Past Lives

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  All of that was bound to change even the most generous of hearts, though when she talked to Lykos just before and just after Dionysus had been taken, he had been just as affable as ever, though very much distraught at his mortal friend being taken.

  Maybe it wasn't Lykos then, maybe it was Aphrodite. Or having his status as god taken away from him, that must be it. He had always been very sensitive to status. Well, she couldn't return his godhood to him, and he had asked her not to prostrate herself before him or call him master, but she could still make him feel better for as long as she would be allowed to stay near him.

  Rhoda wanted to try and find a place for herself in this new world, a world where magic wasn't the basis of life, and Hailee had agreed to help her through the teleports with her magic, hoping to find her master and convince him to let her share his exile, sincerely believing him to love her, maybe not as ardently as she loved him, but enough to improve his lot with her presence.

  But now she started to doubt her decision, he didn't seem happy to see her at all, she had given him everything that would have pleased him before, and he had looked embarrassed, not pleased as she had expected. She wanted him to take her in his arms as he used to, to kiss her with passion, to satisfy his every desire upon her body.

  Besides being unhappy, her master looked in really bad shape, because he was naked she could see he was frighteningly thin, his skin an unhealthy pale colour, and criss-crossed with recently healed cuts and other scars.

  Even now, she wanted to fall into his thin arms and kiss him, cuddle him, tell him she loved him so much it hurt, tell him how she had feared for his life, had travelled all over the country to find a trace of him, had tried to get information out of members of Hermes' court, at the cost of her dignity.

  Not a hint of his fate had reached her until Rhoda had come looking for her specifically, with certain knowledge of where he was, and a wish to go to a world without magic herself, but lacking the power to use the teleports.

  Reminding herself of what Rhoda had been through, due to the master's dumb mistakes, mistakes Hailee had warned him against, she found a semblance of control over her disappointment and disillusion.

  Rhoda needed her support, she would have to face the master, who had gotten her involved in his foolish plots in a horrible way, and the mortal man from this world that Rhoda had almost tortured to death, and the gods who had brutally taken her magic in retribution, not knowing what had been done to her before her atrocious act.

  Hailee had seen the mortal man blanch as he beheld the creature of his nightmares, he had not run, but stayed his ground, bright with gathered power, only giving in to his agonized memories when Lykos had clear control over the situation. He had not left the cellar until Aphrodite arrived with the master.

  That mortal had a lot of power in this world, Rhoda would not have been able to take him down as he was here, Hailee wondered if she was afraid he'd take his revenge. But Lykos had assured Rhoda she would be safe, and get help.

  Having faced one another in mutual silence and disappointment, John and Hailee both decided to turn their attention to the others, unable to face the object of their love under these distressing circumstances.

  Lukas suggested they all sit in the living-room, take a glass of wine, and make arrangements to spend the night, then decide what to do in the morning.

  And then the moment had come for John to face his niece, the main victim of the plots he had woven under the influence of Ishtar. He couldn't for the life of him remember why they had seemed even vaguely sensible to him, he had been drunk of course, he was always drunk.

  He could not look her in the eye, those haunted eyes.

  Rhoda did look at him, looked at him intently, trying to find a resemblance to the man she knew, and finding it difficult to spot. She offered him a hand and he took it, and then she followed Lukas up the narrow stairs and into the gorgeous living-room.

  As they came in, food, wine and glasses were already on the table, and Melissa handed Aphrodite, John and Lukas a bathrobe, and both Rhoda and Hailee a large, beautifully coloured scarf of the finest, softest wool.

  'You're not used to the cold, yet,' she said to the girls, 'better wear these for now, if you plan to stay you'll need different clothes anyway.'

  Then she sat down in her corner, glad to be off her feet after the fetching and carrying. Paul sat very close to her, letting Lukas take care of the serving.

  And he was a perfectly gracious host, talking Greek, which Melissa found she could still understand.

  Rhoda took John to the loose seats, and placed him in one and sat herself in the other one. She said: 'I'm not here to make reproaches, uncle. Lykos, Lukas, tells me you were named John out in the streets. He tells me you have suffered a lot, and have greatly changed as a result, and also that Hera hit you with my memories in an attempt on your life, when you were trying to save his.

  So you know what happened to me.

  I can see you have been reduced, and I can see you've lost your pride, and I want you to know I, too, have forgiven you.

  Not everything was your fault, my own hubris opened a way for Ishtar to take hold of me, as it did for you. You have paid, and I have paid, and she has paid the ultimate price, now I want to make a life for myself in this new world, where I have heard a person can lead a useful life without magic.

  Lukas has promised to help me. Will you help me, too?'

  John couldn't speak, he was just devastated by her forgiving words, so he nodded instead.

  'And will you give me a hug? You always were my favourite uncle.'

  She sat on his lap and they wrapped their arms around each other, John crying, Rhoda still sad but unable to let her emotions out.

  From her seat on the sofa, Melissa watched the scene around her, holding on to Paul tightly, he had gotten a shock seeing his tormentor again, despite having had his trauma healed. He had not been able to talk about it, yet, he just put on some clothes, asked her to help carry out drinks and some food for their guests, then sat beside her in silence, watching everything that was going on.

  She knew he was not suffering, just a bit shaken, and they would talk later. For now, they watched, as John listened to his niece, then held her in his arms as she sat on his lap. Melissa supposed he had been forgiven.

  Aphrodite was talking to the other girl, Paul had mentioned she was the one John was in love with, but hadn't expected to ever see again. Melissa couldn't see any sign of an agreement between her and John, though the girl looked at him a lot. His attention was totally taken up by Rhoda, which was normal considering the circumstances.

  Lukas filled glasses and put them on the table in front of everyone, then sat on Paul's other side, undoubtedly to give him his support as well. He started to stroke Paul's curly hair, and his stubbled jaw, still locked with tension. Paul tried to let go of the tension, but didn't manage just yet, so he let himself be comforted and waited for what was coming.

  To Aphrodite, who had just gotten to know John a lot better, Hailee was an interesting object. She knew John loved her, was dreaming of a future with her, but the goddess feared he had an idealistic image of the girl. Their relationship had been one of dependence on her side, and it was very likely that she only loved him because she worshipped him, that her admiration for him was the fawning dependence of a mortal on a god.

  And somehow she was sure that was not the relationship John was dreaming of, he had talked of him and her being together as man and wife, not god and adoring subject. Frankly, Aphrodite wondered if John could ever be a god again, he had been brought so low, his pride and self-confidence had suffered such a huge blow.

  She knew he longed for the heat of Greece, and for nature and space to

  live in, but she seriously thought he would not want to be the centre of attention ever again, nor the subject of adoration and worship. Much like Lykos, though John had once craved it as Dionysus.

  It was clear the girl was a bit afraid of her, so she set out to
make her comfortable first. 'I know you came for Dionysus, or John, as we call him now, but you understand that he needs to talk to Rhoda, don't you?'

  The girl lowered her eyes and said: 'Of course, Mistress, they have much to talk about.'

  'So we may as well get to know each other a bit better in the meantime.

  You may call me Aphrodite in this world, Hailee, we're equals here. Do you mean to stay?'

  'I just want to be with my mast...with John. If he wants me to, I will stay with him, he seems so unhappy, he needs someone to lift him up and do him justice. He told me I couldn't call him master anymore, and not to honour him. What can I do for him if I cannot worship him?'

  There seemed to be a little problem here, John saw this girl as her own woman, but to Aphrodite she seemed like a burden from his old life. He'd better decide what he wanted to do, soon, for if he stayed, the girl would be better off returning with Hermes and herself, someone this dependent would not fare well in London.

  'I don't think he's doing all that badly, Hailee, he seems quite satisfied with his life here. Of course you see him unhappy now, he was confronted with Rhoda, who suffered a lot because of his foolish actions.

  You love him a lot, don't you?'

  Her face fell a little, thinking of how he had received her, and she admitted: 'So much it hurts. He is my ruler and my god, and I want to give myself to him.'

  Actually, she loved him even more than that, she wanted him to see her as partner, as an equal, but she was not going to admit that to a goddess, Hailee knew her place and the only person she was ever going to admit the true nature of her love to, was her master. If she thought she had even the least chance of his returning her love.

  Aphrodite meanwhile, was totally convinced the girl had no will to speak of, and that would make the coming days very hard on her, seeing her master in a very humble position, working for a living and doing house-work.

  Besides, she was not planning to make way for a gorgeous body without brain, her appetite for John's gentle love had been whetted, and she was going

  to spend the time until the baby's birth making the most of it, shared only with the mysterious Frances, whom he felt he owed a sizeable debt of honour.

  Let the girl find some character first. But she was a sweet little thing, and Aphrodite didn't want her to be miserable, so she said: 'Hailee, if you want to make John happy, why don't you learn as much as you can of this world, and do your best to fit in. Get to know the language, and the morals, and find something you like to do and are good at, John works for a living here, and if you stay here, you will need to do so, too. Everyone will be pleased to help you, I'm sure, and you will soon see that John isn't as unhappy nor as unloved as you fear. Can you do that?'

  It worked, for the girl smiled and answered: 'I'm sure I can, I'll try to help wherever I can, and you say John doesn't want me to honour him?'

  'Not obviously, no, if you want to be nice, help him and listen to him, but do not show any signs of worship, for they will not please him.'

  John and Rhoda were done talking for now, they had taken the first step, and they would spend a lot more time together the coming days. And now there was one very difficult thing Rhoda had to do without delay, something that made her tremble and want to hide somewhere even to think about. She had to face Paul.

  She had felt him watching her now and then, clinging to his woman and Lukas, trying to face the certainty of having to meet her, having her under his roof. It would be better for him if she left now, but to have any chance of a life she needed to stay here where no-one knew her sin and her shame, and her being without magic didn't count.

  Melissa felt Paul tense beside her, she had also observed the change in the conversation around them, all that would be said tonight between John and Rhoda had been said, and before they could talk of sleeping arrangements she would have to face Paul. And he would have to face her.

  Meanwhile, Paul was fighting a battle against himself.

  Part of him wanted the woman to leave, her face constantly flashed before him in a snarling rage, inflicting yet more pain on him. Paul's mind knew she had not been sane, but still he didn't think it was fair to expect him to just give up space in his home, his safe little palace, to her.

  But another part of him knew that John and Lukas, one a dear friend, one so much more, needed to atone to her, and for that she needed to be part of their circle. Besides, he was not going to let fear rule his life, was he? She

  had no magic and little will left, he was strong here.

  He had forgiven John for his misdeeds, but actually John was much more to blame than this young woman, a girl even. He really should forgive her, even though he still saw that enraged face before him, the certainty of his death written in every feature.

  Could he forgive her, in his own home, feeling love on both sides of him, their baby on the way, his life so much better than he had ever imagined it?

  Could he let those images go? He hadn't seen them for months, Lukas had detached them very expertly. It was just seeing her face that brought them back momentarily.

  Actually he had forgiven her, quite some time ago. He just never wanted to see her again, that was a totally different matter.

  She knew what was coming, too. Her face was not snarling, not even neutral, she was in mental agony. He suddenly realized she was suffering precisely the same memories right now, only from the other side. She must be seeing him before her, eyes glazed in pain, desperate, blood everywhere.

  Those memories must be as bad or worse.

  He knew what he had to do, and summoned his courage, then got up, walked towards her and asked: 'Do you want me to show you the house? I've made everything myself, I'm very proud of it.'

  That friendly question hit her like a bolt from the sky, she could not look at him, but she did speak, and in a choked voice she said: 'It was a mistake to come here, I can't ever look at you, every time I see you I.....

  I don't know why I let myself believe I would have a new chance here, it was foolish and selfish, to force you to look at my face again even once.

  I'm so very sorry, for what I did to you, but also for coming here and raking up your memories.'

  There would not be another moment like this, and, moved by Rhoda's self-recrimination and obvious remorse, Paul suddenly found the peace of mind to touch her cheek and gently move her to face him.

  'Maybe it will help if you look at me as I say this: Rhoda, I forgive you.'

  All the fear and the apprehension had left his face, he was now a paragon of peace. His hand did not pull back, it rested on her cheek, and he felt her tremble under his touch.

  Slowly, her eyes filled up and overflowed, and seeing her face in this emotional release replaced his image of her, as seeing his in total peace was quickly replacing hers.

  No longer was she his tormentor to him, she was now a young girl who had a life-time of horrific experiences to process, and he felt free to receive her in his arms to finally let out her grief and fears.

  Melissa kept a close eye on her husband, almost unable to believe that he had let go of his fear all of a sudden, but amazed by the greatness of his heart.

  That moment was so intense, that she felt a bit embarrassed to be watching it, so she forced herself to look somewhere else, leave the girl be.

  So she watched John instead.

  She wondered why John didn't seem happier to have Hailee within reach, after Rhoda had left him he didn't show any inclination to sit with the girl he professed to love. And the girl didn't move towards him either, she seemed afraid to disturb him, was she so terribly shy, or had something happened?

  Catching her looking at him, and feeling some need to share his disappointment, he sat next to Melissa and said: 'Your husband must be the bravest man alive. I lived Rhoda's memories of what she did to him, and there he is holding her against him.'

  Proudly she observed: 'Isn't he just? I chased him for months until I had him, but I never once regretted it.'r />
  'And Lukas, did you chase him?' John asked.

  'No,' was her reply, 'he fell into my living-room, and worked himself into our hearts slowly but surely. He is so cute and good, I couldn't help loving him. Still can't, but I know by now I'm not the only one who can't.'

  'You are just the only one he loves back,' John retorted.

  'No, we're not, he loves a lot of people, but somehow he always returns to us, and I couldn't do without him anymore.'

  She changed the subject bluntly: 'What's up with you and Hailee, why aren't you in each others arms in total bliss?'

  'I'm afraid I was totally mistaken about what she felt for me. When she saw me, she called me master and prostrated herself.'

  Seeing Melissa's face, John almost laughed, and he said: 'I have nothing to say in my own defence, except that it is a traditional way to worship a god, and that I asked her not to do that anymore, neither of those things.

  She was devastated. I thought she was a real person, a woman who loved me at least a little bit for myself, but I'm afraid she only worshipped me, in which case she will be only too happy to go back through the portal with Hermes and Aphrodite once your little one is born. She'll find another god to

  worship, I guess Hermes takes on new worshippers gladly. He's better looking than me in any case. Don't know about his prowess, though.'

  Laughing, Melissa said: 'Oh he's good. No Lukas of course, but very gentle and very skilled.'

  John did a pretty good likeness of a fish, and gasped: 'You...and Hermes?'

  'He was after me steadily since the day he came here, and I kind of liked him, so we decided it was best if I indulged him once. Get it out of his system, so to speak. He hasn't, yet, and I have found a kind of love for him somewhere, but it's easy to resist here, George takes up most of his time anyway.'

  'You decided together that you'd indulge him?'

  'Sure, if either of the guys had objected, I wouldn't have done it.' Melissa thought it quite funny, apparently.

  'You are so clearly from another world, Melissa. Maybe I've been spoiled by your independence, yours and Frances'. Hailee wouldn't think of refusing me anything. I used to think that my due, but living here has changed me, now I don't even want the worship anymore. I want real love.'