When I Know Your Name

by Gemma M. Lawrence

  ‘So, you and Adam, that’s over now, is it?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes, it is. I know you liked him, but it wasn’t right, even before… you know…’ she said, unable to say the words.

  ‘The abduction.’

  ‘Yes, the abduction,’ she said, faltering. ‘And I couldn’t go on the way it was after. We were not getting on.’

  She heard muffled laughter, mainly from her mother, and she wanted to get back, but her father seemed happy to keep her talking here.

  ‘And Ethan, who’s he?’

  ‘Dad, please,’ she said, running her hand across her forehead. ‘He’s a friend. A good friend,’ she said, despondent that this was the real reason he wanted to speak to her.

  ‘A friend?’ he said as he folded his arms, his eyebrows raised, disbelieving. ‘You have plenty of other friends to help you. Friends I have met. Why him?’

  She was indignant. ‘Why not, Dad? Anyway, I’m not a child, you’re in no position to judge or interrogate me.’

  ‘You’re right, of course,’ he said. ‘It’s just, so much has changed, and you seem so different.’ He sighed. ‘I hope you’re being careful.’

  ‘Well, that’s because I am different Dad. How do you expect me to stay the same with everything I’ve been through?’

  ‘We have all been through an awful lot, Elena.’

  ‘Oh, I see. Well, I don’t recall seeing you in that dank room with me,’ she said curtly.

  ‘I don’t appreciate your attitude, young lady. You know I wasn’t, but I had a loaded gun at my head with the decision I had to make.’

  She felt her blood boil. She was travelling down a path from which there was no coming back.

  ‘Oh yes, more like the decision that you didn’t make, that left me with an actual loaded gun situation. Yes, that fantastic decision.’ She folded her arms, not giving a second thought to the fake document.

  Her father drank down his whisky and poured himself another. ‘Is this how it’s going to be now?’ he asked. ‘Bitterness and recriminations?’

  ‘You’d like me to forget all about what happened, wouldn’t you? Brush it under the carpet, like all the other things in my life. Well, I’m sorry, Dad, but I’m not going to do that. Not anymore. I’m going to live my life how I want and with whom I want, and I’m not going to apologise for it.’

  He placed the glass down with a firm thud. ‘No Elena, this stops now. I’m not going to stand by and let a daughter of mine go off the rails and hang around with God knows who all because of an event in her life that’s now over.’

  ‘It’s not over. Not for me,’ she spat. ‘But that’s all you actually care about. Isn’t it? That your daughter might ruin your reputation?’ Anger made her tremble. ‘Have you seen your son? Have you seen the people he associates with? Do you have the same conversations with him?’

  ‘No, of course I don’t.’

  ‘So you won’t stop me either.’

  ‘I’m your father, and you’ll do as I say!’ he thundered.

  ‘Really? You’re actually using those words?’ she cried. ‘You can’t tell me what to do.’

  ‘Can I not?’ he challenged.

  ‘No, I’m not a child, Dad. It doesn’t count anymore. You didn’t care about me enough to part with your precious money, so you don’t get to bark orders at me now. We all know that’s your real offspring, isn’t it? Money. Well, I hope it buys you the love I’m incapable of feeling for you now.’

  He blinked back his surprise. She had said it, had spoken the words that had been buried within her for such a long time, and they both paused as they absorbed what it meant.

  ‘Elena …’

  ‘Oh right, so now you’re the injured party. Yes, of course you are. That’s just great and just what I need.’

  They were no longer matched evenly in this fight. He was faltering, but she was still soaring on the wind of anger as it spilled from her, unable to stay contained.

  ‘I loved you, Dad, in spite of it all. I placed you sky-high on a pedestal and loved you even through the disappointment you couldn’t hide from me. All my life I’ve tried to live up to your expectations. All my life. And it’s left me exhausted. I can’t do it anymore.’

  He said nothing, perhaps knowing how much she needed this moment, perhaps shocked that she had finally spoken out. She didn’t know or care as she hurried on, her voice husky from the lump that had formed in her throat.

  ‘Why was I such a disappointment, Dad? Why? Why was I not enough to consider paying the money?’

  Unable to control her emotions, anger gave way to hurt, and she began to cry. He walked towards her, but she side-stepped it, not wanting his false concern.

  ‘It wasn’t like that, Elena,’ he said. ‘It wasn’t about whether or not I paid the money. I didn’t want them to get what they asked for and to take you from us too. They would have taken everything. I couldn’t let that happen.’

  ‘I know, you said that before, but I still don’t understand. Why would you listen to your brother and not the police, the bloody experts in their field?’

  Huge, hot tears now rolled down her cheeks. She swiped them away. She didn’t want him to see her weak, because she wasn’t that person anymore, so they had to go. She was stronger, hardened, and all too aware of the way her family had treated her.

  He sighed, weary, and moved closer despite her reticence. ‘Elena, please believe me, I wasn’t thinking. I made the wrong decisions, in so many ways, and I’ll live with those for the rest of my life. It had nothing to do with the love I have for you.’ He sighed again. ‘You are worth more than you know. And I see that you have no idea the love I have for you. It’s not your fault. I realise I have made a mess of showing you over the years. I’m not, and never have been, disappointed in you, but the damage has been done, I realise that too. I’m sorry I lost my temper. Of course you can live your life how you choose, with whomever you choose and I’ll support you however I can.’ He reached out, wanting to hug her, but he held back, unsure. ‘I’ll also understand if you can never forgive me. But I will keep trying, in the hope that you do.’

  She had never heard him speak with so much love. Resistance slowly changed to surrender, and she let herself lean against him, resting her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

  ‘Do you think you can forgive me?’

  She nodded and found herself hugging him back, having no control of it, but it was what she needed, and the anger was quick to subside. Whatever rage had been residing in her had erupted and was already dissipating to nothing.

  They stood together, letting the moment pass, and deep within herself she began to heal. Perhaps she was forgiving him, and she might let that happen. Perhaps they would achieve a father and daughter relationship that was based on honesty and respect. Perhaps he would respect her as her own person with her own choices. Perhaps.

  He took hold of her shoulders and gently pulled away. He smiled and smoothed her hair over her shoulders, like he did when she was a child. It felt good.

  ‘Thank you for letting me in,’ he said. ‘Feel better now?’

  ‘Yes, I think so.’

  He took her hand and kissed it. ‘Good.’ He looked towards the door. ‘We’d better get back. Are you ready to face them?’

  She wiped her face with her hands and nodded. She did feel better.

  As he shut the door behind them, she was relieved that he hadn’t bothered to check the laptop. She looked down, checking the flashdrive and the pink imprint it had made in the palm of her hand.

  She found the others talking and laughing, easy in each other’s company and surrounded by a vastly different atmosphere from the one she left. Whatever charm offensive Ethan had initiated, it was working. Only Milo refrained from participating, more content to sit and brood. She joined them and sat down on the sofa opposite Ethan, but what she really needed now was to be alone with him, to let him soothe the chaos in her mind.

  ‘All done, Elena?’ he said
, smiling.

  ‘Yes, all done.’

  An expression of satisfaction crept over his face as he finished his drink. She glanced around the room and shoved the crumpled paperwork into her bag together with the stick.

  ‘Elena, we must do this again soon,’ her mother said cheerily, slightly flushed in the face, clearly enjoying the effects of the wine and the male attention.

  Elena smiled and checked her watch, deciding to give them one more hour of her time before making her excuses to go.

  ‘We never did find out how you two met, did we?’ her uncle said to Ethan as they all stood in the lobby of the hallway, saying their goodbyes.

  ‘No, I suppose you didn’t,’ Ethan replied, with no more of an explanation before moving on to her father.

  ‘Thank you for your hospitality tonight, Charles. It was a wonderful dinner and a pleasure to meet you,’ he said, shaking her father’s hand.

  She watched as her father smiled, still trying to read him.

  ‘The pleasure was mine. Please make sure my daughter gets home safely.’

  ‘Of course,’ Ethan replied. ‘You have no cause to worry.’

  ‘I do hope not.’

  Ethan and Elena made their way to the car as the others stepped into awaiting taxis.

  ‘Well, that was interesting,’ she said with a sigh as her parents disappeared back into the house.

  ‘Your family are definitely… eccentric,’ he said as he pulled open her door. ‘Your carriage awaits.’

  She stood close to him. ‘Why thank you, Ethan,’ she teased as she brushed past him, climbing into the car.

  ‘Just getting you home safely as promised,’ he said as he shut the door and walked around to his door.

  ‘Little does he know, I’m in the lion’s den… Oh.’

  He reached over and took her face in his hands, smothering her words with his mouth and a kiss that cleared all thought. Reluctantly, he pulled back. ‘Jesus, I have been waiting to do that all night.’

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered, struggling to compose herself.

  He smiled and kissed her again.

  ‘Ethan,’ she murmured with a glance through the window when he pulled back. ‘What if they see us?’

  ‘They never believed us anyway, and you’re with me now, Elena. I don’t care who knows it. We’re not hiding from anyone.’

  He sat back, happy to have silenced her with that statement, and started the car, pulling away, taking her to where she wanted to be.

  ‘Did you manage to load the flashdrive?’

  ‘Yes. It’s all done.’

  He nodded. ‘Good. And how did it go with your father? I noticed you looked a little emotional when you returned.’

  ‘It was fine. We spoke. Well, we argued actually, and maybe I said a few things I shouldn’t have, I don’t know. But he apologised for everything, genuinely this time, and I really needed to hear that,’ she said as she felt her shoulders relax a little. ‘We’ve never argued like that before, I’ve never really spoken my mind, and perhaps it’s changed things between us. Perhaps we’ve found something we can work on. I can hope, I suppose.’

  ‘Good,’ he said. ‘He certainly seemed to be trying. But your uncle and Milo? They’re on another level of fucked up.’

  ‘That’s the understatement of the century, right there,’ she replied. ‘And I thought I did well to spend the evening with someone potentially involved in my abduction, and not to scream into his face to admit it. And my brother, well, now you’ve seen it for yourself.’

  ‘I did. What the hell sparked that kind of attitude?’

  ‘I really don’t know. He’s always been that way. Competitive. Ruthlessly so. I think over the years he’s become entrenched in some sort of power struggle with our father. He wants to be top dog of the family, but he can’t quite do it yet. My father won’t allow it.’

  ‘Well, his attitude made me want to knock him out.’

  ‘That was obvious,’ she said as she got comfy in her seat, muzzy-headed from the wine. ‘Maybe one day, I’d like to see that.’

  ‘You would?’ he said as he glanced at her, a glint of dark amusement in his eye.

  She shrugged. ‘I’m adapting every day.’

  ‘And at a fast pace.’

  ‘I have a good teacher showing me the way.’

  ‘The best, obviously,’ he said as he took her hand and kissed it.

  She smiled as he did but for all her bravado, and after this evening, it was clear that her feelings for Ethan were intensifying much more rapidly and profoundly than she had ever expected. And whatever it was that she was feeling, it surged through her system, burning like a beam of light, and it would soon sear into her soul.

  Chapter 25

  Elena woke late and in an empty bed, but the sound of Ethan’s feet pounding against the treadmill in his gym assured her that she wasn’t alone.

  She’d slept well. Joining Ethan in the gym was the sensible way to start the day, but instead, she decided that coffee and breakfast were necessary first, having eaten so little at her parents’ house last night.

  Cool morning air danced over her skin as she threw back the covers and slung her legs out of the bed, causing a quick shiver to pucker it with goose bumps. Dressed only in her underwear, the hazy memory of the night before flitted into her mind; how she’d left Ethan to his computers while she relaxed in his living room, and how sleep had quickly claimed her. She remembered the feel of Ethan scooping her up from the sofa and carrying her to bed, his hands gently undressing her before pulling her into a warm embrace and whispering goodnight.

  She threw on Ethan’s shirt, fastening a couple of the buttons as she padded barefoot to the kitchen. Pulling open the fridge, she grabbed a bowl of fresh strawberries and pre-made pancakes. Her phone buzzed against the countertop where she’d left it last night.

  ‘Hi, Charlotte,’ she said, picking out the largest strawberry in the bowl.

  ‘So you’ll never believe who called me this morning,’ Charlotte said excitedly, launching into the conversation.

  Before Elena could reply, Charlotte continued. ‘Your mother. She shared all the details about the man they met last night who’s suddenly burst into your life.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Yes, exactly. Ethan, isn’t it? So, come on, share. Who is this gorgeous new guy, and why did I have to hear about him via your mother, of all people?’

  ‘He’s just a friend,’ Elena replied, caught out and unprepared, rolling her eyes at her pathetic response.

  ‘Yes, your mother said the same thing. She didn’t believe it either.’

  Elena laughed, hoping to mask her nerves, but it caught in her throat in an awkward squeak instead. ‘I don’t know why it’s so hard to believe.’

  ‘Don’t you?’ Charlotte said, the humour beginning to fade, being replaced by the tiniest glimmer of suspicion. ‘Your mother said that she could almost see the sparks bouncing off the pair of you.’

  ‘Really,’ Elena huffed. ‘That’s just ridiculous.’

  ‘Okay,’ Charlotte said. ‘You’re being weird now. Spill, Elena.’

  ‘There’s nothing to spill. Yes, he’s a little more than a friend, I’ll admit to that, but I just wanted him for myself for a while, that’s all.’

  ‘But you show up at your parents with him?’

  Damn it, damn it. ‘Well, yes, but I couldn’t help that.’

  ‘And more importantly,’ Charlotte continued, ‘we’ve not discussed him at all.’

  ‘There hasn’t been time,’ Elena said quickly.

  ‘Really?’ Charlotte exclaimed. ‘You’re actually going to use that as an excuse? What about the other day?’

  ‘I don’t know. I just wanted to spend the time with you, that’s all.’

  ‘Right, that’s it,’ Charlotte said assertively. ‘This is totally weird. I’m coming over.’

  ‘No, wait,’ Elena blurted. ‘You can’t.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I’m not at
home,’ she said, feeling that bailing out of a burning plane would be less stressful than this conversation.

  ‘So, where are you then?’

  ‘Well, I’m…’

  ‘Oh,’ Charlotte said, the pieces falling into place. ‘I get it. You’re with him, aren’t you?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘So give me his address and we can meet up.’

  ‘No, I’m sorry,’ Elena said, rubbing a finger hard against her brow. ‘I can’t do that.’

  Silence followed and Elena began to pace.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Charlotte questioned. ‘I thought I’d rib you about your secretive new man, but now you’re acting really strangely. You’re with a man you hardly know, somewhere unknown, and I’m guessing you’re alone with him?’

  ‘Yes, but–’

  ‘And you won’t share who he is or where you are?’

  ‘I can’t.’ She desperately wanted to share everything with her friend; Ethan, the searches, the death threat, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t risk Charlotte going to the police and opening up the investigation until she and Ethan were ready.

  ‘Are you mad? With everything you’ve been through? Think of the danger, Elena.’

  ‘I’m not mad, thank you very much, and I’m not in any danger, Charlotte,’ Elena said, trying to mask the irritation. ‘Honestly.’

  ‘How can you be so sure, you have known him for what, five minutes? This is not you, Elena. You don’t do stuff like this.’ Charlotte’s tone changed in a heartbeat. ‘Please tell me where you are. I’m worried about you.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I can’t. So much is going on, but really, it’s better – safer – if you’re not involved.’

  ‘Come and stay at mine,’ Charlotte pleaded. ‘That’s the safest option. Just for a while. We can talk this through, make sure you’re all right.’

  ‘No,’ she said, exasperation spreading through every part of her. ‘Charlotte, please. I’m staying here.’

  ‘Are you in trouble?’ Charlotte persisted. ‘Have you got yourself involved in something you can’t discuss right now? Is he with you, monitoring what you can say?’

  ‘Of course he’s not,’ Elena said as calmly as she could, despite her insides knotting tight, panicking that everything she’d worked so hard to protect was beginning to collapse around her. ‘Nothing like that at all. This isn’t some cheap TV drama.’