Radclyffe - Honor 06 - Honor Under Siege

by Radclyffe

  “ Yes, Cam said, “but I was going to suggest it if she hadnt.

  Blair shook her head wearily. “You two are far more alike than I ever realized. She paused, her expression rueful. “Appearances can sometimes be so deceiving. Valerie looks so much like the woman she was supposed to bethe kind of woman who would spend her time acquiring fine art and appreciating the company of a handsome woman like you in her bed.

  “ Blair

  “ And of course, Blair went on undeterred, “she is those things, isnt she? But shes also as single-minded and stubborn andand reckless, in her way, as you and all the rest. Blair threw up her hands. “God, Cameron. Is there no other way?

  “ We dont think so.

  “ I know there are things youre not telling me, but you dont need to spell it out for me to know how dangerous this is. How worried about you do I need to be?

  Cam kept her gaze steady but she flashed on Valerie, alone, with a man who very probably wanted to kill her. “Ill be backup. Its far more dangerous for her.

  Blair tilted her head as if listening to something that hung in the air between them. “Youre frightened. Frightened for her.

  “ I always worry about my team

  “ No, its more than that. Blair closed the distance between them and settled her hands lightly on Cams waist. “Its okay. I know how you feel about her.

  Cam shook her head. “No. You dont.

  Blair smiled wistfully. “You are everything in the world to me. And you love me perfectly, Cam. Perfectly.

  “ I wish I did. Cam frowned as she skimmed her fingers through Blairs hair. “But I swear Ive never loved anyone like I love you, and never will.

  “See what I mean? Blair kissed her softly. “Perfectly. She traced the column of Cams neck and slid her fingers underneath the collar of her blue button-down shirt. “Id like to ask you a favor.

  “Ill do it if I can.

  “Let Savard lead the operation. Youre too close to Valerie and Im afraid of what youll do if shes in trouble.

  Cam rested her forehead against Blairs. “I have the most experience with operations like this. Savard is not a hundred percent. I cant let Valerie do this without the best backup possible. She looked deeply into Blairs eyes. “It has to be me.

  When Blair framed Cams face, her hands trembled. “Promise me that you will not sacrifice yourself for her. I dont care about your duty. I dont care about your honor. I care that you come home to me. So you promise me that.

  “I Cam thought about what it meant to have Valerie and Savard and the others place their trust in her, to lead them into danger with the pledge that she would guard their well-being with her life. She thought about what it meant to ask for the love of a woman. She had asked for Blairs love, and her vow had been sworn the first time Blair had said I love you and she had not walked away. “I promise.

  * * * * *

  Diane found Valerie on the beach.

  “Im sorry if you wanted to be alone. She kept both hands in the pockets of her coat, even though she wanted to touch her. “Savard and Felicia came up to the house for a late supper and said that youd gone for a walk.

  Valerie slid both arms around Dianes shoulders and kissed her softly on the mouth. “Dont apologize. Im glad to see you. Im sorry I lost track of time.

  “Its cold and you dont have any gloves.

  “Im fine.

  Diane pressed close to her. “Youre not. Youre shivering.

  Valerie smiled. “Lets go inside, then. Have you eaten?

  “Not tonight. I was waiting for you.

  “Sorry.

  Diane kissed her lightly. “Stop saying that.

  “All right. Valerie took Dianes hand. “Lets grab something quick to eat and warm up in bed.

  “If I have a choice between you in bed or a meal, Im not going to need dinner.

  Valerie laughed. “Then lets go to bed first and have a midnight snack later.

  “What I have in mind might take longer than midnight to accomplish. Diane drew Valeries hand into her pocket as they climbed through the dunes. “I want to make love to you because Ive been thinking about it all day.

  “I think I hear a but , Valerie said gently.

  Diane took a breath. “But I dont want to be with you while part of my mind is wondering what secret youre keeping. Is it something you can tell me?

  Valerie stopped on the back porch and pulled Diane into the shelter of her body, out of the wind. She rested her cheek against Dianes. “Were planning an operation. Im preoccupied, thats all.

  “ An operation. You and Cam and the others?

  “ Yes.

  “ Will it be dangerous?

  Valerie hesitated. “It could be if were careless, but were not going to be.

  “ I dont have any experience with this. Ive known Blair most of our lives and I thought I had some understanding of what her life was like, but I was wrong.

  Valerie stiffened. “I had no right to drag you into this. It might be better if I left.

  Diane turned Valerie until she could see her face in the faint light coming through the windows from the house. “Is that what you want? To leave meto leave us?

  “ No, Valerie whispered faintly.

  “ Then dont ever say that again. Just give me time to get used to this. Can you do that?

  “ Yes. God, yes. Anything. Valerie kissed her again, her fingers trembling as she cupped Dianes face. She buried her face in the warmth of Dianes throat. “Anything, anything as long as I dont lose you.

  “ You must be certain that I dont lose you either. Diane kissed Valerie urgently. “All right?

  Mutely, Valerie nodded, hoping that her silence would be taken as the promise she couldnt make.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Thursday

  V alerie grabbed the phone on the first ring and slipped from bed.

  “ Yes? She moved to the window and peered out into a starless black night. She was barely silhouetted, but Diane could still make out the shimmering outline of her body.

  “ Im readyI had to be sure. Yes. Yes, but I dont trust her. She lowered her voice and Diane strained to hear. “Look, I cant talk Where?No, somewhere I can be sure youre alone. Trust? She laughed harshly. “You might be followedLook, forget it. Ill just Yes, that will work. All right, if thats what you wantNo, thats too soon. Because I dont want to alert anyone here to what Im doing Yes. Fine. The usual.

  After breaking the connection, Valerie remained still in the silent room, listening to the echo of his voice and the breathing of the woman in the bed. Between those two people lay the boundaries of her world past and futurebordered by truth and lies. Quietly, she made her way across the room and slipped back into bed. She drew Diane into her arms. “Im sorry I woke you.

  “ How did you know? Diane asked.

  “ I could tell from the way youre breathing.

  “ Youre very perceptive.

  Valerie grimaced. “Its funny, I was trained to do two opposite things equally well. To avoid intimacy with anyone, while at the same time being sensitive to every nuance of expression and movement. It seems Ive spent my life watching, but never living.

  Diane took Valeries hand and drew it to her breast. “Im alive and Im very real. So is my love for you.

  “ Why? Valerie murmured, cradling Dianes breast and brushing her lips over the nipple. “I cant imagine this is what you want.

  “ This? You mean being with you?

  “ Everything that being with me means. Valerie sighed and rested her cheek between Dianes breasts, still softly caressing her nipple.

  “ Your phone call. That was the person you report to, right?

  “ Yes.

  “ Youre going to meet with him.

  “ Yes.

  “ You lied to him, about not trusting someone here. Cam, I guess.

  “ Yes, I lied to him, Valerie said, holding very still.

  “ Did he believe you?

  “ I dont know. Probably not. One of the basic rules of our training is not
to trust what people say, or sometimes even what they do, until theyve proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that theyre trustworthy.

  “ The two of you have known each other for a long time. Doesnt that count?

  Valerie gently kissed the curve of Dianes breast. “Youd think it would, wouldnt you? But it really doesnt. Its possible that he was telling me the truth at the beginning, and somewhere along the line his priorities or his orders changed. Its nearly impossible to tell.

  “ But you dont trust him any longer, do you?

  “ No, Valerie said.

  “ Do you trust me?

  Valerie kissed Dianes throat, then her mouth. “Yes. Completely.

  “ Will you tell me what youre going to do?

  Valerie hesitated and the silence that closed in around them was more frightening than anything shed ever known. “When I know, Ill tell you.

  “ Thank you.

  “ I know Im asking a lot of you, but

  “ I have no idea why people fall in love, Diane said. “Or why we need to. But I do know this about youyoure strong but youre lonely, and you can survive without love, but you long for it. You need me, and I need you. None of the rest matters.

  “ Youre the only person Ive ever let myself truly need, Valerie said so softly Diane could barely hear her. “If I lost you now

  “ Im not going anywhere, I promise. Diane lifted Valeries face between her hands and kissed her, softly at first, then more deeply. She guided Valerie on top of her until their legs entwined and their bodies melded. Her kisses grew insistent as she urged Valeries hips to move with hers, calling to her without words, marrying their bodies and hearts with the force of her passion and desire.

  “ I love you, Valerie murmured.

  Dianes breath quickened as Valerie groaned and thrust harder. Wanting more, wanting everything, Diane twisted onto her side and forced Valerie onto her back. Still kissing her, Diane cupped Valeries sex and found her already wet and open. With a soft groan she pushed inside her, rejoicing silently as Valerie arched and cried out in pleasure and surprise.

  “ Oh yes, thats howthereI need you hard, please, harder, Valerie gasped.

  Distantly, Diane was aware of her own building arousal, but all she wanted was to have Valerie with nothing between themno secrets, no fears, no regrets. “I love being inside you. I love feeling your heartbeat under my fingertips. I love to please you.

  With every word Diane thrust a little harder. Her teeth skated over Valeries neck, and when Valerie tightened around her fingers, she sucked on the delicate skin of her throat.

  “ Oh my God, Valerie moaned, pushing against Dianes hand. “Im coming. Oh God, its so good.

  Diane closed her eyes tightly, concentrating on Valeries labored breathing, her soft cries, the pounding pulse that beat around her fingers. She carried her smoothly to a peak, and then again, until Valerie buried her face in Dianes neck and cried silent tears. Diane rocked her and caressed her face.

  “ Its all right, darling. Everything is just exactly as it should be.

  “ Im not used to anyone touching me that way, Valerie whispered. “Sorry, I cantmy control

  Diane laughed. “Oh, I hope youre not apologizing. Youre beautiful when you come. I never want to stop making love to you.

  Valerie laughed weakly. “Thats one thing Ill never ask.

  * * * * *

  When Cam walked into the kitchen at 5 a.m., she found Valerie seated at the table, her hands inert around a mug of coffee. “Youre up early. Cam helped herself from the fresh pot on the counter. “Whats on your mind?

  “ Henry called.

  “ Are you ready?

  “ More than ready.

  “ But? Cam watched a litany of emotions flit across her face. Anger, unease, resolve.

  “ I know things are going to move quickly once we start planning the operation, Valerie said. “So I wanted to talk to you before the briefing, What I am going to say is just between you and me.

  “ Im listening. Cam could guess what was coming. Valerie was used to working alone, being alone. She had never learned to lean on othersso like Blair that way.

  “ If something goes wrong, we both know its very unlikely youll be able to extract me, Valerie continued. “I dont want you to try. Collateral damage would be high, and She glanced down at her hands, which shed folded on the tabletop, and then into Cams eyes, “My life isnt worth yours or one of the others.

  A gasp cut across her words. “It is to me. Diane stood in the doorway. “Damn you, it is to me!

  “ Diane! Valerie jumped to her feet and caught Diane as she turned to flee. “Diane, wait, you dont understand

  Diane whirled back, her cheeks pale and her eyes blazing. She knocked Valeries hands away. “What do I not understand? I just heard you tell Cam she should let you die rather than risk someone elses life. Every single one of them risks their life every day protecting Blair. Is she so much more important She broke off and covered her face with her hands. “Oh God, I cant believe Im saying this.

  “ Thats enough, Cam said steadily, rising to her feet. “No one is going to die. And no one , she said, her eyes fixed on Valerie, “is going to be left behind. Thats the last conversation I intend to have about this. She pointed to the clock. “We have a briefing in twenty minutes and we have a lot of planning to do. I expect you to be on time, Agent Lawrence.

  Cam walked out without waiting for an answer.

  “Im sorry, Diane whispered, turning away.

  Valerie gently caught her shoulders and embraced her. “No, Im sorry. Im sorry you had to hear that. I never should have talked to Cam about this here.

  “But youre not sorry for asking her to leave you behind, are you. I thought you said you loved me.

  “Oh God, I do, Valerie said desperately. “But cant you see, my whole life has been leading to this point, and I couldnt live with myself if Cam or one of the others suffered for the mistakes that I made.

  Diane caressed Valeries cheek. “You dont get it, do you? Loving someone means forgiving yourself for the past and living for the present. And the future. We all have regrets, darling.

  “Ive always operated with the knowledge that my life is expendable.

  “Well, it isnt anymore. Diane kissed her softly. “Please try not to forget that.

  Valerie took a deep breath. “All right. Id better go.

  “You wont do anything without telling me, will you?

  “No. Weve still got time.

  “Of course we do, Diane said fervently. “Of course we do.

  * * * * *

  “Yes? Matheson said when his phone rang.

  “Weve arranged to meet.

  Matheson smiled. “Run it down for me.

  He listened, making a few notes on a notepad with the motels name and logo stamped at the top. After a moment he said, “Nice work.

  “Theres still a chance we could bring her over. And shes got an inside channel to several targets.

  “You might be right. Lets weigh the options.

  * * * * *

  “Okay, lets get started. Cam walked briskly to the table, making eye contact with the agents already assembled. Stark and Valerie sat side by side across from Felicia and Savard. “Agent Lawrence, why dont you fill us in on your conversation with your handler.

  If Valerie noted the formality, she didnt show it. “Henry and I made contact at 0330 and spoke for less than five minutes. We agreed to a rendezvous at 2300 tomorrow.

  “That doesnt leave us a lot of time, Cam commented.

  “ I realize that, but he initially wanted to schedule the meet for tonight, and it would not have been unusual for us to rendezvous with such little lead time. Twenty-four hours was as much delay as I thought I could manage without rousing his suspicions.

  “ Well work with it, Cam said. “Location?

  “ The extraction point we used when I left the island the last time.

  “ The beach here? Stark said sharply. “No way. Were not letting hostiles onto the island while
Egret is on site.

  “ Im sorry, I wasnt clear, Valerie said quickly. “Not on the beach, but where the extraction vessel was anchored.

  “ On the water, Savard said, making it a statement. “Youre going to meet him at sea.

  “ Yes. Ill take my boat and well rendezvous approximately a mile out.

  “ So he knows youre at Whitley Point, Felicia said.

  “ He does. He asked if I had contacted Cameron. I said I had and confirmed my location when he asked. She glanced briefly at Cam. “I had to assume that he already knew. A lot of small planes pass over here every day, and he could easily have aerial surveillance photos. If he knows Im here, or that you are, I didnt want to be caught lying to him.

  “ Whose idea was it to rendezvous at sea? Cam asked.

  “ His.

  “ Its a trap, Felicia said. “He can sink you out there and make it look like weather or a mechanical problem.

  Valerie shook her head. “Not before he meets with me. I told him I didnt trust Cameron. Hell want all the intelligence he can gather on Camerons operation before he burns his connection with me.

  “ Smart, Cam observed. “Hell want to talk to you. Hell want to know what we might suspect about him or Matheson.

  “ Thats what I think, yes, Valerie said. “That would be typical for this kind of situation. A brief verbal information exchange.

  “ What about putting me below deck on Valeries boat, Commander? Savard asked.

  Cam shook her head. “Hes going to search.

  “ Can you at least get him onto your boat? Savard asked Valerie. “We can rig cameras and microphones to monitor you there, but if you have to board his, well be lucky to get audio.

  “ Will he search you for a mic? Felicia asked.

  Valerie shrugged. “I dont know. He never has before, but the rules have obviously changed.

  Cam held up her hand. “We cant depend on him coming aboard Valeries vessel. Well need long-range satellite tracking. Mac can coordinate that from here. She looked at Stark. “Youll need to pull people from Tanners day crew to augment your night shift. We cant be certain they wont try a dual assault, and you and Mac will be tied up coordinating communications.