An Indecent Longing

by Stephanie Julian

  Which makes you a total bitch.

  Suppressing a frown, she stood in front of the guy, who watched her with the wary gaze of someone expecting to be hurt.

  “How did this happen?” she asked.

  He meant to shrug but winced instead and the pain on his face made him look about twelve years old.

  “Asshole with a knife and a bad attitude. Didn’t move fast enough. Story of my life.”

  The tone of his voice tugged at some string inside her as she ran through her examination and began to clean and dress the wound.

  She’d already noticed the network of scars all over his body. A pattern of abuse, probably from childhood, if the age of the scars was anything to go by.

  “Maybe you need a different line of work.”

  “Yeah, and maybe I need to win the lottery but for now I gotta eat and feed my kid.”

  Jesus, this kid had a kid. “How old?”

  “Me? Twenty.”

  “Your child.”

  The hard-ass expression vanished and his smile transformed his face. “Two. She’s great.”

  “I’m sure she is.”

  Which begged the question, how had he gotten wrapped up with her father? But that wasn’t a question she could ask. That was another one of the rules of the arrangement. No questions.

  “You wanna see her picture?”

  She couldn’t say no when she saw the way his eyes lit up just talking about his daughter, and when he whipped out his wallet and dug out the picture of a smiling little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, she couldn’t help but grin.

  “She’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah, she is. And she needs to eat so I need to be able to use my arm. How about some painkillers, Doc?”

  Twenty minutes later, her patient and Gens were walking out the door, leaving her alone in a much-too-quiet office. She assumed her nurse was with Blank, who would probably be able to go home tomorrow.

  She’d managed to sidestep Blank’s interrogation all day. She knew he wouldn’t discuss personal matters while her nurse was within hearing distance. Blank trusted very few people, and Dorrie’s nurse wasn’t one of them.

  But she’d avoided him for as long as she could. If she waited any longer, he’d know something was up.

  On her way to his room, she thought about how much to tell him. He’d made a few veiled reference to finding someone else to cover her back while he was out of commission, but she planned to fight that tooth and nail. Even though she knew if her dad had anything to say about it, she’d find herself with another man in her life whose only purpose was to make sure she didn’t have any fun at all.

  And that wouldn’t work for tonight. Tonight she planned to have fun if it killed her.

  After telling the nurse to take a couple of hours and get some lunch, she took a second for a few deep breaths before she walked into his room.

  “So, how are you feeling today?”

  Blank’s scowl would’ve made a grown man shrivel. She’d gotten used to him over the years.

  “Like I’m going to dissect the next person who asks me that question in that tone of voice.”

  It appeared Blank was back to his normal self.

  “Glad to hear it. You gave me a pretty decent scare last night. I’d kind of prefer you didn’t do that again.”

  His scowl turned into a grimace in a blink. “Shit. Sorry.”

  “I’m really glad you’re going to be okay.”

  And there was the smile she’d been trying to coax out of her normally stoic bodyguard. “I had no doubt you’d fix me up right. So’d the kid hang around and take you home?”

  And there was the first land mine. But he’d phrased it in a way that she didn’t have to lie. “Yes, he did.”

  “Good. Now when the hell can I get out of here?”

  She laughed and his smile grew. “Tomorrow.” She held up a hand when his mouth opened to complain. “And if you fight me, I’ll make you stay until the next day.”

  He scowled. “Now you’re just being mean. And you look tired. You sure you’re okay?”

  Pulling up a chair next to the bed, she sat down. “I’m fine. I’m just curious about something. How do you know Ian Keller?”

  She didn’t know what she’d expected when she’d decided to ask Blank about Ian, but it hadn’t been this. He looked like he was smiling. Blank barely ever smiled.

  “I’ve known him for years, grew up in the same neighborhood. Then he went into the service and I stayed home.”

  She could tell there was more to the story but he didn’t continue. So she gave him a nudge.

  “Did you keep in touch? Are you still friends?”

  Blank leaned back in bed and she didn’t notice any sign of discomfort. “We were never really friends. I’m three years older than Ian, and he didn’t have a lot of friends back then anyway. Always pretty much a loner, except for Ben. Kept to themselves pretty much. They lived with their grandmother and she was pretty old so she relied on them to— Hey, what’s wrong? Dorrie?”

  Her brain had started misfiring and it must have showed on her face. “Did you say ‘their grandmother’?”

  “Yeah, Ben and Ian are cousins. Why?”

  “I just didn’t…realize they were related.”

  Now Blank’s gaze narrowed. “And that’s a problem, why? What happened?”

  She shook her head, forcing a wry smile for the man who could read her a little too well. “It’s not a problem. You know I met Ian a while ago and I just don’t see a resemblance.”

  She wasn’t sure Blank was going to let her explanation slide as he continued to stare at her. But finally, he shook his head. “True. So what are you doing tonight?”

  Apparently, she was going to dinner with the cousin of the man she still had erotic dreams about. And then she remembered that Ben had told her he was living with his cousin.

  “I’m going home. I’ve got a date with a bottle of wine, a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels, and two hot guys.” When Blank’s eyebrows drew down in a hard frown, she actually found she could laugh. “I’m watching a TV show about two brothers fighting monsters.”

  With a sigh, Blank shook his head. “I don’t know whether to be glad you’re staying in or worried that you’re not going out.”

  Sliding off the bed, Dorrie patted Blank’s arm and made for the door before she made some stupid comment and he knew something was up.

  “It’s just another night, Blank. You have a good one and tomorrow you can sleep in your own bed.”

  “Dorrie.”

  She stopped in the doorway and looked over her shoulder.

  He looked like he wanted to say something but then thought better of it. “Don’t get too comfortable on that couch. You might never leave the damn thing.”

  And maybe she was safer there.

  “Sure, Blank. See you later.”

  She was able to make it to her car before the anxiety set in. But when it hit, she could barely breathe.

  Sitting in the driver’s seat of her car in the parking garage beneath her office building, she gripped the steering wheel with white-knuckled hands and forced herself to breathe deeply.

  Did Ben know about her and Ian? He’d been deliberately vague any time she’d asked about his cousin and—

  Holy shit.

  They lived together. And she’d slept in Ian’s bed last night.

  Her heart began to race so fast she thought she might actually stroke out.

  What if—

  No. No, he wouldn’t have done it. Ian wouldn’t have slept with her. He hated her.

  Jesus. What the hell did she do?

  Should she cancel?

  What if it turned out Ben knew nothing about her and Ian? What if it was all just a huge cosmic joke that the first man she’d been attracted to after being dumped by Ian was his cousin?

  What would Ian think when he found out she was dating Ben? Should she even care what Ian thought?

  Maybe she should be more worried about
what Ben would do when he found out she and Ian knew each other.

  Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel. She had to cancel. Call Ben and tell him something had come up.

  I don’t want to cancel.

  She liked Ben. Liked the way he made her feel, like she was sexy and interesting and desirable.

  And when he finds out you know Ian?

  Or I find out he already knows?

  What then?

  Too many questions. Not enough answers.

  So what are you going to do?

  *

  Three hours after his discussion with Adam, Ian breathed a sigh of relief as he walked through the back door and into his home.

  Christ, the asshole client from hell hadn’t shut up the entire drive to the airport, and Ian had a fucking headache that wouldn’t quit.

  At least he had the rest of the weekend to ignore the world.

  He had an entire house that needed work, and physical activity was just what he needed to get his mind off…well, everything else.

  And by everything, you mean Dorrie.

  Yeah, that’s exactly what he meant.

  Shit.

  Now that he was home, the only thing he could think about was Dorrie.

  In his bed. Soft and warm and wanting him.

  I’m going to fucking punch Ben.

  Since his cousin wasn’t home, he decided to take out his frustration on the oak banister that led from the first floor to the second. The thing was going to be a bitch to sand because of the intricately turned rails, but he needed a challenge to keep his mind off all the other shit in his head.

  Stripping down to a pair of cargo shorts, he grabbed what he needed from the basement then set to work on the mind-numbing activity.

  “Damn, man. You must’ve had a shit-ton of aggression to work out. Guess I shouldn’t complain. I hate to fucking sand.”

  Ian turned with a start. He hadn’t heard Ben come in. No one had snuck up on him in years.

  He’d worked black ops so long, he’d developed eyes in the back of his head and superhuman hearing. It’d been the other, less-desirable side effects that had finally convinced him to get out.

  “Had time on my hands.” Ian stood and stretched his stiff back. “Was getting ready to clean this up. You get to do the staining and sealing.”

  Ben nodded as Ian gathered his tools and started down the stairs.

  “I don’t have a problem with that. It’s not gonna be tonight, though. I’m going out.”

  Ian nodded, not surprised. Ben still went out with friends from the old neighborhood occasionally.

  “See you tomorrow then.”

  “What are you doing tonight?”

  Ian shrugged but didn’t stop as he walked past Ben. “Probably have a few beers and call it a night.”

  “Ian.” Ben turned toward him. “I’m going out with Dorrie tonight.”

  The silence that followed wasn’t unexpected.

  Ian paused for a few heartbeats before he continued to head out to the kitchen.

  “Have a good time.”

  Ben’s eyes rolled and he sighed. “Ian. Goddammit. Wait.”

  Surprisingly, his cousin stopped at the door to the basement in the tiny hall between the kitchen and the dining room. But he didn’t turn to face him.

  “That’s really all you’re going to say?”

  Ian huffed out a sigh and his hand tightened around the doorknob. But he still didn’t turn. “That’s all there is to say.”

  Ben crossed his arms, more so he didn’t close the space between them and smack Ian on the back of the head. “And the fact that you slept with her last night…that doesn’t matter to you at all?”

  “Nothing. Happened.”

  “So she was just some warm body in your bed?”

  Ian huffed out a sigh, and Ben could tell his cousin was fast losing his cool. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “How about you tell me what the fuck is your issue with this woman.”

  When Ian remained silent, Ben’s frustration continued to grow until his temper finally got the better of him.

  “So you’re gonna be okay if I end up in her bed tonight?”

  Ian’s jaw clenched for a brief second, barely long enough for Ben to see it. Still, Ian just shook his head.

  “It’s your life. Might as well take what you want.”

  “And you don’t want her?”

  Now Ian turned to look at him and the glacier blue of his eyes burned Ben. “I’m not having this conversation again.”

  Ben smirked at him, knew it would piss Ian off even more. “We haven’t had this conversation before.”

  “And we’re not fucking having it now.”

  And there was Ian the soldier.

  Maybe he’d pushed too far.

  And maybe you’re never going to be able to push Ian far enough.

  “You’re right.” Ben uncrossed his arms and turned toward the stairs. But as he mounted the first step, he couldn’t resist one more dig. “I gotta get ready. And if you weren’t such a prick, I’d tell you to come with us.”

  Ian’s jaw looked ready to crack. “That’s never going to happen.”

  Then Ian opened the door to the basement and disappeared.

  Leaving Ben staring after him, trying to breathe through the anger.

  *

  By the time he’d parked up the block from her apartment, Ben had been able to shake some of the frustration eating at his gut. But not all of it.

  He wasn’t sure why Ian’s refusal to do something about his desire for Dorrie pissed him off so much.

  He should be happy. Ian’s refusal meant Ben had a clear path.

  If Ian had decided to make a move on her, Ben probably would be dateless on a Saturday night.

  So why the hell are you pissed off?

  There was no way in hell he and Ian would be able to handle an relationship like the one Adam and Tristan maintained with Kat. Or like Mary Alice’s with Jesse and Max. They weren’t built that way.

  So why did he keep coming back to it?

  Fuck it.

  Shoving the thought out of his head, he walked through the doors to the security desk and gave his name to the guard.

  And once again had the fact that Dorrie had money shoved in his face. Like, she had to have serious bucks to be able to afford to live in this place.

  Yeah, she was a doctor but she was only twenty-seven. And yes, she had her own practice, but she couldn’t have had enough time to build it up enough to make serious dough yet, could she?

  Family money, she’d said.

  So what the hell kind of name was Haverstick? It didn’t exactly scream Main Line or Society Hill.

  But he’d been born and raised in South Philly and hadn’t exactly mingled with the money crowd so maybe—

  The elevator doors opened, drawing his attention.

  Then she stepped out into the lobby and Ben nearly swallowed his tongue.

  Holy fuck. Thank you, Ian, for passing.

  Christ almighty, she was pretty.

  Yeah, he’d noticed last night, but those hours had been frantic and filled with adrenaline. Tonight… Damn, tonight she made his heart beat like a fucking bass drum. Made him want to beat his fists on his chest and punch any man who looked at her.

  Since he was the only person in the lobby, other than the guard, she picked him out right away, and her smile when she looked into his eyes made his dick twitch and harden. Her lips curved just enough to be enticing, but it was like she didn’t want to appear too excited.

  He’d noticed last night she didn’t talk much but, when she did, she spoke thoughtfully, as if she were picking each word with care. Like she didn’t want to say something stupid.

  Too many of the women he’d dated lately—not that there’d been a lot of them—seemed to talk just to fill the silence and didn’t care what they said.

  Ben knew if he got on a tear, he could talk for hours. It occasionally drove Ian crazy bu
t Ian tended to be too quiet, a casualty of his previous life. Ben had hoped—

  “Hi.”

  That one word from her lips made Ben’s smile widen even more.

  “Well, I hit the jackpot tonight. You look beautiful.”

  Her gaze dipped as she looked down. Her maroon dress hung by two thin straps on her shoulders, which she’d covered with a little gray sweater. Simple, yeah. It skimmed her slight curves but didn’t cling. It wasn’t overtly sexy but it still managed to make him hot.

  A blush colored her cheeks as he reached for her hands. She hadn’t held them out to him but he wanted to touch her. Needed to touch her, and he figured her hands were safe. Didn’t want to scare her off. He had a feeling she’d jackrabbit given the chance and any provocation.

  She didn’t pull away and she didn’t cut eye contact so he figured that was a win.

  “Thank you. I wasn’t sure what you had planned so I wasn’t sure what to wear.”

  “Trust me, whatever you wear will be fine with me. Just so long as you stay with me. I have a feeling I’m going to have to beat other guys off with sticks. You look amazing.”

  He wasn’t kidding but her mouth lost a little of that smile and he made a note about how far he could push her.

  Tonight, he wanted to discover as many of her boundaries as he could. Then he’d know how far he could step over that line.

  Now she gave him a look that made him think maybe she was going to be a tougher case than he’d thought.

  Usually a little flattery worked like a charm to get women to open up. This woman…not so much. That’s okay, though. He had all night to figure her out.

  “You’re pretty fast with words, aren’t you? You know what to say and how to say it.” Her gaze slipped away to look down at her purse, as if checking for something though he knew she wasn’t. “I’m not good with words.”

  “You don’t have to be. I’d be happy if you just sit across from me all night and let me look at you.”

  Offering her his arm, he walked her through the front door to his car.

  “I made reservations at Fork. Hope that’s okay.”

  And there was that smile again, the one that made him want to take her picture and text it to Ian with the note, “You’re an ass.”

  And that, he decided, was the last time he was going to think about his cousin tonight.