Past Lives

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  'I did, yes. That is what gave me some more doubts about this, but I'm not sorry. You're nice. And very pretty.'

  'Most human males only want to take me as quickly as they can, but you seem to really enjoy my differences. What you did with my horns! I'll be certain to choose my lovers with a little more care and a little less ardour.

  Thank you for taking your time.'

  She meant it, that was certain.

  'Do you want to go back to the others now?' she asked, and though Paul found it very difficult to face Melissa, he had to do it, and now was as good a time as ever.

  He dressed, put on his boots, and washed his hands and face at the wash-stand. He was not going to let Melissa smell another woman on his face, though he had tasted her on another man's tongue. But that was different.

  Love was not a weighing matter, he had learned that much from Lukas.

  They stepped by the workshop to pick up the roll with materials, and the little gold dolphin. He still liked it very much, it needed some filing and buffing, but that was nice work for when his excitement threatened to get the better of him.

  He had excellent control just now, but he had been scared of doing this and feeling guilty. It had been a miracle he had been able to perform, and if Damara had not been the spitting image of her father, and his love for Lukas a lot more physical than he ever realized, he would still have failed to please her. He'd better take care whom he paid attention to here, as much as back in London, though the girls there didn't tempt the guys that much.

  Back in the main room, Lukas and Melissa were no longer there, they had gone out for a walk, to explore the neighbourhood where Lukas had lived for so many years. Damara offered to find them together, but Paul didn't feel like disturbing them, who knows where they would have gone and what they were doing.

  He decided to spend his time usefully, and make another dolphin. By now he knew the way to the workshop, and he set his things up once more.

  Somehow Damara felt he needed some time alone, and she took her leave and hoped to see him for dinner. Alone with the gold once more, he emptied his mind and studied the remains of the bar. It seemed that a rather large amount of gold had been melted away around the little shape, solidifying in a shapeless blobs of gold that he would have to reshape to get another dolphin out of it, so he would try to narrow his beam of power this time.

  That worked really well, and it cost a little less power, so he managed three quarters of the next figurine until his power ran dry and he had to ask for more. Lukas was clearly not doing something that distracted him from Paul, which made him feel slightly less lonely somehow, and soon love and power flooded him.

  Paul shut out the loneliness resolutely, and finished the little leaping dolphin. It was perfect once more, and less gold had melted around it, at this rate he'd get all the figurines from the bar without having to remelt the leftovers back into a smaller bar of gold.

  And when he was ready, through for the day, for it was hard work after having practised magic only rarely for years, he planned to take his time clearing up the mess he'd made, and renewing the spells conserving the wax figurines.

  But before the loneliness could return he felt a presence in the room, two actually, and they each sat on one side of him and held him close. 'I'm sorry I pushed you to do this Paul, if it makes you feel so bad.' Lukas gave him a little kiss, and stroked his hair.

  And Melissa kissed him too, and rested her head against his. 'Don't feel bad, Paul, or if you cannot help it, tell us about it. I'm actually quite curious, I'm afraid I am hopeless in that respect, I want to know it all.'

  He just couldn't believe his ears: 'You really don't mind my talking about it?'

  'If Lukas has taught me one thing, it is that love cannot be measured or weighed. So I'm not going to. You are still trying your damnedest not to

  every day.

  Let's hear it, but not here, in our own room. It's gorgeous, and Lukas already knows where it is, for it was his own for years.

  And bring the bloody gold, Paul, it's worth a fortune, you cannot leave that lying about all the time.'

  How could anything ever come between such a woman and himself?

  With Lukas in the equation as well? Jakob really had to be wrong.

  They traversed a few more halls, went through a few doors, and they entered a lovely room, with, again, a large bed. The floor was stone, not mosaic but simple terracotta tiles. The walls were whitewash, and the bed was a magnificent four-poster with silk curtains of the deepest purple. The furniture was elegant wood, the rugs were lush and also purple. There were beautifully embroidered cushions everywhere.

  The room looked like an expensive boudoir, but excepting the rich fabrics, Paul understood instantly why Lukas must feel right at home in Paul's place, for the basic style was the same, honest materials with a lot of work put in them.

  'My step-mother put in the fabrics,'said Lukas, 'except the curtains, they were mine.'

  They sat on the bed, and Melissa wanted to see the dolphins first, so Paul fetched them from the corner where he had carefully put the roll. She and Lukas were both stunned.

  'You did that in a few hours?' Lukas couldn't believe it. 'It would have taken days with a wax mould.'

  'They are just perfect, Paul, so detailed and so life-like. They already seem to move, even though there are only two,' Melissa held them in her hand in awe, the little creatures they had never seen for real.

  And he hoped he would never see them for real, for that would mean meeting Aphrodite, and Hermes had him very much afraid of her.

  'I love using magic this way, and I loved getting power from you, it's so much more personal than plundering a ley-line. Today has made me realize just how much I love you, Lukas, what attracted me to Damara was that I saw you in her.

  I'm ashamed to say, that I saw you in a woman's version. I did have a difficult moment when I realized she is almost certainly your daughter.'

  Paul saw Melissa nod at this, she had, once again, seen right through someone, and Lukas was surprised, but not shocked. He mused: 'Of course,

  with the number of lovers I had it is totally logical that some became pregnant. She is lovely, isn't she?'

  Paul retorted: 'But very feisty. She didn't have the least bit patience, I think she thought I was slow or lazy, but I was so fascinated by her resemblance to you, that I took my sweet time exploring every inch of her body.

  She didn't know about the horns, when I scratched them, she exploded, just like you. She didn't mind my touching her tail, or her hoofs, though it surprised her that I should want to emphasise the parts of her that were different to myself. Most of her lovers plunged right in, she said.'

  He became thoughtful again. 'But I felt awful because she wasn't you, Melissa, and I even felt awful she wasn't you, Lukas. I really need to make my love for you more physical, though the thought really scares me.'

  Lukas was very much affected, Paul could see tears blinking in his eyes as he said: 'I can control myself Paul, really, I would never hurt you or do anything you don't want. I would never grab you and take you, if that is what you are afraid of.'

  Paul felt much better instantly, and they spent the time until dinner together on the bed, Melissa and Lukas each on a side of him, talking about the first time Paul had shared his love, and fondling one other, Lukas allowing Paul to touch his little tail as much as he liked.

  When Damara had gone off with the alien artist, who did look totally human and seemed a nice enough man, and Lykos had taken their woman, Melissa, outside to explore the house and the garden, Ophelie remained in the living room with Hermes.

  She was surprised to find him so affectionate towards her, he had married her for political reasons, her parents being the most influential landowners in this part of his realm, theirs had never been a marriage of love on his side.

  He did visit now and again, and they had made love sometimes when she was still young and very, very beautiful, but he had never cared for her as
he had for Lykos' mother.

  After that one fateful night with Lykos, bathing in his undivided attention, feeling the strength of his love, she was tempted to elope with the young man who loved her so much. But she did love Hermes, the few times that he had been truly relaxed in her presence, his mind free of matters of state, he had been so caring, and so intensely sweet, she just could not forget those moments, however rare.

  And eloping would be leaving the people of her father to their fate. Her father had looked just like Lykos, in appearance, but also in temperament, like all their people. They were so free of aggression, so eager to resolve problems with loving rather than conflict, they needed a person with a harder soul, not to rule them, but to constantly remind them that the world outside their country worked differently, that they needed to be firm in their dealings with them, show their strength once in a while.

  For they were not a weak people, just look at Damara, she knew exactly what she wanted and usually got it, and she was physically much stronger than Ophelie.

  But they couldn't resist an offer of love, were devastated if someone refused their love, and that made them vulnerable.

  She could not deliver them into Hermes' hands, no matter how much she loved Hermes, he was still a god and he didn't see people as individuals but as pawns on a board. Her father's people would be defenceless against his beautiful looks and his innocent demeanour, but they did not see the flint core inside him, and the casual manner in which he regarded their lives.

  Since then she had refused Lykos her love, and even every form of physical contact, so they would not be tempted ever again.

  And though Lykos had taken her refusal badly, of course he had, seeking comfort and love everywhere his hoofs could take him, when she turned out to be with child he had taken his responsibility as father and formed a perfect little family, even without the physical love between the parents, until Hermes had taken him away from them, and even then he had visited whenever he could.

  Before Lykos had disappeared, Katarina was regarded as slightly strange because she stayed true to one man, and wore long dresses covering her whole body. She and her husband were nonetheless valued members of their community, living in the midst of a large village, always willing to help and share what they had.

  But after Lykos' disappearance, abduction, as it turned out to be, Katarina had changed to abuse her power over her neighbours and friends. Did she remember that right? Yes, it was only after Lykos had disappeared that her power over them had spread really fast. That might not have been natural, and she immediately told Hermes, who was sitting against her, absently stroking every part of her that was not covered in her dress.

  He was miles away, she had to repeat herself twice to be heard, and then he told her to tell it to Lykos before he left for Katarina. 'Aren't you going with him then?' Ophelie asked.

  'My presence will not help, I will stay here with you and if he needs me he can build a circle and summon me,' was Hermes' answer, and he wanted to kiss her intimately.

  He had not visited her since the time he spoke to Katarina, and they had not shared love for years, what did he want from her?

  She asked: 'What happened to you in that strange world you spoke of, Hermes, and what do you want from me?'

  Now he woke up, and he looked at her with longing. 'I want to love you, Ophelie, I'm sorry I neglected you, I want to make it up to you. You always deserved better.

  When I nearly died from overstraining my power on a world where I had no worshippers, I felt weakness, and pain, humiliation and rejection for the first time ever.

  I was helpless and at the mercy of the son I had tried to harm and the people he loved, that I had tried to destroy.

  And they helped me, they healed me, cared for me, one of them gave me his love freely. Lykos forgave me and gave me love and his healing powers.

  And I felt at peace.

  I learned that people have their own will, and that their love is worth something, and I remembered your love, steadfast and true.

  I want to love you and be worthy of the love you always gave me, I want to be with you. Will you have me?'

  Ophelie couldn't believe her ears, after waiting for him, loving him without return for forty years, he dropped by and told her this. 'Hermes look at me, I'm sixty years old, my life is at its end!'

  He kneeled before her and took her hands, practically begging her: 'I can give you your youth back, you know I can.'

  'And then what?' Ophelie said truthfully, 'I've waited for you for forty years, I'm not going to spend forty more years waiting for you, Hermes. I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of life, frankly. Lykos is finally happy, and if he can save Katarina from your father and sister, I will be well-pleased, and ready for some rest.'

  'Don't say that, please.'

  Was he seriously crying?

  'Don't leave me! I'll stay with you! As soon as Lykos' mission is complete, Paul will explain delegating to me and I'll do that and we'll have plenty of time together. I'll even promise to stay true to you!'

  'Don't be ridiculous, Hermes, you couldn't be true to anyone to save your sorry hide, and anyway, that's unhealthy, you know that.' It was hard to be patient with men, even gods, when they had hysterics.

  'So you'll stay with me, you'll let me give you your youth back?' There was hope in his eyes now, they clung to her as if he really meant it. Could his experiences on that alien world have changed him so much?

  'I'm tempted, someone needs to look out for our people, and I have no grandchildren. Do you promise to not leave me alone for so long?' She made her voice sound severe when actually, hope was rising in her fast, could this be true?

  He embraced her, still lying on his knees, and cried out: 'I promise, I will be with you most evenings once the crisis is over, or I'll take you with me so we can be together most days. Can I do it now?'

  'Do what, love?' she asked.

  He looked up at her and replied: 'Make you young again of course, before you change your mind.'

  'Will it take a lot out of you?' she wanted to know.

  He made a depreciating gesture, at the point of denying it, then apparently thought the better of it, looked at her directly and said: 'Yes, it will. Not even I can turn back time without extreme effort, I will probably be very weak for a day.

  But I will be safe with you, and you can spoil me.'

  Strangely enough, his near lapse into negligent superiority, and his subsequent frank admission of fallibility convinced her of his seriousness.

  She said: 'All right, you can do it. In my room.' And they left together.

  Once there, she got worried: 'What will happen, will you lose consciousness? Is there a risk to you?' 'I might lose consciousness for a while, yes, but there is no real danger. I'm a god, remember,' he said with a sense of humour she couldn't remember from him.

  She wanted to kiss him, but she would not, she would wait until she was young and beautiful again. Nothing could be gained by a sixty year old woman kissing a stunningly beautiful young god. Though he really didn't seem to see her grey hair and her wrinkles, her sagging skin. He seemed to

  really love her.

  They sat on her bed together, he held her in his arms protectively, and then he gathered power, lighting up to her sight and even to her eyes. She was afraid it might hurt, but when he touched her bare skin with purpose, she realized it didn't, it was actually the opposite, she felt a huge relief, little aches and pains she didn't even register anymore because she had gotten used to them over the years, melted away and left her with incredible energy.

  She had no idea they were taking away so much of her joy in life! She felt her skin tighten, and her muscles firm, and beneath her dress her breasts grew a little and lifted up a lot. Her scalp tingled, as did every inch of her skin, and she felt great, exuberant.

  When Hermes let go, she felt like running, filled with incredible energy.

  But it was clear that the cost to her lover had been high, he was out cold, hi
s face peaceful, free of care for a few moments. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, she just couldn't resist it, and she took his elegant shape in her arms and kissed his face, his hair, everything she could reach.

  Spoil him she would, even though he couldn't feel it yet, and for many heartbeats she held him thus and stroked him, kissed him, and smelled his divine scent. She remembered the nights they had spent together, the love he was able to give, could she really hope to have more of those in the future? It was almost too good to be true.

  But shouldn't he be stirring by now? This was taking a long time. His breathing was strong, and his heartbeat as well, so she wasn't really worried, but to be honest her rejuvenated body was urging her to be active, and there was a distinct heat rising in her, touching this beautiful man so intimately, smelling his enticing scent.

  She kissed him on the lips, and that got a reaction, they opened and he returned her kiss eagerly, hands touching her now, and her passion rose a notch.

  Suddenly she felt him being seized by something, his body stiffened and his partly sleepy, partly heated expression became one of fear. He seemed in the throes of convulsions, strong ones, and before long he cried out in agony.

  This was not good, he needed help. Lykos.

  She pulled the bell and Kadmus was there, instantly it seemed. She was still holding Hermes, though the seizures made that difficult, stroking his face, trying to keep him calm. Kadmus looked at her in amazed shock, and she gasped: 'Never mind, Kadmus, get Lykos in here, quickly!'

  Chapter 7

  Lukas was sitting on the bed with Melissa and Paul, letting the latter stroke and fondle his buttocks and his little tail with what Paul thought was incredible leniency on Lukas' side. Actually, Lukas was glad to be lying on his stomach, for that meant he could hide the extreme excitement Paul's tender caresses caused him.

  His face showed fond indulgence towards Paul's endearing fixation on his fuzzy appendage but inside him, his passion was almost at a boiling point. He had learned a lot in his time in London, and hiding his real feelings was very useful now, he could enjoy Paul's caresses without scaring him with his ardour.