His Sexy Smile

by Jessica Mills

  “Sure,” Sawyer said, a little bitterly. “I can’t promise I won’t have a drink or two on your tab though.”

  “Fine,” Cassidy said. “Just don’t start any other fights.”

  Then the cold eyes of Cassidy Montgomery turned to me. With everything else settled, now it was time to deal with the reason he was there in the first place.

  “Now, let’s get you home,” he said. The tone he used wasn’t the caring way that people used when someone was sick or hurt, but the way that seemed to imply that getting home wasn’t a reprieve from the fight, just a different location. It seemed to say that if I thought I was in a fight with Garrett before, I had no idea what was in store for me when Cassidy got ahold of me back at the ranch.

  I had half a mind to bolt. To head to the back, jump in my truck, and roll out onto the open road. But Leah was there. Leah had left the carnival rodeo and come all the way up to Green Valley just to find me. It was an extraordinary thing for her to do, and since she had said she would never want to hear from me again if I drove away, it made me want to know what brought her all the way out that way.

  Having Leah standing there, still without having said a word, intrigued me enough to take whatever tongue-lashing Cassidy had in store. Still, I didn’t have to like it.

  Cass put his hands on my shoulders and turned me toward the front door roughly. Considering the injuries I came to the bar with, I was certainly in no condition to fight him after the fight I had just had. My ribs ached worse than they ever had and my fists were throbbing where I was sure I had multiple bruised knuckles. Punching people bare-knuckled came with a price, and that price was usually not being able to write comfortably for a week or so.

  I went willingly as Cass put a little bit of pressure on my back and started leading me to the door. We brushed past Wade and Leah, who didn’t say anything. All around us, people were cleaning up after the fight, and Sawyer was already behind the bar, choosing what drink he wanted Bill to make first while he went about cleaning. Tommy was seated, but Old Man Farnsworth was collecting pieces of broken chair along with one of the other folks who had stayed out of the battle.

  It was at that moment I really noticed how many people were there. It wasn’t a crowd, like at The Junction when we went there, but there were a good ten to fifteen other folks in the bar. The dark shadows and dim light from the Christmas lights had kept most of them hidden. I didn’t begrudge them for not getting involved. Most folks were rather tired of the Montgomery vs. Hayes war, and had no interest in taking sides much less getting into the actual fisticuffs.

  Leah and Wade fell into step behind us as we went through the door into the cool evening. Cassidy’s truck was ahead of us and I suddenly had a flash of him tossing me into the back of the new truck he had when I was a kid. Not much had changed. Only this time, I was stone-cold sober.

  Chapter 36

  Leah

  Adding Colt into the mix meant there were too many of us to stuff into Cassidy’s truck to leave the bar. Sawyer stayed behind to try to sort some of the mess out, saying he would call Jane and get her to come pick him up later. From what I’d heard about Jane so far, it seemed to me she might be disappointed she didn’t get to be a part of all the upheaval.

  Cassidy got behind the wheel and Wade climbed in beside him. That left Colt and me to pile into the back. He had his hand covering his face, and the second he took it away, it was like a geyser opened up. I gasped and grabbed his hand to put it back over his nose.

  “You are getting blood everywhere,” I said.

  “Don’t get blood on the seats,” Cassidy said. “I have scrubbed enough of Garrett’s blood out of enough truck interiors in my day, and it’s been really nice not having to do it since he got his ass straightened out. I’d really rather keep the streak going.”

  “Do you have a tissue or something?” Colt asked, his voice muffled by his hand.

  I imagined at least one of them had a handkerchief wadded into a pocket somewhere, but since it was most likely coated in dirt and sweat from the ranch, that probably wouldn’t be the most hygienic option. We didn’t need to add an infection into this symphony of ridiculousness.

  “I don’t keep a box of tissues in my truck,” Cassidy said. “There might be something in the glove compartment.”

  Wade leaned forward and yanked the box open. The movement was sharp and forceful, and I could tell he was starting to get frustrated with the whole situation. His big hand snatched something out of the compartment and shoved them back toward us.

  “Here,” he said in a grumbling tone. “Use these.”

  Colt grabbed the handful of crumpled takeout napkins out of Wade’s hand and quickly used them to replace just his hand against his nose. The balled-up clump of white paper soon tinted with the blood streaming from his nose, but at least it was better than him just holding it.

  “Better?” Cassidy asked.

  “Just go,” Colt said with a groan, dropping his head back against the seat.

  “Cheerful personality you’ve got there,” Cassidy said as he got the truck running and started pulling out of the driveway.

  “Shut up and drive,” Colt said.

  “Don’t talk to him like that,” I said. “None of this is his fault.”

  Colt looked over at me like he had almost forgotten I was sitting beside him, or at least that he didn’t expect me to say anything to him about what was going on.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

  That immediately made me bristle. It wasn’t that I expected him to fall all over himself when he saw me or gush over how happy he was I was there. Especially considering the circumstances. But I didn’t expect such a blunt reaction.

  “Are you kidding me? After all this, that’s what you have to say to me?” I asked.

  “I didn’t think you would come out here,” he said.

  “I didn’t think I would ever have to. But you’re such a stubborn jerk you stormed out on me like you were having a temper tantrum. How could you have possibly thought that was the right way to handle the situation?”

  “How else was I supposed to handle it?”

  I looked at him incredulously. “You were supposed to talk to me about whatever the hell is going on with you. That’s what people do. They’re supposed to talk to each other. And instead of just acting like an adult and having a conversation with me, you totally flew off the handle. Do you have any idea how serious those guys’ injuries are? You didn’t just bat them around a little bit. Two of them are in the hospital. They hadn’t even gotten back to the rodeo grounds by the time I left. You’re lucky as shit none of them decided to press charges on you and the police didn’t haul your stubborn, thoughtless, arrogant ass off to jail after you pulled that. Though, that might have actually been a good thing if it did happen.”

  “Leah,” he started, trying to interject himself into what I was saying, but I shook my head.

  “No. I’m talking right now. The way I see it, I really do think it would have been the best thing for you to end up locked up right after that fight. At least then you wouldn’t have dragged me into this nonsense and ended up getting really up close and personal with that bar top.”

  “I just—”

  “No, I don’t want to hear it,” I said. “You had your chance to talk through this. That was what you should have done to begin with. You should have told me whatever it is you’re going through and let me help you with it rather than throwing a fit and running away like a toddler. This is absurd. I saw all those people in that bar. I’m stunned you are still able to walk on your own two feet. You scared the hell out of me. And you’re going to act like an ass the first chance you have to say a word to any of us.”

  “Yeah, you seem really concerned,” he said when I paused for a second to take a breath.

  “Don’t even start with that. Whether you want to hear it or not, this is what happens when people care about each other. Just because you have feelings for someone doesn’t mean the
y won’t piss you off. And you really pissed me off, Colt. I really expected more from you.”

  Wade and Cassidy snickered in the front seat, and I noticed Cassidy’s eyes flash up into the rearview mirror like he wanted to catch a glimpse of the show unfolding in the backseat behind him. Listening to me put their brother in his place seemed to be amusing them to no end.

  Maybe I should have held off until we weren’t in the truck with them. Maybe I should have just kept it all in and just figured out what it was I was going to say to him during the drive so I could have said everything without an audience.

  But as it was, having the men there was the last thing on my mind. As soon as I knew Colt was all right and safely in the truck getting the hell away from the bar, I couldn’t hold it back anymore. His bad attitude just tipped me over the edge. He was damn lucky that I still cared about him or else the tearing into him I was doing wouldn’t at least be coming from a place of compassion.

  I really didn’t care if his brothers were listening or if it embarrassed him. Colt needed to hear these things, and I needed to say them.

  “You know, Colt, you aren’t the victim you seem to think you are. Listening to you talk about the ranch and your family, people would think you were the black sheep, totally disregarded and mistreated. You act like everybody threw you away and didn’t care enough about you to want you to be around. That’s total bullshit. I’ve met them. I’ve seen them interact with you and heard the way they talk about you. And guess what? They don’t feel any of the things you say they do. Do they tease you and give you a hard time? Yes. Because they’re your brothers and that’s what brothers do. Do they absolutely agree with everything you’ve done and all the decisions you’ve made and continue to make in your life? No. They don’t. And that’s what families do, too. They want what’s good for you.”

  There was no stopping me once I got going. “But you know what they also do? Show up. They showed up for you tonight. I showed up for you tonight. You weren’t there by yourself and you aren’t being dragged off to jail right now because we made sure you weren’t alone. And you know what? It was messy, and disappointing, and infuriating. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

  I finished my rant and Colt turned to look directly into my eyes. I waited for his response. After everything I just dumped on him, I expected him to yell at me. Instead, he lowered the napkin away from his face and let out a slow breath.

  “How do you feel about me?” he asked. “You’ve never actually said it.”

  “No?”

  He shook his head. “No. So, tell me. Just what is it that you feel about me?”

  I swallowed hard. For as much as I couldn’t seem to stop talking just a few moments before, now the words suddenly died in my throat. We continued to stare at each other for the rest of the drive, and a few moments later, the truck pulled down the long driveway and stopped in front of the Montgomery house.

  Wade immediately got out and stalked up the steps and into the house. Cassidy took a little more time climbing out. I noticed he didn’t turn off the engine before getting out of the truck and he looked through the two front seats at us.

  “Why don’t the two of you take a little time to talk?” he said. “I’m going to go ahead and leave the truck running. It’s cold out here, so keep the heat going. Just take your time. Settle this thing out.”

  He shut the door behind him and I watched him climb the steps and disappear into the house. When it was just the two of us, I looked at Colt again. He was still staring at me with expectation in his eyes, waiting for me to answer his question.

  I sighed. “It’s okay to disagree. It’s even okay to argue and fight every now and then. We are two completely different people and that is bound to happen. But it can’t be like this. When things get tough, I’m not the kind of person to throw in the towel. I used to be that person and that was what cost me the chance to ever make it right with my mother before she died. That taught me a really hard lesson. Since that happened, I never just walk away. Especially not when I know the person pushing all my buttons is worth it.”

  Colt reached out and took both of my hands in his. He stroked his thumbs across the backs and looked at them for a beat before lifting his eyes up to mine again. “Am I worth it?” he asked.

  “You are more than worth it to me,” I said. “But you need to meet me halfway. I can’t just be expected to deal with you going out of control like this and not telling me what’s going on. You can’t think it’s okay to storm away from me and throw around big statements about ending our relationship just because you’re upset and not expect me to have something to say about it. That’s not the way this is going to work. This isn’t just a silly game. This isn’t a fling. My feelings for you are so much stronger than that. And I need to know if you feel the same.”

  Chapter 37

  Colt

  I sat in stunned silence for a few moments, processing what she said. She wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise the entire ride back, but now I was glad she didn’t. I needed to shut up and listen.

  I wasn’t terribly good at that sometimes, preferring to live in my own head and stay there, but she forced me to listen to her. She was hurt. I was the one who hurt her. Not just the fighting and the overzealous way I went after those men but mainly for leaving without discussing things with her. For taking my metaphorical ball and going home because I didn’t want to deal with the complications.

  That was my whole problem, wasn’t it? I avoided the hard emotional issues every single time. I avoided my father by simply ignoring him and focusing on the rodeo, ignored my brothers by continuing on the rodeos and only staying for days or weeks at a time, and then ignored Leah by leaving her standing in the dust of the rodeo.

  I also never expected her to be so vulnerable. She laid everything out on the table for me and left me no room to squirm out of it. For once, my feet were being held to the fire, and my initial reaction, to run, wasn’t going to work. I couldn’t hold back anymore, and I couldn’t avoid it either. She sat there, waiting expectantly for me to say something, and my mouth was dry. My throat was clenched shut. Whatever was going to come out was going to change my life forever.

  I swallowed hard and shifted in my seat. In that moment, despite everything, I couldn’t help but notice just how pretty Leah was. It took me aback and at the same time solidified what was on my mind. I cleared my throat and Leah waited patiently, though expectantly to hear what I was going to say.

  “I’ve never been good at things like this,” I said. “I have to take my time so I say the right things.”

  “That’s fine as long as it’s tonight,” she said. A hint of a smile curled up one side of her lips and I laughed in spite of myself. A short, coughing laugh, but a laugh. It felt good.

  “The first thing I ought to do is say I’m sorry,” I began, emotions building up in my chest and squeezing at me like an iron grip. “I apologize for how I acted. I know that my first thought, my default mode of dealing with things when they get hard, is to run. I’ve done it all my life. When things got tough with my dad, I ran off to join the rodeo. And it worked for me, you know? I got away from the bad situation, I got away from the heartache and worry, and I got into a place where I knew what I wanted, knew who I was and got successful at it.”

  I stopped to gather my thoughts before continuing. “Then with my brothers, when Dad died, they were all dealing with it their own way. Jesse had run off to the military and Cass was trying so damn hard to hold everything together that he started sounding just like Dad. Just like him, Leah. And I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t look at him and see my father. I couldn’t have that relationship with him too. And now, I sit here and I realize by avoiding him, I made it so much worse. I made myself a stranger to my brothers. Then with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, Leah. No one. And it scared the bejesus out of me. Any time things got too close to me, too real, I ran. Any time things got too complicated or too hard, I ran. It was just ea
sier to be gone and start over than to deal with the stress and the worry and the pain. With you, it was all of those things. I stressed over you. I worried over you. And thinking about you meant thinking about how I could lose you. And the pain that came with that.”

  I stopped to take a deep breath. “I just decided to run. It wasn’t the right choice, and I hate myself for making it, but that’s why. I just knew I was going to lose you eventually, and at least this way I could be far away before the pain set in, and preferably with a lot of alcohol in me.”

  Her eyes sparkled as tears seemed to sting the corner of her eyes. It looked like she was holding her breath and trying to control the emotions. I was doing the same and tried to breathe out slowly. Leah breathed out too. For a moment, we sat there staring at each other, trying simply to hold ourselves from breaking into tears.

  “I don’t want to push you away, Leah,” I said. “I want you around. I want you to know me, the real me that I don’t let anyone else know. Even the crinkly dirty parts like my affinity for getting into fights and acting like an idiot.”

  Slowly, a smile stretched across her face. Her eyes softened and she let out a short laugh and shook her head.

  “I’m the one who punched Dale in the nose, remember?” she asked. I hung my head and smiled. “I’m not saying you have to change who you are or that you have to censor yourself. Being fiery is something I like about you. It’s part of your competitive spirit. I know that. I am that too. But you can’t just rely on violence to solve everything when I know you can do better.” There was a pause and she squeezed my hand until I looked into her eyes. They were swimming with tears just about to break. “We can do better.”

  I swallowed hard. The rush of emotion was too much. I couldn’t hold back the dam anymore and I didn’t even want to. Damn the dam.