Bending the Rules

by Margaret Watson

  Or his.

  His watch? Coffee sloshed out of the tiny hole in the lid and a few drops stung his hand. What was that supposed to mean? Was he actually thinking that Harley would live with him?

  Maybe. Sometime in the future. After he got to the bottom of the money thing at the restaurant. After his trip to Italy. After he figured out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. Maybe, once all that was settled, he could focus on his daughter.

  In the meantime, she had Emma. Emma, who loved Harley and wanted to adopt her.

  A tiny voice whispered in his ear. Asked him if he was making another hasty decision. Another wrong choice. He ignored it.

  “How about some lunch?” he asked Emma and Harley. “Before we head back to Chicago?”

  “That sounds good.” Emma smiled and set her hot chocolate on the tray. It was covered with purple crumbs, and he wondered what Harley had eaten.

  “I guess,” Harley said. She grabbed the tray and took it to the trash bin. When she returned, she fiddled with the zipper of her jacket. “Did you and my mom have, like, a favorite place to eat?” she asked without looking at him.

  Only the bar where he and Sonya had met that night. “There were a bunch of places we all liked to eat on campus,” he said. “I’ll show you some of them, and you can pick.”

  “Cool.” Harley smiled and zipped her jacket.

  As they left the cafeteria, they passed the bookstore. It was filled with Illini-themed clothing and merchandise. Harley slowed as she looked at the sea of orange-and-blue clothing.

  “Can I look in here?” she asked.

  “Sure,” Nathan said, with a glance at Emma.

  She was watching Harley. “Do you want a sweatshirt or a T-shirt or something?”

  The girl shrugged again as she stared at the merchandise in the store. “Some of the kids wear college stuff. From, like, where their older brother or sister goes. Maybe...maybe I could get something from where my mom and dad went.”

  A lump grew in Nathan’s throat, making it hard to speak. Harley had never referred to him as her dad before. Emma set a hand on his arm.

  “I think that’s a great idea, Harley,” she said. “Why don’t you go pick something out?”

  “Okay.” The girl dashed into the store, and he stood watching as she walked slowly through the displays. She touched sweatshirts, held T-shirts up to her body, picked up ball caps.

  Emma still held his arm.

  “This was such a good idea,” she said quietly. “You helped get her some answers.”

  “Yeah.” He slid his hand up to where she gripped his arm and twined his fingers with hers. “I got some, too.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “You’re not going to ask me what they were?”

  She squeezed his hand. “Those are pretty personal. You don’t have to tell me.”

  He should tell her. She was part of this, too. She’d been Sonya’s friend. She was Harley’s guardian. But he couldn’t bear to reveal the dark places inside him. Wouldn’t be able to bear seeing her affection turn to disgust.

  “Maybe later. When I’ve had time to process it.” That was an excuse. He was too ashamed to tell her the truth.

  “It’s part of the past. You don’t owe me an explanation.” She put her hand on his arm and squeezed. “You don’t have to answer to me.”

  He wanted to answer to her. Emma already knew some crappy stuff about him. And if they...if they took this connection where he wanted it to go, she had a right to know the worst.

  “I should tell you. But not now.”

  “It’s been a hard day,” she said softly. “For you. For Harley. But you’re doing exactly what she needs—getting to know her. Bringing her down here to find out more about her mother. Giving her the time to get to know you.” Her shoulder touched his.

  “And you’re forgetting one thing,” she said, leaning closer. “If Sonya had come to you and told you about Harley, you would have done the right thing. You would have supported her and tried to be a father to Harley. But she never gave you that chance.”

  “God, Emma.” He pulled her close and held her tightly, inhaling the fragrance of her hair. Her soft curls tickled his nose, and he buried his face in them.

  One of her hands tangled in his hair, and she smoothed the other over his back in soothing circles. Her curves pressed into him, soft and womanly, sparking awareness.

  Footsteps approached, then he heard Harley’s voice. “Emma? Nathan? What’s going on?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  NATHAN FELT EMMA tense when she heard Harley’s voice and he held her more tightly. Inhaled her scent one more time. He didn’t want to let her go.

  But he eased away and smiled easily at his daughter. “Yep. You caught us in the act. Making out in the Union.”

  Harley rolled her eyes. “That’s so lame. You were sad. Just like me,” she said.

  “Yeah.” His smile disappeared. “It’s been a tough day.”

  Emma’s fingers touched his before she turned to Harley. “Looks like you found some stuff.” Her voice was too bright. But Harley nodded as she held out the armful of sweatshirts and T-shirts. She hadn’t noticed the shadows in Emma’s eyes. Or his.

  Nathan reached for the clothing Harley held. “You want to brag about your old man’s alma mater, huh?” He struggled to smile, to act like everything was fine. “Let’s see what you found.”

  * * *

  AN HOUR LATER, Nathan glanced into the rearview mirror as they pulled out of the parking garage. Harley was already sticking her earbuds into place and fiddling with the control of her iPod. He turned onto Green Street and headed toward the expressway, passing the Deluxe, the seedy pool hall and diner where they’d had lunch.

  There were better places on campus, but after hearing his stories about missing his one o’clock class on Friday afternoons for almost an entire semester because he had to have the Deluxe’s fish sandwiches, Harley had insisted on eating there.

  He’d told more stories about his days as a student, making both Harley and Emma laugh. By the end of their lunch, the shadows were gone from Harley’s eyes.

  His would be sticking around for a while.

  By the time they hit Interstate 57, Harley was slumped in the corner of the backseat, her eyes closed. She clutched the bag containing the navy blue sweatshirt and the orange T-shirt to her chest. A wave of tenderness swept over him as he watched Harley in the rearview mirror.

  “You okay?” Emma asked softly.

  “I’m fine.” He wasn’t. But Harley was. That’s what mattered.

  The wheels of the SUV hummed against the pavement as they flew past muddy fields.

  “You don’t look fine,” she said.

  Her soft words reopened the wound that Ellen Montgomery had inflicted that morning. “Knock off the social worker crap, Emma,” he said, his voice too sharp.

  “‘Social worker crap’? Because I asked a friend how he was?”

  Her voice rose, and Nathan glanced toward the backseat. Harley’s eyes were still closed. “Drop it, Emma. Don’t wake Harley up.” If his daughter woke up, he’d have to pretend everything was okay. All his pretending skills had been used up for the day.

  “Fine. Sorry I intruded.” Her voice was stiff, her back ramrod straight.

  He clenched the steering wheel more tightly. “You want me to spill my guts when Harley might overhear us?”

  Her silence stretched a mom
ent too long. “You have no reason to spill your guts to me. Clearly, we don’t have that kind of relationship. I just asked if you were okay.”

  Oh, hell. “Fine. I’m not okay. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  “You think I want to hear that you’re in pain? That you’re beating yourself up?” She spoke quietly, but couldn’t hide the anger in her voice. “I was just trying to comfort you.”

  “Well, you can’t. I screwed up, and I have to deal with it.”

  “Fine. Good. Glad to hear you’ve got things under control.”

  She shoved her hands under her thighs and stared straight ahead. A muscle in her jaw tightened and she blinked several times.

  Damn it. “Sorry,” he muttered, staring at the road in front of him. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  He reached across the console and fumbled for her hand. She resisted when he tried to tug it out from beneath her thigh. When he tugged harder, she finally relented. Let him twine his fingers with hers.

  “Can we not talk right now?” he asked. Not in front of Harley, even if she was sleeping. And not until he got himself under control.

  She shrugged, looking eerily like Harley. “Fine.”

  “Lots of ‘fines’ going on here.”

  She turned to look at him then. Her eyes were bruised, her mouth trembling. “What do you expect me to say? That you’re being a jerk? Is that going to make you feel better?”

  “Yes. Because it’s the truth.”

  Her mouth softened for a moment, then she slid her hand out of his and stared through the side window. Conversation over.

  Afraid she’d slap him away, he hesitated before reaching for Emma’s hand again. But he finally curled his fingers around hers. He’d hurt her, and he didn’t know how to make it right. At least, not right now.

  After a few moments, her hand relaxed. He moved his thumb in small circles over the back of her hand, hoping she understood he hadn’t meant to hurt her. She wasn’t the bad guy in this.

  He was.

  She leaned her head against the seat, and he saw her eyes flutter closed.

  After fifty miles, Emma’s hand slipped out of his. He kept his hand over hers until his arm fell asleep, then reluctantly returned it to the steering wheel.

  He liked watching her fall asleep, holding his hand.

  Harley’s phone chimed with an incoming text. He heard her stir in the backseat, then she shot upright. “I just got a text from Lissy,” she said. “She wants me to have a sleepover with her tonight. Can I?” She leaned forward. “You could drop me off on my way home, so you wouldn’t have to go out again. I could borrow some of Lissy’s clothes in the morning.”

  He’d be alone with Emma. With no excuse to avoid sharing what Mrs. Montgomery told him. He scrambled for an answer.

  Then, with a rush of relief, he remembered Chuck. The ski hill. The reason Emma and Harley were staying with him.

  Nathan glanced at Emma, who watched him with still-sleepy eyes. Both of them shook their heads at the same time. Emma turned to Harley. “This isn’t a good time for sleepovers,” she said.

  “How come?” Harley stretched the seat belt and plopped her arms on the console. Frowned. “Tomorrow isn’t a school night. I go to Lissy’s house all the time.”

  “Emma and I want you to stick close to home until I settle this situation at the restaurant,” Nathan said. So we can keep you safe.

  “That is so bogus.” Harley leaned forward even more, trying to see his face. “Why do I get grounded because you’ve got something stupid going on?”

  “We’re not grounding you,” Emma said. “Just no sleepovers.”

  Harley begged and pleaded for another five miles. When she realized he and Emma weren’t going to give in, she flopped against the seat and jammed in her earbuds. “I hate both of you.” She typed furiously on her phone, and Nathan glanced at Emma. She looked stricken.

  “Teenage girl’s best weapon,” he said quietly. “The ‘I hate you.’ It hurts, but you know she doesn’t mean it.”

  “I...” She swallowed. “Yeah. Tough to hear, though.”

  “It is, but we should celebrate. She feels comfortable enough to bring out the big guns. Major milestone for all of us. We’ll get a cake.”

  She made a sound that was either a laugh or a sob. Reached across the console for his hand. “Thanks,” she said quietly. She glanced at Harley, who was scowling as she texted. “Maybe she could have a sleepover with Frankie and Cal. They have all kinds of security at their apartment. And I trust Cal to protect her.”

  He wanted to say no. Wanted an excuse to put off the conversation he knew they should have. But he’d already been enough of a coward for one day. “Sure. Give them a call.”

  Watching him, Emma dialed and explained the situation to Frankie. Smiled. “We’ll drop her off at FreeZone on the way home.”

  * * *

  MUCH LATER THAT evening, Emma stepped into Nathan’s house with a sigh. When they’d arrived at FreeZone, Frankie had suggested they go out to dinner. She’d called Patrick and Darcy and Marco, and they’d all met at a pizza place not far from the teen center.

  Marco and Harley had dissected the failings of the pizza sauce and resumed their trash-talking about their own contest. Frankie and Cal had teased Harley, and Patrick and Darcy had chimed in.

  When all the Devereuxs were together, it certainly got...loud. Teasing, stories, laughter.

  Emma liked the laughter the best.

  Harley would eventually want to live with Nathan. Who wouldn’t, when he came with a family like his?

  It had been just Emma and her mother when she was a kid. Except for the year they’d lived in the commune. Then there had been lots of people. Not a lot of laughter, though. Those people had been serious. Intense. Earnest about everything.

  Nathan dropped his cane near the door, then came into the kitchen. “You want another beer?”

  “Sure. Why not?” She wasn’t going to go quietly to bed without talking to Nathan. Tonight, she wasn’t going to check for a safety net before she leaped.

  As Nathan got the beer out of the refrigerator, her phone buzzed. Harley. Smiling, she pressed the green icon.

  “Hey, Harley.”

  “I’m going to bed now,” Harley announced with a giggle. “Cal said I had to call you. So you don’t come hunt me down.”

  “Just getting ready to do that,” she said. Nathan was watching, so she stood and moved closer and put the phone between them to let him hear. “Nathan’s listening, too.”

  “I kicked Cal’s butt at Guitar Hero,” Harley crowed.

  “He’s an amateur,” Nathan said. “Next time we’re at their place, I’ll show you how it’s done.”

  The snort came through loud and clear. “Yeah, you and what teenager?”

  The tension that had tightened Emma’s shoulders most of the day began to relax as Nathan laughed beside her. His breath washed over her cheek. She told herself to put the phone on speaker and move away, but she stayed where she was. She’d been so cold most of the day. Now, standing close to him, her skin warmed. Her heart thawed.

  “I’ll call you when I get up in the morning,” Harley said. “Bright and early,” she added with a sly chuckle.

  “Bring it on,” Emma managed to say. “I know what bright and early is for you. Ten is practically the crack of dawn.”

  “No. I have to get up early for real. I’m going to FreeZone
with Cal and Frankie.” Emma heard voices in the background, and Harley added quickly, “If that’s all right with you. And Nathan.”

  Emma met Nathan’s gaze. What do you think?

  She goes there every day after school.

  Cal and Frankie will be there

  “I think that would be okay,” she said slowly, still watching Nathan. He nodded, as if he’d heard their silent conversation, too. “I’ll pick you up afterward.”

  “Can I go to Mama’s with Nathan tomorrow night?” Harley asked eagerly.

  Emma was about to say that they had to go home after FreeZone. Harley had school the next day. They couldn’t impose on Nathan.

  But before she could get the words out, Nathan said, “Maybe. I’ll see what’s going on. What Marco’s doing.”

  “Okay. G’night.”

  “’Night, Harley,” Emma said.

  “Start planning your Guitar Hero strategy,” Nathan added. “You know, you can learn stuff in your sleep. You should put the disc beneath your pillow tonight.”

  “Ha-ha,” Harley snorted, but Emma heard the grin in her voice. “You’re the one who better sleep with the disc.”

  They said their goodbyes and Emma pressed the end call button, sliding the phone into her pocket. Moved away from Nathan, far enough that her skin chilled again. “Wow,” she said lightly. “I’ve never gotten the full force of the teen girl mood swings before. It’s impressive.”

  “Fortunately, Frankie and Cal have to deal with it tonight.” He met her gaze briefly. Long enough for her to see the shame at the back of his eyes. Okay. They were going to talk about this.

  She opened her beer, took a drink. Kept her gaze on Nathan.

  He picked at the label on his bottle. Tore off a long strip, then twisted the cap off and tossed it on the counter. It rolled in smaller and smaller circles, before falling flat.

  “I don’t want to tell you this.” He took a long drink. “But I need to. You have a right to know. You were Sonya’s best friend. You’re Harley’s guardian.”