrawling script. At least it wasn’t from Nathan.

  Dearest Faith,

  Yesterday I was told by a snot-nosed doctor barely old enough to shave that I have a particularly aggressive form of cancer, and that I should start getting my affairs in order as soon as possible. I told him that I am pretty aggressive, too, but he doesn’t seem to think I have much of a chance.

  If you are reading this, it means that he was right and I was wrong. I hate being wrong.

  I didn’t want to tell you, not when you and Matt are so excited about starting a new life. I wish I could have been a part of it. I’m sorry I wasn’t there more for the two of you. You are raising a fine boy, Faith. I’m grateful for the time you allowed me to spend with him. You are a good woman. I would have been proud to call you my daughter.

  Nathan will no doubt pitch a fit, but these are my final wishes. He doesn’t know about the cancer yet, but it’s inevitable that he will soon.

  It is my hope that I can do for you in death that which I did not have the courage to do in life. I know that you and my grandson will make good use of it.

  Ethan Longstreet

  Tears were rolling down her face by the time she finished. She didn’t even think of protesting when Kieran pulled her into his arms.

  “Mom? What does it say?”

  When Faith didn’t answer, Matt carefully took the letter and read it for himself. Faith didn’t stop him. He was old enough to know.

  “He was my grandfather?” he asked quietly. There was none of the anger or hurt in his voice that she would have expected.

  “Yes,” she answered, her voice thick.

  Matt nodded. “I kind of figured,” he said, surprising her. “And this guy he mentions – Nathan. He’s my dad, isn’t he?”

  “Yes.”

  “Will you tell me?” Matt asked, pinning Faith with soft gray eyes so like her own. It was a reasonable request, and one long overdue.

  She looked at him, at her beautiful son, with his dark coppery hair and velvety gray eyes. Those he had gotten from her, but in everything else, he took after his father. Matt was a big kid, taller and broader than most kids his age. Spending the last couple of months with Kieran only developed him further. The varsity coaches were already chomping at the bit, trying to coax him onto every sports team they had. He was so much like Nathan that way.

  “Yes,” she answered.

  And so she told him the tale of how a naïve young girl became involved with an older boy, star-struck and blinded by romantic notions and misinterpretations. She didn’t go into excruciating detail, but she didn’t sugar coat it, either.

  As hard as it was to confess her sins in front of her son, it was even harder to try to explain how his father wanted no part of them. Matt listened quietly, his normally expressive face showing interest but not giving away any of his inner feelings. He asked a few questions, which Faith answered honestly and to the best of her ability.

  When she had finished, a heavy silence fell over the room. She glanced at Matt, trying to get a read on his feelings, but it was hard to glean anything from his neutral expression. He seemed neither angry nor hurt as she might have expected, but thoughtful, as if he was sorting through it all.

  “I need to think about this. I’m going up to my room,” Matt announced suddenly, grabbing his backpack and starting up the stairs.

  “Matt - ” Faith called after him, but Kieran gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Let him go, Faith,” he said quietly. “He needs some time to assimilate this. It’s a lot to take in.”

  Faith nodded, knowing it was true, but longing for the time when Matt would have sought comfort in her arms. He was growing up, and it was hard to accept that a hug and a cookie wasn’t enough to ease him anymore. Hadn’t been for a long time, she realized.

  Faith sank into the chair and put her head in her hands. “Have you eaten?” Kieran asked softly.

  She shook her head. The sun had long since set. The crock pot filled with chicken and vegetables still simmered on low, the tray of fluffy biscuits still waiting for its turn in the oven. Kieran kissed the top of her head and rose. He slid the tray into the oven, then filled the old-fashioned tea kettle with water and set it on the stove.

  Before long the kettle whistled and Kieran fixed a cup of tea for her, using the special blend Maggie had prepared and gifted her with weeks earlier. He knew it was her favorite.

  She offered him a grateful smile as he placed the mug in front of her. When he sat down and tugged her onto his lap, she didn’t even think of resisting.

  Faith leaned back upon this man who had become such an integral part of her life. He believed she was his soul mate. Warmth curled through her, and for the first time, she realized that he was hers as well. She could no longer imagine her life without him in it, nor did she want to.

  But no matter how far or fast she ran, she would never escape her past. It would always be there, looming over her like a great shadow. For a little while, she’d managed to fool herself into thinking that she might be able to outrun it by moving away from all that she knew, and, more importantly, from everyone that
knew her. By making a fresh start with a new job in a new place with a new home and new friends. Hoping against hope that she could bury her mistakes and let them rest in peace.

  As if anything could really be that easy.

  She felt the strong, steady beat of Kieran’s heart against her side. God help her, she was so in love with him. But while she might be able to finally admit that to herself, she could never admit it to him. Ever since he told her how he felt about her, her life had become an emotional thrill ride. High one minute from the thought that someone as wonderful as Kieran could care for her as more than a friend, low the next when she remembered that they were from two different worlds.

  Did she love him? Yes, she thought, without question. Would she ever find anyone better? No, not a chance. Those questions were easy. But if asked from his point of view, the answers were a lot different.

  Did he love her? He said he did. Kieran didn’t have a deceptive bone in his body, so he probably believed it, too. But how much of that was because he wanted what his brothers had? She’d learned enough over the past few months to know that all of the brothers had found their wives during some unexpected circumstance, most of which involved the sudden appearance of someone new into their lives.

  Maybe that’s what Kieran had been looking for – someone new. Maybe it wasn’t so much her as the fact that she fit the profile of circumstance – a young woman who happened to appear out of nowhere and face some kind of life challenge. Ever the knight, Kieran might see that as a sign. And he wanted to find his croie so badly that maybe the situation blinded him to the grim possibility that she wasn’t it.

  The second question was even more difficult. Would he ever find anyone better? The answer was unequivocally yes, and that was a bitter pill to swallow. She could offer him her love and fidelity, but that was about all.

  It was a fact she was reminded of every time she took a good hard look around her. There were so many women who would be a better choice for him. Women who had more than their GED. Women who had better than blue collar jobs, who made more than minimum wage cleaning up after the wealthy. Women who weren’t forced to sometimes choose between eating and making the mortgage payment. Women who didn’t have teenage sons to raise as their first priority.