Past Lives

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  People will love you in London, your friends, and many others will also need you, but they will not burden you with their love. Please don't stay here for anyone else but yourself. If you stayed for Aphrodite I'd understand, she loves you very much.'

  'She does love me, but she is a goddess, I suppose she can only love for so long. There would be others very soon, she'd tire of me,' was Lukas'

  observation.

  'I think you underestimate her, I think her love for you is very profound, and she could bear you children, couldn't she? But of course she's married.

  And probably as busy as your father is, and as involved in all kinds of politics.'

  Lukas now admitted: 'All of that, plus: I don't love her, Melissa, not like that. I love you, and I love Paul, and I love George. I once loved Ophelie.

  Everyone else I share love with because I like it or they need it, and I do it with love. But that does not mean I love them.'

  He said the word 'love' differently many times, and it was easy for Melissa to catch every different meaning of that one simple word. But what he said convinced her even more that Lukas needed to come back to England

  with them.

  When they got back to the villa, Aphrodite and Paul were there, and Paul was in the goddess' arms, quite comfortably.

  Coming closer, the picture they presented was even weirder, for Aphrodite was holding the gun and Paul was quietly explaining its workings to her. Melissa merely hoped he was not creating one of those paradoxes that time travel reputedly caused, by explaining one of the most destructive inventions of mankind to a goddess of an ancient age.

  As they spied her, Aphrodite looked up and spoke quietly: 'See, I told you they were fine. You know Lykos likes to run when he needs to think. Though I guess you have not been running.'

  This last was aimed at Lukas, and his broad smile confirmed Aphrodite's statement.

  'No, we took a nice long walk, and Melissa gave me some food for thought. Though I'd like to have your opinions as well. But first, how did the healing go?'

  Lukas was a bit apprehensive, probably feeling slightly guilty for saddling his friends with a tough job.

  'It went just fine. Paul is a really strong anchor, I felt very safe with him, and I needed it, for that lady had been through a lot. She had shared love during the ban, and she had been chased by a mob, together with her lover.

  They both took a severe beating, and her husband broke off their marriage, and didn't want to let her see her children.

  Her lover fled the village, she has no idea where he is, and she doesn't dare seek out her husband and children, or face the neighbours who mistreated her. They probably feel very much ashamed by now, and eager to welcome her back into their lives.

  I've tried to lay her memories to rest, and I've asked my brother and your daughter to find her family and negotiate, and keep an eye out for the man who was beaten. Ianthe felt much better afterwards, but some of her memories reached Paul and brought back his own bad memories. So I decided to bring him to you quickly, and when you weren't here he feared for you.

  Fortunately he trusts me well enough now to let me hold him, and it didn't take long at all for you to return. He showed me the gun, and then I was glad to hold on to him, for it is a frightening invention.'

  Melissa did feel guilty, they should have left a message, it had not occurred to them Paul would be worried.

  She said: 'I'm so sorry love, we never thought of leaving a message. Can you forgive us?'

  Paul looked rather relaxed, actually, and replied: 'No problem, you couldn't have known. It turned out well for me, I was distraught and scared and decided to just trust Aphrodite and not to worry. And she was right. She held me quite nicely, I'm really starting to like her a lot.'

  He was teasing her again, looking up at the ancient goddess in adoration, which of course she didn't fall for at all, getting used to his manner, and rather pleased he had weathered his original distress so well.

  She squeezed him as tightly as she dared and kissed his throat, saying: 'I didn't think I could get so attached to mortals, they're quite lovable, aren't they Lykos?'

  'I'm still one of them in spirit, auntie, I've been mortal for more than fifty years and immortal for a seven-day. My life revolves around them. I miss our friends in London, George, Frances, Ilsa, Tristan, even your folks, Paul, and your sister. If I go back with you, I'll be normal again the moment I touch the soil.'

  As he spoke, he seemed to realize himself how much he longed to be back in England.

  'You want to talk to me about it, Lykos?' Aphrodite asked.

  He replied: 'Actually, I do. And to Paul, but I suppose you'll be wanting some time alone with your wife?'

  Paul's smouldering look reminded Melissa of their short moment in the hall, and she wanted to feel his body and his mind connected to her own very much. He looked good enough to eat, though still a bit worse for wear with bruises and bite-marks all over him, she hoped that his body might profit from the warm salty seawater again. 'Will you take me to the little bay, Paul?'

  'Is that safe, just the two of us?'

  Melissa reminded herself that it had been just two days, he needed some time, and if time didn't bring back the old Paul, Lukas or Aphrodite or both could remove his trauma instantly.

  Aphrodite smiled at him in a very special way, and she said: 'We'll be up here, Paul, on the terrace, one sound out of one of you will bring us down instantly. You know how fast Lykos is. And anyway, I've taken the liberty to ask some of my friends to guard this place from the sea, nothing will pass by

  them unnoticed, they have very keen senses. You will be perfectly safe.'

  Getting up from where he sat next to Aphrodite, Paul came towards Melissa and took her hand, leading her towards the edge of the cliff, then down. As soon as they were out of sight they were all over each other, though Melissa still took care to let him lead.

  'You smell almost as you should, there is just a tiny whiff of etching fluid missing,' Melissa observed, as her senses were totally filled with her one true love, 'let's hit the water, I want you in my mind and in my body.'

  'We'll substitute with the tang of salt for now,' he replied huskily, 'and sun-baked skin. It smells nice too, a lovely scent of holiday. Do you see any boats out there?'

  'I suppose Aphrodite did not mean human guards, Paul, I think she has set her dolphins to guarding this cove,' was Melissa's reply.

  He looked at her in open admiration: 'Of course, you are so right. I may love your mind even more than your body, though at this moment my own body and mind are both frantically denying that statement. He opened his mind to hers and she accepted his invitation, feeling it filled with lust once more and with fearless love.

  'You need no longer be careful of me, beloved, to you and to Lukas I'm back to my normal self. The rest of the world will take a little longer, though Aphrodite has come a long way. She can be so cute, so like Lukas sometimes, it is hard to envision her as a centuries old powerful being.'

  By now they had dropped their clothing and entered the water, and the warmth of the water was a blessing to Paul. He did feel his muscles after wielding a hammer for just half an hour, a combination of all the damage that he had taken and a week away from his forge.

  But pain no longer mattered, for their heat was up now, and Melissa wanted him inside her straight away. He couldn't manage any speed at all, though the water supported his painful bits, it also strained his stomach muscles beyond their strength.

  So they made love even more slowly than usual, and it was fabulous, for it lasted for ever and ever, their minds one, the world around them forgotten.

  Floating in the water afterwards, admiring the views and talking of everything that had happened that day, they forgot all except each other.

  Then suddenly a cute face broke the surface of the water just in front of them and Paul exclaimed in delight. A dolphin! There were four of them, and

  they sported with each other, but they challeng
ed Paul and Melissa as well, to swim with them, to let the strong supple creatures pull them along at breakneck speed, to have the dolphins take them on their backs to be carried for a short stretch.

  Melissa couldn't really swim, but she felt totally safe playing with these creatures, somehow she knew they would not let her drown.

  When they were tired of playing in the water, the dolphins allowed them to stroke their smooth hides, admire their sleek shapes, perfectly suited to a life in the water. They made high sounds, like clicks, and seemed to be talking to each other and to them constantly.

  Paul could understand why Aphrodite loved them so much, they were so beautiful and friendly, and clearly very smart. And they were not fish, they couldn't be, their skin was not scaled and rather smooth, and their eyes were warm, not at all like fish' eyes.

  The noise they made together drew Lukas and Aphrodite to the beach, and soon the dolphins were back at play with their beloved mistress and her companion. The creatures did not tire of swimming and playing, nor of cuddling with people who had hands to scratch them gently, but the people started to get very hungry.

  They had missed lunch and were starting to think of food constantly, especially Paul, who had been very physically active, and Lukas, who was always hungry.

  So they took leave of their new friends, and climbed the cliff face once more. Expecting to have to use the teleport to Katarina's place to get some food, they were pleasantly surprised by a laden table on the terrace, and a smiling Hermes and Ophelie sitting down all ready for a square meal.

  They feasted on fresh cheese, olives, bread, tomatoes, soft fruits, accompanied by a lovely wine and Hermes' tea surrogate. Hermes and Ophelie were in great spirits, having seen and spoken to many local people, Hermes feeling much more connected to his own people, and his people feeling seen and heard by their god, and telling him so.

  The people had been very pleased to see the love between them, Ophelie being the closest they had amongst them to nobility, and her so beautiful and restored to youth, loved by their god, and eager to do right by all of them.

  They were planning to spend one more day in Ephyra, then take ship to another coastal area, and visit the villages there.

  There also was the matter of Dionysus' judgement still waiting, Hermes, Aphrodite and Lukas would be expected to attend, and Katarina as well.

  Hermes planned to have the others safe and sound at the villa or at Ophelie's house for that time, guarded by Ophius and Kadmus, he was not taking any risks.

  Hearing this, Melissa objected strenuously at Lukas getting involved, but her protests were in vain: Lukas was adamant he would be included in the party, as witness and victim at the very least.

  But for now, Hermes and Aphrodite had not had a summons from their father yet, so there was still some time to enjoy their time off.

  Chapter 17

  They spent that evening at the villa together, and somehow they paired off, talking heart-to-heart on very personal issues with one of the others.

  Paul and Hermes finally had their talk on delegating, about Hermes finding time for a private life by trusting some of his dependable underlings to make their own decisions. Ophius would know which staff-members had the required capacities and were trustworthy, and he would also be able to help Hermes to catalogue all the tasks and duties Hermes had to do by himself, and which ones he could delegate.

  The explanation had a profound effect on Hermes, he had always trusted Ophius, but it had never occurred to him that others might be as capable and as dedicated. Together with Paul he made a tangible plan how to work towards a more equal distribution of power and effort in his household and the rule of his realm. Knowing it worked in other cultures, and knowing the possible pitfalls, would make it a lot easier to implement.

  Melissa found herself drawn to Aphrodite, the goddess motioning her to sit with her, and complimenting her on her steadiness: 'My lovely, I'm so impressed by your inner power, with not just one man to comfort and satisfy, but two. You had but just returned from supporting a god in a difficult position I could never understand, before you had another on your hands, needing a totally different kind of comforting. And I bet they both wanted more that just a hug.'

  It was easy to confide in Aphrodite, she could be so motherly, even though she looked like a stunning young woman.

  Somehow, Melissa didn't want her to think Paul and Lukas were weak, they were just having a rough time right now. She observed: 'Usually, we are a lot more equal, Paul is actually the strong shoulder we lean on. But Lykos has grown a lot, and he sometimes takes over and talks great sense into both of us. Today was a coincidence.'

  'But what if you have a bad day, can you lean on a strong shoulder? And what if you don't feel like making love, do you have two moping men

  around?'

  This got a laugh from Melissa, and she said: 'When I have problems they are there for me, like Paul at Hermes' pool. No matter how frightened he was, he was there for me until I could take over again.'

  Aphrodite nodded, she had been impressed by the way Paul had comforted Melissa in the state he was in then.

  'I'm afraid I've never felt like not making love, never since Lykos took my virginity. What does that say about my appetite?'

  She didn't feel ashamed of her capacity for making love, but she did sometimes wonder whether loving Paul exclusively would not have left her eager for more at certain times. Maybe she wasn't as well-suited to being monogamous as she had thought.

  As she shared this thought with the goddess, that lady laughed in understanding, and said she had never managed to stay true to one man, there were so many nice ones around.

  'But I have never wanted to share my love with any other man but Paul and Lykos, I only obliged Hermes because he wanted it so badly. And it was nice enough, but it still bothers me that loving him enabled Rhoda to get her hands on Paul. If I had stuck to Paul....'

  'She might have gotten hold of both of you, Melissa. She was very powerful, and very envious of anyone who was so much in love as the two of you. And you know you were instrumental in saving your man.' This was an observation that had not occurred to Melissa, and it relieved her guilt, but also caused her some distress.

  Aphrodite offered to hold her, and Melissa was glad to let herself be comforted after doing so much of it herself that day. Sitting with the beautiful goddess, being stroked gently, without the heat they had shared the day before, she felt herself relax.

  'Still, I admire your strength,' Aphrodite spoke, 'is there nothing you fear, or feel insecure about? Lykos tells me you have acclaim in your profession as well, and I have seen myself that you are a really good mage, with a power I hadn't even heard of before you showed it to me.'

  'I have been fortunate in my work, though I have worked hard to reach the point where I am now. And magic has helped me in my profession.'

  She explained how she had found that talent for seeing into things thanks to Paul, and how she was just at the beginning of her career in magic.

  Remembering the conversation she had with Ophius, she haltingly spoke

  up to Aphrodite: 'There is one thing I fear beyond reason, and Ophius told me you might help me with that.'

  Then she was silent, trying to find a way to tell Aphrodite about it, but finding herself suddenly unwilling to even talk about it, out of some stupid superstition of making it come true by admitting it.

  Seeing her reluctance, but with a great respect for Ophius' insights, Aphrodite decided to push her just a little bit: 'It must be something pretty dire, to make you too afraid to even talk about it.'

  To her horror, Melissa found herself crying, saying brokenly: 'But it isn't, most girls are desperate to get it, see it as their life's work.'

  Having observed how well not saying anything worked to get people to speak their minds, Aphrodite kept silent, hoping she'd spit it out eventually.

  And she did: 'You'll probably find it totally ridiculous, but I'm desperately afraid to get pregnant. I hav
e a very equal relationship now with two men I love more than anything, and who love me more than anything besides each other.

  I have work in which I am respected. Getting pregnant can cost me everything. Turning fat and bloated, being tired all the time and losing all interest in making love, being bound to a helpless piece of human being, having no time left to work or think, or have fun anymore.

  And my worst nightmare is, conceiving here and bearing a child with horns and hoofs in England. What life would such a gentle soul have in our world?'

  The goddess of love could see that this was a very real fear for Melissa, suddenly no longer a strong woman capable of supporting two men through hard times, but an insecure girl, with several very strange ideas on conception and very little faith in her two adoring men.

  She squeezed the frightened girl tightly and said: 'My dear, I don't think it ridiculous at all, this is a very real fear for you. Children are a big responsibility, and usually the care for them does seem to fall to the mother.'

  Melissa was clearly glad not to be judged for her fears, and Aphrodite continued, smiling: 'But don't you think you might have a little more faith in your men? Do you really see either Lykos or Paul leaving you with a child all the time? Lykos loves children, the only child he ever got to raise himself adores him, caused most of his father's subjects to worship him instead.

  And Paul, he has so much love in him, and he doesn't share it with anyone, there would be plenty left for a child.

  Besides, children don't only take, they give a lot as well, why would people want to have them otherwise? You know I have children, and though they are a lot of work at first, to have them gives another meaning to life.

  From Lykos' stories of England I have reason to believe that your father is not only very powerful, but also very caring, and your mother and sisters, and that famous George has a very nice wife and adult children. I'm thinking they would all claim some time with a child of yours, especially if it had beautiful hair and a creamy skin like you.